Ready To Fly
by GleekMom
Summary: Part 6 of the Ready to Fly Series: It's Blaine's senior year and with his boyfriend Kurt and his best friend Santana following their own dreams, he's now left to face the world on his own. No one knows what the future holds, but Blaine knows one thing; he's ready to fly! *** Season 4 Companion story ***
1. Chapter 1: The New Rachel

**Author's Note:**

**Glee is back! And with Glee of course comes my Ready to Fly series and the 6****th**** (and last I think) installment, which gives the series title, "Ready to Fly", so named after the brilliant song by my amazingly talented friend, Scott Evan Davis!**

**I am so thrilled to be back in this world and back to writing straight from RIB's rulebook. AU's are fun, but this is such a challenge, it's amazing to write. I hope you love reading it as much as I love writing it.**

**For those new to this world, I beg you to go back and read the rest, but if you don't: Ready to Fly will follow canon unless otherwise stated. Also, unless otherwise stated, everything that happens in the show happens in this world. I tend to write around the show, but sometimes important scenes are included. Major additions are Blaine's back story and his friendship with Santana. This fic is FULL of spoilers, so if you aren't watching S4, don't read yet!**

**So without further ado…here's what you missed on Glee!**

* * *

"You didn't have to carry my bags, Boyfriend, I'm probably stronger than you." Santana smirked as she watched Blaine haul two large suitcases that she had packed for Kentucky. Summer was nearly over. Blaine and Brittany headed back to McKinley after Labor Day, but her own classes started August 17 and cheerleading practice began even sooner. Her dorm was ready for her and she needed to move in. And move on.

"I am _sure_ you are stronger, Santana," he said grunting down the stairs at the weight. If he didn't know that Brittany was waiting outside with Kurt and Santana's parents, he'd think she was stowed away in one of the bags. "But I am still a gentleman, born and raised." He reached the bottom of the stairs and set the bags down at her feet harder than he had intended. He exhaled and caught his breath. And his eyes met hers.

They softened as they looked at her; the girl who only a year ago had been hard as nails and hiding from the world. It had taken only one moment, when he had caught her watching the girl she loved across a crowded room. One moment when he gave her his number and told her that she wasn't alone. Thar one moment had grown into one of the best friendships of his life.

His eyes shined with unshed tears. "What am I going to do without you?" he asked with a sad laugh.

"The same thing you do with me Blaine," she told him firmly. "Keep fighting."

He fell into her arms and she held him tightly. They had spent a lot of time together over the summer. Beautiful double dates to romantic restaurants, and exciting nights out to the jazz club filled the evenings that none of the four of them were working. But there were the days and nights too where Brittany and Kurt did their own thing, and Santana went with him to his father's house, making the visits with his dad easier for Blaine. Much to Blaine's surprise, the Colonel and Santana actually got along well. She was as strong as he was and didn't put up with his insults or demands. Where Blaine would have backed down, she stood up and it helped both men continue moving forward. It wasn't perfect. It never would be. But it was better, thanks to her.

He pulled away and she smiled at him. He smiled back. "I will keep fighting. I promise."

"Don't let them push you around Blaine," she told him. "You're an adult now. If and when you see him is your choice, not his." Blaine nodded. It would be hard, but she'd showed him he had the strength to do it. "Now as for Kurt," she continued in a warning tone. "Don't hold on to him too tight. A Kurt Hummel stuck in Lima, Ohio will be absolutely no good to anyone around him. We've kept him busy and distracted, but everyone is going to be gone now except him."

Sending Finn off to basic training had been harder for Kurt than anyone had thought. In the back of Kurt's mind there had always been the assumption that if either of them would be left behind in Ohio it would be Finn. Then Mercedes and Puck left for LA. Quinn was soon to set off for Yale. Blaine wasn't sure that any of them had truly come to terms with the fact that the one person they were sure would get out was the one stuck at the Lima Bean and signing up for Allen County Community College. The only one who seemed to accept it was Kurt, and that's what seemed the most wrong to Blaine. But it had been so nice to have him all summer without worry about the goodbyes and the tomorrows like everyone else. It had seemed so right, and yet…

"He can't stick around here for you," Santana continued, reading his mind as always. "You can't let him. Kurt's ready to go."

"I know," Blaine sighed.

She lifted his chin and her eyes were confident. "_You_ are ready too." Blaine closed his eyes against the warmth of her fingers. God, he was going to miss her.

"Santana!" Her mother screamed from the front hallway and Blaine exhaled, grabbing the handle to one of the suitcases while Santana grabbed the other, they started out the door.

He took her hand as they walked out the door. "If I can't even say goodbye to you, how am I supposed to say goodbye to Kurt," he wondered aloud.

"Oh believe me Boyfriend," Santana said as she met Brittany's wink. Both girls' faces lit up and blushed, full of secrets from the night before. "Sometimes goodbyes can bring some of the most amazing moments of your life."

* * *

He'd texted Santana last night after the ridiculous audition for the new Rachel. Blaine missed her desperately. He missed everything about her, but most of all he missed her fire and her honesty in the choir room. They needed that more than anything right now. The tiny group was lost without their strongest members, and now had a precarious position on the top of the school food chain that they all knew could topple any minute. And Blaine just didn't know his place. He had never wanted to lead New Directions before, but now with Kurt gone, he suddenly felt a need to continue his boyfriend's legacy. He certainly didn't want Unique waltzing in and taking over. It was bad enough he'd just planted himself in Kurt's seat in the choir room without so much as a by your leave. Tina and Brittany, as much as he loved them and they were amazing at what they did, just weren't strong enough singers to maintain their title of National Champions.

"_Keep an eye on Brittany,_" Santana had ordered him. "_If she gets too lost she may never find her way back. Just like someone else we both know."_

Blaine promised he would and ignored her swipe at Kurt. After school the next day he invited Brittany to the Lima Bean for coffee. Seeing Kurt was just an added bonus.

"So how's Santana?" Blaine asked as casually as possible while they waited for Kurt to bring over their drinks.

"She's good, she's just really busy with cheerleading practice and it's hard making out over Skype, you can't really scissor a webcam," Brittany responded.

Blaine shook his head, not wanting to think at all about his best friend's sex life. He breathed a sigh of relief when Kurt came over with his coffee. Even if it was…

"Here's an extra hot soy latte for him," Kurt said feigning cheerfulness as he put the sophisticated drink down in front of Blaine. He stared at it. He really missed his medium drip but Kurt had been on a mission all summer that if he wasn't going to New York, he was going to bring New York to Lima. And that meant Kurt pretending he was working in one of the top Barrista's in NY instead of the Lima Bean, and for Blaine it meant drinking a soy latte instead of his regular coffee order. And whether he wanted it or not, he would do everything he had to in order to support Kurt.

"I can't wait till Friday," Kurt grinned, sitting down quickly with them even though he was in the middle of his shift.

Blaine looked at him askance. "Why?" he asked confused.

"Glee Club auditions," Kurt reminded him.

Blaine traced his finger on the coffee cup, his chest tightening with echoes of Santana's words and something else that continued to nag at him but he couldn't quite figure out. "That'll be nice."

"Is it depressing that I'm more excited about it than either of you?" Kurt asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah," Brittany admitted.

"No, not at all," Blaine lied.

"Just a little bit," Brittany told him honestly.

"No, no, it's…" Blaine trailed off shrugging, offering his boyfriend a smile of reassurance that didn't reach his eyes.

"Excuse me, Garcon!" Blaine frowned as the new cheerleader called Kurt over and Kurt excused himself to return to his job.

"So explain to me again why Kurt isn't going to big boy college too," Brittany said turning to Blaine.

"He is going to college," Blaine answered defensively. "He just missed the acceptance deadlines of his second choices because the NYADA decision came so late, and his community college hasn't started yet."

They both turned to watch Kurt as the cheerleaders and jocks teased him like they had his whole life. At least Glee club was getting a reprieve after winning Nationals. But Kurt worked 3 years toward the trophy and didn't even get to reap the rewards. Instead he had to withstand the same insults, just in a new place with new Neanderthals. It broke Blaine's heart. And it was breaking Kurt's. Kurt spent the days taking coffee orders imagining that each night after he hung up his apron, he'd bound out to the streets of New York, and race to make his half hour call for an off-Broadway show he was starring in. In reality, the best he would do here was climbing back into the seats of the McKinley High School auditorium, choose the "New Rachel," and pretend he was following his dream.

"He's starting to remind me of Mr. Schuester," Brittany said with a frown. "I may miss Santana like crazy, but I'm glad she's moving on. We're the ones that are supposed to be miserable Blaine. Not them."

"I know Britt," he said swirling his coffee and checking his watch. "Come on, Kurt has another two hours before he's off work. Let's go do something fun."

They walked to the door, Blaine carrying his soy latte in his hand. He probably wouldn't even drink it. He caught Kurt's eyes and gestured that he'd Kurt call him later. He couldn't stay here and watch anymore. He needed to figure out a way to fix this.

* * *

Blaine spied her across the hall in between classes and he jogged to catch up to her. "Hey Tina," he called, slowing as he reached her, and together they headed to their next class. "How are you doing?" he asked gently. "You know, with the whole Mike thing."

"It's definitely weird being here without him. But I'm fine, Blaine, really," she assured him with a smile. Then she looked over with sudden concern. "Why, is Mike okay?"

"I thought you guys talked every day?" Blaine asked. They dodged a group of cheerleaders giggling down the hallway and paused beside the lockers to talk.

"You think he's going to tell me how he really feels?" Tina asked with a raised eyebrow. "If he's going to tell anyone, it'd be you."

Blaine knew Tina was right. He and Mike had messaged every few days since he'd gone to Chicago, and though Mike missed Tina, he seemed to be doing really well there.

"I think he's okay," Blaine told her. He watched her concern fade as she studied him. "You think I should do the same with Kurt," he asked sadly. "Let him go. Don't you?"

Tina shook her head. "Blaine, I broke up with Mike for me, not for him. I didn't want to be 30 years old and married and full of regrets of all the loves I never had. If it's meant to be then we'll still end up together, but I'm not ready to settle down. I need to know what else might be out there for me." Tina smiled softly. "But I don't think that's the same for you."

Blaine thought about Kurt as he had a million times this summer. No matter how he pictured it, if it were his choice, his future was always with Kurt. He'd had no interest in Sebastian or any other boys that might have showed interest in him because he didn't need to know what else was out there for him. He already had exactly who he wanted.

And what he wanted was the fierce, determined, selfish but amazingly caring boyfriend that was slowly slipping away into the distance, not of space, but of despair and resignation. The transformation over the summer had been slow, but watching Kurt face the same bullies all over again at the Lima Bean and choose to walk back into a school that had never protected or embraced him only because he felt he had no other place to go, it was suddenly so clear to Blaine that Kurt was losing everything that was so perfectly imperfect about him. The Lima Bean and community college were not even close to where Kurt belonged, and no amount of soy lattes or other such feeble grasps at a greater life in Lima, Ohio would change that. Kurt was so much better than that. He deserved so much better and Santana had been right all along. Blaine didn't need to _let_ him go, he needed to _make_ him go. He couldn't wait a second longer, it was time.

He looked at Tina, his eyes suddenly alight with excitement and plans for a courtyard extravaganza and he quickly squeezed Tina's hand and kissed her on the cheek. "I need to talk to Kurt," he said before he bounded off in the other direction, calling loudly behind him, "Thank you!"

* * *

"Are you sure you guys don't want me to come with you?" Burt asked as he started to gather the breakfast dishes.

"Quite sure, Sir," Blaine blurted without thinking, a sparkle in his eye that made Burt laugh. Only then did Blaine realize he'd said that out loud and snagged the last piece of bacon before Burt took the plate to cover the reddening of his cheeks. Thank goodness Carole was still adjusting to not having to cook for Finn's enormous appetite and Blaine was still getting used to not having to grab everything he wanted at the top of the meal.

Kurt side-eyed Blaine curiously then joined his Dad at the sink, drying towel in hand. "I'm leaving for New York tomorrow, Dad, I better get used to doing things on my own. Besides, I've been around cars my whole life, I'm pretty sure I can manage selling one."

"Well don't let them go under the amount we talked about on the phone," Burt counseled. "You need every dollar you can get, everything in New York costs three times what it does here."

"I know Dad," Kurt said rolling his eyes. "That breakfast at Tiffany's Rachel and I had cost about 20 bucks."

Blaine would never stop marveling at his boyfriend's relationship with his Dad. It was never going to be like this again, but Blaine refused to let it get him down today. Today was going to be about building memories and moving on. He'd worry about the emptiness tomorrow.

"So we're just going to drop my car off at the dealership and then go get Kurt's car detailed," Blaine explained to Burt. "Then I have a bit of a surprise for him this evening if that's okay?"

Kurt looked near giddy and Burt looked at them amused. "You guys do whatever you want today, I know how important it is to you. Tomorrow is my turn," Burt said, pointing a finger at Blaine.

"At 5 o'clock in the morning," Kurt grumbled, rolling his eyes.

"You wanted an early flight to get to Rachel, you get an early flight. I'll make sure the pot of coffee is ready for you," Burt told him.

"I think I'll need two pots," Kurt said under his breath.

Blaine chuckled and took Kurt's hand. "Let's go," he said eagerly. "This day isn't going to get any longer and we have things to do and people to see."

"What exactly do you have planned, Mister," Kurt asked with a sly grin as he bumped shoulders playfully with his boyfriend and headed out the door.

"Magic," Blaine promised.

* * *

"I am pretty certain that we will not find the necessary equipment to detail the car on lover's lane, Blaine." Kurt eyed his boyfriend as he shifted the soon to be sold car into park on an especially secluded section of the town make out spot.

Blaine said nothing, merely throwing him a roguish wink as he got out of the driver's seat and slipped into the back. Kurt turned around to glare at him, but couldn't help but break into a smile as Blaine suggestively patted the seat next to him.

Kurt shook his head, got out and climbed into the backseat, his smile broadening. Blaine knew he was remembering back to all the times they'd made love back on that seat. After Blaine's disaster of a first attempt at Scandals, he had been afraid to try again. But desperate for one another and no parent-free place to go, they'd stopped here for a detour the second night of West Side Story before Brittany's party, nervous but excited. They had both been surprised to find that the clandestine nature of it sent a thrill down Kurt's spine.

"I thought if we were going to say goodbye to this car, we ought to do it properly," Blaine smirked. "Don't ya think?"

Kurt chuckled at him and rolled his eyes, but melted into Blaine's fingers before he could answer as he quickly cupped Kurt's cheek and kissed him with the passion to last them through the weeks or months they'd be apart. The moan from Kurt's throat drove Blaine wild and he easily pulled Kurt down on top of him, refusing to allow air anywhere between them. They had quickly realized so many months ago that the small space of the car only added to the exhilaration, and the press of Kurt's body against him now, so wanting and willing, reminded Blaine of that first night. They had long since mastered the difficulties of comfort and as Blaine reached for Kurt's belt and clothes were quickly discarded, they moved with one another like dancers, fitting together in perfect harmony to each of their rhythms.

As Blaine slipped inside Kurt, the rest of the world fell away. Nothing existed but the stunningly beautiful man in front of him whose eyes shined down with more love than Blaine had once thought existed in the universe. Feeling the warmth of Kurt's skin as he traced the lines of his chest, he believed in that moment that there could never be too much distance between them because their love had no bounds. Falling together as their pleasure overtook them, they snuggled against one another, listening to their heartbeats racing and then slow. Blaine could not imagine ever feeling safer than he did in these moments. He nuzzled Kurt's neck and lightly nipped at his glistening salty skin.

"You are beautiful," Blaine whispered.

"You only love me for my good looks," Kurt teased.

"Don't forget your impeccable taste," Blaine added, the double entendre evident as he surged forward and kissed Kurt, his tongue diving inside to taste every delicious morsel.

"You're not so bad yourself," Kurt gasped, eyes sparkling, as they took a breath.

Blaine just stared at him, a million feelings washing over him. "God, I love you so much, Kurt."

"I love you too," Kurt told him with one more kiss to the lips. "But now we _really_ need to get this car detailed, so it might be best if we put our clothes back on."

"Since when are you the practical one?" Blaine pouted as Kurt climbed off of him and gathered their clothes from where they had fallen.

"Since I'm about to become a New Yorker," Kurt said pulling his shirt on over his head. He stopped short, as a look of panic fell over his face. "Oh my god Blaine, I'm about to be a New Yorker! A real New Yorker!"

Blaine smiled and kissed him, brushing a comforting hand against Kurt's cheek. "The best New Yorker in the whole damn city. The Big Apple won't even know what hit them!"

* * *

Kurt was quiet as Blaine drove them into the city after selling the car. They'd done a good job of negotiating, mixing Blaine's charm with Kurt's extensive knowledge of cars, and managed to snag $1,000 more than agreed to over the phone. But as soon as they'd gotten into Blaine's car, Kurt clasped Blaine's hand and his mind drifted into silence.

Blaine glanced over, worried. He knew that today could be one of the hardest days of their lives, but that's not what he wanted. He wanted it instead to be one of the best. "Penny for your thoughts," Blaine coaxed.

"My thoughts are worth way more than a penny, Blaine Anderson," Kurt chided, but is voice didn't have the bite that it should. Instead it was heartbreaking.

Blaine squeezed his hand. "Come on," he said softly. "You can tell me anything."

Kurt looked over at Blaine, then shifted his gaze back out the window. "I'm just worried about you, that's all."

Of course he was worried about Blaine. Ever since their fight about Chandler and their heart to heart in Ms. Pillsbury's office, Kurt had really taken to heart all of Blaine's feelings about him leaving. But Blaine smiled softly. "I'm going to be fine, Kurt, really. I know I was terrified of this last year, but spending so much time with my Dad over the summer, I know I can do this. Besides, I'm not alone. I have Tina and Britt. And that Marley girl you like so much seems pretty cool. Who knows, maybe she'll be my new Santana."

Kurt scoffed. "There is no new Santana, she's one of a kind. Besides, Marley seems far too nice to take the place of Satan."

"Well, my point is," Blaine said as they pulled into their destination. "We're ready for this." Blaine quickly exited the vehicle and ran around to the other side to open the door for Kurt like a gentleman. Blaine cocked his head toward the front door of the Night Town Jazz club, where they were now frequent visitors and occasional performers, though only ever in duet with Santana. But Blaine had plans tonight, a solo he'd sung only once before, but it had meant everything to him then, and it meant everything to him today. "Come on," he said, grabbing Kurt's hand. "I'll show you."

* * *

They waltzed into the smoke filled club, and the adorable waitress Katie brought them to their usual booth. Kurt watched as Blaine whispered to her and she smiled and nodded. Kurt raised an eyebrow. "What exactly do you have up your sleeve?" he asked.

But Blaine just winked and ignored him, keeping his silence as they ordered their drinks. The piano player who had been serenading the crowd as they walked in finished his set and his audience clapped appreciatively. The club manager caught Blaine's eye from across the room and Blaine quickly kissed Kurt on the cheek before slipping out of their booth.

"Blaine, what are you…' Kurt started, but Blaine put his fingers to his lips and whispered with a grin, "shhh…."

Kurt sat back and watched as Blaine took the microphone, eyes only on Kurt. It wasn't like it was the first time. He'd done it before here with Santana and out at Karaoke bars, and that one time last year at the theme park only minutes before he'd driven off with Burt to confront his father and change his life forever.

Oh. Of course.

"Hi, Ladies and Gentleman. My name is Blaine Anderson," he introduced himself. "My best friend Santana used to be a regular here, and occasionally she'd give me the honor of singing with her. Well, tonight the Night Town has given me the honor of letting me sing alone."

He took a deep breath, and though he looked out onto the crowd, his heart belonged to only one person and Kurt could feel it. Distance didn't matter. "You see, the love of my life, my boyfriend Kurt, is leaving tomorrow on the greatest adventure of his life. He's going to New York City, and though I will miss him tremendously, I am so excited to watch him leave behind a world that never embraced and go to where he will be loved and accepted. And though he's the one leaving, the sweetest thing is he's worried about me." Blaine's eyes fell on the boy he loved and he let the tears fall. "You see, a little more than a year ago, I did the same thing. And now _he_ is my world of love and acceptance. But Kurt, distance can't change that. Distance _won't_ change that. Because everything that you gave me is in my heart forever now and there is absolutely nothing and no one in the world that can take it away." His voice cracked, and he had to wipe away some tears, but he squared his shoulders. "I was scared before. But I'm not anymore. Because we're ready to fly, love."

_Firefly summers and butterfly springs  
A little boy sings and looks to the sky  
As a mother whispers through her tears  
_"_It's time, come kiss me goodbye."_

Last time he had sang only for himself. This time he sung also for Kurt. Kurt, who had sung since they day he could speak. Kurt, who had been wishing on a star for something greater since the summers and springs of his childhood. Kurt, who had lost his mother too young and too soon.

_Floating and falling, riding the breeze  
Gliding with ease, I'm flown through the sky.  
And I'm told that when I'm strong enough  
I'll be ready to fly._

_Scared, confused, and angry as hell  
That I'm left on my own  
No I refuse to fly into the crystal clear  
Lose the things I've held so dear  
If I stay here, my heart will turn to stone._

Last year Blaine had been scared and angry that Kurt seemed so excited, so willing, to leave him behind.

This summer he'd come to understand what Kurt had always known. That Kurt staying would be the worst thing for both of them. Kurt staying meant losing everything because the Kurt he loved would most certainly fade away into only a ghost of himself.

_I see my reflection, I know that it's me.  
But all that I see is a beautiful lie.  
Will the boy fade into memory  
Once I'm ready to fly?_

He knew they both feared that everything they had together would fade once Kurt flew out into the world. But Blaine was ready to trust. He believed in himself and Kurt and he believed in love. But most of all he believed that whatever was meant to be would be and that more than anything, Kurt was meant to be in the city of dreams. He wasn't fooling himself. Kurt's journey would change them both. But he had faith it would change them for the better.

_Stop!  
Take hold,  
Put trust in the wind,  
Have faith when it calls.  
Wings unfold and fly into the crystal clear,  
Letting go of ancient fear  
Because way up here  
Nothing ever falls_

They would never know unless they tried. He knew Kurt was scared for him but words spoken by Burt not too long ago had been right. Having Kurt here was always a way out for Blaine. A way to avoid the work he needed to do with his family to either forgive or let go. A way to avoid growing up and being his own man, whatever that may turn out to be. Blaine knew it wouldn't be easy, he would miss Kurt like crazy. He couldn't know what would happen, but he trusted himself now that he would be okay.

_With no expectations  
Let the journey begin  
How can I win if I don't ever try?  
Will I prove that I am strong enough  
When I'm ready?  
Am I ready?  
I am ready!_

_And a voice in the breeze starts to whisper,  
As I think of the bridges I've crossed.  
Finding the strength, I'm spreading my wings,  
Put trust in the wind and see what it brings  
_

A year ago he sang, terrified of the unknown, confronting his father, leaving his home, but he knew he could do it without Kurt by his side. There were still moments that frightened him when things became too hard; the empty house because his mother was spending the night with his father, the dinners when the triggers for both him and his dad returned and the past became the present too quickly and without warning. The times when for even a brief moment the hate returned. Santana had stood with him to grow strong, but Kurt had been his angel to save him, to hold him when it hurt too much, to find him when he was lost. He knew with no one to run to he'd have to face those realities on his own, but that's what Burt had meant. And Blaine was ready now. This was his future and he was ready to fly.

_And I'm ready,  
I'm ready to fly!_

Love swam behind his misty eyes as they fell on Kurt and Kurt alone. A year ago, neither one of them were ready to face the world without one another. Now he knew they both could. He blew him a kiss, as he watched Kurt wipe away the tears and mouth "I love you", and he sang the final words.

_We're ready to fly._

* * *

If anyone asked him, Burt Hummel did _not_ cry all the way home from dropping his only son at the airport. But one person knew better.

Burt wasn't surprised to see Blaine's car in his driveway or the boy leaning on the car, waiting, phone in hand as his fingers danced across the screen. Burt pulled up and Blaine slipped the phone, and his hands, into his pockets.

He hadn't been waiting long. He had gone through every moment of the day since he woke at 5am, knowing that Kurt was waking up too. At 6 Kurt texted to let him know that he and Burt were leaving for the airport. 7:30, Kurt was probably just passing through security and stopping at a coffee shop to get his third cup of the morning. He wondered if he'd found a place to get his special New York style drinks, or if he'd had to settle for the basics. He hoped for the flight attendants' sake that he'd been able to grab a latte, otherwise there might be news later that day of a crazy irate teenager escorted off the plane at JFK airport. At 8am, Blaine left his mother's apartment in Lima and drove here.

Burt wiped his eyes one last time to hide his tears, but the red rims were clear to Blaine when Burt approached him. They no doubt mirrored his own. "Hey," Blaine greeted him timidly.

"Hey yourself," Burt answered, his own hands shoved into his pockets. They were both embarrased, trying to hide emotions to the one person that would understand more than anyone.

"My house was empty," Blaine shrugged in explanation for his appearance on the Hummel doorstep.

Burt looked at his own home in feigned nonchalance and back at Blaine. "Mine too."

"So…ummm…" Blaine stared at his feet kicking a rock in the pavement, then back up at Burt. "Would you like to watch a movie?"

Burt looked away. He had planned to go to work, but he did not in any way feel like going in. His staff could cover him for the day. They'd probably expected it anyway. "Yeah, sure."

Burt led the way inside and hung up his coat. Blaine went immediately to the kitchen. "You know how to make that popcorn?" Burt called out. Kurt had never liked to let either one of them near the popcorn for fear of them burning it.

"Oh, I've learned a thing or two watching Kurt," Blaine answered with a smirk. He flung the bag into the microwave and let it go for 2 minutes and 42 seconds on the dot. Just like Kurt.

He poured it into the bowl, and brought it to the couch, the two men settling in for Burt's choice, Rudy. Sitting side by side, sharing the popcorn, they could almost pretend that Kurt was there with them, but both knew the truth. Kurt was gone, and aside from visits on holidays, he wasn't coming back. They'd both wanted this, and yet it broke their hearts at the same time. The emptiness the felt, of living without him, and of him living without them, made their chests ache.

Burt patted Blaine on the knee, a fatherly gesture that a year ago might have made him flinch, but was now as natural as a kiss from Kurt. It didn't matter that it was 9 in the morning on a Sunday and they were eating popcorn for breakfast. What mattered was that as they sat, the love of their lives was getting on a plane for the city of dreams and neither one of them was alone. "You're going to be okay," Burt assured the boy who was as much like a son to him as Finn.

Blaine nodded without responding. Then he turned to Burt. "Kurt's going to be okay too," he said, though whether it was a question or a statement, he wasn't sure.

Burt though was sure and smiled, his shining eyes trained on the screen in front of him. "Yeah. Yeah he will."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Ready to Fly, is by Scott Evan Davis. If you don't know the song or his other music, google him or check him out on YouTube. He's amazing.**

**The Tina/Blaine scene is dedicated to StarGleekBelle. I owe you so much, it's the least I could do.**

**Of course a million thanks to my beta, typegirl19, who is my constant reassurance and who gets me back on track when I'm lost.**

**And of course, to you, my wonderful readers who have stood by me on this journey. Your love and thoughts are my lifeblood, so please, alert and review, follow me on tumblr at GleekMom, and let me know what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2: Brittany 2

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you all so much for the favorites and the following and most of all the reviews and tumblr messages. I love your enthusiasm and your thoughts so much. They are so important to me!**

**Just a quick note to guest reviewers. I love getting your thoughts, but I love even more being able to respond to them! Especially when they include criticism. I don't mind constructive criticism at all, it really helps me grow as a writer and gain fresh ideas, but a discussion is even better! So please, if you have something negative to say, login or at least sign the review so we can talk! But if you're just out to spread hate, I won't be a part of it and I will delete.**

**Now welcome to Brittany 2.0. I was less than enthralled by this episode, so I hope what I managed to write does this series justice. I seem to be going just as Blaintana-centric in this story as I did in Way Out, even without Santana on the show! I guess it's just who this Blaine is. A quick note, my Brittany isn't exactly canon. Well, she's more like Season 2 canon. And just can't get on board with dumbing her down as much as RIB. Hope that isn't a problem.**

**I don't own Glee. Or Brittany Spears. But here's what you missed on Brittany 2.0.**

* * *

**Blaine: Skype. Now.**

He sat in the darkness of his bedroom, the glow of his computer the only light as he waited for her name to come up on his screen. It only took a minute before Santana's face popped up.

"It's one o'clock in the morning on a school night, Boyfriend," she grumbled with exhaustion as she brushed out her hair. "What the hell are you doing up? Don't you need your beauty sleep?"

"Look who's talking," Blaine teased. Santana looked a mess after nearly 6 hours of cheerleading practice and probably a full day of classes. "I just got off with Kurt," Blaine explanation.

"Wanky," Santana smirked and Blaine blushed.

"That's not what I meant, I" he started, but just buried his head in his hands as the red in his cheeks grew deeper, Santana of course not that far from the truth. "Never mind."

Santana laughed. "You know I'm just joking with you. How is Ladylips?"

"Kurt is getting settled pretty well. Bunking with Rachel in the dorms while they apartment shop," he shared.

"Now that is a scary thought, living with Rachel Berry. But I digress. How are you holding up?" she asked compassionately.

He wanted to talk about how much he missed her and Kurt, and how hard it was being in the choir room without them. But that wasn't the point of his call. He was the leader of New Directions now and it was his job to take care of its members, not to talk about himself. "I'm holding up better than your girlfriend, 'Tana. You need to do something. I caught her doing a voiceover in the middle of the school hallway."

"That's just Britt," Santana said brushing away his concerns, but Blaine wasn't letting her off that easily.

"That's not just Britt, Santana. She got kicked off the Cheerios today too," he said.

"I know," Santana said sadly. "I talked to her earlier."

"For how long, Tana, five minutes?" Santana was quiet. "That's what I thought," he said, more accusatory than he'd intended.

Santana looked away from him, but she could not hide the guilt radiating from every inch of her body. "It's just not that easy Blaine. I have class all day and cheerleading practice all night…"

"I get it 'Tana," Blaine interrupted. The grief in his voice reflected in his eyes, even in the diminished quality of the video camera. This could just as easily be him and Kurt in only a few short weeks. Or even days. "I understand. We all have different lives now. But if you want Brittany to still be a part of yours, you need to make an effort." He paused a minute as Santana nodded. "And I'll do what I can here to make sure she's okay, whatever you decide. I promised I'd take care of her for you."

"You're the best boyfriend in the world, you know that Blaine?" Santana asked with a sad smile.

He grinned bashfully and ran a hand through his curls. "Well, let's just hope that Kurt keeps thinking so too," he told her.

* * *

Blaine high fived Artie, their performance an apparent success, and he gathered his things and swooped in with a grin, sitting next to Brittany. She remained slumped in her chair despite her praise to Mr. Schuester.

"That was really good Blaine," Brittany said and Blaine couldn't tell if it was boredom, sarcasm, or just oreo in her voice. "Want an oreo?" she asked offering him a cookie.

Blaine scrunched his face and politely refused. "No thanks. Britt, are you sure you're okay? I hope you didn't mind the song, we were just trying to inspire you."

"No, it was great," she said flatly as she gathered her things and walked out of the choir room. Blaine raced to keep up with her. "I loved being serenaded by my ex and my lesbian lover's best gay friend. Totally inspiring."

Blaine frowned and took her hand, pulling her to the lockers and out of the fray of the school hallways. "I'm sorry. We were just trying…"

Brittany cut him off though, sincerity in her eyes. "Look Blaine, I appreciate what you and Artie tried to do. But you're Santana's Boyfriend, not mine. Contrary to popular opinion, and that ridiculous song you chose, I don't need a boyfriend. I need Santana back."

"I understand Brittany," Blaine told her.

"No, Blaine, you don't," she countered angrily. "Santana's been gone a month. Kurt's been gone, what, a week? And it's not like he's busy all the time. I'm sure you two talk and text and Skype twenty times a day. I get about ten minutes with Santana if that. All she does is school and cheerleading from morning to midnight. And what do I get to do? While you're leading the New Directions, I'm kicked off the Cheerios."

"I'm sorry Britt," he said again, not really sure of what else to say.

"Yeah well, sorry doesn't change anything. And Santana can't either. The only one who can change it is me," she responded as she stormed off down the hall.

Blaine rested his head against the lockers then glanced down the hall toward the locker that used to be Kurt's. If only he were here now. Kurt would know what to do.

He walked the rest of the way to his science class, put his stuff away and pulled out his phone, sending a quick text before his teacher saw him and confiscated it for the rest of the day.

**Blaine to Kurt: It's Brittany 2.0 here at McKinley and I need your advice. Call me when you have a few minutes.**

* * *

He woke in a cold sweat, more alarmed at having had the dream at all than the dream itself. He had thought he was past this. It had been months since he'd last been triggered. But though he had been so focused on Brittany as she attacked Jacob Ben Israel that it hadn't struck him in the moment, his mind obviously held onto it for him.

Inside the nightmare, he had writhed on the floor, covering his head and curling his body against Brittany's attack with her umbrella. But then the umbrella turned to leather and Brittany morphed into the Colonel, and once again he was 14 years old and cowering beneath his dining room table after coming out to his parents for the first time.

Now as he sat at 3am, he counted the hours until he'd see Kurt at school tomorrow, only to fully awaken with the realization that Kurt wouldn't be there. And for the first time the gravity of that hit him as his biggest fear churned in his chest. Who would be there for him the next time he fell?

* * *

"I checked in with the base in Georgia," the Colonel told Blaine as they cooked dinner together in the kitchen. Tonight they were making an Asian stir fry, one of his mother's specialties. Blaine chopped peppers and garlic while his Dad started the onion and chicken in the wok. "Sounds like Finn is doing pretty well in basic training."

"That's good," Blaine murmured, his jealousy of the relationship Finn had developed with his Dad evident. "I'll be sure to tell Kurt."

"How is Kurt getting along in New York?" the Colonel asked, and Blaine stopped for a moment, surprised at the question.

"He's doing pretty well I think," Blaine answered more cheerfully, finishing up the vegetables. He turned and leaned against the counter, facing his Dad. "He's planning to audition again for NYADA's second semester and he's applying for a job at Vogue."

The Colonel looked at Blaine, unable to completely hide the discomfort in his face, but trying. "Good," he nodded. "I'm glad to hear it. And how are you doing?"

He considered lying. He was holding up pretty well considering the most important person in his life was hundreds of miles away and starting a brand new life without him. After all, he wasn't a complete mess like Brittany. He had felt like a complete failure at today's "Brittervention." But every time Kurt told him something about New York; Rachel, the apartment, the bagels, the pizza, Blaine just wanted to be there with him, experiencing it all too. "I miss him," Blaine admitted sadly. "I try not to, but I do."

"Well, that will change as time goes on," the Colonel said, coolly.

"Really?" Blaine asked accusingly as his eyes narrowed. "Has it changed with Mom?"

The Colonel's eyes locked with Blaine's for only a moment before he turned back to the wok with the pretense of stirring. "No," he said quietly. "No it hasn't."

They worked in silence for a few minutes, adding the peppers to the wok. Blaine prepared the rice that simmered in the corner, adding seasoning to match the stir-fry. He went out to the dining room to set the table. His thoughts flew, as they often did without his permission, to cooking with Kurt in their own kitchen, setting the table with candles and flowers he had picked up on the corner before coming home. He shook his head. He wasn't going to do this to himself. Kurt wasn't gone, he was only in a different place, and he didn't have to seem so far away. In fact, he thought, glancing at the doorway that led to his father, Kurt didn't have to _be_ so far away.

Colonel Anderson brought in dinner and they sat down to eat, making small talk about work at the recruiting station and the upcoming fall assembly at McKinley. Blaine's mind though kept drifting to Brittany and then to Santana and then to Kurt. His heart beat a little faster, but he raised his eyes to his dad and plucked up some courage. "Can I ask you a favor Dad?"

The Colonel raised an eyebrow. "Sure, son, what is it?"

"I want to go to New York," Blaine said with hope and doubt all rolled up into one.

Blaine watched with baited breath as his father gently placed his fork down next to his plate as if in slow motion and slowly wiped his mouth with the napkin. Blaine recognized the motions as the Colonel waited out his initial reaction and thought through his response to his son instead. It was something they'd both been practicing it for months in therapy.

"You can't just run to New York every time you miss him," the Colonel finally said, far more sympathetically than Blaine had expected, and it kept him calm as well when anger could have been his first response.

"I'm not running, Dad. And I'm not saying I need to go now. But I don't want to wait until he comes back for Thanksgiving. Please, I'll just need some money, I'll figure out the rest."

The Colonel went back to his dinner as he considered the request. Blaine waited, his foot tapping the only sign of his nerves. "You come to the office in Westerville, do some filing for me, and I'll pay you for your time. You can do with the money whatever you want."

Blaine let out a breath and grinned. "Thank you," he said and began eating again. He could barely wait to tell Kurt.

* * *

The moment the tall, handsome, young man showed up at their doorstep, Kurt knew it was Rachel's friend Brody, but it didn't stop his face from lighting up at the sight of him. Kurt and Rachel had always had the same taste in men, Jesse St. Sucks notwithstanding, and his love for Blaine did not prevent the skip in his heartbeat at Mr. Tango Dancer. Still, the flowers this man brought were clearly for his roommate and he was undeniably excited for her. This is what Finn had wanted. A chance for others to see how amazing she was. A chance for Rachel to see what else was out there.

"Well hello there kind sir," Kurt nearly swooned in the doorway.

"Hey, I'm Brody," the man said confirming his suspicions.

"I'm Kurt," he responded giddily.

"Hi," Brody greeted, but Kurt could tell he was actually desperate for Kurt to leave. Well, he'd be happy to oblige.

"I was just gonna go get some cake," he said and turned to Rachel, his eyebrows arched suggestively. "I'm going to leave you two alone," he mouthed, encouragingly.

He skipped out the door and his fingers were dialing before he even got down the stairs of their apartment out onto the streets of New York. As he walked out into the sights and smells and excitement that were so strikingly different from everything about Ohio, he nearly bursted with anticipation and the need to share. He barely let Blaine even get out a greeting.

"Oh my god, Blaine, you can never even imagine the most gorgeous man who just showed up at our doorstep. With flowers, nonetheless," Kurt raved as he strode down the Brooklyn streets.

_Notice me  
Take my hand  
Why are we  
Strangers when  
Our love is strong  
Why carry on without me?_

Blaine frowned, his heart twisting with jealousy on the other end of the phone. Sometimes he felt like he was treading water. Sometimes he felt like he was soaring. But there were moments, like Brittney, when he felt like he just might drown. Hearing of Kurt's life in New York, excitement in his voice; he both loved and hated it. It seemed almost surreal that their lives were going on without each other. There love was strong, but it had only just begun and they were already becoming strangers.

"I know we share everything Kurt, but if you're going to tell me about every gorgeous boy who tries to steal you away…" Blaine trailed off.

"Well, this one just happened to be coming for one, Rachel Barbra Berry," Kurt assured him. "If ever a gorgeous man comes to my doorstep carrying flowers for me, unless his name is Blaine Anderson, he can just turn around and go home."

Blaine smiled, a blush creeping to his cheeks as his heart settled. "And you are just standing watching them?" he teased.

"No," Kurt said with a pout. He arrived at the storefront and leaned casually against the brick wall outside the door. "I am on a mission for cheesecake."

"Ah," Blaine said knowingly. "Then I will let you go, I don't want you starting to snap at your waitresses in only your first week."

Kurt laughed at his teasing, but the sadness in Blaine's voice was obvious and Kurt wasn't going to let him go. "What's the matter Blaine? Everything at home okay? How's Britt?"

"Brittany is losing it without Santana, Kurt," he told him. "And maybe I am too," he added quietly.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked concerned.

_Everytime I try to fly  
I fall without my wings  
I feel so small  
I guess I need you baby  
And everytime I see you in my dreams  
I see your face, it's haunting me  
I guess I need you baby_

Blaine told Kurt about their disaster of a fall assembly. He felt guilty as he leader letting them do that when he knew it was wrong. And he told him about Brittany's outburst in the hallway of McKinley, and about his dream.

"I was so scared when I woke and all I could think about was seeing you the next day, and then I remembered," Blaine told him, tears threatening to fall again.

_I make believe  
That you are here  
It's the only way  
I see clear  
What have I done  
You seem to move on easy_

"You need someone else there for you," Kurt said. "You have to let someone else in. Sam or Tina. Remember Christmas, Blaine, last year? Sam will understand."

Blaine nodded and wiped a tear. "I'll try," he promised.

"And if that doesn't work, you know who to call. Right?" he prompted.

"Ms. Pillsbury in school and your Dad at home," Blaine responded as if by rote. "I know."

"And me, Blaine," Kurt stressed. "You text me 911 and no matter what I'll call or text you back."

"I love you," Blaine whispered.

"And I _miss_ you Blaine," Kurt insisted. "As exciting as New York City is, I promise you I do."

Blaine sniffled. He had planned on telling Kurt that he might come to visit, but for some reason, he decided not to. "I better let you get your cheesecake," he chuckled slightly.

"You're more important than cheesecake," Kurt reassured him. "I love you."

"I love you too. Skype me later?" Blaine said.

"Always," Kurt promised.

* * *

**So I hope that was okay. Let me know your thoughts! Counting the minutes until the Makeover, and the fact is I'm really super excited about the Break Up. I know. Call me crazy.**


	3. Chapter 3: Makeover

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you all for the reviews and alerts. Your support means everything to me and ever word I hear from you is just more encouragement! **

**Two notes about Makeover: All that happens in the show happens EXCEPT of course that Blaine didn't transfer to McKinley for Kurt. But it doesn't mean he doesn't still hold some resentment towards Kurt for the transfer… And two: I try to make some sense of time here. If you don't agree with my timing, I'm sorry. Glee sometimes makes no sense. But my amazing beta assures me that my reasoning is, well, reasonable. **

**So kudos galore to my amazing beta typegirl19.**

**Now…here's what you missed on Glee!**

* * *

Brittany's downward spiral was enough for Blaine to worry about following a similar path. When he had to check himself in the hallways of McKinley just to be sure the voiceover he heard was in fact only in his head, he knew it was time to take action. He wasn't just "the boyfriend" anymore, Kurt's or Santana's. He had to figure out who Blaine Anderson truly was.

He thought he'd pieced it all together at Dalton, the boy without the hate, but the fear had held him back. Then Kurt saved him and the fear slowly faded, never disappearing entirely, but dimming enough. Since leaving Dalton he'd embraced a lot of the child he had been before his coming out had ironically forced his true self into the closet, but there was one part he'd kept hidden, knowing full well that Kurt would die of embarrassment. Kurt was all about the Chic, not so much about the Geek. But now as Blaine was starting all over again, he remembered the boy he had been before it all began.

Sure, his inner Geek came out at times when he quoted Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings or made the occasional off handed comment about making his Charisma check. But his 3rd edition D&D Players Handbook remained tucked at the bottom of his sock drawer like pornography and his plastic covered comic book collection lay hidden in his desk drawers where Kurt was unlikely to go snooping. Now he was free to recapture the innocence and wonder of those days without risking Kurt's eye roll of affectionate mortification.

But no amount of attempts to recapture the boy he was before Kurt, to keep his mind too busy to think of the gorgeous, determined, perfectly imperfect man hundreds of miles away in New York City, could make him forget. The superhero sidekick club just made him feel like a duo missing the dynamite, and in the D&D club he just kept hearing Kurt in his head saying, _what the hell are you doing_? Even in sewing club, he missed the loving smirks he often got from Kurt as he put the button on wrong, or sewed a hem unevenly. Despite it all, everything he did at home or at McKinley reminded him of Kurt.

Even singing alone in the auditorium. He kept waiting for Kurt to walk in, kept looking up to the alcove where they'd picnicked and fought and made love, and he waited for Kurt to step into view, his beautiful smile shining down on him.

Finding his place without Cooper and Nick and Kurt and Santana was proving as difficult as he thought it would be and harder than he had hoped. He knew it was necessary. He couldn't just be a puzzle piece for the rest of his life, he needed to be whole on his own. But knowing didn't make it any easier.

* * *

**Kurt to Blaine: I got the internship!**

The text came in the middle of calculus, and though he would have loved to answer it right then and there, his teacher for some reason was staring at him with a death glare. So Blaine bolted the minute the bell rang and slipped into the auditorium for a quiet space.

He called immediately and barely let Kurt even answer the phone. "Congratulations, Kurt!" Blaine nearly shouted.

Kurt glanced around the office. He had already gotten a tiny little cubicle and was reading tons of old magazines and binders put together so he could get a real sense of what the website was going for. A few eyes fell on him, and he worried immediately that taking private phone calls was a no-no. He ducked down a bit and whispered. "Thanks Blaine. They've already got me started and I don't want to make a bad impression, so I can't really talk now, but I'll call you later, okay?"

Blaine nodded, his excitement and pride giving way to disappointment, but he understood. "Yeah, sure, of course. Call me later," Blaine said. "I love you."

"You too," Kurt quickly blurted out before hanging up. Blaine slowly put the phone down and stared at the stage. Blaine was only playing at ruling the world. Kurt was actually on his way.

* * *

"So how's senior year so far, Squirt?"

Blaine paused the show he was watching and curled up in the corner of the living room sectional with a blanket. His mom was out for the night, no doubt at his Dad's house, though she claimed she was working late. Again. Kurt was also working late or gallivanting around New York with Rachel, Blaine wasn't sure. They'd briefly skyped earlier before dinner, but Kurt said he wouldn't be around tonight. It was too bad, having the house to himself. So he was uncharacteristically delighted when Cooper called for the first time in weeks.

"It's alright," Blaine shrugged. "Mr. Schue has absolutely no idea what he wants to do for competition this year. He seems kind of burned out, he didn't even help us at all with the fall assembly last week, which of course we blew by trying to lip sync," he said wryly.

"Wish I could come down and help you guys," Cooper told him, "but I've got auditions like mad, and this new web series that a few of my friends want to start working on."

"That's okay," Blaine assured him, both relieved and sad. "Hey, I'm running for Senior Class President," he said more optimistically, but then the earlier comments from Britt and Artie came back to him. "Of course, it's all just a popularity contest at McKinley. That's why Kurt lost last year. No one at that school really cares about the issues."

"Are you telling me that my baby brother can't win a popularity contest?" Cooper asked shocked. "That's not the Blaine Anderson I know. At Dalton you'd be voted Senior Class President and Headmaster!"

"Yeah, well, I'm not at Dalton anymore," Blaine frowned.

Cooper was silent for a minute then asked softly. "You ever think of going back?"

_Yes_. "No," he lied. "I'm sure Dad wouldn't pay for it anyway. He may have changed some, but I'm still a disappointment to him. Besides, at least at McKinley Kurt is still kind of there."

"Maybe that's the problem Blaine," Cooper said matter-of-factly. "Look, Squirt, I hear it in your voice. You're trying to put on that smile but there's nothing behind it. I know you want everything to stay the same but things change. Don't keep yourself stuck. I love you too much for that."

Blaine curled up, wishing more than anything that his brother was here now to annoy him in person. Everyone was on the other end of a computer or a phone. He missed having people around him. "I love you too. I better go to bed. Night Coop."

"Night Blaine."

* * *

**Colonel Anderson to Blaine: Westerville tomorrow morning. Meet you in the office at 10.**

Blaine sighed as he got the text from his Dad and collapsed on his bed. Today's makeover of Sam had totally exhausted him. He'd hoped to spend his Saturday working on debate preparation, researching the issues at McKinley, maybe touching base with Kurt about his run for President and most importantly, working with Sam. The last thing he wanted to do was spend the day with his father filing paperwork, but he needed the money and he'd agreed to do the work. As he dressed the next morning, the only thing that cheered him was knowing that after eight hours of lectures and paper cuts he'd get to let it all go with with Nick. It had been weeks since he'd seen his old friend, and he was looking forward to it.

But first he had to survive his father ordering him around dressed in uniform, which always put the Colonel at his best. And by best, Blaine thought to himself as he drove up the office and walked through the glass door, he meant his most rigid and demanding. At least it was public. The Colonel could say what he wanted, but he couldn't hurt him. He shook his head as the thought went through his mind. He wondered if there would ever be a time when it wouldn't.

"You're late," the Colonel barked from behind the counter, not even turning to look at him.

Blaine looked up to the clock above his father on the wall. 10:01. He rolled his eyes while he could get away with it. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"Don't mumble," the Colonel admonished as he picked up a large stack of paperwork and slapped them onto the counter.

"Yes sir," Blaine said, and he felt a sudden need to snap to attention. And to turn and run. Every inch of his skin bristled and he immediately went into fight or flight mode. _Kurt. Burt. Santana. Cooper. Nick_. His mind raced to find escape and he was ever more grateful for whatever had made him smart enough to schedule dinner with Nick.

"This is just the first stack of paperwork that needs to be filed into those five filing cabinets," his father ordered. "There are three other stacks just like this. You finish today and I'll give you a bonus."

Blaine blinked. This was new. He and Cooper had been doing paperwork for his Dad since he was young and there'd never been anything to reward hard work except maybe a night free of his father's scathing attacks.

The brief moment of humanity was quickly gone and the Colonel sat at the computer to begin creating a fourth stack of paperwork that Blaine would have to come and take care of another day. Blaine took a deep breath, grabbed the pile from the counter and brought it to the large table his father sometimes used to sit down with recruits and explain the ins and outs of joining the armed forces. He spread out, beginning the long and arduous task of alphabetizing and ordering by date hundreds of reports.

His mind drifted to the day before as the hours droned on, paper cuts on 5 out of 10 fingers. He'd tried to do what Kurt had told him and bond with Sam, but dressing him up didn't feel anything like it did when he and Kurt spent hours going through their closets. And he missed Kurt and Santana's quick thinking, sass, and intelligence. Sam was fun, like Finn and Puck, but no matter how hard he'd tried yesterday, he didn't fill that emptiness that was growing more and more each day. No one and nothing had.

He went back to the counter to get second, then the third and final pack. He glanced at the clock. Two hours left. His father had chatted with a few potential recruits throughout the day and was now in the back room when the phone rang. Blaine glanced at it warily before picking it up.

"Westerville Army recruiting office," he answered as professionally as possible.

"Colonel Anderson, please," the man on the other end of the phone barked.

"Uh, may I ask who's calling?" Blaine asked tentatively.

"Colonel Fletcher, Fort Benning," the voice answered.

"One minute please," Blaine said as his father came back out to the front. Blaine covered the receiver and whispered, "Dad. Colonel Fletcher on the phone, from Fort Benning."

Colonel Anderson held out the phone and Blaine handed it over, returning to his own work. But he kept an ear out to the conversation. His father kept throwing looks his way as he spoke in hushed tones. Blaine tried to hear, but he couldn't. He knew that Finn was at Fort Benning, and though hundreds if not thousands of other new recruits were too, he naturally wondered if the call had something to do with his boyfriend's brother. When his Dad hung up, Blaine took a chance.

"What was that all about?" Blaine asked as nonchalantly as possible.

The Colonel paused, considering him, and for a second their eyes locked. Blaine saw in his father's eyes the disappointment so frequently directed at himself or Cooper, but in a flash they were back to cold and his father turned.

"Nothing you need to concern yourself about son," the Colonel said as he looked at the clock. "Two hours left and you've one whole stack to complete. You better start getting a move on."

Blaine sighed and turned back to his papers. As he once again started alphabetizing and sorting, he thought to himself that it was going to be the longest two hours of his life.

* * *

"I thought you invited me for dinner and conversation, but you just keep staring forlornly at your fork as you silently twirl your spaghetti," Nick teased gently as they finished up their meal at the Westerville version of Breadstix. "If you wanted someone to just stare at your gorgeous face, Blaine, you should have invited Trent or Sebastian."

Blaine's eyes drifted up at his smiling friend, but his chin remained rested on his hand as he did indeed twirl his spaghetti absentmindedly. "Sorry," he apologized. "Guess I'm not great company tonight."

"Eight hours with your Dad would do that to anyone," Nick said knowingly. "But I don't think I need the power of reading your mind to know that isn't what's really bothering you. Frankly your thoughts are written all over your face."

"I just miss him so much," Blaine frowned. "It's pathetic, actually."

"It's not pathetic, it's natural," Nick tried to reassure him.

"But it's not," he insisted, the amber in his eyes flaring, and Nick waited for the anger to boil over. "I am so jealous of Kurt, Nick, it's eating me alive. I should be in New York with him right now. If my Dad had cared at all about me after the Sadie Hawkins dance instead of making it a million times worse, maybe I never would have transferred to Dalton and had to repeat a year. Then maybe I'd be in New York with him instead of left behind waiting to grow up while he grows beyond me."

Nick set down his fork and crossed his arms. "Listen to yourself Blaine. If you hadn't come to Dalton, you never would have even met Kurt. Everything happens for a reason. I don't know where either one of you would be right now if you hadn't found each other. And saved each other."

"No, Nick. We're soul mates. We would have found each other somewhere if we didn't meet now. Maybe at a better time, or a better place." Blaine shook his head. "It's just not fair!" His body tensed and he wanted to scream and shout but he was mindful he was in a public restaurant, albeit in a private corner. "It's not fair that I lost a year of my life because people couldn't accept me for who I was. Because my father couldn't keep his rage to himself." He bit back the tears. "And then I was forced to transfer to McKinley because Kurt couldn't just let things be, he couldn't let things stay as they were."

"Blaine, stop it right now," Nick admonished, and Blaine lowered his head. He knew it was wrong, blaming Kurt after all this time. He'd long since forgiven him. Long since acknowledged that Kurt had done the right thing that day, even if it had been in the wrong way. He'd long since loved Kurt for what he did. Everything just hurt so much right now.

"I joined all these stupid clubs at school Nick," Blaine confessed quietly. "I tried to be the kid I was before I'd met him, the "other" Blaine that didn't know Kurt, didn't miss him. But it didn't work. I'm not that kid anymore. So I signed up to run for Senior Class President. And I'm going to try to be the Blaine he fell in love with. The dapper, smart, sophisticated Blaine Warbler, and maybe it will all be okay again. Maybe then he won't forget me."

Nick watched his friend, so lost and confused. It broke his heart. He reached across the table and took his hand. "Just be the real Blaine okay? You've spent your whole life trying to be the Blaine that other people wanted you to be. It's time to start being yourself. If you two are truly soul mates Blaine, then this year apart won't matter. No one said it was going to be easy. But I believe that you two met exactly when and where you were meant to. And whatever happens from here on out is also meant to be. Kurt Hummel will always be THE most important person in your life and you in his. First loves are like that, whether it's just for a time or for forever."

Blaine blinked back the tears that suddenly threatened to fall. "I don't know what forever would be without him."

* * *

A small knock came on his bedroom door and his mother opened it gently to find Blaine going through his bowtie collection, the laptop open on his bed with a blank skype screen.

"Don't stay up too late sweetheart," Mrs. Anderson told him with a soft smile. "It's a school night and you have a big day tomorrow."

"I'm just waiting for Kurt, Mom, he said he'd be on in five minutes," Blaine answered pulling five bowties out and laying them out on the bed. He grabbed his laptop and slumped to the floor.

"I thought Treme was over ten minutes ago?" she asked confused. "You guys didn't watch together?"

"He had this big thing he was doing for work," Blaine said, a mixture of pride and regret evident to a mother in his voice. But he tried to brush it away with a shrug. "No big deal."

"Okay sweetheart. But keep the conversation short, alright? You need sleep to be at your best for the debate tomorrow." She came over and kissed him on his cheek. He smiled up at her.

"I will, Mom," he promised. "Night."

She closed the door and he settled onto the floor with his laptop just as Kurt popped up on his screen.

"Oh my god, Blaine you will never guess what Rachel and I did last night!" Kurt exclaimed.

Blaine listened as Kurt recounted what sounded like the most amazing evening in New York City, making over Rachel with a fashion icon then going out to dinner. When Kurt sent him the raw footage that he hoped would end up on , Blaine was amazed.

"And that is just the rough cut," Kurt told him.

"No, it genius," he told him confidently. "And Rachel looks so gorgeous, the whole thing looks so…professional and like a real fashion video. So what's the next step?" he asked with genuine interest.

"Well, ideally, the dream would be that Isabelle would see it, and love it," he added, "and then put it on . But I mean, she's already committed to so many other concepts…"

Kurt might dismiss his talent and his chances, but Blaine would never let him. "Kurt, of course she's going to choose yours, she's going to pick yours."

"And then…" Kurt continued, "after we made over Rachel, Isabelle took us to this place called Gray's Papaya, and we had guava juice…"

But Blaine had stopped listening, his self-pity and jealousy rearing its ugly head. "You're hanging out with fashion icon, Isabella Wright, and I'm running for student body president with a former stripper," he said with disbelief.

"Oh my gosh I forgot about that," Kurt remembered and for a second Blaine felt a tug at the fact that Kurt had forgotten the very thing that was life or death for him only the previous year. But the excitement in Kurt's voice revitalized him. "How's it going?"

"It's going okay, but I did want to ask you what bowtie I should wear for tomorrow's debate." Blaine had figured out the rest of his outfit, but deciding which bowtie he should wear was always a task that Kurt happily took charge of. He brought them into view of the screen and started holding them up. "I narrowed it down to five, but mainly I have these two…"

But Kurt interrupted with little interest. "Oh, whatever you choose you're going to look great in," Kurt brushed him off.

"Hi Blaine, we miss you!" Rachel yelled in the background.

"Rachel says hi," Kurt told him, then continued chattering about his internship, all thought of Blaine's run for president forgotten.

He stayed on with Kurt until his mother came in again to tell him it was time to shut down, but Blaine's heart had already shattered into a million little pieces without Kurt even noticing. He could blame the poor quality of the Skype session or the distance, but if he was honest with himself, Kurt just didn't take the time to even notice him. Blaine wondered if it had always been that way. Had he been fooling himself all along and just never noticed? Or was New York changing Kurt? Was the city of dreams just going to tear them apart?

* * *

"If I was there I would totally kick your ass for beating my girl, Blaine," Santana growled, but then broke out into a grin. "But since I'm not there, I'll just say congratulations, Mr. President."

Blaine could help the smile of relief that broke out on his face. "Thanks Santana, that means…well, it means the world to me."

He was sitting at his desk at home, homework sprawled out in front of him, when Santana had unexpectedly called him. She'd gotten the news from Brittany and had Skyped him as soon as she found another break in her day.

"What did Kurt say? Is he being all "everything I can do you can do better" jealous or is he happy for you?"

Blaine's eyes lowered and his smile faltered. "I don't know," he admitted. "He hasn't returned my calls yet."

Santana sighed, her heart breaking for Blaine, for Brittany, for all of them going through the pain of growing up and growing apart.

"It's hard," she said quietly, almost in confession. "You know exactly where his place is in your life, at McKinley, at home. But everything he does is new. There aren't the memories of you being there. He has to figure out where your place is in all that."

"You speak from experience?" Blaine asked as his heart fell to the floor.

"It isn't any easier on our end of things," Santana told him. "It's just different."

Blaine looked away. "Different as in bigger," he said bitterly. His jealousy from earlier rearing its ugly head again. "His own apartment, an internship at the biggest online magazine with one of the biggest fashion moguls in the biggest city in the world." The tears he'd fought all week suddenly fell and more than anything he wished he could jump through the screen into Santana's arms. "And I'm just little old me, small town boy dressing in Kitty Robin costumes, rolling twenty sided dice in a wizard costume pathetically battling for a senior class presidential spot that none of the student body even really cares about. It's not a surprise I can't compete with any of Kurt's brand new world."

Santana watched him, wishing she could both hug and smack him at the same time. It would be the most significant fight of their lives to stay together. She didn't think any of them had realized it before. But one thing she knew about Blaine was that he was a fighter. "God, Blaine, stop your sniveling and _do_ something. He wanted you to come visit every weekend, so go! Go and show him where your place is in his world. Kiss him in Battery Park, walk him to his internship, visit every coffee shop, sing your heart out to him, and for the love of all that is holy, fuck him in his bed so that's all he can remember every time he goes to sleep at night. The distance that matters is in your hearts, not in miles and he's keeping his distance to protect himself, just like you did last year. Don't let him. You want him Anderson, you fight for him. Don't let the best thing that's ever happened to you slip away."

Blaine wanted so much to believe in her, to do everything that she said. But there was something in his heart that had broken as call after call went to voicemail. He'd asked the question before and it haunted him again now. How many times did he have to forgive? How many times would he have to fight for love? When would someone finally fight for him?

Would anyone ever think he was worth it?

* * *

**So...I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Everyone take some deep breaths before Thursday. I know the Break Up will be a rollercoaster but I am SO looking forward to the tremendous acting by Darren and Chris and I trust RIB.**

**Reviews are love!**


	4. Chapter 4: The Break Up

**Author's Note:**

**So I'm going to say I'm sorry first. I cried more writing this chapter than any other. It's a chapter I never wanted to write and I imagine it will be a long time before our boys are back together.**

**A warning – Blaine gets to a very dark place in this chapter, but out of the darkness comes some light. I know it's not canon, but it is very true to *this* Blaine.**

**I've tried to stay away from tumblr. In addition to crying every time I went on, I didn't want to be influenced by other ideas. But I saw this post and I wanted to share.**

_"**The thing about a lighthouse is that it looks like a place of refuge, a light in the darkness. It is, in fact, something to guide you on your way. But that's deceptive. It guides you by warning you to stay the fuck away from it. Because if you sail toward that lighthouse, you're going to bash your ship against the rocks and drown." **_

_**~ Kurtcountertenor on tumblr**_

* * *

Santana hung up with Blaine, congratulating him one last time on his Presidential win before she left, and gazed around her dorm room. Her roommate was out and the pictures of Brittany smiled back at her. She missed her. It wasn't just the sex, which had been fun since long before they were officially a couple. It was her smell, her touch, her laugh. It was the air of innocence and openness that surrounded her, something she had yet to find in anyone she'd met so far in Louisville.

Her heart began to ache, the words she'd just said to Blaine ringing in her head. _"It isn't any easier on our end of things," _Santana had told him._ "It's just different." _And different meant forgetting Brittany sometimes. She sighed as she grabbed her books and headed out to the library. She had a couple of hours before cheerleading practice began and as much as she hated the class, her sociology work called to her.

Inside it was dim and she switched on the light at a table by the windows as she spread out her books. It was hard to concentrate, the words she highlighted stared back at her with no meaning. Behind her she felt someone's gaze on her and she turned to see a red headed girl in a black hat watching her from a bright red armchair. The girl's stare lingered and Santana's heart beat a little quicker. She was used to guys checking her out everywhere and could easily ignore it, but there had been far fewer girls and this one most definitely caught her eye. The girl's lips turned up in hint of a smile, and despite herself, Santana smiled back.

Guilt immediately washed over her, though she'd done nothing wrong, and she turned back to her studying. But the feelings, both good and bad, stayed with her through cheerleading practice and as she changed her clothes for bed that evening. She tossed her uniform in the laundry, realizing with a smile how full it was. After tomorrow, she had a few days off.

She couldn't wait to go home again.

* * *

Blaine missed Kurt so desperately it hurt. He was so lost and alone and was falling fast into the darkness with no one to catch him, and that terrified him. He didn't know what he might do.

Every time his phone rang and Kurt's name flashed on the screen his heart pounded with delight and anticipation. But the calls were growing further and further apart, more and more harried, and less and less about him and about them. In the excitement of his new life, Kurt couldn't be bothered with him. He worked upwards of 15 hours a day and there were no moments to breathe at Vogue. But Blaine couldn't breathe either.

The kids at school moved around him as always and he talked and laughed, joining in with that old smile but it never reached his eyes, his heart no longer there. Brittany, Sam, Artie and Tina all seemed like fragments of an old world he'd left behind but could not escape. He hadn't felt so trapped since before transferring to Dalton.

He missed Kurt's touch, his lips, his skin on his. He missed the way Kurt could talk him down from the edge, the edge that he was now so close to falling off.

But Kurt wasn't there to pull him off, not in person or on the phone. It was like Kurt didn't see him anymore and Blaine knew he was losing him. He knew the anger and resentment building inside him were defenses to prevent the pieces of his breaking heart from shattering like glass. When he sang in the auditorium he saw Kurt watching him, but it was the Kurt of his past. So much had changed since then. They weren't those kids anymore.

Everyone who meant anything to Blaine was on the other end of a phone or a computer and with the exception of Santana, he always had to reach out for them. He shouldn't have to ask for Kurt to love him. He was so tired of having to ask for someone to love him. He just wanted someone to want him.

That was the thing about Eli. It was easy. He closed his eyes and he could almost imagine it was Kurt. And after trying so hard and chasing for so long, being wanted, being listened to, and being close to someone again felt nice.

Until it didn't.

* * *

Run. That's what he always did. He thought it would feel better to run toward someone, but not when he knew what he'd left behind him in his wake.

The moment he saw Kurt and felt soft lips on his, Blaine tried to forget what he'd done. It would be so easy to never tell him, the chances of Kurt finding out were slim. He'd been surprised to see Finn at the apartment, but Kurt explained what Finn was doing there. Suddenly his father's phone call of a few days ago made sense. Hhe had apparently walked in to the three of them going out to a Karaoke bar and for an instant as they finished dressing and walked out into the crisp New York air, everything seemed right with the world. The gnawing in his heart remained, but his hand clasped Kurt's, terrified to let go, wondering if each touch would be the last, struggling to believe that it could even be possible.

They walked through Battery Park to get to the club. Blaine had expected their reunion to be a flood of words and kisses but they walked in relative silence, their voices hushed when they did speak. Everything Blaine said felt like a lie. Kurt's adorable laughter was like an arrow in his heart, reminding him of everything he'd betrayed. If he told Kurt what he'd done, he'd steal that laughter from him and Blaine wondered if Kurt would ever get it back. How much else would he have stolen from Kurt. The gravity of what he'd done was fully hitting him. In a split second, he'd changed them both forever and Kurt didn't even know it yet.

They sat at Callbacks and Blaine was introduced to Rachel's friend Brody. He watched as they sang together, so much more grown up than when he and Rachel had done the same so long ago on a drunken night in her basement. Listening to the words of their song, his life with Kurt flashed before his eyes.

_The day I first met you  
You told me you'd never fall in love  
But now that I get you  
I know fear is what it really was_

He'd been so scared to love Kurt. So scared to lose the boy that was turning into his best friend. So scared he'd make a mistake, turn into his father, or be the disappointment his father thought he would be. Blaine had held himself and others to such a high standard for years. He believed in courage and honesty and loyalty and he now he had failed himself and Kurt in every way.

_I know you're scared it's wrong  
Like you might make a mistake_

He remembered how betrayed Kurt had felt that night when Blaine had kissed Rachel. He and Kurt weren't even dating yet, but it still hurt him. This time what he'd done could destroy him.

_I called your cell phone, my love  
But you did not reply_

All he'd needed was an answer, but over and over again his calls to Kurt were rejected, so quickly forgotten in the thrill of New York City. He looked over at Kurt, still completely oblivious to the anguish and loneliness in Blaine's heart. Kurt smiled watching Rachel, glancing over briefly to Blaine, so happy to have his boyfriend back in town. Blaine tried to smile back through his unshed tears, but the room was suddenly suffocating.

_There's no turning back now  
Baby, try to understand _

As they clapped for Rachel, the words sang over and over again in his head. Turn back. Turn back. There was only one way to do that.

"I want to sing something," he said suddenly.

He sat at the piano, his fingers brushing the keys. Black and White. It was so simple and perfect until you hit one wrong sharp or flat and then the entire melody was ruined.

Uncharacteristically nervous, he addressed the crowd as he spoke only for Kurt. "Um, hi everyone. I, um, wanna sing a song that's very special to me. This is the song I sang for the first time I ever met the love of my life. Um, so Kurt, this is for you."

_Before you met me I was alright  
But things were kinda heavy  
You brought me to life,  
Now every February  
You'll be my Valentine, Valentine  
_

All he wanted was to go back to the start. To be carefree and young, like he and Brittany had said. To go back to the time when everyday was Valentine's Day. His heart pounded and he found it hard to sing when he could barely even breathe, but he kept his eyes trained on Kurt. Kurt. The love of his life. The boy with whom he'd planned forever. The boy that saved him. The boy that had brought him to life and taught him what love truly was.

_Let's go all the way tonight  
No regrets, just love  
We can dance until we die  
You and I, we'll be young forever_

Forever. It was slipping away. Kurt wasn't fighting for it. Blaine tossed it aside. He would do absolutely anything to go back to the first time he'd performed this song for Kurt and just live it all over again. His voice broke as he sang, the tears began to fall from his eyes. He'd do anything to go forward and forget the past. Run away and not ever look back.

_You make me  
Feel like I'm living a  
Teenage dream  
The way you turn me on  
I can't sleep  
Let's run away and  
Don't ever look back  
Don't ever look back_

Kurt's smile faded as he watched Blaine fall apart. He'd heard him sing the song a million times since the first time, through good times and bad, but this was different. Something was terribly wrong. Blaine had stopped looking at him.

_My heart stops  
When you look at me  
Just one touch  
Now baby I believe  
This is real  
So take a chance and  
And don't ever look back  
Don't ever look back._

He tried. He tried so hard to look at Kurt, focus on Kurt. But his voice cracked as the words betrayed him. His thoughts betrayed him, the memory of a hand not Kurt's squeezing his knee, working his way up skin-tight jeans to his thigh. A small smile on lips so different from Kurt's, a kiss revealing skin so much rougher. The brush of a thumb where no one but Kurt had ever touched him, a pulse beneath the touch that woke him from a nightmare and made him feel as sick as he did right now.

_I'ma get your heart racing  
In my skin-tight jeans  
Be your teenage dream tonight  
Let you put your hands on me  
In my skin-tight jeans  
Be your teenage dream tonight_

He tried desperately to banish it from his mind and focus on Kurt, their first time, their every time. Kurt turning him on, making him feel like he mattered more than anyone else in the world. He tried to hold on to everything they had, but he was terrified that it was fading before his eyes. The song became a desperate plea for forgiveness, though Kurt didn't even know what he'd done.

_You make me  
Feel like a teenage dream  
The way you turn me on  
I can't sleep  
Let's run away and don't ever look back  
Don't ever look back_

Kurt watched, transfixed, nervousness rising from deep within his soul. He couldn't shake the sense that somewhere the universe had shifted and everything had changed, he just didn't know why or how. Blaine's tears broke his heart and yet the distance that had grown between them didn't melt away like it should have. The song felt like a confession, but to what, Kurt wasn't sure he wanted to know.

_My heart stops  
When you look at me  
Just one touch  
Now baby I believe  
This is real  
So take a chance and  
And don't ever look back, No!  
_

Blaine's guilt overwhelmed him and his anger at himself started to grow. He saw Kurt's reaction, it was cold and knowing. Blaine lost it. He'd lost him.

_I'ma get your heart racing  
In my skin-tight jeans  
Be your teenage dream tonight  
Let you put your hands on me  
In my skin-tight jeans  
Be your teenage dream tonight_

Blaine looked at Kurt through his tears, knowing that if he told him the truth, there would be no going back.

* * *

Kurt slipped out of bed roughly, sleep eluding him. He wasn't quiet. He wanted Blaine to wake up and follow. The fact that Blaine could even sleep angered him.

Blaine's words played over and over again in his head, each time hurting more than the last. _"I was with someone." _ The pain in his chest was excruciating and he wondered if his father' heart attack had hurt more or less. He tried to remember if the agony of losing his mother had been the same, but this somehow seemed even greater. She had had no choice but to leave him. Blaine had chosen to go.

Kurt had wanted to scream, to yell, to hit him over and over again, to make him hurt the way that he was hurting, but he couldn't do that, not to Blaine. It's why he ran. It's why he couldn't speak to him. Part of him wanted to know what Blaine had done, but he knew hearing it would bring him to his breaking point. Even lost in anguish he could never strike Blaine. His instinct would always be to protect him from that. He loved him too damn much.

The hypocrisy was not lost on him. Blaine's pleas for him last year to not cheat when he'd only texted another boy meant nothing compared to Blaine hooking up with some guy. _"If you're unhappy, Kurt, talk to me, but don't cheat on me." _ But then Kurt suddenly realized; Blaine had tried to talk to him, over and over and he'd been too busy to listen. It didn't excuse Blaine's behavior by a long shot. But as he thought back, he cursed every phone call he'd ignored.

He sat in the darkness all night, his phone the only light and distraction from the ever increasing speeches and questions that grew inside his head. As the sun came up the heaviness deep in his stomach threatened to come up with it as he realized that Blaine was not coming out. The emptiness that replaced it was just as awful. A rustling from the other room made his heart leap, but it dropped again when he saw it was only Finn.

"You can't just run away," Kurt said smoothly, flipping the light on. He had planned those words for Blaine, expecting him to be the one to try and run. But they worked just the same.

"Dude, you totally spooked me, I thought I was the only one awake," Finn said.

"Been waiting for someone to come out," Kurt said despondently. "I was hoping it'd be Blaine."

"You guys okay?" Finn asked. Kurt though couldn't be further from okay. The words had been on the tip of his tongue all night. He sighed as he finally breathed them aloud.

"I kinda feel like I'm gonna die."

* * *

There was only one thing Blaine was certain of as he flew back to Ohio. He hated himself more than Kurt ever could.

He stepped off the plane, his carryon slung to his back as he tried to block out the incessant noise and mass of people surrounding him. If he thought he couldn't breathe before, it had been nothing compared to how he felt right now.

He knew Kurt had gotten out of bed in the middle of the night. Neither of them had slept at all. He waited for the crying, the screaming, the punishment, but it never came. Then he waited for Kurt to roll over and hold him close and tell him that it would take time to forgive him but that everything would be alright, that he was never going to let Blaine go. That they were forever. But instead, Kurt got up and walked out and no matter how much Blaine wanted to he could not force his body to follow. Maybe it would be better for them both to just let go. Kurt deserved so much better.

He must have fallen asleep at some point because when he woke, the apartment was empty. Finn's bags were gone and there was no sign of Rachel or Kurt. There was no note, just a coffee mug left on the counter by the sink. Blaine traced the rim, where Kurt's lips had touched, and broke down sobbing.

The pain in his chest didn't disappear on the flight, it only grew into self-hatred as they flew further and further away from Kurt. Blaine left him behind, broken and lost and alone, exactly the way Kurt had left him only 10,000 times worse. He rode home in silence, every song too much of a memory. Everything was too much of a memory. He passed the exits for the jazz club and the field of lilacs they'd made love in on one beautiful day that felt so very long ago. He passed the stores they'd shopped in, the restaurants they'd dined at. He passed the parks they'd gone for walks in and he knew he couldn't do this.

Pulling into the driveway of his mother's apartment complex, he left his bag in the car and walked up the stairs, pain turned suddenly to determination. He opened the door and ignored his mother in the kitchen as he stormed into his bedroom, her question, "How was the trip?" barely reaching his ears.

He went to his closet and pulled out a suitcase, dropping it heavily onto his bed and opening the lid. He didn't see his mother watch him as he blindly went through his drawers and his closet, throwing clothes haphazardly inside the cases.

"Blaine, what are you doing?" she demanded.

"I'm going to live with Dad," he answered flatly, never looking at her. He kept his mind focused on the task at hand. Pack. Don't look at the bed. Don't look at the memories. Don't look at Mom. Just run.

But his mother wouldn't let him. She grabbed his shoulders and forced him to stop and look at her. He tried to avoid her gaze but she grabbed his chin and forced his face up. It was streaked with tears and his eyes were rimmed red, emanating a crushing despair and anger that she hadn't seen since they'd left Westerville. Blaine tried so hard not to cry. Her heart broke for him and he didn't deserve it.

"What happened, Baby?" she asked gently as she took him protectively in her arms. "Did Kurt hurt you? Did he do something?"

That stopped the tears and he jerked away from her, angrily. "No. I did," he said, and he went back to the bed, closed the suitcase and grabbed it to go.

"Blaine, talk to me, tell me what's going on," Mrs. Anderson yelled as he reached the door to his room. "You can't just go to your fathers'!"

"I can't stay here!" Blaine screamed. "Do you see that chair? That's where Kurt held my hand while I recovered from surgery. That bed? That's where we made love for the first time. That desk is where we'd sit and do homework or watch silly YouTube videos." Each memory he recalled made his heart break more and more. "We used to fill this room with music and dance and laughter and I can't sleep here every night, knowing that I've lost that and I've lost him and I've maybe destroyed it forever. I can't be here!"

His mother stared at him in shock. "So you're just going to run to the man that you've been telling me for a year isn't safe for you? You're going to run back to him and I'm supposed to sit alone in this apartment?" she asked incredulous. He'd fought her every step of the way as she tried to hold on to the Colonel and now Blaine was just going to go back himself? "And what if he hurts you Blaine?"

Blaine laughed, a cold, empty, guttural laugh that terrified his mother, and his eyes flamed. "I hope he does. I deserve it."

* * *

"Your prodigal son returns." Blaine seethed with self-loathing as he dropped the bags on the hardwood floor at his father's feet.

"Blaine, I don't know what you think you're doing." Colonel Anderson stood with his hands on his hips, his face harsh, but confused. "You run off to New York without so much as a request for permission…"

"I'm 18 years old, Dad, I don't need permission," Blaine snapped.

"You are still in high school, Blaine Anderson," he reprimanded, "and no matter whose roof you choose to live under, we still pay your way and we deserve the respect of at least being told you're leaving before you land in another state."

Blaine closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Respect," he scoffed. "None of us deserve respect."

The Colonel pulled every new tool from his belt to keep himself calm. "I don't know what happened in New York to make you think that walking out on your mother is this right thing to do, but whatever you think you did…" But he didn't get to finish as Blaine's eyes snapped to his.

"I cheated on him Dad! Is that what you want to hear? You were right all those years ago," he snarled as his heart raced and the pain in the pit of his stomach grew stuck in his throat. "All a good looking gay boy like me does is fuck around, looking for a cheap thrill. It's all I'm fucking good for, just like you always said. Well, did I for once live up to your expectations, Dad?"

"Blaine, I know you're upset, but that language is not acceptable in this home. Take it down a notch and we can talk about this," the Colonel warned.

Blaine stared at him with an icy glare and a thin sneer. His adrenaline pumped through his veins, every speck of self-hatred flying back on the man who made him who he was today. "Fuck your language and your rules!" he seethed. "You hated that I was gay and wouldn't grow up to be just like you? Well, congratulations, Dad, I fucking did anyway! Only I don't even have to be in the same goddamn room to hurt the person I love. No, from hundreds of miles away I can batter and bruise Kurt better than you ever could in the same room as Mom!"

The Colonel reached a hand out to Blaine, and Blaine struck out without thought. Despite his years of boxing though, his father's military training gave him the upper hand in defense and he caught Blaine's arm. "For god's sake, Blaine, stop," the Colonel yelled.

But Blaine didn't hear and he didn't hesitate, his mind lost in an abyss of rage, hatred, hurt and loss, flashbacks sparking in his brain as his father's grip hit his skin. He struggled toward the Colonel, waiting, wanting the blow that never came and it was taking too long. He reached down and ripped off his belt, slapping it in his hand against his father's chest. "Here!" he urged. "Use it!"

Amber eyes that he always thought too soft stared up at the Colonel hard as gemstone. Blaine's hand gripped the belt so strongly his fingers were turning white. The Colonel stared at the son he had raised. How had they ended up here?

The Colonel pried the belt from Blaine's grip and tossed it like poison to the floor. "You are _not_ just like me, son," he said, softly but firm, trying desperately to reach his son. "You're a better man, Blaine, than I will ever be."

Blaine heard the words as if listening from under water, but they reverberated in his ear until the truth and the meaning of them had penetrated all the defenses he had raised and crumbled them to the ground. He didn't realize that he himself had fallen, his father guiding him safely to the floor, as gut-wrenching sobs exploded from the very depths of his soul. He only barely knew that he lay safe in his father's arms as the pain of the last few hours, days, weeks, even months, were torn from his body unwillingly but not unwanted. He let everything go until nothing else remained and his father's rocking lulled him into a deep sleep.

* * *

The call had shocked her in so many ways that Santana didn't hesitate to kiss Brittany goodbye that afternoon and drive the two hours to Westerville. The Colonel let her in with the ghost of a smile, exhaustion marking his features. "He's still sleeping. I carried him to his room hours ago."

Santana looked at him, worn, disheveled, so unlike the formidable man she'd seen throughout the summer. She didn't want to ask, but she had to. "Did you hit him?"

"No," he answered quickly, then looked away ashamed. "I know now I never will again."

Santana offered a muted smile but nothing more as she headed up the stairs.

She quietly opened the door to Blaine's room, so devoid of any reflection of himself. There were no pictures on the walls, no photos of the people he loved. She knew that was why he had come back here. Memories were never Blaine's friend. She watched him for a moment in his bed. He looked so small and pitiful, lying curled up beneath the blankets. But from all the Colonel had told her on the phone, the last thing Blaine needed was pity.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead," she yelled unceremoniously as she pulled the covers off of him. He moaned and tried to grab them back but she was too quick and playfully smacked his thigh as he grabbed his pillow and pulled it over his head. "Wake up, Boyfriend!"

He froze and she heard a soft growl from under the pillow. "Don't call me that."

Broken. That was the only description for how he sounded and it both saddened her and made her angry. "Blaine," she called him, unforgiving.

He pushed the pillow away to watch her with one eye. Her arms were folded, her hip jutted and she looked pissed. He sighed as he threw the pillow aside and sat up against the headboard, his knees pulled to his chest. He rested his arms on top of his knees and stared up at the ceiling. Looking at her was too hard.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Santana snapped.

He didn't know how she knew, he only knew that she did and he was grateful he didn't have to be the one to tell her.

"I don't know," he said quietly, his voice gruff from crying, his eyes trained on the ceiling. He didn't know why he did it, but he knew why he told. "I needed to know. I needed to see if he would fight for me. I needed to see if I would just spend my whole life forgiving everyone else or if anybody would ever think I was worth forgiving too." He bit his lip to keep the tears from falling again. He didn't even know how there were any left, but he supposed that there would always be tears for Kurt. He looked at her as they fell. "I miss him already, San."

Santana sighed and sat next to him on the bed, holding her arms out. He fell forward and buried himself in her warmth and her scent and her love.

"I didn't mean to 'Tana, I swear I didn't," he confessed as he cried. "Kurt never answered his calls and when we did talk it was never about me or about us, it was always just New York and…He was there and I was so lonely…"

"Shhh…" she urged as she rubbed his back.

"I never ever meant for this to happen," he sobbed. "I never dreamed I would ever…"

"Blaine stop," Santana ordered and she forced him to sit up and look at her. Her face softened at the complete despair in his eyes. She cupped his cheeks and wiped away his tears. "Sweetie, you can't undo what you did. Did you tell Kurt what you told me?"

Blaine shook his head. "I tried, but he won't talk to me. I'm sure it's killing him." He looked up at her, eyes pleading. "I just wanted him to fight for me and now I don't even care how I get him back, all that matters is that I do. Tell me how to fix this?"

Her mind flashed to the girl in the library, the quickening of her heart, the shy smile. So easy to cross the line, but looking at Blaine now, she knew that she could never do that to Brittany. She couldn't even risk it, because even if there was going forward from it, there was no going back. She'd cheated before, because it had never mattered. But imagining her beloved Brittany going through this was more than she could bear.

"Seeing him in so much pain and knowing that not only couldn't I fix it but that I had caused it?" Blaine pulled his knees into himself and the color drained from his face. "It was the worst feeling in the world, Tana. His face when I told him, it haunts me. And all I could think of was that I had turned into the very person that I hated. If he had yelled at me, or hit me…" he trailed off, not being able to put his thoughts into words. "But punishing me with silence will kill me Santana. How do I go on after knowing I betrayed the love if my life? How do I live with myself? "

"You just do, Blaine," she told him. "You screwed up here. He's not innocent, not by a long shot, but you closed the door. You have to wait for him to open it again."

Blaine looked at her hopefully. "Do you think he will?"

She sighed. Kurt could be stubborn and selfish and get lost in his own world. But the change in him she'd seen since being with Blaine made him both stronger and weaker than before. She wanted to give Blaine hope, but she honestly had no idea what Kurt would do. She shrugged. "If he loves you half as much as I do, he'd be a fool to let you go."

She kissed his cheek and laid down with him for a while before returning to Brittany. She felt his pulse return to normal, saw the color come back into his cheeks. Her own heart though, ached for him, and for herself.

She had to make sure that she and Brittany never went through this. She knew now exactly what she needed to do.

* * *

Blaine woke up late. He'd slept through his alarm, and the first thing he realized when he woke was that his father hadn't roused him, even though it was a school day. That thought alone confused him, but then the memories returned and the crushing despair hit him again. This was the start of life truly without Kurt. It hurt a thousand times worse than what he'd imagined the year before.

By the time he drove to Lima, school had already begun. No one noticed him. No one seemed to care. The pictures in his locker haunted him, but he couldn't take them down. Not yet. Not until he knew for sure that it was over.

He powered through the halls, memories chasing him from every side. He couldn't even look at the auditorium. His loneliness before didn't compare as the other kids walked soundlessly next to him. He saw their lips move but he heard nothing. It was as if he was walking in his sleep.

Rushing into the once sanctuary of the choir room for the first time was hard, but seeing Finn sitting there alone startled him from his haze. Finn knew. Did he hate him? Would he even talk to him? Blaine didn't know whether to run away from him or toward him, so he stopped in the middle of the room.

"Hey," Finn said, more welcoming than Blaine would have expected.

"Um, by the time I got up you were already gone," Blaine explained. "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye."

"Why'd you do that to him?" Finn asked with an ache for his brother.

"I don't know, I just…" There were so many reasons, yet in the end he'd come to realize that none of them made sense. At least they wouldn't to Finn. "There's no excuse, he won't talk to me. I don't even know if we're broken up." But maybe Finn knew. Finn must have talked to Kurt. Maybe Finn could tell him what Kurt was thinking?

He was about to ask, when he was interrupted by Sam and Finn jumped over to give him a big hug. Blaine just turned, ignored once again, and went to sit. Everyone filed in, but no one approached him. No one noticed when they handed out ideas for the musical that he was uncharacteristically silent. No one noticed that his heart was shattered. As soon as Santana went back to Louisville, he'd have no one. He couldn't even go back to Burt anymore.

The fact that Finn would speak to him though was still a sign of hope and he rushed after school to the florist he'd been to before. He found the perfect card and wrote the first words that came to mind.

_Kurt, I'm so sorry  
Please forgive  
me  
xo xo xo  
Blaine_

He ordered a dozen red roses and a dozen yellow to be sent to Kurt at Vogue. At his apartment Kurt or Rachel might just reject them, but at the office they'd be certain to be delivered. Blaine imagined it wouldn't be enough. He imagined that he'd have to try again and again to get Kurt to open that door, but he'd do whatever it took to get back the love of his life and his best friend.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Again, I'm sorry. I hope I did not break your heart more. I know things got bad with the Colonel, but it's the first scene I wrote after the episode and I really do believe it's true to this Blaine. I also believe that Blaine will come out of all this better and stronger than before, and I hope the road is not too hard or too long.**

**Also, I am seriously thinking of returning this story to a Blaine/Santana story from a Klaine story in the Summary. Let me know your thoughts.**


	5. Chapter 5:The Role You Were Born to Play

**Author's Note:**

**Welcome back everyone! That was a long and horrible 34 day hiatus, but now Glee is finally back and so am I! **

**Obviously, this episode didn't give me tons to work with, so it's on the shorter side, but as my amazing beta said, it gave me some room to play. A major complaint people have of Glee is that no one is noticing Blaine's pain. One of my twitter besties asked the question "Why must Blaine be all alone?" My answer was that he won't let anybody in. I hope this chapter captures that, even when in this world, people try.**

**I love you all. Many thanks to typegirl19, to my awesome reviewers, and to my muses. You know who you are.**

* * *

He waited. He called. He texted. He sent present after present, but still Kurt wouldn't talk to him. Blaine didn't really blame him. This was his fault. He'd closed the door as Santana had said, and he'd just have to wait until Kurt was ready to open it again.

Or learn to live with it closed forever.

He wasn't sure he knew how to do that. Kurt was his soul mate. They'd planned a life together…like When _Harry Met Sally_ and _The Notebook_. This was never the way things should have gone with them. But now here they were.

He sat on the floor of his room, flipping through the pages of the Grease score and some of his other audition music. He hadn't sung much since they'd broken up. He didn't really feel like singing at all. But one song said everything he felt.

* * *

Blaine walked through school in a daze. He heard little of what his teachers said. He never raised his hand, not even in Glee club. He was so lost in his own head, he felt the constant desire to just curl up into a ball on the floor and cry. He went to his locker to grab his history text for his next class, but instead his hand landed on Kurt's scrapbook. He tried to resist taking it out, he'd been ignoring it since they broke up, but his fingers had a mind of their own and pulled it out. He closed his locker, forgetting his history book and walked absentmindedly to the choir room, forgetting his history class.

Even the bell ringing didn't wake him from the dream he was in as he folded his legs under himself and slowly flipped page by page through the book. Memories flooded him, memories he'd been trying to escape. He flipped to his favorite page of Kurt in his tuxedo and bowtie, tears threatening to fall. He turned the page and traced his fingers down the photo. He looked at Kurt's lips on the next page. Lips he might never kiss again. He squeezed his eyes shut and closed the book.

"Santana says to man up and put the scrapbook away." Blaine's lost eyes raised to meet Brittany's as she bounced into the choir room and sat beside him.

"What?"

His phone vibrated next to him and he reached for it as quickly as a snake going in for the kill. Someday, Kurt would answer him.

But it wouldn't be today.

**Santana: Man up and put the scrapbook away!**

Brittany raised a brow at him and smirked. "See," she said and swiped the book from his hands.

"Nobody understands," Blaine whined as his head fell in his hands. "The new kids don't even know Kurt, how could they possibly understand the depth of my despair. And Sam, he's sweet, I know he tries, but he's never had a soul mate. He thinks it's as easy as getting over Quinn or Mercedes."

"I understand," Brittany said quietly. "I remember how much it hurt when Artie and I broke up and I know how much I miss Santana now. I can imagine how it would feel if either one of them weren't in my life anymore. But Kurt will come back, I promise."

"I don't think so, Britt," he cried. "I think I really screwed this up and I think it's forever."

She pried his hands from his head and took them in her own, forcing him to look at her. "He's your soul mate, Blaine. In the end, nothing can keep you apart." She smiled softly and patted him on the knee. "And lucky for you, the end of the world is almost here, so you shouldn't have to wait long."

Blaine couldn't help but chuckle. He shook his head and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks Britt," he said.

"You're welcome," she said with a smile. "Now I'm going back to class. I suggest you do too."

Blaine took a breath. "I think I'm just going to sit here for a while."

She stood up and gathered her things. "Don't you bail on me Blaine Warbler. I'm picking you up at your locker at the end of the day for your audition. Sam's orders."

"You two have been spending a lot of time together," he said in veiled question.

Brittany shrugged. "Like you said, he's sweet." She headed out the door but stopped and turned at the threshold. "No one should be alone, Blaine," she said before disappearing.

Blaine picked up the scrapbook and opened to where he left off, staring mournfully at Kurt's pictures. Brittany was right. No one should be alone. But Blaine felt in his heart that he deserved it.

* * *

"Hey, Dude," Finn called, jogging up to Blaine, moments before he was supposed to meet Brittany. He'd just pulled his sheet music out and was staring at it, second guessing his audition. He glanced up and blinked at Finn's voice. "Saw you signed up to audition." Blaine's stomach tightened. It wasn't easy having Finn around all the time. They still hadn't gotten another chance to talk since that day in the choir room and Blaine's guilt flooded him in Finn's presence. He wanted things to be okay between them, but he knew that loyalties would prevent it and he didn't blame him. Kurt was his brother and of course he should be on Kurt's side. He wondered though if Finn would even want him in his show.

"Oh," Blaine tilted his head shyly. "Well, Sam signed me up. I'm still not sure."

"We need you Blaine," Finn said, a little uncomfortable but earnest. "I hope you'll come."

"Oh he will," Brittany said, bounding up behind them as she linked her arm around Blaine's. Blaine smiled weakly at them both as she led him away.

"I don't know if I can do this, Britt," he complained. He felt sick to his stomach. There was everything wrong about him just going on as if things were normal. Sam hadn't understood him, but he didn't understand how everyone was just going on as if the world hadn't shifted on its axis.

"You can and you will. Santana will kill you if you don't go out there. Besides," she said, with an eye to his sheet music. "I think you have something you need to say. And the Blaine Warbler I know always says it better in song."

He said nothing, his heart pounding in his throat. Brittany waited with him until his name was called and she shoved him out onto the stage when he refused to move. Finally, he awoke a bit to the world around him and walked out on stage to the microphone.

"Hello. My name is Blaine Anderson . And I'll be singing _Hopelessly Devoted to You._"

The music started and from the wings, Brittany aimed her phone and pressed record.

_Guess mine is not the first heart broken,  
my eyes are not the first to cry I'm not the first to know,  
there's just no gettin' over you _

Blaine's heart settled, a bit, though he had to fight back the tears. Sam may think that everybody had been there, but no one understood what it truly meant for him. He might think that Blaine would just get over it, but he wouldn't. He couldn't. And he didn't want to.

_I know I'm just a fool who's willing to sit around  
and wait for you  
But baby can't you see, there's nothin' else  
for me to do I'm hopelessly devoted to you _

Finn watched Blaine. He understood. Blaine and Kurt hadn't ended like he and Rachel had. Besides, he knew what it was like to be cheated on and to cheat. He supposed that Blaine thought he'd be on Kurt's side, and he certainly was. But he didn't hold a grudge. He just wanted his brother to be happy. That was all that matter. And all he knew right now was that Kurt was not happy.

_But now there's nowhere to hide,  
since you pushed my love aside I'm out of my head,  
hopelessly devoted to you  
Hopelessly devoted to you,  
hopelessly devoted to you_

Brittany frowned at how pathetic Blaine was. She needed to call Santana. This needed intervention. Santana would tell her to leave it be, let them work it out, but she wasn't Santana's girlfriend anymore and she didn't answer to her. She didn't know what she intended to do yet, but one way or another, she'd figure this out. Blaine couldn't go on like this, and she was certain that Kurt couldn't either.

_My head is saying "fool, forget him",  
my heart is saying "don't let go"  
Hold on to the end, that's what I intend to do  
I'm hopelessly devoted to you _

Blaine would do whatever it took to get him back. He couldn't listen to his head if he tried. Kurt meant everything to him. Kurt had saved him, had brought him back from the brink too many times to count. Kurt had loved him and held him when no one else would. Blaine would fight for his friendship and for his love for the rest of his life.

_But now there's nowhere to hide,  
since you pushed my love aside I'm not in my head,  
hopelessly devoted to you  
Hopelessly devoted to you,  
hopelessly devoted to you_

Brittany quickly saved the video and emailed it to herself at home. There was no way she was going to lose this. She looked up to see Blaine's face screwed up in tears as he raced off the stage.

"Blaine wait," she said grabbing his hand. Tears streamed down his face, unable to control his sobs. "Come on," she sighed. "I'll take you out."

Blaine shook his head violently. "I'm sorry, Britt, I can't."

She watched as he ran off and out of the building. Yes, she'd definitely have to do something.

* * *

"His audition was amazing Kurt, but he's a mess," Finn said into the phone as he drove back to the Tire Shop.

"Finn, you promised you wouldn't…" Kurt begged. He tried to stay focused on the insane amounts of work that sat on the computer in front of him, but he knew immediately that thanks to Finn, the rest of his day would now be a wash.

"He sang _Hopeless Devoted to You_, Kurt. He sang it to you," Finn insisted.

"I can't do this with you, Finn" Kurt barked. "I'm glad you're there, but you promised you wouldn't talk to me about him. I need to focus at work, I can't have my mind on him all the time. He messed up. And I need time. It's hard enough that _he_ doesn't stop trying to contact me, but I can't take you too. How would you like it if I was giving you constant updates about Rachel?"

Finn sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry. So how's Vogue?" he asked changing the subject.

"Vogue is fine," he answered tersely. " How's Dad?"

"Your Dad's fine," Finn said. "They've been out campaigning a lot with the election so tight in Ohio, so I pretty much have the house to myself most of the time."

Kurt heard someone calling for him across the cubicles and Finn motioned that he'd be right there. "I have to go Finn. Take care of yourself," Kurt told him.

"You too, Kurt," Finn said, meaning every word. He didn't think Kurt was doing any better than Blaine.

* * *

Sebastian was futzing around on Facebook avoiding his homework when suddenly his jaw dropped. He wasn't sure why it had taken him so long to put two and two together. It wasn't like it had been the first time he'd trolled the McKinley kids pages in weeks, he monitored Blaine's goings on r. But the sudden realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He picked up his phone and spread the news like wildfire through the Dalton dormitories.

Nick was in the middle of writing a ten page paper on the role of friendship in Ralph Waldo Emerson's works when his phone beeped. He reached over, leaving it on the table, and slid the lock. Reading the text, he was glad he hadn't picked up the phone since he probably would have dropped it from shock.

**Jeff: CODE RED - Blaine and Kurt broke up.**

He heard the footsteps of young men racing down the hallway and Jeff and Trent burst into the room without knocking, slamming the door behind them.

"Nick, we have to do something," Jeff squeaked out of breath.

"It can't actually be true," Trent said, shaking his head.

But Nick was already dialing. He thought about how long it had been since he'd spoken to Blaine. A couple of weeks at least. Guilt washed over him. He knew how much Blaine missed Kurt, but he had no idea what could have possibly happened to cause them to break up. He'd been so caught up in the start of a new school year and preparing for Sectionals, that the time just slipped away from him. As the phone rang and rang, Nick nearly thought Blaine wouldn't answer, but finally he picked up.

"Hey Nick." Blaine sounded more despondent than Nick had ever heard him. It was true. He looked to his friends and frowned.

"Hey buddy, Jeff and Trent and I were thinking of heading out tonight, catching a movie or going to Karaoke. We'd love for you to join!" he said with forced enthusiasm. He bit his lip in anticipation of Blaine's response.

"Oh," Blaine said lowly, his voice a whine that was unfamiliar to the Warbler. "Thanks Nick, but I'm not really much in the mood to go out tonight. I'm afraid I would be really poor company."

Nick quickly changed his tone. "Blaine," he said seriously. "We're here for you. Always. Don't shut us out."

"I know guys, I appreciate that," Blaine answered miserably. "I'm just not up for it. Thanks though. I gotta go." He hung up before Nick could even respond.

Nick turned to Trent and Jeff, his head spinning with worry and ideas. But before he could speak, all three of their phones went off. They looked down to see a text from one of the new leaders of the Warblers.

**Hunter: Warbler Practice Room. 5 minutes. MANDATORY.**

Nick's eyes fell on his paper, left half unfinished on his computer screen. One line jumped out at him. "The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship." It was one of his favorite quotes, one of the reasons he loved Emerson so much. The value of friendship was something incredibly important to Nick. And he'd screwed up royally.

"Where did your information come from Jeff?" Nick asked quickly.

"Sebastian," Jeff whispered.

The news of Blaine's break up would only mean one thing to some of the more competitive members of the Warblers. Time to get him back. The boys looked at each other and swallowed nervously. There was no way that anything good could come of this.

* * *

Blaine unlocked the door to the house and went in with a relieved sigh, closing it behind him. It was only six o'clock, but he was ready to go upstairs to bed, curl up with Margaret Thatcher dog and drown himself underneath the warmth of his blankets, even if sleep would remain elusive. He didn't feel like forcing himself to eat another meal, he was ready to just disappear.

Instead he bumped into two full suitcases on the floor and looked up to see his father standing against the couch, his arms crossed. He stared at the luggage, unable to figure out why on earth they were there. "What's this?" Blaine asked, his eyes narrowing.

"They're your bags," the Colonel answered matter-of-factly.

"I see they are my bags," Blaine snapped crossly, "what are they doing here?"

"You need to go back home," he answered. "To your mother."

Blaine looked at him incredulous. "You're kicking me out?"

"Blaine, I love that you are trusting me enough to try to make this work, but it's not working, not for you," his father said. "You're leaving the house at five in the morning to get to school on time, you drive two hours home. You have no time for school, homework, your friends. You don't want to do the school musical. You're spending too much time alone in the car. You think I don't see how red your eyes are by the time you get back? You're not eating, you never leave your room when you're here. You can't go on like this."

"What else am I supposed to do," Blaine cried.

"Go to your classes and get your homework done, for one," the Colonel said sternly. Blaine's eyes shot up. "Skipping class is not an option. I've never been okay with you doing less than your best, Blaine."

Blaine stared for a moment, as his heart raced with fear of what was coming next, but his father made no moves. His hands never flexed or fluttered. His eyes dropped to the bags at his feet and then he understood. "So this is my punishment. Making me leave." Everyone punished him by leaving him.

The Colonel's arms dropped and he walked over to Blaine, placing his hands slowly and gently on his son's arms. Blaine tensed and looked up. "No punishment this time," the Colonel told him. "But you can't keep doing this. You can stay here on weekends, but on school nights you need to be in Lima."

The tears loosed as he thought about going back to that bed and all those memories. "I can't, Dad," Blaine begged.

"You will, Blaine," he answered without hesitation. "It's where you belong."

His father's insistence fueled his anger and he pulled away from him, storming across the room. "Don't you see? I don't belong anywhere!" he yelled through his tears. "I don't belong with you or with Mom! I don't belong at McKinley or at Dalton! I don't even belong with Kurt anymore and he's the one place I've always belonged! No matter what." Blaine collapsed on the sofa.

The Colonel sighed and walked over and kneeled down in front of his son handing him a handkerchief. "There's one place you will always belong, Blaine," the Colonel said, "and that is on a stage. It took me forever to figure that out and accept it but you have always known. And if there's one thing I know about Kurt, it's that no matter what, he would never ever want you to give that up. He would want you to take care of yourself, so you can be as amazing as you are up there."

A ghost of a smile played across Blaine's face and he wiped his eyes and blew his nose. Somehow his father had known the one right thing to say.

"And there's one other thing I know, Blaine," the Colonel shared.

"What's that?" Blaine sniffled.

"I know that Kurt would never miss a chance to see you perform."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**So there we go. I think I've set up 4.06 and 4.07. Hopefully I didn't screw myself over. And let's see if Ryan cooperates with me in any way about Brittany. He has been seriously known to give me exactly what I want :-)**

**Reviews are love and are lovely! Thank you all for reading and sharing with your friends!**


	6. Chapter 6: Glease

**Author's Note:**

**I hope you guys are all doing okay. Glease was an amazing episode, I loved it so much! But Klaine was so much heartbreak. Christmas seriously cannot come fast enough, since this year we get PUCKERMAN CHANUKAH! But I digress…**

**So this week's shout outs go to UConnHuskey90 who always leaves me fabulous reviews! And of course to my ladies, MuseInMe3, StarGleekBelle and my amazing beta typgirl19, I love you all.**

**This chapter has very little Kurt in it. I find it ironic that while us Blaine-stans are so focused on everything Kurt did wrong, this Blaine is too lost in his pain to remember those faults right now. I hope he will soon. I hope the show will address it. **

**To my Brittana fans, I'm sure you wanted more in this chapter. I'm sorry. They said so much on screen, they didn't leave too much for me to explore. But there is a little gift for you at the end .**

**I don't own Glee. If I did, that hallway scene would have been a 3 hour shouting match instead of 30 seconds of heartbreak.**

* * *

Blaine returned to his mother's house and to some new kind of normal. He moved his way through the day, much like he had during his early days at Dalton, with a small smile whenever necessary, but lost in the pain of his inner world. The emptiness he felt deep in his soul was crushing, but he had a lifetime of practice looking okay.

Of course, no one was fooled. Artie and Finn were glad they didn't cast him as Danny Zuko, and not only because Ryder was doing an amazing job. Blaine had lost the spark that made him shine on stage. There were times when they could draw it out of him, and for a moment Blaine could forget that his world had fallen down around him, but staring into the seats he'd always lose it again. His father was sure that Kurt would come and the thought both terrified and exhilarated him to the point that he tried to convince himself it wasn't true.

He wasn't sure what he would do at all if Kurt came back. He had so many things he wanted to say, things he'd typed and erased a million times, never feeling right in a text. More than anything in the world, he needed Kurt to know exactly what had happened that day with Eli. But he knew Kurt. It would take a lot for him to be willing to hear. He tried not to get his hopes up. And yet as he rehearsed in the choir room at the top of the steps, the only thing that got him through was imagining that Kurt was there.

* * *

"Sweetheart, you've barely touched your eggs," Mrs. Anderson scolded, but her face was scrunched in worry. Blaine wasn't himself. He most certainly wasn't the Blaine she knew when he was dating Kurt, but he seemed even worse than before they'd left Westerville. The last time she'd seen him anything like this was following the Sadie Hawkins dance. She hadn't done anything to help him then. She didn't want to make the same mistake twice.

"I'm not hungry Mom," he said, pushing the plate away and finishing his coffee. He got up from the table and grabbed his satchel for school. "I'll see you later," he mumbled as he turned to the door.

"You have an appointment with your therapist this afternoon," his mother told him before he opened the door.

Blaine shut his eyes in frustration. "I told you I'm not going."

"Why not?" She came up behind him and turned him around to see his face. She hated seeing him like this. She'd always wanted to stop his pain, even when she hadn't known how. Once she'd had the power and failed to use it. Now she had the will, but not the power. This was the hardest thing that any parent could go through, watching their child's heart break over lost love. She wanted to make it better, but Blaine had thrown up a wall of brick and wouldn't let her in.

"I'm not talking to anyone until I can talk to Kurt. He deserves to be the first one to know. The first to understand." Blaine fought back the tears that were constantly threatening to fall. He was learning to live with the guilt and the pain until Kurt was ready to forgive him. He deserved it.

She sighed and kissed him on the forehead. "In some ways you are just like your father," she said lovingly.

He bit his lip at the comparison, but took it the way she meant it. "I've gotta go," he said, his voice caught in his throat.

"Have a good day at school Blaine," she wished him.

He choked back a sarcastic laugh as he reached for the door. He didn't remember what a good day felt like. "Yeah, thanks."

* * *

"Come on, Tina, is this really necessary?" Blaine whined. Shouts and claps and bellows from the Cheerios and Coach Sylvester in the auditorium nearly drowned him out as they stood backstage, but Tina heard him.

"Yes Blaine, it is," she barked resolutely, slapping a bag into his hands. He instinctively caught it and hugged to himself. "I bought these for you and I need to make sure they fit right, now put them on."

Blaine rolled his eyes and slunk into a corner of the costume closet to pull off his jeans and slide on the snow white slacks. He tucked in his white button down and pulled on the sweater from the bag over it. He avoided himself in the mirror, not wanting to see the lines developing on his face, the dark circles forming under his eyes from lack of sleep. He didn't want to see himself in his costume and have his heart beat quicker at the thought of the Kurt who loved him seeing him in it.

He stepped out to Tina standing guard by the door, and her stern face softened at the sight of him. "Breathtaking Blaine," she smiled as she quickly checked each measurement to make sure it didn't need any adjustments. "You're going to break every heart in the house," she mused.

Blaine swallowed against the lump in his throat. There was only one heart that mattered, and he'd already broken that one.

"Hey Tina," Finn called as he walked over. "I know you're hoping to do the fitting for some of the other guys today, but I'm holding rehearsal this afternoon at Hummel Tire and Lube, so if you could be quick with them, it would be great."

Tina scowled so only Blaine could see, but then turned to Finn with a phony smile. "Of course, Finn. Wouldn't want to interfere with the really important things. Who needs costumes anyway?"

Finn looked at her funny, not recognizing the dripping sarcasm in Tina's words. "Thanks, Tina, you're the best," he smiled and turned to Blaine. "Looks great, Teen Angel," he beamed.

"Thanks Finn," Blaine answered contritely.

It troubled Finn how sad Blaine seemed all the time, and he honestly didn't want his brother's ex to feel uncomfortable around him all the time, especially now that he was taking over Glee club. "Hey dude, I know you're not in Greased Lightning, but you're welcome to join us down at the shop if you want," he offered, then added reassuringly, "Burt's in DC, he's not going to be there."

Blaine's chest tightened and his eyes shifted with emotion. He hadn't even allowed himself to feel the pain of losing Burt yet. He was sure though that the man wouldn't want him even stepping foot in his place of business after what he'd done to Kurt. "Thanks for the invite, Finn, but…I think I'll pass this time."

Finn nodded in understanding. "Alright, well, I'll see you guys later."

Finn waved as he took off and Tina sighed, her mind already overwhelmed with having to fit four guys in thirty minutes. At least her Teen Angel was perfect. "Alright Blaine, you're all set. Hang the clothes up on the hangers with your name on them in the closet and I guess you're done for the day. At least _you_ get to go home," she grumbled.

Blaine returned to the closet to change and do as he was told. Home. He didn't even know what the word meant anymore.

* * *

Santana finished up with Finn and Artie, running through the blocking and choreography as quickly as possible. Sam had told her that he and Blaine had a student council meeting and she didn't want to miss him after he got it. Thankfully, she found him at his locker as she passed by on the way to her car.

"Hey doll face," Santana called from down the hall.

Blaine turned from his locker and raised an eyebrow. "Doll face, Santana? Really?"

"Well you won't let me call you Boyfriend anymore, so…" she smiled, sidling up beside him. She took in the pictures of him and Kurt that still hung in his locker, but decided to stay silent. She hadn't taken down the photos of Brittany in her dorm room either, no matter how much it hurt, so who was she to say anything.

He noticed her gaze, and turned sulkily back to his books. "I'm not even close to a doll, Santana," Blaine said flatly.

"I don't know. You bear a striking resemblance to a Ken Doll, only shorter and with dark hair. Though right now you look more like a broken, beaten puppy but…" Blaine winced and Santana stopped and cringed. "Sorry, poor choice of words."

"Actually that's pretty much exactly how I feel," he confessed.

Santana frowned sympathetically and reached out for his hand, pulling him into an embrace. He fell lifelessly into her arms, soaking up the warmth like the sun on a summer day. It was just nice to be close to someone again. "He still won't talk to you?" she asked delicately.

"No," Blaine admitted. "It's been weeks Santana." Actually he knew exactly how many days it had been since he'd heard Kurt's voice on anything but a voicemail, but he kept it to himself. "Everyone keeps trying to tell me it will start to hurt less, but if anything it just hurts more."

She rubbed his shoulders soothingly. "Look at me, Blaine. When he first fell in love with you, he was a scared boy just needing someone to love him. Now he's a strong, confident man."

"And I'm the scared boy," Blaine muttered.

"No, Blaine, you're a strong, confident man too, you've just forgotten," she told him. Her frustration with him was growing. She knew it hurt, but he was better than this depression he was plunging into and someone needed to snap him out of it. "Since Kurt went to New York, he wouldn't really talk to you before you did what you did and he won't talk to you after. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he just needs some time alone. To figure out who he is and what he wants, and he's just been too afraid or too selfish to ask."

"Of course," he snapped, pulling away with a mix of anger and sadness. He sighed, rubbing his face in his hands. He knew his fuse was short these days and he didn't want to take it out on the one true friend he had. "I tried to tell him last year this would happen. Not the cheating, of course," he said ashamed, "but pulling away. A new life, new friends. But he refused to believe me."

"Of course he did, Blaine. Kurt Hummel can be the most annoyingly stubborn person when he doesn't want to believe something is true," Santana said. "If he can't literally stick his fingers in his ears and ignore whatever it is, he'll do it figuratively."

Blaine let out a choked laugh, but his face quickly fell again. Santana closed his locker for him and took his hand, leading him out to the parking lot. "My dad thinks he'll come to see the show," Blaine said softly. He looked up at her with hope and apprehension in his eyes. "Do you think he will?"

She smiled softly at him. She didn't want to get his hopes up. She'd heard nothing from anyone about him coming. But she knew Kurt too. "I don't think he'd miss it for anything."

* * *

He wouldn't let himself believe it was true. He convinced himself it was false hope. So when he nearly bumped into Kurt backstage, he almost thought it was a dream.

What had he been going over to do? He couldn't remember. Seeing Kurt again had robbed him of all sense, not to mention the bones in his body that kept him upright. He could barely even remember his first name, much less what song he was supposed to sing tonight or why the hell he'd been walking across the stage.

As if hit by a truck, he staggered in a daze back to Santana's dressing table and dropped into the seat next to her. "He's here," Blaine whispered.

Santana's face lit up at first and then fell as she took in Blaine's broken expression. "Didn't go so well I take it," she frowned.

"I think I'm going to be sick," he moaned. Blaine dropped his head in his arms. She rubbed his back, keeping him focused on sensations that would help the panic pass. "It was like staring at a ghost, San. A shadow. I know every inch of him. Every freckle, every scar. I know every look in his eye, but the one that glanced back at me today, I didn't recognize it." He looked up to her, eyes pleading. "What am I going to do?

"I'll tell you what you're going to do, Gorgeous" she said strongly as she raised his chin. "You are going to go out on that stage and make him fall in love with you all over again. You're going to stand tall and proud and sing your heart out and remind him of every sexy thing he is missing."

"I don't want him to think I'm okay, that I've moved on." Worry shook his voice. "I need him to know he still means everything to me. That no one else matters and no one else ever did."

She placed her hand on Blaine's. "There's time for that after, Blaine. Now you need to take a deep breath and get ready to perform."

"I can't even remember the words," he said pitifully.

She took his face in his hands and reminded him.

_Your story's sad to tell,  
A teenage ne'er do well,  
Most mixed up non-delinquent on the block!_

She smiled, her eyes loving and a little mischievous, as she sang the words to him. His soul was and always would be the most beautiful mix of perfection and brokenness, and now, with no one he'd let in but her, she worried he might not come out of this stronger.

_Your future's so unclear now,  
What's left of your career now?  
Can't even get a trade in on your smile!_

She traced his lips and forced them up into a smile until his utter sadness broke and his lips turned up on their own, with a slight laugh. She smiled wide and kissed him quickly on the cheek. "You can do this Blaine. Go out there and break every heart in the house. And send all your energy to the one you are meant to heal."

* * *

Blaine tried to catch his eye during curtain call, but Kurt avoided him completely. He impatiently endured Artie's after show congratulations and notes, wanting nothing more than to race out so he didn't miss him. Tina would kill him, but he didn't even change from his costume. As soon as he was free he ran out to search the hallways. He finally heard Rachel and Finn's voices and followed them, catching Kurt just as he turned to leave.

"Kurt, I need to talk to you," Blaine called.

Kurt turned reluctantly and forced himself to meet Blaine's eyes. "I'm not interested," he said before walking away. He thought he could do this, he thought he needed this. But it was just too damn hard. He wasn't ready.

Blaine wouldn't let him go that easily. It had been weeks and there was no way he was giving up what could be his only chance to say everything he'd been thinking for weeks. "I never told you about what happened. The guy that I hooked up with. I need you to know every…"

But if he wanted to hear anything from Blaine, those details were the absolute last thing in the world he would have chosen. "What are you going to tell me?" he asked exasperated. "That it wasn't serious? That you only made out? That you didn't care about him?"

"I didn't care…" Blaine said in disbelief, not knowing what else to say. This wasn't at all how he'd imagined the conversation going.

"Do you really think any of that matters to me?" Kurt asked him. "Relationships are about trust. And I don't trust you anymore."

The words hit Blaine like a slap across the face. He didn't understand. He was expected to forgive over and over and over again. But for him? One mistake and it was all over? One strike and Kurt had counted him out. Just like he'd done his father and Sebastian. But others…how many others had Kurt given second chances? Finn, Rachel, even David Karofsky. What the hell made him so different?

"I was stupid to come back," Kurt continued. "Rachel was right. This isn't home anymore."

Blaine watched him go. He wanted to run after him, to make him listen, to make him hear. Make him yell and scream and cry and _face this _and tell him what on earth he had to do to _fix this_. But he knew right now it would do no good. This time, Blaine wasn't the one running away.

He really had nowhere to run from.

Kurt was right.

This wasn't home anymore.

No place was.

* * *

Blaine checked his watch as they all gathered up their belongings in the choir room after the show. 11pm. He had to be back here in fourteen hours for tomorrow's matinee and part of him felt he'd rather just sleep here. He didn't want to go back to the apartment. He didn't want to go to Westerville. Everything felt wrong and there was no place he belonged.

Until Santana grabbed his hand and pulled him out the door, nearly making him trip down the stairs. "Come on, Boyfriend, and don't tell me not to call you that because no matter what, you will always be _my_ boyfriend, so you can just deal with it."

It made him smile, despite himself, and his eyes actually brightened when he saw that Santana's other hand was clasped with Brittany's. "Where are we going?" he asked.

"Where you need to go," Santana answered cryptically.

They piled into Santana's car, leaving the other two vehicles behind, and talked about the show as they drove out of town. It didn't take long before he realized that Santana was taking them to the jazz club, and though it held memories of Kurt, it was first and foremost his and Santana's place.

"Text your Mom that you're staying over my place tonight," Santana told him and he did as she ordered. He received a quick reply from his mom giving her approval with a happy face attached.

They pulled up and were escorted to their regular seats in front of the stage. They bantered with the wait staff, who had missed the teenage singers, and asked if any of them wanted a turn at the mic so they could inform the stage manager. Santana turned with an expectant glance to Blaine.

"Yeah," he said softly. "Yeah I do."

They ordered their drinks and some dessert to share and waited for the stage manager to beckon Blaine up to the stage. Blaine felt some of his tension melt as he soaked in the familiar environment, the perfect mix of darkness and soothing lighting, the dull roar of happy chatter and clinking glasses and silverware. The warm flow of music from the piano and saxophone washed over him, bringing him to the exact place he needed to be to perform. The hole in his heart remained, burned brighter by Kurt's exiting words, and though singing about it wouldn't heal him, it would at least slow the burn.

Before he knew it, the audience was clapping and he heard himself being announced by the pianist. He walked on stage and whispered to her. She welcomed the break and they traded places. Blaine pulled the microphone close.

"Hi everyone," he said. "My name is Blaine Anderson. Some of you know me and you know that the love of my life has recently moved to New York." He looked over at Santana and Brittany, where they sat smiling at him encouragingly, near to one another, but not touching. "Things haven't been easy for us. For a lot of us," he said looking to his friends. Santana and Brittany looked guardedly at one another. They were doing well considering. They would always love each other and support each other. But it was different and it was awkward. They were still finding their place in all this. "It hurts a lot when love is lost. Nothing feels like home anymore." And he feared that nothing ever would.

Blaine closed his eyes as his fingers glided along the piano keys and all he could see was Kurt walking away. He took a deep breath and sang.

_Is this home?  
Is this what I must learn to believe in?  
Try to find something good in this tragic place,  
Just in case I should stay here forever  
Held in this empty place._

_Oh, but that won't be easy_  
_I know the reason why_  
_My heart's far, far away_  
_  
Home's a lie_

Lima, Westerville, McKinley or Dalton. It didn't matter where he went or who tried to make him see that life could still go on without Kurt. None of those places were home, they were places he'd been. Places he'd lived full of people who had abused him, neglected him, hurt and ignored his pain. He hadn't even known what home truly was until Kurt found him on the staircase at Dalton and saved him on the staircase of his father's house. Now the only home he knew was wherever Kurt was. His heart was shattered in two and Kurt still held a piece. He hadn't given it back. He hadn't said goodbye. He hadn't even breathed his name. He knew that Kurt still loved him, he could see it in eyes that shone with tears and betrayal. It killed him that Kurt couldn't trust him when he knew he would never ever hurt Kurt like that again. But he'd just have to work harder and do whatever it took to get him back.

_What I'd give to return  
To the life that I knew lately  
But I know that I can't  
Solve my problems going back_

Santana bit back tears as Blaine sang, the lyrics hitting her as she remembered Brittany's words to her earlier. The only time in her life that things had been simple was when she was out and open with Brittany on her arm. Them against the world. She missed it. She missed her. Even though they still talked and texted, and she could sit here right next to her and smile, she still missed everything about the two of them being together. She glanced over to Brittany who was recording Blaine on her phone. "What are you doing?" she mouthed suspiciously, but Britt just pressed a finger to her lips and ordered silence. Blaine saw the phone recording, and stared right at it.

_Is this home?  
Am I here for a day or forever?  
Shut away  
From the world until who knows when_

_Oh, but then, as my life has been altered once  
It can change again  
Build higher walls around me  
Change every lock and key  
Nothing lasts, nothing holds all of me  
My heart's far, far away  
Home and free!_

He would come out of this. No matter how long it took, he had faith that he and Kurt would rebuild their trust, their love, and their life together. Kurt could do whatever he had to. Blaine would suffer in silence if it was what Kurt needed to believe in him again. He would let his guilt teach him the lessons Kurt thought he needed to learn and he would change and do better next time. He would give Kurt his freedom to let him fly and learn to forgive, and he'd pray that someday Kurt would realize that there was no other home than with each other.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Kurt's words, "This isn't home anymore" hit me like a knife through the heart on behalf of this Blaine. "Home" from Beauty and the Beast is the first thing that popped into my head. He had to sing it for you. If you don't know the song, google it and imagine Darren singing it.**

**Reviews are love! I cannot express how excited I am for Warbles and Sebastian and Nick and the Blazer and Dark Side this week! I seriously better get the hell out of Thanksgiving and to television at 9pm or I could explode.**


	7. Chapter 7: Dynamic Duets

**Author's Note:**

**Hello beautiful readers! **

**So this has been, I think, the hardest chapter for me to write because everything in the episode WAS Ready to Fly. There were so many amazing on-screen moments that were perfectly written for RTF Blaine and I didn't want to bore you by rewriting them. I have had to reorder some of them toward the end so I apologize for that. Glee and I always have issues with timing. Please know that the scene with Finn was absolute perfection, the line about Pyro was my favorite, and every single Blaine moment in Dynamic Duo was an RTF moment too. Including this perfect quote.**

"_**Putting on a mask is like getting up on stage, it gives you the freedom to be the person you secretly aspire to be." ~ Coach Beiste**_

**That is how it was and probably always will be for Blaine. One does not shed 17 years of putting on a mask in one year, especially when your anchor is gone and you are floating rather than flying. **

* * *

He woke in Santana's bed as the sun came up. She was already dressed and in the midst of packing. "I wish you didn't have to go back to Louisville," Blaine frowned, rolling over to watch her. "I wish you could stay here with me. Or in NY watching out for Kurt."

"You mean spying on Kurt," she smirked as she glanced over to him. His hair was a disheveled mess, his eyes were red from crying again last night in her arms. She wished she could stay too. Not just for him. "Morning sleepyhead," she teased.

His sat up, his hands immediately reaching for his hair and tried to flatten it down. Knowing he would fail he swung out of bed and gathered his things for a shower. He wanted to take her out to breakfast before she left. "Sounds like Tina and Mike may be getting back together," he mused casually, a bit of jealousy hidden in his voice.

"Yeah," Santana answered, throwing some winter clothing in her bag. "Good for them, I think."

"Did you and Britt talk anymore?" he asked carefully. "Do you think you guys will…"

"We did the right thing Blaine," she said, cutting him off. Just looking at Blaine she knew that. For all her talk, if she'd cheated on Brittany she would have felt exactly the same as Blaine, and she knew she didn't have the best history of faithfulness. It was something she never wanted to risk and college just held too many temptations. Besides, it was better for them both to see what else was out there before they made a mess of things. Now they were still best friends. Santana had heard whispers backstage of romance budding between Brittany and Sam, and though it hurt her heart, she was also glad Brittany wasn't alone.

"Yeah. Sometimes I wish Kurt and I had just…" He couldn't say the words. He'd been thinking it for a while though. If he and Kurt had made the break before Kurt left, they could have done this right. It would have hurt, but he wouldn't have destroyed everything.

The look of devastation that washed over his face in a matter of seconds broke her heart but also infuriated her. It had been weeks and he was slowly killing himself. Enough was enough. "You can't keep doing this to yourself Blaine, you have to move on. It's not forgetting. It doesn't even have to be forgiving. It's just living," she chastised. "You figured out how to do it before, when things were horrible with your parents, Do it again now. Here."

He knew how he did it before. The Dalton mask. He hid behind it, within it. He pushed away everything dark in his life and he showed the world only his good side. It hurt when he took it off, but when the mask was on he could almost pretend that he was happy, that things were okay. He almost forgot in those moments that he was broken and alone.

Santana took his face in her hands though his eyes remained cast down. "Use it, until you don't need it anymore." Santana tried to pour her strength into him. "What do they say, fake it 'til you make it? I promise, once you let yourself let go, it will be easier to let yourself forgive."

"And then what?" Blaine asked sadly, looking up at her.

"Then we will all finally see your beautiful smile again." Santana wrapped him safely in her arms, just hoping it was true.

* * *

She heard the banging of the gavel from inside the room. "The Secret Society of Superheroes Club is now in session…" Her phone in her hand, Brittany rolled her eyes and sighed as Artie, Becky and she waited for their entrance outside the classroom doors.

**Brittany: Please talk to Blaine, he is making us dress up like superheroes.**

**Kurt: I'm not his keeper, Britt.**

**Brittany: Don't make me take out the big guns.**

**Kurt: I don't even want to know what the big guns are.**

"Candidates come forth!" Blaine yelled and Brittany quickly tucked her phone between Artie's thigh and his chair. Artie quirked an eyebrow at her and she shrugged as they made their way into the room.

"Glad to be here Blaine," Artie announced.

Blaine's face immediately dropped. "First of all, there are no civilian identities in here, k? I'm Nightbird," he said, slapping on the character he'd created. "The Nocturnal Avenger."

Brittany tuned him out, catching Tina's eye with a quick wink. Tina whipped her phone out and typed.

"Next!"

"I'm Queen Bee and I can sting like a bitch," Becky buzzed.

"Welcome, Queen Bee. Next!"

"I'm the Human Brain," Brittany said mysteriously.

"Welcome Human Brain," Blaine hesitantly answered. His phone rang and he picked it up importantly. "What's this? A text just came through on my night phone."

**Asian Persuasion: Have you talked to Kurt?**

He closed his eyes. Why didn't anyone understand? This was the one place that he could forget. In costume, in a club that Kurt was never a part of, this is where he could literally put the mask on and feel like the old Blaine again. "I've already told you, Asian Persuasion, this account is only supposed to be for emergencies. And you cannot use your powers of manipulation to coax me into getting back with my ex, so stop trying" he said angrily, slamming down the phone.

Tina frowned in apology to Britt who just shrugged back. This was going to be a gradual process. It wouldn't happen overnight, it might even take until the end of the world itself. But she knew that Kurt and Blaine were soul mates and would be together in the end.

"Emergency in the choir room!"

They all raced down the hallway, Blaine's cape flowing brilliantly in the breeze, to the trophy case inside the choir room.

"Someone took your Nationals trophy and left that laptop in its place," Dottie explained.

"Who leaves a laptop?" Artie asked.

Blaine knew who it was immediately. "Someone rich. Someone who wants to send us a message." Sebastian Smythe. He had no doubt. "I got this," he said pressing play.

They all watched the Warbler on the screen, Blaine's eyes narrowing all the time. He thought his friends had learned their lesson last year. Hell, he thought that even Sebastian had learned his lesson, but here they were again, doing nothing but making trouble for his show choir.

When the video ended, every face in the room turned to Blaine. "I'm going to kill him," Blaine growled.

"Not so fast, Blaine," Artie said, trying to be a voice of reason. "We need to talk to Finn first. We don't want things getting out of hand like last year."

"Last year?" Marley asked.

Artie and Sugar told the newbies all about the slushie incidents and Blaine's history with the Warblers, while Sam and Blaine searched the laptop for more clues. Brittany was whispering with Tina when her phone buzzed with an incoming text.

**Kurt: What's his costume?**

Brittany smiled and showed Tina the text. The girls quietly high-fived. Tina sent Brittany the picture she'd taken of Blaine earlier then Britt sent it to Kurt. They giggled with one another on their way out to the parking lot, stopping at Tina's car when Brittany's phone buzzed again. They looked at it together and broke out laughing.

**Kurt: Damn.**

* * *

Nick and Jeff raced to Trent's room and banged on the door. "Come on Dude, hurry up, we're going to be late!" Jeff yelled.

The door opened, but no one came out. Nick pushed the door open to see Trent just sitting back down on his bed. "Come on Trent, Hunter expects the four of us to be down there in a few minutes to confront Blaine. Beatz has already gone. " he insisted.

"I'm not coming," Trent told them.

Nick stopped. "What do you mean you're not coming?" Nick asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Come on Trent," Jeff coaxed him. "We know you had issues with the whole slushie thing, but this isn't the same thing at all. Blaine needs us."

"I talked to Kurt last night," Trent announced. Nick and Jeff froze, exchanging looks of surprise. "I'm sorry, but I can't be a part of this."

"Did you tell him the plan?" Jeff asked nervously. If Kurt knew then that would mean New Directions knew and Hunter would kill them.

"No, I wouldn't do that," Trent assured them. "But Blaine doesn't belong here anymore. He belongs at McKinley."

"Trent, if you don't come, Hunter will never let you perform at Sectionals," Nick pleaded.

"Well, maybe there are things that are more important than being a Warbler," Trent said firmly, but one look at his best friends' faces made him concede just a little. "Fine, I'll be there for Blaine with the rest of the guys. But I'm not giving him the blazer."

The boys sighed, but they had to respect Trent's position. "It's okay man," Jeff told him and Nick nodded in agreement.

"We'll see you in a few," Nick said.

"Good luck," Trent called as they left, then collapsed on his bed. He hoped he was making the right decision.

* * *

Hunter pet his cat calmly, knowing full well his plan would go perfectly. After all, this wasn't his first mission. He was military trained and had led his last show choir to victory, not with his voice, but with his shrewdness. He'd studied New Directions top to bottom. He took in every word that the other boys had ever said about the rivals they sometimes also called friends. He knew that Trent had crushed on Blaine when they were younger, but could just as easily have pursued Kurt once he'd arrived if things had been different. He knew that Nick and Jeff both harbored feelings for Quinn, who had gone to Yale. He also knew that Sebastian was and remained madly in love with Blaine. Hunter knew they lost their lead vocalists when they'd graduated and that Blaine was primed to take over that top spot for Sectionals. And he definitely knew that while he and Sebastian would be formidable foes to the Nationals Champions, with Blaine Anderson on their side they'd be unstoppable and his scholarship would be secure.

And now thanks to the boy pacing in front of him, he knew that Blaine was lost and alone after breaking up with Kurt, and that was exactly where Hunter wanted the vocalist to be. Vulnerability. Hunter knew exactly how to prey on that.

"Relax Smythe, you're making me dizzy," Hunter ordered. "He'll be here, and you can jump his bones as soon as his transfer papers are signed."

"How do you know he's going to transfer? After everything that happened last year, his loyalty is with his friends. With Kurt's team. I know him Hunter. In Blaine's eyes that will be Kurt's trophy you've stolen. Everything he's ever done has always been for Hummel," Sebastian said.

Hunter didn't miss the pain in Sebastian's face as he said that, but he could and would use that too. "Well that's about to change," Hunter smirked devilishly. "Come on Smythe, that's what you want, isn't it? For Blaine to forget Kurt? To walk down the spiral staircase and have his face light up when he sees you at the bottom?"

"How do you…" Sebastian started, but Hunter just laughed.

"I know everything there is to know about Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel. I know how they met and I know how they broke up. And I know that if you and the boys do what you're supposed to do, you'll deliver him to me hook, line and sinker." Hunter leaned back in his chair and looked at his pocket watch. He clicked it shut with a snap that seemed to reverberate through the room. "It's time Smythe."

Sebastian steeled himself and straightened his blazer. He gave one last brush through his hair and walked out. His heart raced, as he stared up the stairs waiting for Blaine to arrive. But then again, it always did when he was going to see the boy he loved.

* * *

_Will you love me?  
Even with my Dark Side  
Don't run away, don't run away_

"What did I tell you?" Sebastian gloated to Hunter, his eyes raking over Blaine. "Flawless."

Blaine ripped off the blazer and Nick saw it in his eyes. Blaine felt anything but flawless. He felt like he was running away again. Nick knew that despite finding exactly what he needed at Dalton, he had always regretted running away from the pain instead of facing it head on. He also knew that it was who Blaine was, it protected him, as sure as armor. Dalton had helped Blaine escape yes, but it had also given him the power to face his demons when the time was right. Watching Blaine walk out the door, Nick was torn.

"Go after him," Hunter ordered Nick. "Don't let him leave without the blazer."

"Maybe we should just let him go," Nick's brow furrowed in uncertainty. He wanted Blaine back just as much as Hunter and Sebastian, but after seeing Blaine's face, Trent's words played over in his head.

"We're not letting him go," Hunter asserted. "Word is you were his best friend when he was here. Go after him and finish the deal."

Nick glanced at Jeff, who looked at him with encouragement. He met Trent's disapproving eye for only a second before taking off onto the Dalton campus.

Nick _was_ Blaine's best friend and he knew exactly where to find him. When he was nowhere to be seen in the gardens, Nick entered the school chapel, closing the large wooden door quietly behind him. Inside, the chapel was both warm and imposing, made of dark woods and stain glass with a cathedral ceiling. Blaine sat alone, about halfway down in the pews, blazer on. He sat with his hands clasped, his head resting on them. Nick walked softly up the aisle and sat a few rows behind Blaine so as not to interrupt him. Silence filled the hall.

Finally, Nick heard Blaine's voice, soft and sad. If he hadn't been listening for it, he would have missed it, but the words were clearly meant for him. "You know, Kurt and I talked about get married in this chapel? Well, really I talked about it. Kurt didn't want to."

"You are and always will be a Dalton boy," Nick affirmed.

"He never belonged here," Blaine said despondently.

"You always did," Nick said.

Blaine turned and looked at Nick, the boy he used to call his best friend but had hurt him and abandoned him just like the rest. The boy who had thrown slushies at his best friend and his boyfriend. The boy who had helped steal the New Direction's trophy. But he'd sought forgiveness. He was here now when no one else was. Nothing was Black and White anymore. "What does Hunter want from me," Blaine asked.

"It doesn't matter," Nick said dismissively. "It shouldn't be about winning Sectionals or even the Warblers. Trent was right, there's more to life than that."

"Then what's it about," Blaine challenged.

"It's about coming home," Nick said softly.

Blaine scoffed. "Home. Everyone keeps saying that word, but it doesn't mean a place. Home is where the heart is, and my heart is in New York. Finding another guy that he can trust."

"Home is the place where no matter what you do and where you go, they'll always accept you back. We want you here, Blaine," Nick said. "But even moreso, you belong here. You come back and we'll love you no matter what. Can you say the same for the kids at McKinley?"

* * *

"Dynamic duets."

The moment Blaine heard the words, the hole in the pit of his stomach ached anew. Duets. He dreaded it. Sure he had sung with Artie earlier in the year but that was before. Since he had broken up with Kurt he hadn't sung with anyone and he didn't want to. He and Kurt were _the_ dynamic duo and he didn't want anyone else to take that place. If he had to sing, he'd do it alone.

Though with the Warblers, he'd never be alone again. He'd share the stage with brothers who would back him up, would support him and understand him. They had their own demons. They'd accept him with all his faults. And he deserved to be with them, not in Kurt's school with Kurt's friends. They deserved better.

"Look at the Avengers," Finn was saying. "Individually they all have amazing powers, but as a team they cannot be stopped. Right now we're a bunch of individuals with great powers and talents, but, we're not a team."

Blaine closed his eyes, wanting to huddle so far inside of his cape that he'd just disappear for good.

"Some of you even have mortal enemies in this very room, allowing the dark side to turn us against each other when we should be focused on the Warblers," Finn said.

"Nightbird is handling the missing trophy," Blaine announced. He knew what he had to do. He'd make the deal. New Directions would get the trophy back and all he had to do was go back where he belonged. It would be his parting gift to them, his thank you for all they had given him.

* * *

Blaine walked out of the choir room, glancing back at the New Directions still trying to figure out what had just happened between the new guys. He wasn't running away, he tried to convince himself. He was merely going back to where he belonged. Where he'd always belonged. Of course, he wasn't the only one he had to convince of that.

He pulled into the parking lot in Westerville and walked across the street to the Recruiting Center, taking a deep breath. His superhero costume and his Dalton blazer lay in the back seat of his car, but it didn't change who he was. He was Nightbird. He was Blaine Warbler. He could do this.

The bell rang on the door and his father looked up from the counter where he was filling out reports from the Base. "Blaine," he said, pleasantly surprised at the visit. "You come here for work? I have a ton of filing I could give you."

Blaine smiled slightly but shook his head. "No, I um…I need to talk to you about something."

The Colonel raised a disconcerted eyebrow. "You still cutting classes Blaine? Your free pass for that is over, young man."

"No," Blaine quickly responded. "No sir, I've been doing what I need to. But…" his pulse jumped as his nerves hit him. "It is about school." He looked at his father expectantly, but the Colonel waited for Blaine to continue. "Would you…would you let me go back to Dalton? If I wanted to?"

The Colonel put his pen down and sat back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest. He'd taken Blaine out of Dalton unfairly, he knew that now. But even so, he thought it had been the right decision for all of them at the time. Had Blaine remained at Dalton after everything, they all would have continued to run from their problems. None of them would have been forced to change anything, and they were so much better off for it no matter how hard the journey had been and continued to be. But the journey did continue and maybe it was time to reevaluate. Was living in Lima and going to McKinley better than having Blaine return to Westerville and go back to Dalton?

"Dad?" Blaine said anxiously and the Colonel realized he'd been quiet for a while.

"If you were going back for the right reasons, Blaine, then yes. I'd let you go back," he replied.

"What are the right reasons?" Blaine asked, and he looked so small in that moment to the Colonel.

"You tell me son," he answered.

But Blaine didn't know. He didn't know if he was running from or running to. He didn't know if he was crawling back or flying on his own. He knew that the Warblers accepted him, for who he was and despite everything he'd done, dark side and all. They'd embraced Sebastian despite his faults. The new leader wanted him back, not for his body like Sebastian, but for his talent. He wouldn't have to keep hiding what he'd done there, they wouldn't care. And though there were memories of Kurt at Dalton, they weren't _all_ of Kurt. Not like at McKinley, where his ex's ghost haunted him on a daily basis. Where his friends loved Kurt more than they loved him and would probably hate him if they ever learned the truth. He could breathe at Dalton. He could _sing_ at Dalton. McKinley was suffocating.

And he didn't think that any of those reasons were the ones his father wanted to hear. The only thing he could say though was the truth. "I think it's where I belong," he shrugged.

The Colonel got up and walked over to Blaine, placing his hands on his son's shoulders. Blaine looked up at him with that ever present mix of fear and love that the Colonel thought for years was perfect but now broke his heart. He'd unfairly ripped Blaine away from the only place that ever kept him safe. How could he possibly keep him from it now. "Ok. I'll talk to the headmaster in the morning."

Blaine sighed, his head falling in relief. So why did his heart hurt even more now?

* * *

"_Blaine's decided to finish the rest of his senior year at Dalton Academy."_

Dazed by Finn's announcement, Sam and Brittany sat frozen to their seats while the rest of their friends buzzed with the gossip as they gathered their belongings and went home. Soon they were left alone, too shocked to follow.

"I had no idea he was thinking of leaving," Sam muttered to himself. He knew Blaine had been hurting, but he thought it would pass with time.

"I thought he loved us," Brittany said innocently. "How could he leave us?"

"He does love us, Britt," Sam said sadly. "I think he just doesn't believe we love him."

"There's something you need to see," Brittany said and she pulled her phone out of her bag. Scrolling through her photos until she found the video of Blaine singing the other night at the jazz club, she settled down next to Sam. She played it for him and watched his face fall.

"Santana says he's felt like he doesn't belong here anymore since Kurt broke up with him," Brittany told him.

Sam thought about it. Between being Senior Class President, teen angel, head of the superhero club and leader of New Directions, Blaine always seemed to Sam like he'd made McKinley a part of him. He couldn't fathom why Blaine would want to return to a school whose façade of grace and decorum hid a truth of liars, thieves and cheaters.

And then suddenly, he understood. That was exactly how Blaine saw himself. It's where he felt he deserved to be. "This isn't about Kurt," Sam said with certainty. "We need to show him what the rest of us already know. He's a superhero on his own," Sam said. "No mask. No costume. No blazer."

"No Kurt," Brittany added.

Sam nodded. "Just Blaine."

* * *

Blaine stood in Principal Figgins office as the man held out the manila envelope. "You are certain about this Mr. Anderson?"

"Yes sir," Blaine said with a heavy heart. He took his transcripts from the principal and placed them at the bottom of his empty box. "Thanks for everything."

"Be well, Mr. Anderson," he said, then held up a finger. "But not too well. I'm still rooting for the New Directions to win Sectionals."

Blaine smiled softly. "I know you are, sir."

He left the office and walked down the busy hallways, for the last time, to his locker. He opened it and came face to face with the pictures of him and Kurt. He wouldn't put them up at Dalton. Kurt didn't belong there, and it would just be too difficult a reminder of all he had lost. Dalton would be a fresh start, where the real Blaine belonged. He sighed and carefully took them down. He began emptying his locker, each book feeling heavier and heavier, weighed down with the guilt of leaving and the pain of staying. He couldn't win. But he knew he didn't deserve to. He'd earned this. His father had taught him to accept it well.

A voice, sounding shallow in the echo of his metal locker, tore at his heart. He should have told Sam. After all he was his vice president and he would become president now. But Blaine was better at running away than facing people. The only time he hadn't run was with Kurt.

"Dude, this is part of some master plan, right? You're going back to the Warblers to gather intel for us so we can kick their ass at Sectionals?"

Blaine rolled his eyes and kept on with the task at hand. "Sam, don't," he begged, a desperate bite to his words. "I feel awful just as it is."

"Stop," Sam said with a hand on Blaine's back. Blaine took a breath and turned at the gentle touch. "You've been beating yourself up for like, weeks, since you and Kurt broke up." Blaine leaned with his back against the locker, trying to contain his anger, at himself, at Sam. He didn't want anyone trying to talk him out of this, if he had he would have told Santana. But he didn't want to be talked out of this, the Warblers were what he deserved, pure and simple. Just like Magneto's Brotherhood, just like he'd told Finn. But Sam had his number. "You told Finn it's because you feel more at home there, but if you ask me it's just another way to punish yourself. And for what, what did you do exactly?"

Blaine closed his eyes, the smell of that room overwhelming his senses more than anything else. Blaine had tried to forget what he'd looked like, what his lips had tasted like, what he'd felt like. But the smell of the room he couldn't forget. He'd tried to keep it all inside, a secret for him and Kurt along, but he couldn't do it anymore and before he could stop himself, the words just came pouring out. "It was a guy that friended me on Facebook," Blaine confessed. Blaine knew he wasn't worth forgiving. He was never worth forgiving. So he'd tell and then Sam and the others would understand the kind of person he was and they'd let him go. Just like Kurt. "I went over to his place, because it felt like Kurt was moving on with his life and I wasn't a part of it. And I got to thinking that maybe Kurt and I weren't meant for each other, that we weren't supposed to spend the rest of our lives together. But the horrible thing is right after I did it…" His stomach turned as it always did when he thought about it, knowing what he had lost. What he had thrown away in one terrible moment of weakness. "I knew that we were."

"Dude, you got to tell Kurt that," Sam whispered.

"What, you think I haven't told him that, you think I haven't tried?" Blaine yelled angrily, his frustration mounting. What did Sam know anyway? He'd called, he texted, he sent flowers and gifts, he'd even tried in the hallway of this very school and Kurt had shut him out every single time. Kurt didn't want to hear it. Blaine slammed the locker shut and tried to walk away

"Calm down, it's okay," Sam said.

"No, it's not okay, Sam!" Blaine snapped, turning to him and lowering his voice. Because he was his father's child, hurting the ones he loved to their very core. Because e was his mother's son, forgiving over and over again because it was the only way he knew to be truly loved. "Because I cheated on the one person I love more than anything in this world. I hurt him. So of course he's not going to trust me, he's never gonna forgive me."

"Even if he doesn't you gotta forgive yourself," Sam told him. "You gotta stop…what's the world when you make someone into a villain, uh…"

Blaine leaned back into the locker. "Villianize?" he offered.

"Yeah, you gotta stop villianizing yourself," Sam told him. "Yeah, you hurt Kurt, that wasn't cool. So you're trying to make it right," Sam told him. "But exiling yourself to Dalton won't fix anything."

_Exiling myself protects you_, Blaine thought. Sam's words echoed in his head, but so did the memories of his past. Voices that told him he was sick and immoral and a disappointment. Hands that told him he was willful and unlovable. He'd once heard Burt tell Kurt that just because he'd done something bad it didn't make him a bad kid. His parents had never believed that. His father had abused him for everything he'd done wrong, and his mother let him. He'd grown up his entire life thinking that he must be a bad kid, otherwise why would he deserve to be treated the way he was. He'd told Finn it was his destiny and his birthright to go to Dalton and he had meant it. He was raised in pain and abuse and it's what he would do to others, whether he wanted to or not. But he didn't want it to be that way. With Kurt's love and trust he had changed the voices in his head, he had started to believe that he was good. But if the one person he loved and trusted couldn't forgive him now, what was he supposed to believe?

"I just wanna stop feeling like I'm a bad person," Blaine whispered through the tears he held back.

"You're not." Sam insisted. "You're one of the good guys. And I got a whole glee club that agrees with me." Blaine looked at him. He didn't believe it, how could anyone else? "Give me a day. One day before you pack it all up. One day to be the hero we all know you are." Blaine lowered his eyes. "And then you can decide where you really belong."

Blaine held back the screaming in his head and looked up to Sam. "Ok," he whispered.

* * *

Blaine entered the auditorium, hesitant, his heart hurting. Even more than the choir room, this is where he and Kurt belonged. Center stage, hand to heart. In their special alcove, picnicking, making love. In the audience, hand in hand, smiling up at their friends. Blaine never felt he belonged here without Kurt. But Sam was about to change all that.

"I don't know if I can do this," Blaine said brokenly in the darkness of backstage.

"I said that to myself every night in Kentucky," Sam admitted. "Those evenings when I was about to step out on stage to sell myself?" Blaine blushed remembering their fight, but Sam had said it purposefully. "You are _not_ for sale, Blaine Anderson. Not on a stage like that. Not for a trophy. And not for the Warblers." Blaine lowered his head. "Nobody is perfect Blaine. We've all made mistakes here too. We've loved, and we've cheated, and we've lost. But we've also learned from our mistakes and we support one another to be better. Can you say the same for Dalton?"

Sam grabbed his guitar and walked out center stage, sitting on the stool. Blaine watched him in shock, his mind reeling as his friend began to sing.

_I, I wish I could swim  
Like the dolphins  
Like dolphins can swim__  
_

_Though nothing, nothing will keep us together  
We can beat them, forever and ever  
Oh, we can be heroes just for one day__  
_

Once upon a time, Blaine had been a hero to Kurt, but since then Kurt had been his. Could he learn to be one again, even for a moment, without Kurt by his side? Without the mask or the cape or the blazer? Just him, facing his own world while Kurt faced another. Could they both learn to be heroes and someday come back together, once again a dynamic duo?

_I, I will be King  
And you, you will be Queen  
Though nothing will drive them away  
We can be heroes  
Forever and ever_

Sam came over to join him and Blaine smiled at the sudden realization. He had at least one friend here who knew the truth and would stand by his side. Someone who didn't hate him for what he'd done. Sam nodded at him and smiled, glad to see the old Blaine finally returning. So engrossed in the song, neither saw Brittany in the audience recording them.

_Yeah we can be heroes  
Just for one day  
We can be heroes  
We can be heroes  
Just for one day_

Sam wasn't Kurt, but he was a friend and with him and his other friends by his side, pushing him to do the right thing, to be the good guy, Blaine suddenly understood that _this_ was right. Going to Dalton was giving up on himself and on Kurt. And he knew now that he couldn't do that. He would earn back Kurt's trust. He would do everything he could to deserve his love again. And he would learn to love himself and stop hiding in the meantime. He smiled at Sam as they sang, the first real smile in a very long time. He'd stop floating and start flying. That's what heroes did after all.

Sam playfully pushed Blaine's head and Blaine smiled, pushing back. They gathered their things and Sam walked over to Blaine. "Well, what's your decision?"

Blaine grinned devilishly. He may be a member of New Directions, but they were right about one thing. Once a Warbler, always a Warbler. "One last mission first." He threw Sam a mask. "You in?"

* * *

Sam and Brittany made the calls and Saturday morning the New Directions loaded a school bus full of donated clothing and painting supplies to the shelter they'd gone to last Christmas. Watching the faces on the children as their parents and the staff sorted the clothes, Blaine felt good about himself for the first time in a long time.

"That's only the start, Blaine," Sam said nudging his shoulder.

Blaine grinned at him and cocked his head. "Let's go."

Outside they met the others who had the painting supplies all laid out. Blaine rolled the paint onto his roller and started tackling the graffiti that marred the building. Playing superhero was one thing, but being one was entirely different. He felt his heart healing, the hole slowly being filled with the love that only comes from forgiving and loving oneself. But looking around at the amazing group of friends around him, he finally felt again like he belonged. They all had their faults, none of them were picture perfect. But they all tried to be better. That was what New Directions was all about.

His grin was bright as the paint started flying and Brittany caught his eye across the crowded way. She came over, a mischievous look in her eye and pretended to paint next to him, when she attacked him with a handful of white, spreading it along his face. He laughed and she kissed him on the cheek.

"Welcome back Blaine Wa…." She stopped herself, her eyes softening. Blaine's heart melted with love for her. "Blaine Anderson," she finished. "Or maybe I should just call you Boyfriend?" she flirted coyly.

Blaine turned to the wall and innocently brushed a stroke of white on the wall. "How about we stick with just Blaine," he said, then suddenly attacked her with the brush. She screamed and ran and he ran after her, as they all dissolved into painting each other more than the wall.

Standing back at the end of the day looking at all they had accomplished, he knew that Kurt would be proud of him if he knew. Then suddenly he realized with a shock that that was the first time he'd thought of Kurt all day, and the thought didn't hurt him like it had before. He smiled and walked over to help the others pack up. Brittany slipped an arm around his waist and Sam patted him on the back. This is what belonging felt like, and unlike at Dalton, it felt good.

* * *

They gathered in the auditorium, red shirts on, just like Finn had told them. "Thanks for finding those old ones in the costume closet," Finn told Tina, a huge smile on his face. For the first time, he felt confident, like he knew what he was doing and Tina grinned up at him.

"Just like the old days," she said.

"Okay, listen up everyone!" Finn waited as everyone settled down and turned their attention to him. "Three years ago, a few of us threw on some red shirts, sang a little song called "Don't Stop Believing" and we never did stop until we won that Nationals trophy Blaine and Sam recovered! Those shirts were the start of New Directions and today marks a new start." His eyes fell to Blaine for a moment. He appreciated that it couldn't be easy for him to stand here. On that very stage he and Blaine and Kurt and Rachel had so many memories. Finn knew all too well what Blaine had meant in the choir room. But growing up, he was learning, meant not letting ghosts haunt them and hold them back. It was time to move forward together. "See, it's not about where you are. It's about who you're with. It's about family, and New Directions was then and always will be family. Even if you leave for a time, whether you graduate," he said indicating himself, "move for a time," he said looking at Sam, "Or just need to take a break to figure things out," his said his eyes meeting Blaine's, "we're always here when you're ready to come back."

"Thanks Finn," Blaine said. "I owe all of you an apology for ever doubting that McKinley's my home. You guys are my home. We've got a real fight ahead of us with the Warblers at Sectionals, but I'm not worried at all. Because we've got the team, we've got the talent and we have," he looked at Finn and smiled his thanks, "most importantly, the leader."

Everyone clapped for Finn as he beamed, but then he quickly brought the room to order. "Alright guys, this is our closing number for sectionals. We finish strong with this and Blaine is right. There is no way those Warblers will beat us!"

Blaine took center stage, closed his eyes and centered himself. He felt the energy of his friends around him, old and new, and as Kurt once told him, he poured his heart out on the stage. After all, that was why New Directions wins.

_Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck  
Some nights, I call it a draw  
Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle  
Some nights, I wish they'd just fall off  
But I still wake up, I still see your ghost  
Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for  
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?_

Blaine knew he'd continue to have good days and bad days. Days where his demons seemed just too much and days where he'd be able to feel the love and acceptance that was out there for him. Some days he'd remember the beauty of what was out there for him and some days, the guilt would overwhelm him. That was life he supposed, learning to live with one's own dark side. Trying to figure out what love was all about.

* * *

Sam jogged over to him. "You gonna come to Breadstix with us?"

Blaine shook his head, a soft smile on his lips. "Next time," he promised. "Right now I have something I need to do."

_Well, some nights I wish that this all would end  
Cause I could use some friends for a change  
And some nights I'm scared you'll forget me again  
Some nights I always win_

He stopped at the florist on the way and bought a single white rose, before continuing the drive just outside of town. He'd been there only once before, nearly a year ago, but as he got out of the car, he remembered the exact path. His hand was empty this time, and he shoved it in his pocket. This was about moving forward, not going back.

_That's alright.  
I found a martyr in my bed tonight  
She stops my bones from wondering just who am I  
Who am I__  
_

After a short walk, he reached the headstone. _Elizabeth Hummel. Devoted Mother and Wife_. He cleaned the bit of dirt off with his hand and knelt down, twirling the flowers stem unconsciously between his fingers.

_So this is it? I sold my soul for this?  
Washed my hands of that for this?  
__I miss my mom and dad for this?  
_

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice quiet, almost reverent. "Kurt won't talk to me and Mr. Hummel would kill me, I'm sure. But I needed to tell someone who loved him like I do. I'm so sorry." He paused, wiping the tears from his eyes, letting the guilt and the shame go for the first time as if she lifted it from his heart. "I haven't had the best role models to learn how to live and how to love. Not like you and Mr. Hummel. But I'm going to learn to be the man that Kurt deserves."

_Man, you wouldn't believe the most amazing things that can come from...  
Some terrible nights  
The other night, you wouldn't believe the dream I just had about you and me  
I called you up, but we'd both agree  
It's for the best you didn't listen  
It's for the best we get our distance..._

He laid the white rose carefully at the base of her headstone. "The rose is not surrender. I won't ever stop loving him or stop hoping that someday he will forgive me. It's a promise, to move on, to keep living for him and to keep working toward being worthy of him again. I'll give him the space he needs, to do whatever he needs. To grow, to," the word choked him but he forced it out, "to love, to trust. Whatever he needs, for however long. I'll leave it in Kurt's hands. Because I know that what we had together was meant for eternity. So that's how long I will wait."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**So there it is, the monstrosity that was Blee's Dynamic Duets. I think my only other series chapter this long was On My Way (which by the way is my absolute favorite). So I hope it didn't disappoint. A little throwback to Independent Living there at the end. I struggled a great deal with the onscreen scenes and I just barely got this done in time, so your feedback would be absolutely amazing. Love you all!**


	8. Chapter 8: Thanksgiving

**Author's Note:**

**Hello all of you. I really want to thank each and every one of you for reading and especially for sharing your thoughts with me. My readership for this story has gone way down from the rest of the series and I really hope it's more Ryan's fault then mine. Let me know.**

**One shout out to a beautiful moment I chose not to include: Blaine's reaction to the Warblers performance was perfection. It was so much deeper than "I'm afraid we're not going to win." If you compare it to last year, when despite it all he cheered for them, it was pure and utter disdain for everything he's come to understand the Warblers to be. Last year he was still a part of them. Now he knows they are everything he hates about himself.**

**So, I try really hard not to change things from canon unless absolutely necessary, but I'm ignoring Finn's comment that Blaine and Marley are singing the second sectionals song. I love Some Nights and I do not buy for one second that Blaine could rehearse with Santana and Marley and not have anything to say about how sick she looks and this end up being a huge part of this chapter and I didn't want that. **

**My amazingly awesome beta, typegirl19, has called Blaine and Santana "platonic soulmates" and I absolutely agree with her. **

**And that's enough rambling from me. Here's what you missed on Glee.**

* * *

He had good and bad days.

On the good days Blaine smiled as Brittany linked arms with him down the hallway or he jammed at the piano with the kids in the choir room.

He laughed with Tina as she struggled to learn every word of Gangnam Style, helping her as much as he could with the bit of Korean his mother had taught him.

He worked with Finn to perfect the choreography for their second number and he and Sam proudly reported to the student council the number of items they'd collected for the homeless shelter.

He passed his calculus exam and he increased his weights on his bench press and he whispered goodnight to Kurt's voicemail before bed without tears and memories keeping him up half the night.

But the bad days came crashing down on him, reminding him of all he'd lost.

**Kurt: Please stop calling me to say you're sorry.**

It took every ounce of courage and willpower to drag himself out of bed, if only to avoid the rage of Santana if he missed their first day back in the choir room. He knew she'd arrived back in town yesterday and was going out to Breadstix along with all of the rest of the gang. Well, most of the rest of the gang.

As he tried to hide in the back corner of the choir room, seeing Santana, Quinn, Puck, Mike and Mercedes all back where they belonged, the glaring absence of Kurt and Rachel made his heart tighten in his chest. He couldn't help but blame himself that Kurt wasn't here, with his family, where he belonged. Burt must be disappointed, and he hated knowing that it was his fault they were apart for the holiday. Blaine tried to summon his enthusiasm with the others and get excited that his friends were home, but the voices in his head insisted that had he transferred to Dalton, Kurt would be back for Thanksgiving.

"Hey man, you okay?" Joe leaned over and whispered to Blaine.

His arms folded in on himself, he only turned slightly and gave a curt nod. He wasn't at all okay, especially not after Kurt's text. Not even seeing Santana helped because there was trouble there too.

He'd never told Santana how he'd tried to transfer to Dalton, but the way she kept glaring at him out of the corner of her eye told him that she knew. Finn had probably told them all last night and they probably all were angry with him. He avoided her gaze just as he'd avoided talking to her this past week. The verbal lashing he was sure to receive was something he dreaded, but right now his head was pounding with the words "stop calling" and he couldn't stand the thought that Kurt was writing him off for good.

He just wanted to go home and curl up in bed and hope that tomorrow would be better.

* * *

"Not so fast, Boyfriend!" Santana yelled after him as he tried to slink out of the room unseen. He kept walking to his locker in a fog of staunch determination to ignore her. He stayed focused as he undid the lock and opened the door until the pictures he'd put back up of Kurt stared back at him like a slap in the face. His breath hitched and his heart dropped to the floor. He rested his forehead on the cold metal of his locker door so as not to fall himself.

Santana stopped inches from him and sighed. "Brittany told me you were doing better," she said with quiet sorrow.

"He finally texted me this morning San," Blaine choked, fighting the tears he'd held back all day. "And it was to tell me to stop calling him." The tears flowed anyway saying the words and he quickly wiped them away with the heel of his hand. "And I know he's right and I promised myself and..." he caught himself quickly, "I promised I would give him the space that he needs, but…"

Santana's curiosity was peaked but she let Blaine's near slip pass for now. "No buts. Just do it," she said. "Give me your phone," Santana demanded, her hand out.

"Why?" he challenged her, but she reached around him and into his pocket and took it out. He turned on his heel. "What the hell Santana?"

She scrolled through it, quickly finding what she was looking for and holding it out to him. "This is why you keep calling him," she snapped. Kurt's beautiful, angelic, devastatingly sexy, loving, can't possibly look away from it face was smiling down at Blaine. He stared at it longingly then tore his eyes away.

"It won't help to delete his number," Blaine said quietly. "I know it by heart anyway."

"I'm not stupid, Blaine," she rolled her eyes as she pressed buttons that made his stomach queasy. She quickly handed it back. "There. Call all you want now, but his porcelain face and oceans of love eyes will _not_ be staring back at you." He took his phone back and slipped it in his pocket. He knew she was right, but it didn't make it hurt any less. "But for god's sake Blaine," she pleaded. "Don't call him. Just let him come to you. Stop running, stop chasing and just stand still." He nodded but caught her narrowing glance just in time. "Speaking of running,"

He slammed the locker door shut and walked away. "I'm not talking about Dalton with you."

She set a stride to catch up with him. "Why Blaine? Because you know I'd tell you what an idiot idea it was? Putting yourself in the lion's den of temptation? Running from your problems again? Hiding yourself away where the people who love you won't be there to pick you up if you fall?"

"I have friends there too, Santana," Blaine snapped as he threw open the front doors of the school. He knew he was getting defensive for no reason. He'd come to the same conclusions that she was barking at him now, but he didn't need the lecture.

"Friends who nearly blind you and treat your boyfriend like crap. Fabulous Blaine," she said her voice dripping with snark.

Blaine turned angrily and threw his arms out in the middle of the parking lot. "What do you want from me Santana? You want me to run all my decisions by you first? I thought I'd gone too far to the dark side to stay. I thought I didn't deserve to be here anymore. I thought that once everyone found out what I'd really done that they would turn from me anyway, just like Kurt, so why not run before they could hurt me too?"

Santana stood frozen in the middle of the street, listening to the pain behind his words. Her own heart hurt too, but she wasn't sure why. "So why did you stay?" she asked softly.

Blaine looked back at the school then to the pavement beneath his feet, thrusting his hands in his pocket. "Sam," he said, glancing up at Santana. "He made me realize that all my fears about becoming my father would come true if I went there. The Warblers aren't who they were. Sebastian and now Hunter, they do what they want and don't care who gets hurt. I don't ever want to be that person. If I went back there, I'd never deserve Kurt. Staying," he sighed knowing that all his efforts could very well be in vain but he would do it all anyway. "Staying I just might. And the kids here, they know me and accept me for who I am. Which is the furthest thing from flawless possible," he added wryly.

Santana closed the distance between them and rubbed his arms affectionately. "Oh I don't know, Boyfriend. It's your flaws I love the most about you."

Blaine squeaked a laugh and nuzzled into her. "Why can't you just stay here forever?"

* * *

He would have much preferred to have been at McKinley with the guys dancing for the lead in Gangnam Style than sitting in his father's living room in Westerville staring at his Mom and Dad. He didn't want the lead, he didn't even really want to dance and he and Finn had decided it was best to give one of the new kids a chance to shine if possible, but sitting on the couch as if he'd done something wrong and was awaiting his sentence made him reconsider the intelligence of that decision.

"Look, if I did something wrong can we just get this over with please?" Blaine asked harshly, his nerves and patience frayed.

Amy Anderson looked at him with surprise but the Colonel just sighed. He was used to this Blaine. "Unless you have something you need to tell us son, we're not here because you're in trouble." Blaine just shook his head. They had no reason to be upset at him right now, it was just always his first assumption when his father looked at him that way with hard, solemn eyes that glowed like ice. "Okay then," the Colonel said, relaxing. "Your mother has something to tell you."

Blaine looked at his mom. She was nervous, fidgeting with the hem of her dress and pursing her lips as if she was looking for the right words but every one that came to her lips were wrong. It told him that there was no right way to say what she was going to say and he decided instead to say it for her. "You're moving back in with Dad," Blaine said flatly. It wasn't a question. It was obvious.

But she shook her head. "No," she said quietly, exchanging a quick cautious glance with her husband. "Well, maybe, but not now. I wouldn't move from Lima until you graduate Blaine. Maybe if you'd gone back to Dalton, but you didn't and I wouldn't do that to you."

"Then what is it?" he sighed, wishing they would just get on with this. He had no idea what he wanted to be doing right now, but it was most certainly not this.

"We're spending Christmas together," the Colonel told him. "All of us. Here in Westerville." Amy took her husband's hand with a tentative smile and stared up at Blaine, nervously awaiting his reaction.

Blaine's eyes flitted to the clasped hands and his muscles pulled taut, but he just shrugged. "Fine. Whatever," he said flippantly, then stood up. "Can I go now?"

"Sit down so we can talk about this, Blaine," his father ordered.

"There's nothing to talk about," Blaine said harshly, ignoring his father's command. "It's not like it matters what I want. It's not like there's anything else for me to be doing for Christmas anyway."

"This is about Kurt," Amy said gently.

"No Mom," Blaine snapped, even though it was at least in part. Last year, wrapped in Kurt's arms, had been his best Christmas ever, but he tried to tuck those memories away to the back of his mind where he'd been storing the thoughts of a Christmas without Kurt for weeks. "This is about the fact that Dad has made Christmas miserable for us for years and yet you just keep going on forgiving and forgetting, just like that."

She stood up and took his hands tightly in hers and his heart fluttered. He looked down at her stern gaze, biting his lip like a little boy not sure if she was about to hug him or swat him. "It has not been _just like that_ Blaine. It's been over a year of work by both of us to learn to trust again. For me to learn how I deserve to be treated, what I will and will not accept and for him to learn how to communicate without striking where and how it hurts the most." She reached a hand to his cheek and stroked it as a mother would. "I know it's felt like very little time to you, but to me and your father it's felt like eternity."

Eternity. It had only been at least that long since he'd heard even a breath of hope from Kurt and as much as each passing day got easier each lonely night grew harder. "What makes me so bad?" Blaine asked desperately, his face scrunching in pain. "Why can we forgive him when he hurts us over and over again year after year but I do one thing wrong and…"

"Shhh…" his mother said, wrapping Blaine in her arms. It broke her heart that he was in so much pain and there was nothing she could do about. "You're _not _bad. These things take time. He'll come around Blaine, I know he will."

"How do you know?" Blaine asked tearfully, his head resting on her shoulder, trying to hope, trying to believe.

"Because you love him with all your heart, and he loves you. And that kind of love doesn't just go away," she told him as she stared up at her husband. "True love isn't perfect or easy. It hurts and it's terrifying and when all is said and done, it's the most beautiful thing in the world."

* * *

Blaine was curled up cozy and warm beneath his mother's fleece blankets alone in the darkness of the living room. The only glow was from a small lamp above him that lit the worn and tattered pages of _The Hobbit_. He'd been reading it over in preparation for the movie and welcomed the opportunity to lose himself in the magical world. An hour in, and he was just about falling asleep when the buzz of his cell phone snapped him alert. Bzzzz. Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz. He finished the paragraph he'd been staring at for the past ten minutes, then swiped his phone.

**Santana: We're coming over.**

**Sam: Bringing pizza**

**Brittany: Bringing Candy Land**

A roll of his eyes and a thrilled smile that betrayed his bad mood was all he could manage before the rapping on the door announced their presence. Of course they'd given him no notice to back out if he'd wanted to, which he didn't. He raced over and flung the door open only to be nearly run over by pizza boxes piled high in Sam's arms.

"Uhh…how many people are coming over?" Blaine asked, watching him drop them down on the kitchen table just inside the door.

"It's just us Boyfriend, but Sam and Brittany can each eat a pie by themselves," Santana said, with a wink to her best friend. She offered Blaine a comforting pat on the shoulder before she took over Blaine's kitchen and grabbed the plates and napkins.

"So not that I'm objecting," Blaine said as he grabbed a slice of pizza, "but to what do I owe the honor of your company?" Santana slipped a plate under his pizza with a stern glance and he kissed her on the cheek affectionately.

"Come on, man, we need to have a reason to come visit you?" Sam said as he explored the apartment on his own and started rifling through the movie collection in the living room. "Iron Man, awesome!" he exclaimed, pulling it out. Blaine laughed.

"We just missed you after school today Blaine," Brittany said with a kiss on the cheek then sought out Sam in the other room to help her set up the Candy Land board on the coffee table.

"Besides, I had to make sure you haven't called Porcelain yet today," Santana smirked. Blaine wrinkled his nose at her but gasped as he truly took her in for the first time.

"San, what happened to your cheek?" he asked reaching for it. He brushed a thumb gently over the bruise that had formed.

"It's nothing Blaine, don't worry," she said wincing, but shrugging him off.

But worried was going to quickly become an understatement if she didn't explain. "Don't give me 'it's nothing' Santana, I know a slap when I see one," he said seriously. "I'm an expert on the subject."

She reached a hand up and grabbed his wrist to gently pull it away, slipping her fingers in his. "It was just Quinn," she said softly. "Brittany saw it happen, so don't freak out on me. Ok?" Blaine nodded, though his concern only diminished slightly. "Come on," Santana smiled and pulled him into the living room.

They gathered around the coffee table playing two games of Candy Land, debating the character histories and making up stories about them. Sam lamented the loss of Plumpy the green goblin and Santana debated whether Brittany was Lolly the Fairy (who used to be a Princess) or Princess Frostine (who used to be Queen). In the end they all could agree that Hunter Warbler was Lord Licorice and that he needed to be defeated.

They settled in comfortably on the couch to watch Iron Man. Halfway through, Santana excused herself from the darkness of the living room to go pop another bag of popcorn, since half of the current bowl had ended up on the couch where it landed from Blaine and Sam's food fight. Blaine heard the rustling in the kitchen and the microwave go off, but he found himself growing cold as his cuddle buddy did not return. He peered into the kitchen to see her sitting wistfully at the kitchen table, her chin resting on her hand gazing back at them. He quietly went to go join her.

"My mom's not going to be home until morning. Can you sleep over tonight?" Blaine requested hopefully as he slid in next to her. "Make sure I don't call you know who?"

Her face brightened and her lips slipped into a smile as she nudged him with her shoulder. "Sure," she answered, secretly relieved for the invitation. She'd been dreading going home alone all night. "Brittany's taking Sam home, so…" she faltered, her eyes once again dimming with sadness.

"Does it hurt?" Blaine asked following her gaze. Sam and Brittany were snuggled close, giggling with one another as if sharing a secret. He was sure it was only matter of time before Kurt started dating and though the thought killed him, he was trying to prepare himself for it.

Santana's eyes flitted to Blaine, then to the table, embarrassed. "Yes," she admitted. "But I'm glad she's not alone."

And in that moment, Blaine realized that no one was more alone than Santana. He often felt alone but usually it was his own doing. He and Brittany had friends here, Kurt had Rachel, but Santana was alone in Kentucky with no one. "I'm sorry I didn't call last week Santana," he said gently as he took her hand.

"I don't tell you enough how much you mean to me Blaine," Santana said, her eyes shining with vulnerability.

Blaine understood everything unsaid. It was hard for Santana to admit that she was lonely and needed him as much as he needed her. "Why don't you just go to New York with Rachel and Kurt, San? It's where you belong."

"Maybe," she muttered, her eyes quickly jumping back to Brittany. "But you know as well as I do Blaine, we only belong where are hearts lead us."

* * *

Nick spotted Hunter across the quad in between classes and jogged to catch up with him. "Hey," he called to the Warbler leader. "Can I talk to you a minute?"

"I'm on my way to the gym," Hunter said flatly without breaking his stride. "Talk fast."

Nick gathered his courage. He and Jeff had argued about who was best to confront Hunter, but neither could decide so they agreed that whoever got to him first would do it. Of course, they both had hoped the other would be the lucky one. Neither wanted to be his next victim. "A bunch of the guys were talking and, well, don't you think you might want to change your mind and let Trent perform at sectionals?" he asked, not allowing his nerves to betray his confidence.

"No," Hunter said, rolling his eyes with boredom. "I don't."

Nick suddenly grabbed his arm and made him stop. Disgusted, Hunter looked down at Nick's grip as if he needed a tetanus shot and Nick let go, but didn't let him walk off. "We need his vocals, Hunter, but even more we need his energy," Nick entreated.

"No, Nicholas," Hunter hissed. "We needed Blaine Anderson's vocals and energy, and I need a team who is going to stand behind one another and do whatever it takes to win, not feel sorry for our competition. I heard how Trent led the reconciliation with New Directions last year after Sebastian's hideous attempts at leading the Warblers to victory. And Trent showed his loyalty to them again when he failed to help present the blazer to Blaine. If he loves them so much, he can transfer to McKinley. But there's not a spot for him here. Not now."

Nick's eyes narrowed as the words about his friend made him love and respect Trent even more. He wished he'd had the strength to follow in his footsteps. He knew he let Blaine down over and over again, but a Warbler was who he was, even though the respect they'd earned through years of history was slowly being torn away by ruthless leaders. He understood that he and Jeff and Beatz couldn't fix it from the outside though. Their only hope was to fight from within. "You're making a mistake," Nick warned him.

Hunter though took it as a challenge and his eyes gleamed. "We'll see," he crooned.

* * *

Blaine paced in the corner of the choir room, his head pounding with nerves and heartbreak. He'd already snapped at both Sam and Tina, and Finn gently suggested to the others that they give him his space. Everyone of course was happy to oblige, except for Santana.

"Do you want to tell me exactly what has crawled up your ass, Boyfriend, because you're about wear a hole into the floor and rip off the heads of your teammates," she demanded, her hands firmly on her hips. He stopped and looked at her, his face inches from bursting into tears or rage, or both. She rolled her eyes. It was always about Kurt. She should have known.

"He's been by my side for every competition since sophomore year, Santana," he said low, so no one else overheard. "Every performance he's either been there, or called or texted, even Grease. But he's not here Santana."

"You don't need him here," Santana said with a gentle but firm hand to his shoulder. "You can do this."

"I know I can," he said fighting back his emotions in front of the whole group. "I just don't want to."

She pressed a sympathetic hand to his cheek then walked away. He turned back, trying his best to put Kurt out of his mind, center himself, and warm up.

* * *

His phone vibrated in his pocket and his heart leaped into his throat as he considered not answering so close to performing. But he'd left the phone in his pocket instead of the dressing room where it belonged for one reason and one reason only and ignoring it could be the biggest mistake of his life.

He pulled it out and the name that flashed across the screen took his breath away, but immediately his mind started searching for alternatives as he whisked away to a corner for some privacy. He could have dialed by accident, or it could be Rachel using his phone, or maybe he was hurt and someone was dialing for him.

"Hello?" he answered with a mix of hope and shock. He heard the rush of noise, the honking of horns and the wail of sirens before he heard the most beautiful sound in the entire world.

"Hey, can you hear me?" Kurt asked. Blaine didn't miss the hesitation and the nerves in his voice but it didn't stop him from thinking for a minute that he must be dreaming. "It's kinda loud out here."

"Um yeah, yeah I can hear you," He assured Kurt quickly, afraid that he might hang up. His heart beat frantically, adrenaline and hope and fear rushing through his veins even more than it had the night so long ago when he'd kissed Kurt for the first time.

"Have you guys performed yet?" Kurt asked.

"No, not yet." He said, glancing back at his teammates as he rested on the rung of a ladder. He should have known, he should have trusted that Kurt wouldn't let a performance go by without calling, but if that was all Kurt had called for he wasn't going to let the moment escape. "Kurt, I just want you to know that no matter…"

"Just let me talk for a second," Kurt interjected.

Time stopped for Blaine. His relationship with Kurt, his _life _with Kurt was made of moments that moved them and changed them forever, and this was one of those moments. For good or for bad, their story would go on, but he listened and he let go and placed the ending in Kurt's hands.

"Look, you've…you've said you're sorry a million times," Kurt said. "And I believe you. And I'm trying to forgive you, but I'm just not there yet."

Blaine's heart cracked, doubt filling it to bursting, but he didn't let it break, holding his breath letting Kurt continue. "But it's Thanksgiving and it's Sectionals and I miss you like crazy."

At those words, he did fall apart, his knees nearly buckling beneath him as the tears that had threatened all day fell with relief. Kurt missed him. He hadn't forgotten him, he didn't go through his day without Blaine on his mind. Kurt missed him, maybe even as much as Blaine missed Kurt. That alone would have been enough, he did not dare dream for more. But then Kurt spoke the most beautiful words he had ever heard in his life. "because you're still my best friend."

Blaine's heart swelled. Even though so much time had passed, he still had a hundred moments everyday when he went to look for Kurt, to talk to him, to share with him and to reach for him when he fell. Losing his boyfriend hurt in the special moments, but losing his best friend was what nearly killed him every day. "You're mine too," Blaine cried.

"At Christmas, we need to have a mature heart to heart," Kurt said. "And maybe if it's cold enough we can go ice skating on the Augalize river and get a hot chocolate? Anywhere but the Lima Bean because when I was working there I saw a mouse."

Blaine choked out a laugh with overwhelming delight because Kurt's wit was one of his most favorite things in the entire world and it surged through him like Valentine's Day in November, and Kurt wanted to see him for Christmas and for just a moment everything was absolutely right. "So, we're really gonna see each other at Christmas?" he asked with a cracked voice, wanting to make sure what he heard was real.

"Yeah," Kurt answered. Blaine stood quiet, overwhelmed as his mother's words rushed back to him. Love hurt, and it was terrifying, and it was in fact the most beautiful thing in the world. "Well don't let any of those hideous Warblers win, alright?" Kurt rushed out to break the silence. "Break a leg. Happy Thanksgiving."

He breathed in the gift Kurt had given him, worth so much more than anything he could have ever dreamed. "Happy Thanksgiving," he exhaled and closed his eyes, wishing, wanting more but accepting this for now because had stopped believing even this was possible. He needed Kurt to know how much it meant to him. How much he meant to him. "Kurt, I love you so much," he whispered through his tears.

He heard Kurt's hesitation, but it didn't matter. "I love you too," Kurt said. Blaine hung up, emotions flooding him, relief, hope, love. A chance. The weight of the world lifted from his shoulders.

"Blaine, come on, it's places," Sam called jogging over. Blaine quickly wiped away his tears and tucked his phone into a hidden nook. "Kurt?" Sam asked apprehensively.

Blaine nodded and turned to Sam with a small smile, but his eyes sparkled with life. "He still loves me," he said.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Well, there we are. Best. Phone Call. Ever. And Darren's best performance ever as well. People can have their ice skating, I would have given anything to be on set to see Darren film that scene.**


	9. Chapter 9: Swan Song

**Author's Note:**

**Hello everyone! So sorry to leave you hanging for a week, but I was in the middle of tech week and performances and well, I had no time to write. Which was actually really nice to have a little forced break.**

**This chapter is really filler, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. I have a lot of thoughts about Kurt and his performance of Being Alive, but I also wanted to explore what the song means to Blaine, and I think this chapter does that a little.**

**As always thank you to my beta, typegirl19, who is always there for me when I need her reassurance.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, or Company, though my mother was in that show years ago and I have fond memories of it. Or at least of her singing it.**

* * *

Everything happened so quickly with Marley that he nearly forgot that he'd left his phone tucked away in a corner backstage. Blaine whispered to Santana that he was going to grab it and left his shocked and saddened team in the choir room.

Walking into the now near pitch black wings of the auditorium, he couldn't help the memories that always flooded him. He didn't dare venture out onto the dark stage to glance up at the spot tower. Memories were never Blaine's friend. He reached behind the ladder into the hidden nook in the wall that as far as he knew only Glee club was aware existed. He couldn't help the relief that his phone was still there. The last thing he needed was Sebastian or Hunter finding it and searching through a year's worth of emails and texts he'd saved. He turned it on just to make sure, and a text from Kurt stared back at him.

**Kurt: Call me when you win.**

_Someone to hold you too close  
Someone to hurt you too deep  
Someone to sit in your chair  
And ruin your sleep  
And make you aware of being alive_

Blaine's heart leapt into his throat and he couldn't help the grin that exploded on his face. Kurt wanted him to call, no, _asked_ him to call!

He took a deep breath and dialed the number, nervous despite the request. Kurt had refused his calls for so long now, what if he changed his mind this time and didn't answer. The phone rang and rang and Blaine bit his lip with worry, nearly giving up, but finally Kurt answered.

"Sorry, my hands were full of dish soap," Kurt answered a bit frantic, and once again the sound of his voice took Blaine's breath away.

"That's okay," Blaine whispered bashfully, willing his voice to be stronger. "Hi."

"Hi," Kurt said, this time a little more cautious and hesitant. Kurt was sure that this would get easier over time, but it had only been an hour since that first call and it was still hard to hear Blaine's voice.

"We um," Blaine cleared his throat. "We didn't win. I hope it's still okay that I called," Blaine said with a mix of disappointment and nerves.

"What do you mean you didn't win?!" Kurt screeched. He was suddenly glad that he'd gone into his bedroom to take the call. He was surprised Rachel didn't come barging in immediately.

Blaine slowly explained how Marley had passed out on stage. "Santana thinks that Kitty was feeding her laxatives to help her lose weight, not that she needs it," Blaine added.

"Who's Kitty?" Kurt asked confused.

"Oh, well, she was Patty Simcox in Grease?" Blaine prodded. Kurt nodded, remembering, though Blaine couldn't see him. Blaine continued. "Jake and Ryder didn't seem to know anything about Kitty messing with Marley, even though they both spend a ton of time with her and she's dating one, though honestly I'm not sure right now which one."

Kurt shook his head at all these names he barely knew. "You have a whole new life there Blaine," he whispered in wonderment, barely realizing he'd said it aloud.

Blaine was taken aback by the comment and squared his shoulders, a touch of anger brewing just beneath the surface. "Yeah, well, I kinda had to," he answered roughly, even though all he wanted to say was that his whole life was with Kurt.

"No Blaine, it's good," Kurt said, wondering where this sudden undercurrent of jealousy was coming from. He buried it down again as quickly as it had surfaced. "It's good," he repeated.

Blaine bowed his head, rubbing his neck, and looked into the darkness. "Well I should go," Blaine said. "I'll talk to you soon?" he asked hesitantly. "See you at Christmas?"

"See you at Christmas Blaine," Kurt answered and hung up. Blaine pressed his phone unconsciously to his lips.

_Someone to need you too much  
Someone to know you too well  
Someone to pull you up short  
And put you through hell  
And give you support for being alive  
_

"Kurt huh?" Santana said.

Her voice surprised him but he turned and smiled shyly as he took a seat one of the lower rungs of the ladder. "Yeah," he said a bit sheepishly. "In all the craziness, I didn't get a chance to tell you that he called me. Before we performed."

Santana smiled. "And what did Mr. Hummel have to say for himself?"

"That he still hasn't forgiven me. That he missed me like crazy. That I'm still his best friend. That he loves me." Blaine's smile grew with each word.

"And you said…?" Santana asked, her eyebrows arching.

"That he's my best friend and I love him," Blaine answered, his cheeks flushing.

"That's great Blaine," she said softly. "Though I don't know how I feel about him dumping you as a boyfriend then usurping my role of best friend," she said wryly.

"Well then it's a good thing I'm still _your_ boyfriend," he said with a wink.

Santana couldn't decide where her sadness came from, but she couldn't deny it. "So what does that make me?"

Blaine smiled fondly and stood, linking his arm in hers. "Santana, you will always be my girl."

Santana smiled and rested her head briefly on Blaine's shoulder as they walked back to the choir room. Everyone was dejectedly gathering their belongings and heading out to their cars. Blaine suddenly realized he had no real place to go. He'd expected celebratory turkey pasta at Breadstix, but instead he was going home to an empty apartment. "Hey," he called, a questioning eye to Santana. "My parents are in Westerville and I have no interest in driving two hours to interrupt whatever it is they might be doing. What are your plans tonight?"

She glanced briefly over to Brittany who was being consoled in the corner by Sam. Santana shrugged. "Heading home to an empty house since my parents are at Abuela's and I'm still not welcome. They only went because they thought I'd be out. My flight's not until three tomorrow, so no need for them to get home early."

"Good," he said with a grin and he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door. "You're coming home with me."

* * *

_Being alive, make me alive, make me confused  
Mock me with praise, let me be used  
Vary my days  
But alone is alone, not alive._

Santana sat with her back again Blaine's pillow at the headboard of his bed. Blaine was sprawled on his stomach, his head resting on his folded arms, every once in a while reaching back to grab a handful of popcorn from the bowl wedged between them to share. They'd considered watching a movie, but neither could ultimately decide on anything, so instead they sat in silence, each one occasionally wallowing in misery or scolding the other to stop being miserable.

"I just really want to compete," Blaine was saying, his voice wistful. "I mean, I know that I've got Student Council and the Superhero club, but neither of those challenges me. I'm not worried about college. Well okay, I am, but not because of that. I just need to stay focused on winning something."

"Other than Kurt," Santana added sarcastically.

He rolled over to give her an exasperated look. "Yes. Other than Kurt."

"You could always try cheerleading," Santana said with a twinkle in her eye, and Blaine wasn't sure if she was joking or not. Then he wasn't sure if he wanted her to be joking or not.

"You really see me as a cheerleader San?" he asked sarcastically, but a part of him wanted her honest opinion.

"I don't know," she shrugged. "You're strong as hell, you got amazing moves, a confident air, and a gorgeous face. Pretty much sums up the cheerleader qualifications."

Blaine sighed and rested his hand back on his hands, staring ahead of him. "There's got to be something else I can do."

"Look Boyfriend, you're too short for basketball and I don't think that you got the legs like Kurt to be a kicker for the football team," Santana said. Blaine frowned. He definitely didn't have Kurt's flexibility, something he sorely missed. "There's always the chess team," she teased.

"Reminds me too much of my father," Blaine said into his hands, then sat up to face Santana. "You're seriously telling me that the only choice I have to be on a National Championship team at McKinley is the Cheerios?"

Santana shrugged again. "I wouldn't knock the chance for you and Kurt to have matching Cheerios outfits," she said. "It's pretty sexy, believe me. Especially taking them off."

Blaine blushed and collapsed on the bed in surrender. Santana played dirty, the one hand that she knew he wouldn't fold. He didn't know if the images in his mind would ever be more than a dream, but he'd do what he had to for the possibility that it might someday be reality. Still, he moaned with anticipated regret. "Okay Santana, you win. Just call me Blaine Cheerio."

* * *

_Somebody hold me too close  
Somebody force me to care  
_

Blaine glanced at his watch and headed to Sue's office where she'd summoned him at precisely 3pm. He was surprised to see Tina outside her door as well. "Fancy meeting you here," Blaine said with a questioning smile.

"Yeah well," she blushed with embarrassment. "I kinda asked Coach Sue if I could be on the Cheerios now that Glee is done."

"Really Tina?" Blaine asked, his voice filled with amusement and maybe a touch of relief. "Why?"

Tina shrugged. "I don't know. I always kind of wanted to be a cheerleader. Mike said I'd be good at it. So I thought I'd give it a try."

Sue opened the door and shouted out to them as she climbed on her Stairmaster. "Come in Cheerio wannabees and take a seat."

It was Blaine's turn to blush and shrug as Tina shot a shocked glance at him. "Santana thought it would a good idea."

* * *

_Somebody make me come through__  
__I'll always be there as frightened as you of being alive_

Cheerios practice was exhausting and though it reminded him of the early days with the Warblers, it also reminded him how lax he had become when it had come to hours of practice. He welcomed the brief break when he and Tina and Brittany were reluctantly dismissed, with a slew of words Blaine didn't care to repeat, to meet Finn in the auditorium.

It had only been two days, but the truth was, he missed his friends. He missed singing. He missed performing. And he felt bad for Finn. Finn had been like a brother to him for a while, that kind of brother that you never truly understood and never totally got along with but when you really needed him to be there he was there. And as the rest of the Glee club turned on him and walked away, Blaine kept hoping that _someone_ else would stay. But he watched Brittany leave. He watched Sam go. He watched them all walk away from the very thing they all had promised him only two weeks ago: Family. As he stood alone with Marley on the stage, maybe if Finn had asked him to stay he would have. But Finn said nothing, and Blaine walked off. Maybe holding onto Glee was once again just holding onto Kurt. Maybe it was better to just let it go too and embrace his whole new life.

* * *

_Someone you have to let in  
Someone whose feelings you spare  
Someone who, like it or not  
Will want you to share a little, a lot, of being alive  
_

"Where are you off to?" Amy Anderson asked Blaine as he grumpily packed envelopes, notebooks and his laptop into his bag.

"Dad asked me to come over to fill out my college applications so they're not late. And by ask, I mean, ordered," he grumbled. Things were changing, but he still knew better than to ignore his father's demands when paying for college was involved. Whether it was true or not, Blaine still felt like one misstep and just like Dalton, it could all be taken away.

She kissed him on the cheek as he put on his coat and pulled his messenger bag over his head. "Don't fight with him Blaine," she begged as he headed out the door. "Let him in a little bit. He means well and he just wants to be a part of this."

"He wants to control this," Blaine shot back before heading out to his car where he couldn't hear his mother's response.

The drive to Westerville was long, but since Kurt's phone call he'd started listening to music again so it passed quickly. He pulled into the driveway of his father's house and walked to the door. He tried the knob and was pleased it was left open for him. He still hadn't taken a key back, but he hated ringing the doorbell to his own home. Pride sometimes didn't make for comfortable choices.

"Hey Dad, I'm here," he called tiredly. He didn't want to do his applications with his father. He wanted to do them alone, in his room, where he could concentrate on being himself rather than the man his father wanted him to be. But each one needed an application fee and for that he needed his father.

"I'm in the office Blaine," Colonel Anderson called and Blaine walked through the living room to his father's office. It had two desks, his father's and a second one that Blaine set himself up at. He pulled out his laptop. As it booted up, Blaine looked around at the memorabilia and medals that the Colonel had up around the room. There were also pictures of him and Cooper. Older ones, when they were little. It never escaped Blaine's attention that there were few pictures of him during the years that things were terrible between him and his Dad, but he was surprised that his father had added his school picture from this year to the wall. He smiled happily, despite himself.

"How many applications do you have to do?" the Colonel asked, glancing up from his own work.

"Oh, um, I figured I would work on Columbia and NYU today. Maybe Berkeley too. And NYADA," Blaine added under his breath.

"You think that's a good idea?" his father asked, an eyebrow raised.

Blaine shrugged and turned away. "Doesn't hurt to apply," he mumbled. "As long as Kurt's okay with it."

Blaine had been so proud of Kurt for getting into NYADA that he couldn't help but share it with everyone. The Colonel had known then exactly what Blaine would do and it was one of the reasons why he'd asked him to do his applications there. The Colonel sighed and came over to Blaine, sitting on the desk. Blaine bristled at the invasion of his space and the lecture he was sure was to come, and he kept his eyes trained on the computer. "Blaine, you can't plan your life around Kurt. Maybe you two will get back together and maybe you won't but college is the biggest decision of your life and you have to make choices that are right for _you_ not that are right for him or for the two of you. I know you've thought in terms of "we" for a long time now son, but you have to go back to planning for yourself." He stared at Blaine who was trying desperately to ignore him. He didn't want Blaine throwing his future away for his high school sweetheart. He only wanted the best for his son. "And I don't think that NYADA is the best choice for you," he finished.

"I don't want to plan for being alone Dad," Blaine snapped, his eyes flying up to look at his father. "And besides, NYADA is an amazing school and Cooper thinks I should apply. He thinks that with that kind of training I really can make it on Broadway if I want. Or in movies."

"I thought you wanted to do music," the Colonel questioned.

"Yeah, well, that's why I'm applying to Columbia and other schools. Please Dad, don't tell me I can't apply to NYADA. If Kurt says it's okay…" he cut himself off, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. Those were precisely the words his father didn't want to hear. "I just want to leave the possibility open. That's all. It's a long time until September. A lot of things can change."

The Colonel studied him. He didn't think it was a good idea for so many reasons. But he wasn't going to push anymore. This was Blaine's choice. His life in which to make mistakes. "Very well," he nodded and returned without another word to his desk.

Blaine let out a sigh of relief and for the next three hours set to work on completing online applications, writing essays and filling out paper forms. His father wrote him checks or plugged in credit card information and Blaine pressed send and sealed envelopes.

His father held out a check for him made out to NYADA.

Their eyes met. Blaine saw the worry and the disapproval in his father's eyes. The Colonel saw the hope in Blaine's. Blaine silently took the check and the Colonel said nothing as he turned and walked out of the room, letting Blaine do what he would do.

Blaine placed the check inside and folded the envelope over almost reverently, but he didn't seal it. If he went to Columbia or NYU, he would always be there for Kurt, best friends forever. But NYADA was different. He turned the envelope over and pushed it to the corner of the desk. He was scared that Kurt would say no, because he knew that it was the promise of a future that he and Kurt had once upon a time dreamed of. If Kurt said yes, he'd be admitting that he hadn't entirely closed the door on that future. He'd be giving Blaine a chance to come back into his life, to let him prove himself, to maybe spend the rest of their lives together. Blaine was willing to place that future entirely in Kurt's hands, as scared as he was, because it was the only future he could imagine right now that truly made him feel like he was living.

_Somebody let me come through  
I'll always be there  
As frightened as you to help us survive_

_Being alive._

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you all so much for ever review, I love them so much!**

**I am amazingly excited to write the Christmas chapter. I've already written the Blaine/Burt conversation and I kind of love it. There will be a few surprises in NY, so make sure you check it out!**


	10. Chapter 10: Glee, Actually

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you to all of you who are reading and reviewing, I love you all. Since it's Christmas Eve, this note is going to be quick, but I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and hug the people you love, because you never know what tomorrow will bring.**

**This is my beta's favorite chapter so far and I think it's mine too. I loved this episode (even though it didn't bring me the million warm fuzzies I wanted but knew I wouldn't get) and I love where my characters took me with it. A million thanks though to typegirl19 and StarGleekBelle for their help and support this chapter. I couldn't do it without them.**

* * *

Blaine stood in the living room of the house in Westerville hanging ornaments on the tree. His mother was baking cookies in the kitchen as his father worked silently in his office. The fireplace crackled beside him as the stockings hung from the mantle and all should have felt absolutely right with the world.

Except it didn't.

It had been more than a year since Blaine had started going to counseling and as he and his father began to find a place of relative peace and the pain of losing Kurt was starting to ever so slowly ease, the flashbacks had nearly ceased. Until today. Today he found himself in moments of panic, his heart racing, his head spinning and his stomach fighting to settle, and all it took was a certain ornament hung on the tree or the crash of his mother accidentally dropping the cookie sheet on the floor.

"Sorry!" his mother yelled from the kitchen seconds after the heavy metal clanked on the tiled floor. "Sorry!" she repeated.

"Everything okay in there?" his father yelled from the study.

But Blaine didn't hear the words. He heard a crash and yelling and that was all it took for Blaine to once again be 8 years old on that dreadful night when Christmas was forever ruined.

Until Kurt.

Last year Christmas had been perfect as he and Kurt and his mother hung the ornaments on their small tree in the Lima apartment. They'd exchanged presents and promises, including the promise that it would be their first of many Christmas' together. That promise was all that was holding Blaine together right now.

"First batch of cookies," his mother sung as she exited the kitchen with a plate of snowflake sugar cookies. Blaine forced a smile, the smell of her baking helping him relax.

"You're doing a great job on that tree, Blaine," the Colonel praised as he swept out of the office and quickly snatched a cookie from the plate, settling into the couch.

"Thanks," Blaine said with surprise.

He turned back to the tree, continuing to hang the ornaments. Blaine smiled fondly at the ones he had quietly stolen last year from Kurt's trash pile and snuck back to his keep pile. Out of the corner of his eye he watched his parents tenderly interact with one another. They looked surreal to Blaine and it felt like a dream he'd be awoken from as soon as the screaming and the hitting started again.

The truth was, he wasn't ready for this. He was still on pins and needles waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for the battle to begin. He still walked on eggshells around his father. He was still angry at his mother for forgiving so easily. He still didn't trust either of them. And he wasn't ready to pretend that it was all better.

The phone rang and for the first time that day his face lit up when he saw it was Kurt. He glanced over to his parents before heading upstairs to his room for some privacy, hitting the answer button halfway up the stairs. "Hey!" he beamed into the phone.

"Hi," Kurt said, more hesitantly than Blaine would have liked. "How are things?"

"Things are…weird," Blaine remarked as he slipped into his room and closed the door quietly behind him. "I'm in Westerville decorating a Christmas tree while my mother makes cookies and cuddles with my father on the couch. I honestly don't know how long I can take this."

"I'm sorry," Kurt said earnestly then paused. It was a pause filled with avoidance and regret and Blaine waited him out while his heart dropped and he sunk onto his bed with it. "Look, Blaine, I, um…"

Blaine closed his eyes and sighed with resignation. "Just say it Kurt," Blaine told him, his voice low. "You're not coming to Ohio for Christmas."

"I'm not coming to Ohio for Christmas," Kurt echoed. "It's just with my NYADA tuition and they're all going to go to Zanesville to Carol's sister's house, which doesn't sound like any fun…" he prattled on until Blaine interrupted him.

"Yeah, yeah, of course," Blaine said, his voice thin and forced. Blaine felt the tears come to his eyes as disappointment and guilt washed over him and god how he was sick of crying over Kurt and his parents and everything. "My Dad's calling Kurt, I gotta go," he lied. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas Blaine," he heard Kurt whisper before he hung up the phone.

Blaine heard giggles from the first floor beneath him and he threw himself face first into his pillow. There was absolutely nothing merry about this Christmas.

* * *

Blaine's nerves raced as he drove straight from Glee rehearsal on the last day before Christmas break to meet Burt at Breadstix. The call was a huge surprise. Maybe Kurt had changed his mind about coming to Ohio. Or maybe Burt was going to finally confront him for betraying Kurt and preventing his son from wanting to come home to his family for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Or maybe Burt felt sorry for him and was inviting him to Zanesville. Or maybe…

He decided getting out of the car and walking into the restaurant was a better idea than sitting alone in the parking lot staring at the door as he mulled over the possibilities of why the man he respected more than any other in the world had called him out of the blue and asked him to meet for dinner. He walked inside and scanned the crowd, seeing Burt sitting toward the middle of the restaurant in a booth for two. Blaine headed over and stood tentatively next to the table once he'd arrived. "Hello Sir," he said formally.

Burt kept on his best poker face, the one that Blaine found more intimidating than any other, and invited Blaine to sit.

"Thank you Sir," Blaine said quietly and he took off his coat and laid it neatly beside him. Blaine forced himself to meet Burt's eyes briefly, but his guilt and shame weighed heavily on him in the presence of Kurt's father. He hastily averted his eyes, concentrating intently on the menu.

Burt allowed Blaine his time and his silence, knowing how hard it must have been for the boy to even come to meet him. Kurt had told him everything he knew about what had gone on and while it wasn't much, it was enough. Burt had his own thoughts but he had kept them to himself this long, believing that Kurt had to make his own choices about his relationship with Blaine. He still believed that. But he also believed that everything happened for a reason. Even the bad things.

"So Kurt tells me you're going to be hanging out in Westerville for Christmas," Burt broke the silence once they'd placed their orders. "How do you feel about that?"

Blaine avoided Burt's gaze, concentrating hard on stirring his coffee. "Spending Christmas watching my parents navigate their tentative reconciliation while I brood over the fact that Kurt's not home for ice skating and hot chocolate like he promised? Sounds like the worst Christmas ever," Blaine grumbled.

Burt chuckled at the pout that was so similar to Kurt's, but he looked at Blaine and saw not the bright eyed always smiling boy that he'd come to know. He saw the hurt, broken kid of two summers ago. It pained him to see that Blaine back in front of him again and he frowned. "Look kid, I've been meaning to call you, but some things have gotten in the way."

"You don't need to explain Sir," Blaine said into his coffee. "I understand."

"No, you don't." Burt's voice was so firm it made Blaine look up. "Look, I don't know how I feel about telling you this before I tell Kurt, but I feel like I owe it to you. I know how much you must have needed a Dad with all this going on with Kurt, and I wasn't there for you like I should have been."

"It's okay, really. I mean, I get that you're on Kurt's side. I mean, you should be. I mean, I am too, mostly, there's no excuse, so…" Blaine rambled on, stopping only when Burt placed his hand on top of his own. It was so much rougher than his son's, but just like that summer, they were as caring and soothing as Kurt's.

"Blaine, stop," Burt said gently and he waited until Blaine's eyes settled on his before continuing. "I have prostate cancer. That's why I didn't call you sooner."

Blaine froze, trapping his breath for a moment before it was swept from his lungs. The room suddenly swayed and spun until Burt tightened his grip on Blaine's hand, bringing his thoughts back from the depths of despair. He lowered his eyes slowly and forced back the tears that threatened to fall. A life flashed before his eyes. A life without Kurt or Burt in it. A life without love. A life without a father who he could be safe with. Or if by some miracle Kurt came back to him, a wedding with no one to give his beloved away. He imagined children without a grandfather they could ever truly trust. That was all it took for the tears to fall for real before Blaine could catch his breath and wipe them quickly away, fighting them back with all his might.

"It's okay son," Burt said gently.

Blaine wished they weren't in a public place because his heart hurt so much that all he wanted to do was break down sobbing. "What do…" he took a deep breath and tried again to get the words out without falling apart. "What do the doctors say?" he whispered.

"They say I'm going to be fine," Burt assured him. "They caught it early, the tests indicate it hasn't spread, so they'll do some surgery and hopefully all will be fine. 100% cured."

Blaine nodded and looked away. "I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to feel the way I do," Blaine said, not being able to stop the tears from rolling down his cheeks. "I mean, you're not my father, and after what I did to Kurt…"

"You messed up kid," Burt acknowledged, but his voice was tempered. "And I'll never say that what you did was okay because it wasn't. You remember that talk you asked me to have with Kurt two years ago? You remember what I told him?"

"Yes sir," Blaine said softly. "You told him that he matters."

"Well what you did…I'm sure it kind of made him feel like he didn't matter that much, at least to you," Burt said honestly, not pulling any punches. He needed to know what Blaine was thinking.

Blaine dropped his head in his hands as his heart once again shattered, his words trembling. "Kurt is the only thing that matters to me."

Burt took his words in for a minute before answering. "Did you tell him that?" he asked.

"I tried. He wouldn't listen."

"Ah yes," Burt nodded knowingly. "I am quite familiar with the fingers in the ears, the humming…" Blaine chuckled into his hands at Burt's words despite himself. "And I know I'm not Kurt, but if you want to talk to someone, a Hummel who will listen, I am happy to do that."

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Burt," Blaine whispered. "At times you've been the closest thing I've had to a father, but I wasn't sure, and then…"

Burt gripped his hand again. "You're like a son to me Blaine, and one mistake ain't gonna change that. I've told you time and again, you are a part of this family and that's true whether you and Kurt are together or not. I don't turn my back on family." Blaine took in his words and wrapped them up like a hug he would hold onto forever. "So listen to me when I tell you," Burt said turning stern. "Kurt's not the only one who matters. So this listening I'm going to do when we get back from New York will also have a little talking about you not throwing yourself around either, understood?"

Blaine nodded. "I'd really like that Sir," Blaine said with a ghost of a smile, then did a double take. "Wait, what do you mean _when_ _we get back from New York_?"

Burt shrugged nonchalantly, though the twinkle in his eye betrayed him. "Well, I thought you might want to come with me to the city for Christmas. There's no way I'm going to let Kurt get away with not spending time with his old man two holidays in a row. Plus, I hate flying alone and my son owes you a hot chocolate and some ice skating. I hear Bryant Park is way better than the Augalize."

"You're serious?" Blaine asked, his heart leaping excitedly in his chest.

"I'm not really much of a jokester Blaine," Burt arched his brow and smirked. "We'll be in Zanesville for the weekend then I'll come get you in Westerville early Monday and we'll head over to the airport. As long as it's okay with your parents."

Suddenly Blaine frowned. "You think Kurt will…" he trailed off, but Burt knew what he was asking.

"I think Kurt will need you there," he said seriously. "Even if he doesn't know it."

* * *

"You are not going to New York and that is final," the Colonel fumed. It was the weekend before Christmas and Blaine had been scared to bring it up, but he was running out of time. His bags were upstairs in his room, packed and ready to go, though he'd allowed his father to just assume they were for the Christmas vacation. Finally though he knew he had to tell him. Not ask him, Blaine reminded himself.

"I'm not asking your permission Dad." Blaine held firm while his heart beat wildly in his chest with fear. "Burt invited me to New York with him and I'm going. You'll have Cooper here, he arrives tomorrow, right?"

"Cooper's not coming sweetheart," his mother said softly, trying to diffuse the argument. "He got a last minute gig to tape a local commercial in Jersey over the Christmas holiday. He thinks it's really going to explode like his last one, so he doesn't want to give up the chance."

Blaine's shoulders fell as he frowned. "Well, I'm sorry. I really am. But I'm not giving up the chance to be with Kurt on Christmas."

"It's always about Kurt, isn't it," the Colonel muttered under his breath, but Amy shot him a look and he took a breath and started again more calmly. "Blaine," he said as he took Amy's hand. "This is the first Christmas in a really long time where things are okay. No one is scared. Your mom and I wanted to enjoy it together as a family."

"I was scared of you for 18 years, it doesn't go away that quickly," Blaine grumbled.

"You can't keep running away to Kurt," the Colonel insisted. "You have to face it eventually."

"I'm not running away from anything Dad, I'm running _to_ him," Blaine snapped. "And I'm sorry if it hurts you, but there is no one I would rather spend Christmas with than Kurt." He stormed up the stairs to his room and slammed the door, knowing he was acting like a small child instead of the grown man he was trying to be, but in the heat of the moment he was unable to control himself. He waited for the shouts and the heavy footsteps of his father but he heard neither. Instead the sound of soft whispers traveled up the staircase followed by the delicate stride of his mother. She rapped quietly on the door.

"Come in," he murmured as he sat up against his headboard and picked up his phone to pretend he was scrolling through text messages or Facebook or anything other than listening to her reprimands for his insolence.

She sat on the bed and rubbed his leg tenderly and he looked up at her. "Your father just had high hopes for Christmas this year and he's disappointed."

"I know the feeling," Blaine muttered, setting the phone beside him. "I just…I can't give up on Christmas together, ya know? Not when his Dad is the one that invited me. Not knowing that Kurt is going to need me." He looked at her, hoping she would understand.

And she did. She knew how much Kurt meant to him. She'd never tell Blaine, but she'd seen the same look in his father's eyes many times over the years. _One more chance_, they begged. Well she'd given his father a hundred more chances. How could she deny Blaine just this one? "I'll give you my blessing if you promise me one thing," she told him.

"What is it?" he asked, a bit suspiciously.

She picked up Blaine's phone and held it out for him. "See Cooper while you're there? I don't want either one of you to spend Christmas without family, and if things don't go well with Kurt, you're going to need him," she said.

Blaine broke out into a grin and took the phone, hugging her. "I promise," he chimed.

"Have a Merry Christmas Blaine," she smiled, tracing a hand softly on his cheek before leaving him to call Cooper.

Blaine dialed the number but it went to voicemail and he left a message. "Ho ho ho, Coop, guess who you're picking up at the airport Christmas Eve morning?"

* * *

"Chauffer for Blaine Anderson," Cooper called with not so veiled sarcasm as he saw Blaine and Burt head out of the restricted area. Neither had checked any bags. Since flying to and from Washington D.C. on a regular basis, Burt was a master at packing his carry on and he'd repacked Blaine's bags at the house before they left.

"Looks like your ride's here Kid," Burt said cheerfully, slapping Blaine on the back. "8pm at Bryant Park. Have your skates on. Don't be late," he winked.

"I won't Sir," he assured him. "Thanks," he smiled.

Burt greeted Cooper and they shook hands, then he headed off in a taxi for Kurt's apartment. It would cost him about seventy bucks but it was a hell of a lot easier than dealing with public transportation.

Cooper looked Blaine up and down. "I assume you want to go back to the hotel and get changed before heading out to the city. Maybe take a shower?"

"Sounds like a plan," Blaine said and Cooper led them through Newark airport to the hotel shuttles. They sat on the bench, waiting for theirs to arrive. "So what's this commercial?"

"Oh!" Cooper exclaimed excitedly. "It's for a local insurance company! The jingle is really catchy and my agents say it could become even bigger than Free Credit Rating!"

"And they're filming over Christmas?" Blaine asked dubiously.

"Well, they're filming the day after Christmas, and they needed me here yesterday for some fittings and the studio recording and stuff. I think they got a discount on the space because it's off-season," Cooper explained as if he knew what he was talking about. The little bus pulled up. "Here's our shuttle."

They rode back to the hotel, which was only a few minutes away, in relative silence. Blaine let Cooper lead the way to his room and he sat down on the double bed that didn't look lived in. Now that he was here, excitement disappeared and nerves took over. Cooper didn't miss the change. "So what's the plan Squirt?"

Blaine fidgeted and kept his eyes trained on his fingers. "Um, well, Burt wants me to meet Kurt at CitiPond in Bryant Park. Kurt promised me ice skating and hot chocolate before he changed his mind about going back to Lima for Christmas, so Burt thought we could do it here instead." He looked up at Cooper suddenly with panic in his eyes. "Please tell me this wasn't a stupid idea."

"This wasn't a stupid idea," Cooper echoed.

"What if he isn't happy to see me?" Blaine fretted.

"What if he is?" Cooper retorted, an eyebrow quirked in amusement.

"I'm serious Coop," Blaine shot back. "What if he just turns around and walks away like he did at Grease, or worse, tells me that he didn't come to Lima because he realized he can't forgive me and doesn't want me in his life anymore?" The sweat on his brow was gleaming and his hands shook just enough for his brother to see.

Cooper knelt down in front of his brother and took his hands. "Then at least you'll know where you stand," he said matter-of-factly. Blaine nodded in sad acknowledgement. Cooper looked at his little brother, so hopeful yet broken. It was the face he had seen and ignored when they were little. When Dad would blow up at them and Blaine seemed resigned to the fact that one or both of them was going to be in big trouble but just hoped it wasn't him. On those days, Cooper just wanted to take the pain for both of them, even if Blaine had been at fault. Why didn't Kurt feel the same way? "I have to admit, Blaine, I don't understand how Kurt could just abandon you after everything you've been through with Dad. He has to realize that you wouldn't have done something like that if it weren't for all the shit that he put you through."

"Cooper stop," Blaine ordered and Coop shut his mouth and watched his brother. "I don't want a free pass. I don't want Kurt's pity. I don't want him to spend the rest of his life with me because my father was an asshole who abused me and taught me crap about how to be a real man. I don't want Kurt settling, putting up with less than he deserves because he feels sorry for me."

"That's not what I meant," Cooper said carefully.

"Kurt is a romantic," Blaine said trying to explain to Cooper. "He's the type of guy who grows up to tell his kids this fantastic love story of how he married his high school sweetheart. That they'd loved each other so much that they'd never been with anyone else, because no one else could ever hold a candle to what they had. He deserves that fairy tale."

"Blaine," Coop said softly, hating to see his brother beating himself up, but Blaine wouldn't let him continue.

"I took that from him," Blaine shouted over him, "and everything that happened to me before doesn't change that. No matter what happens now, even if he somehow forgives me and we spend the rest of our lives together, that's something that I can't ever give back to him. What does he tell his kids now?"

Cooper sighed and sat next to Blaine on the bed, placing a hand on his knee. "If you end up together, Squirt, you tell your kids that true love isn't perfect. It's not the absence of dark times, it's finding your way through the darkness. It's falling in love over and over again. It's being willing to trust even when it's hardest. It's doing whatever it takes to earn trust back when you mess up. It's forgiving yourself. It's loving yourself as much as you love someone else. Kurt doesn't deserve a fairy tale Blaine. Real life is so much better."

Blaine stared at his fingers, clasped tightly in his lap. It was a beautiful sentiment, but he wasn't sure he believed it. "Where'd you learn that from?" he asked doubtfully.

"I learned it from you Blaine," Cooper said tenderly. Taken by surprise, Blaine's eyes snapped to Cooper, who smiled down at him. "You took a chance to trust me again. You let me go back. You let me in. And I learned to forgive myself for abandoning you."

"Like Mom…and Dad?" Blaine said quietly.

"Yeah," Cooper breathed. "Seems to be what the Andersons do. Now I don't know if the Hummel men are the same, but if Kurt's anything like his Dad…"

Blaine nodded. "He is, in some ways."

Cooper smiled. "Then there's always hope Blaine," he said. "Now, why don't you and I put this deep talk behind us and go paint the town before your date tonight."

Blaine blushed and ran a hand through his hair. "It's not a date, Coop," he murmured bashfully.

Cooper shrugged and gave him a teasing shrug. "I don't know, sounds like an arranged date to me!"

"Yeah, well, no one asked you," Blaine said ducking his red face as he disappeared into the bathroom. He wouldn't admit it to Cooper, but he hoped very much that it would end up being a date.

* * *

Cooper and Blaine took the train into the city and took advantage of as much of their day together as they could. After spending the rest of their morning and lunch at the Holiday Train show at the NY Botanical Gardens, they headed downtown to window shop, marveling at the beautiful Christmas displays at Bloomingdale's and getting lost amongst the amazing toys at FAO Schwartz. They indulged in roasted chestnuts that they found on every street corner, each bag keeping them a little bit warmer inside. At 3 o'clock, they headed to Midtown to the stunning St. Thomas Episcopal Church. Throughout the day, Blaine had been filling Cooper in on all the things he'd neglected to share over the last few months. They talked about how weird their parents had been, Blaine's feelings about being alone at McKinley and finally how he'd almost returned to Dalton.

"It's just not the same as it was when I was there," Blaine was telling Cooper sadly as the world-renowned choir filed into the Church. His eyes glanced over the large assembly of men and boys in their white and red choir robes until they landed on two good friends who Blaine sorely missed for more than one reason. Wes and David were looking for him as well and finally caught his eye and smiled before they were brought to attention by the choir director.

It was a beautiful service, the children of the congregation invited up to sit near the steps of the chancel, near the crèche, midway through the service. Blaine sang along quietly when he knew the words, but mostly he sat mesmerized by the beauty of the music and the pride at seeing his friends in such a prestigious choir.

Wes and David came quickly to find him after the services and their warm embraces were exactly what Blaine needed to calm the nerves that were starting to creep back up mere hours before he was due to meet Kurt. "Hey Blaine!" they both exclaimed excitedly.

"It's amazing that you could make it out to the service," Wes said.

"You guys sounded fantastic," Blaine beamed proudly.

"It's so good to see you again, man," David said. "What have you been up to?"

Blaine shrugged. He didn't want to talk about Kurt. He could tell them how Sebastian and Hunter had turned the Warblers from a respectable and esteemed show choir to a petty and scheming one, but he was sure they'd already heard and he didn't want to bring anyone down. Not today. "Nothing much really. Just student council and Glee, though we lost sectionals to the Warblers, so…"

"So New Directions will be hitting the nursing home circuit then?" David grinned mischievously.

"You can take them on a tour in Columbus," Wes chimed in.

Blaine laughed heartily. "Yes, I absolutely could."

"So how long are you in New York?" David asked.

"Um, Kurt's dad and I are heading back home to Ohio on Wednesday, so just a quick trip. But hopefully a nice one," he added nervously.

They all smiled softly. Wes and David knew the story, as best as they could, from Nick. They also knew better than to ask too much about Kurt.

"So we're going to head out to some dinner before the service tonight," Wes said. "You and Cooper want to come or are you heading out?"

Blaine turned to ask Coop, then realized that he'd disappeared throughout the conversation and was now nowhere to be found. He scanned the crowd and spied him flirting with a pretty young blonde a few pews away. Blaine rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone, sending a quick text.

**To Cooper: Dinner…with her or with us?**

The boys watched amusedly as Cooper pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly checked the text. He smiled, hit a few buttons and, whispering something to the girl, handed his phone over to her. She smiled coyly and inputted what could only be her cell number then handed the phone back. He offered his best grin and a quick wink before nearly bouncing back to where Blaine, David and Wes were standing. "So where are we going boys?" he asked beaming.

They all laughed, and Blaine threw an arm around his brother's back as he let David and Wes lead them out onto the street. Dinner was delicious, full of small talk and hilarious stories about Wes and David's college experiences. It was nice to be away from Ohio, away from the pettiness of high school competition and out in the real world. For the first time, he could almost understand how easily it must have been for Kurt to pull away. New York was like a whole different universe.

Time flew by and before he knew it, it was nearing 7 o'clock and Blaine wanted to make sure he got to Bryant Park with plenty of time to spare. He said goodbye to his friends, promised to write to keep them up to date on everything, and then he and Cooper headed out to the rink. Finally he let his nerves overtake him and he brushed his hands together not because of the cold, but because the blood in his veins was turning to ice. Cooper looked over and grabbed him tightly as they walked.

"It's going to be fine Squirt," he guaranteed him. "Whatever happens, it's going to be fine."

They reached the pond and Blaine rented his skates and flew onto the ice, warming up, getting warm, and working off some of his nerves. At 7:45 he skated over to Cooper who sat at one of the tables away from the front door. They didn't want to ruin the surprise.

"What if he doesn't come," Blaine asked for the third time, as he stood breathlessly against the rail.

"He's going to come Blaine, and you're going to miss him if you keep spinning around the pond or fretting over here next to me." Blaine took s a deep breath and Cooper took a glance at the entrance, his eyes lighting up. "In fact, he's here now," Coop said and Blaine immediately snapped his attention to the entrance where a beautiful sight filled his eyes. He felt a pat on his back and heard the words, "Go get him tiger," before he closed his eyes, said a quick prayer, and skated over to the love of his life.

* * *

Seeing your child hurt is one of the hardest things a parent can go through, and seeing Kurt torn between forgiveness and fear nearly broke Burt's heart as he watched Kurt and Blaine skate together on the ice. If only he'd known then what he knew now, he would have given Blaine more of the attention he so desperately needed after Kurt left. He would have made sure Blaine knew that he mattered, not just to Kurt, but to him.

Walking to Bryant Park, following Kurt at a safe distance where he couldn't be seen, Burt never realized how beautiful New York could be. But Kurt was right; it was a city full of magic.

He hoped the magic could help his kids take that first step again. They were just not the same without one another. He nodded as he watched them together on the ice. They were beautiful.

If Burt had known then what he knew now, he would have done a better job of showing Kurt how much work went into a relationship. He would have taught him that love is earned, not given freely. That it takes attention and care. That taking it for granted was the surest way of losing it.

Burt sat at a table by the frozen pond and watched children and families and couples all skate hand in hand. Some fell only to give up. Some reached a hand and supported one another. And some skated by, seemingly without a care in the world.

He'd always taught Kurt to reach a hand, but never had he told him what to do when it burned him.

He watched his son catch his eyes, and Kurt smiled softly, whispering to Blaine that he'd be back in a bit. He skated over, nearly falling once but hanging on, as he came slamming to the edge. He wobbled his way next to his father, where he sighed heavily as he took a seat.

"I hope I didn't mess up your Christmas," Burt said earnestly. "I thought you might need him…after my news."

Kurt's eyes stayed trained on Blaine, who skated as well as the professionals out on the ice, face beaming with hope and excitement, like a child on Christmas morning. Kurt shook his head slightly at his Dad. "No, you didn't mess it up. You did maybe complicate things a bit though," he smirked.

"I'm sorry, Kurt," Burt confessed with a heavy heart. "I don't think I gave you all the tools you needed to handle this."

"I still love him, Dad. But I don't know if we're meant to be. I'm afraid to trust him. What if I take him back and he does it again?" Kurt asked, his fear caught in his voice.

"What if he doesn't?" Burt retorted. He turned and placed a comforting hand on Kurt's knee, wishing as always that this was as easy to fix as the scrapes from falling of his bicycle had been so many years ago. Kurt looked at him, his blue eyes so much older than those days, but still searching for his Dad to have all the answers. "There are an infinite number of what ifs in a relationship, but we can't tell the future, Kurt. I couldn't have known that my time with your mother would have been cut short. But if I had known then what I know now, I still would not have changed a single second with her."

"So what do I do?" Kurt asked.

He rested his head on Burt's shoulder, and held his hand. It struck Burt in that moment how he'd do anything to stop his child's pain but nothing to prevent his own, because without it, he wouldn't be who he was today. And he realized, he had to let him go. He'd done as much as he could. This was part of Kurt growing up, and Burt couldn't push him any further.

"This is your life son, your future," Burt told him. "So the only question to ask yourself is can you imagine it without him."

* * *

They skated for a couple of hours after their impromptu duet. Cooper and Burt had gone off together somewhere and both boys were a little apprehensive about what those two could be up to. As they each took their moments resting on the sidelines, they watched the other closely. So many thoughts raced through their heads. The uncertainty of their present and their future most prominent in their minds.

Despite promises of a mature heart to heart, the words they both needed to say went unspoken that night. They went to warm up at Celsius, sharing a pumpkin cheesecake, as they allowed themselves to focus on the skaters below rather than each other. Meeting one another's eyes, especially for Kurt, was too powerful, too full of emotion they still weren't ready to explore. When Kurt did look at Blaine, as he had on the ice, his stomach tightened and his heart beat quickly at the reminder of his infidelity. But the thought of walking away from him forever felt even worse.

"I'm sorry about your Dad, Kurt," Blaine said gently. The subject was hard, but it was safer than talking about them. And it was why Burt had brought him here after all.

Kurt lowered his eyes to the table. He'd been trying not to think about it, but that was the other thing weighing heavily on him and he needed to talk to his best friend about it. "I'm just so scared," Kurt admitted, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "I keep imagining him not being here for my first starring role, or my NYADA graduation, or my wedding." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and though both of their faces reddened at the image, they looked away and didn't acknowledge the awkwardness.

Blaine pulled his hands into his lap to prevent himself from reaching out for Kurt, but with the power in his voice, he forced Kurt to meet his eyes. "Listen to me Kurt," he said firmly. "Your father is the strongest man I know, next to you, and there is no way he isn't going to fight like hell to be there for all of those things and more. So don't even let your mind go there. This may slow him down a bit, but it is _not_ going to stop him. Nothing stops the Hummel men," Blaine said. "Getting into NYADA is proof of that," he added with a proud smile.

Kurt blushed and averted his eyes. "Yeah, it is, isn't it."

"Don't ever give up on your dreams, Kurt. Whatever they are, whoever they're with. Don't give up and your father will be there to see you make them come true."

"Thanks Blaine," Kurt replied, though the words seem to fall incredibly short of all he wanted to say. Luckily Blaine seemed to understand.

"You're welcome," he answered smoothly. "Come on, let's go get that hot chocolate you promised me. This is most definitely not the Lima Bean."

They went to the counter and ordered two Chocolate Storms to go. They held the warm cups firmly between their fingers, in part to keep warm, but also to keep from holding hands, something that felt so natural and yet so precarious to them both. As they walked out of the Park, the church bells chimed. Blaine's face lit up. "Listen, hey, it's midnight!" Kurt watched him and nodded. "It's Christmas."

"Officially," Kurt said quietly, awkwardly.

Blaine looked at him. He knew Kurt was hesitant. This wasn't the grand reunification that he'd hoped for, but it also wasn't the complete rejection that he'd dreaded. It was friendship. And he could be okay with that. "No matter what, no matter where, even if we're not together, we're always gonna be there for each other."

"Yeah," Kurt smiled and wrapped an arm around Blaine in a gentle hug. Blaine squeezed his eyes closed and sighed against Kurt's shoulder, breathing in the scent that he'd missed so much. He opened his eyes to see Burt smiling back at them, but by the time Kurt let go, Burt was gone.

Blaine ducked his head, not wanting to make Kurt any more uncomfortable than he already was. "I should be going. It's a long trip back to Newark." He shuffled his feet, absentmindedly tracing a heart on the ground with his toe. "It was great seeing you, Kurt," he said in farewell.

"Wait, you're not coming over for Christmas tomorrow?" Kurt found himself asking, wondering as soon as it was out of his mouth if he regretted it or not.

"Oh, well, I didn't want to assume," Blaine stammered. "Or intrude. I mean, I know it's important for you and your dad to spend that time together."

Kurt was pretty sure his Dad would kill him if he didn't invite Blaine, but he didn't want to say that and imply he didn't want Blaine there. He also didn't want to say how much he would miss Blaine if he didn't come and give him false hope for a Christmas miracle. "My dad says the game starts at noon," Kurt said off-handedly, a crooked smile on his face. "He'll need someone to watch with. And I'll need someone who can appreciate Vogue."

Blaine smiled, consciously softening his eyes to temper his excitement. "Great," he said with veiled delight. "I'll see you at noon tomorrow."

* * *

Memories. He didn't know why they had such a powerful hold over him, he just knew that no matter how hard he tried to banish the ghosts of his past, they continued to haunt him. Stepping up to Kurt's apartment door, he took a deep breath and reminded himself that this time was different. Except it didn't feel that different.

Kurt opened the door and welcomed him not with a kiss and a hug but a tight-lipped smile that clearly gave away the battle Kurt was fighting inside. Blaine returned it and walked inside, thankful for the warm presence of Burt.

"Hey Kid," Burt greeted from the couch. "The games just starting and Kurt is busy cooking. Keep an old man company?"

Blaine's smile brightened as he hung up his coat. "That's why I'm here," he laughed, side-eyeing Kurt, who nodded and turned quietly back to the kitchen. Blaine took a deep breath. The tension was palpable, but it wasn't that Kurt didn't want him there. It was more that Kurt didn't _want_ to want him there. And that Blaine understood. The last time Blaine was there had been one of the worst nights of both of their lives.

Glancing to the bedroom where they'd spent hours in silence, not saying all the things that needed to be said, Blaine took a seat next to Burt and tried to shake off the past. Burt's cheerful and knowing grin helped. "He's glad you're here," Burt whispered. "Don't let him make you think otherwise."

Blaine blushed and smiled at his fingers.

They watched the Celtics game together in relative silence, munching popcorn, letting their opposite cheers and yells carry to Kurt's ears in the kitchen. Clearly his father was rooting for the Celtics and Blaine the Nets, though Kurt knew Blaine didn't really care either way. He wouldn't be surprised if he'd done it just for the sake of a bet. It made Kurt smile to think of the friendship that Blaine and his father had developed. He felt guilty that he wouldn't be home to care for his father during his surgery and after, but knowing that Blaine would be there, would be the son that he couldn't be right now, meant a lot to Kurt. It meant more than maybe it should. As he put the last of the dishes in the oven, and cleaned up the kitchen, he fought back the urge to let this change the way he felt about what Blaine had done. Still, he was grateful.

Kurt walked into the living room and sat with them, staring at the men in ugly shirts and shorts run around the court passing the ball. When there was so much going on in the world, he didn't understand how anyone could care so much about whether grown men were able to throw a ball into a tiny hoop, but he guessed everyone needed their distraction. He glanced at his father and then at the Vogue magazine on the table and gave in to temptation.

Blaine took out his wallet and slapped a bill into Burt's hand and Kurt just rolled his eyes. They were two peas in a pod, two childish peas in a pod.

Burt happily took Blaine's money. He was pretty sure he'd be giving it right back when the Celtics lost tonight but he'd be the last to admit it now. "So," he said. "Graduating…plans for the future?"

Blaine's heart skipped a beat at the question. This wasn't the where or the how he had wanted to talk to Kurt about it. But somehow he thought that Burt knew that and also knew best. So he went with it. "Uh, well, I haven't talked about this with Kurt, and I wouldn't want to do anything to make him uncomfortable, but I was thinking about applying to NYADA. Would that be okay?" He held his breath as he looked behind Burt to Kurt. If Kurt said it wasn't would he throw his application out? Would he give up on the chances he and Kurt had dreamed about since they'd seen their first Broadway show last January? Would he give up on this part of his future because Kurt didn't want to be a part of it? Would Kurt ask him to?

Blaine saw the hesitation, the doubt and the fear in Kurt's eyes. He didn't ignore them, he watched Kurt carefully. But when Kurt answered, "I think that'd be great," Blaine couldn't help the small smile that escaped. Because Kurt didn't ask him to give anything up, and really, Blaine never should have thought he would. "Me, too," he said popping a popcorn piece in his mouth.

The rest of the night was everything for Blaine that Christmas at his own house would not have been. All games over and bets paid up, Blaine helped Kurt set the table for Christmas dinner. It smelled delicious, the place looked fantastic, Kurt looked absolutely gorgeous and there was no way that Blaine could banish the thoughts in his mind even if he wanted to, which only a part of him did. He would do everything he had to in order to keep Kurt in his life. To keep this wonderful Christmas tradition a part of his life. In whatever way the fates allowed, he never wanted to spend Christmas without him. As friends, as lovers, or as husbands, Blaine believed in Kurt more than anything else. It was okay that Kurt wasn't yet sure where Blaine belonged in his life. Because this night, that smile, meant that there was still a place for him, somehow. And that was enough for now.

As he pulled the chair out for the man who had taught him what it was to be a man, as he watched Kurt and his Dad chatter about anything at everything, he was overwhelmed once again by their relationship. This was what family was. It was a father and son who loved each other, respected one another, and cared so deeply that maybe sometimes they overstepped boundaries that ought to be knocked down anyway. It was sharing happy memories of Christmas' gone by. It was not being afraid. Not walking on egg shells. It was not waiting for the next shoe to drop but instead for the next laugh to make you choke on your drink. This was family. This was Blaine's family, for better or for worse, and there was nowhere else that he truly belonged. And that gift was given to him not by the beautiful boy sitting next to him, but by the man who had somehow miraculously offered him trust and respect despite his mistakes. Burt had invited him in, two years ago and again tonight. And because of that, Blaine was most definitely having a merry little Christmas now.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Reviews are love! Have a wonderful holiday season and see you in January! And if you want to chat before that, please come find me on tumblr at GleekMom, I'd love to chat with you all!**

**The scene with Burt at the ice skating rink I stole from myself from Between Friends. It was a scene I wrote before the spoilers of Bryant Park were out so I'm quite proud of myself for anticipating that scene. If you want to read the original, it's called "If I Knew Then."**


	11. Chapter 11: New Year's Eve

**Author's Note:**

**Surprise! So this chapter was born out of spending 6 hours alone in a car one day and a glance at the gif of Sam pushing Blaine in the choir room and Blaine defending himself. I made my beta a sad panda because it's really angsty. But I also think it's a really necessary step to move into the second half of the season. **

**Love to my beta, typegirl19, and to MuseInMe3 for giving me the push I needed to finish this chapter. And for saying that my angst makes things sweeter rather than worse. I hope she's right.**

**WARNINGS: Parental emotional abuse and allusions to physical abuse.**

* * *

"_Get your coat on Blaine, it's time to go," Colonel Anderson yelled._

_Blaine walked slowly down the stairs, his sheet music in hand and grabbed his peacoat._

"_Jenny's really been looking forward to this duet," he told Blaine. "She's been asking about you a lot," he said with a sly wink. "Asked if you had a girlfriend."_

_Blaine froze in place, his stomach quickly tying into knots. It was moments like these he knew his father was just itching to pick a fight. "What did you tell her?" he asked cautiously._

"_I told her you didn't," his father smirked. "She was very pleased."_

"_But why would you tell her that?" Blaine questioned unable to hold back his frustration. "It's just leading her on. She'll think I'm interested."_

"_Well you should be," the Colonel answered bluntly._

"_Dad, wishing it away is not going to make me not gay," Blaine said. _

_Blaine knew the strike was coming and he knew it was aimed for his face, but at the last minute Blaine's public performance in a little over an hour was remembered and it was redirected. The blow against his arm still stung and knocked him off balance, but it could have been far worse. His father's finger was instantly in his face. "There will be no more of that talk in my house," he commanded. "Now get your coat on."_

_I really can't stay  
Get over that hold out  
Ahh..But it's cold outside_

_Blaine smiled at Jenny as the audience filled with serviceman and their families applauded for them. She beamed back at him, her pale cheeks rosy, her bright blue eyes shining with delight and pride. She nearly skipped as she grabbed his hand and pulled him backstage, her arms flinging around him in a giant hug before the next act barely even made it onstage._

"_That was amazing Blaine!" she exclaimed breathlessly before gathering her nerve and kissing him. Blaine's eyes opened wide in shock and he brusquely pulled away from her lips._

"_What's the matter?" she asked, hurt and confused. "Don't you like me?"_

"_Of course I like you, Jenny," he answered quickly, trying to make her feel better. "We've been friends since our dads came back from the war."_

"_Well aren't I pretty?" she asked, running a finger through her long blonde hair dejectedly._

"_You're beautiful," Blaine answered awkwardly, his brow furrowing. He hated that he was making her doubt herself._

"_Your dad said you didn't have a girlfriend," she said, still trying to figure out why Blaine didn't like her._

"_I __**don't**__ have a girlfriend," he said definitively, then flushed nervously. "I mean, I'm not dating anyone," he clarified._

"_Then why Blaine?" she coaxed._

"_It's just," Blaine stammered._

"_If you don't have a girlfriend then it's just what?" she asked impatiently._

_Blaine stared through her as he weighed his options. He hated lying, but he was scared to tell the truth. He could just walk away without an explanation, but he knew that would hurt her even more. He started and stopped half a dozen times before he lowered his eyes and quietly answered as honestly as he could. "I don't have a boyfriend either."_

_She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it, dropping her hands that had still been on his arms. "Oh," she said, and he knew she understood._

"_Please don't tell my Dad I told you," he pleaded desperately._

_She looked at him questioningly. "Why? He doesn't know?"_

_Blaine looked to the floor. "No, he knows. He just doesn't want anyone else to."_

_He looked up at her hopefully. She simply nodded and walked away._

_An hour later, a painful grip grabbed him by the arm and pulled him into a corner. "Why am I hearing whispers about my son being gay?" Colonel Anderson hissed._

_Blaine blanched and shook with fear, but he stood up to his father as he always did. "Jenny tried to kiss me, what was I supposed to do?"_

"_Kiss her back," his father sneered, "like every other boy at this party would die to do."_

"_You know I don't want to," Blaine whispered._

"_No. You just want to be a buckboy whore who sleeps around and sells his pretty boy body to all the fags for a dollar at the closest strip club," the Colonel snapped. Blaine's breath hitched at the hideous words and he battled back the tears that wanted to fall, fearing they would just make things worse. "Go wait for us in the car," his father ordered._

"_But it's freezing out there," Blaine protested, glancing at the snow falling amongst the Christmas lights outside the country club windows._

"_Don't worry, I'll be sure to warm your ass as soon as we get home," he threatened as he shoved him in the direction of the door._

_Blaine was curled up in the car, shivering with cold and nerves for nearly an hour before his mother and father drove him home to make good on the threat._

* * *

Blaine woke with a start, shivering as sweat covered his skin. "Shhh…" he heard Cooper say as he was gently pulled from his dream. "It's okay Blaine, you're safe."

Blaine took a deep breath and pulled the blankets tighter around him, trying to reorient himself to the here and now. He wasn't in Westerville two Christmas' ago, he was in the hotel room with Cooper in New York. He'd spent Christmas with Kurt today. He'd be meeting Burt at the airport in the morning.

"Nightmare?" Cooper asked worried. He'd tried to wake Blaine as soon as he'd heard his brother's terrified moans.

But Blaine shook his head. "No. Memories." He pulled his knees in tight and looked at Cooper, his face resting on his knees. "I should have known it was coming, but it's been a while."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Cooper asked.

Blaine considered it. He'd told Cooper about most of the things his father had done, but this had not been one of them. The words his father had said to him that day had damaged him more than anything else he'd ever done to Blaine. "No."

Cooper grasped his hand and looked Blaine straight in the eye. "Whatever Dad did to you, you can tell me."

"I know," Blaine said softly. "But you don't need to be filled with those memories Coop. Dad may still be a lot of things. But he's not that man anymore."

* * *

"No one ever told me that I mattered," Blaine said, staring out the car window as Burt drove him back to Westerville from the airport. Burt sat quietly letting the boy talk. "In fact quite the opposite. My Dad was pretty clear that he was sure I would just sleep around, sell myself. When I was with Eli, those words came rushing back to me. I wonder if Kurt and I would be where we are today if he'd never said those things to me." Blaine spoke more out loud to himself than in search of an answer and Burt just listened carefully. After a few moments, Blaine continued. "I'm afraid he might fall in love with someone else," he whispered.

Burt looked over to him than back out the windshield. "He might," he admitted and raised an eyebrow. "You might too."

But Blaine shook his head. "No. Kurt's it for me."

Burt was quiet for a minute. When he spoke, it was pensive. "You know, when Kurt's mom died, I thought that was it for me. She'd been my high school sweetheart, the love of my life. It wasn't perfect, we had our ups and downs, but she was all I ever wanted. I couldn't imagine life without her." He glanced over and Blaine was watching him intently. "Then Kurt introduced me to Carole. And somehow, I knew that though a door had closed, another had opened. And I had to make a choice whether or not to walk through."

"I haven't closed the door on Kurt," Blaine insisted.

"All I'm saying is that you need to be open to other possibilities. I know you love Kurt. You always will and he will always love you, I'm sure of that. But right now, you have to accept that the door closed the moment you did what you did. Now I know for a fact that Kurt hasn't locked it, or thrown away the key. But don't be surprised if he starts looking to see what other doors are open." He looked over at Blaine. He couldn't totally read what the boy was thinking, but he knew he'd heard. "But that's enough metaphors from me for one day."

Blaine sat quietly the rest of the trip lost in his racing thoughts of Kurt dating. He knew he would. He knew he should. But the thought of Kurt's lips on someone else's lips, of Kurt sharing his secrets with another man, twisted his heart painfully.

They pulled into the driveway in Westerville where his mother's car still sat and Blaine took a deep breath before moving to exit the car. He reached for the door, but Burt stopped him with a hand on his knee. Blaine turned. "I got something I want to say before you go," Burt said seriously. "And since you're family, I'm not going to sugar coat it. But it's your choice to go or hear me out."

Blaine considered him briefly then took his hand off the door. He would always hear Burt out, even when it hurt, because he always knew it would be what he needed to hear.

Burt nodded at his choice. Blaine was a good kid, but what he'd said earlier had struck a nerve with him and he couldn't shake it. "The last two years, over and over again, I've seen you defy your father's words and expectations to be an incredible friend and an incredible man. The things that he's done, they are a part of you, but they don't control you. Your choices are your own. Your responsibility. So it's time to stop blaming your Dad for them and let him off the hook."

Blaine took the words in and let them settle in his mind and his heart. He closed his eyes and nodded. "Thanks Burt," he said pensively, as he grabbed his bag at his feet and opened the door.

* * *

Blaine tried the doorknob and once again was pleased to find it unlocked. His father must have seen them pull up, they'd been sitting in the driveway for a while now. The living room was empty and he left his bag by the front door. He saw the headlights from Burt's car disappear from the bay window and he went in search of his Mom and Dad, finding his father in his office. "Where's Mom?" Blaine asked casually as he grabbed some peanuts from his father's desk then relaxed in the chair at the second desk.

"I drove her home, she left the car for you," the Colonel told him, finishing the last note in his report before closing it up and turning his attention to Blaine. "We um, we decided to take things a little slower."

Blaine's heart fluttered nervously. "Did something happen?"

The Colonel's eyes bore into Blaine's seriously for a minute, then he smiled understandingly. "No, nothing happened. We just," he hesitated, finding the right words. "Well, we saw how uncomfortable you were and realized it wasn't fair to you. To try and do this now. Not with everything you're going through and you and me."

"About that," Blaine interrupted without even thinking. His father's brow quirked in curiosity and Blaine shuffled, unsure, in his chair. "You and me, I mean. I want to," he swallowed down his fear. It was hard to say. Hard to forgive, even if forgiveness was just putting the past behind him and moving forward. But Burt was right. He had to. "I want to spend New Year's Eve with you. Here."

The Colonel's jaw dropped with surprise before he gained his composure, and his eyes glimmered with sudden tears of happiness. Despite himself, it made Blaine blush and laugh in a way he wasn't sure he ever had with his Dad. "What about your friends? Santana?"

Blaine shrugged. "I think whatever Glee club is doing is going to be incredibly awkward. So why not be awkward in my own home with my Dad instead," he joked, but they both knew the truth behind the statement. And the incredible courage.

His father smiled, hope for a second chance with his son filling him. "I'd really like that."

* * *

Blaine was up in his room getting the noisemakers he'd packed in his bag. He and his dad had champagne flutes filled with sparkling cider waiting for them downstairs as well as the confetti canons that Blaine had insisted they buy. They'd watched a movie until 11:30, but then they turned on the television to watch the ball drop on in Times Square. It had been a nice evening, almost comfortable, and there were times when Blaine let his guard down and was not disappointed.

"Come on Blaine," his father yelled excitedly from the bottom of the stairs. "It's only ten minutes until the ball drops."

Blaine found the noisemakers in his suitcase then stood to leave. Passing by his desk, his eyes suddenly fell on the key that had sat there for more than a year now. The key to the front door. Blaine had left it behind 15 months ago, rejecting it and the house that had held so much pain for him. Now, as he headed downstairs to bring in a new year with the man who had hurt him so deeply, he picked up the key and slipped it into his pocket.

"What took you so long?" the Colonel asked with amusement as Blaine finally made his way down the stairs. Blaine said nothing, but simply grinned and tossed him a noisemaker, which his father deftly caught. The Colonel placed an arm around Blaine's shoulder and for possibly the first time, Blaine didn't flinch or stiffen at the touch. "Come on, let's go watch."

They sat together on the couch and Blaine couldn't help his mind wander. Was Kurt tucked in warm with Rachel watching the ball drop, or was he in Times Square partying with the millions of New Yorkers on the screen? Would he think of Blaine? Who would he kiss at midnight? He felt a warm hand rub his back and squeeze his shoulder. He tucked his chin into folded hands and stared forward, but his thoughts turned back to the man sitting next to him. "I want to start again," he whispered, then looked up at his Dad. "The other night I had a dream. Memories, really. Of things you said and did. Cooper asked me if I wanted to tell him, but I didn't. I didn't want him to have those memories. I told him that you weren't that man anymore."

"I'm trying Blaine," the Colonel said softly. "I'm trying really hard."

Blaine nodded. "I know you are. And so am I. I don't want to have those memories anymore either. I want to start again."

"_Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, Happy New Year!"_

"Happy New Year, Dad," he wished softly.

The Colonel wiped away a tear and hugged Blaine tightly in his arms, never wanting to let go of the moment. "Happy New Year, Son."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Well, I hope you guys don't hate me for this. I have every hope that this will help Blaine put the father angst behind him as he moves on to the second half of his senior year.**

**Happy New Year everyone!**


	12. Chapter 12: Sadie Hawkins

**Author's Note:**

**Hello everyone! Welcome back to Glee and Ready to Fly! I love being back and I hope you like this chapter!**

**So Sadie Hawkins day finally came and I'm sure it wasn't what anyone expected. In the interest of full disclosure I have a couple of things to say about the episode for anyone who cares. If you don't, skip on ahead!**

**Blatina – I'm disappointed that Glee chose this storyline, though Tina is clearly every fangirl. I have written my version of this very same storyline (for Blaine) that in my opinion is more powerful (for the show). If you'd like to read it, it's Chapter 22 of Between Friends. Let me know what you think!**

**Blam – Again, disappointed that the show went there for all the reasons that Blaine enumerated in the episode. However, Santana sold me on it while writing this chapter. So I'm going to wait happily for tomorrow!**

**Kadam – Rachel Berry Watch Out! Obviously, I think Adam is no threat to Blaine, but I HOPE he's a threat to Rachel cause Kurt could sure use a knew BFF!**

**Warblers – I'm cool, going with the flow. Silly Glee. **

**TFT Script – I have it. I haven't read it yet. It doesn't impact anything in RTF. I do not believe that deleted scenes are canon. RTF is based on the final product that is shown on our televisions. Nothing else. Well, ok, the ring did slip in there a little bit last year.**

**Now without further ado – here's what you missed on Glee.**

* * *

Blaine returned to school after winter vacation feeling as if the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. Things with Kurt were good, things with his Dad were better than he ever could have imagined they'd be, and he was ready to start off fresh. When he opened the door to his locker his eyes immediately flashed to the picture of him and Kurt, but instead of the feelings of guilt and shame a smile crossed his face as he remembered their conversation last night. Yes, things were good indeed.

"I'm looking for someone to share in an adventure," came a perfect Gandalf impression behind him and Blaine turned to find Sam.

He smiled fondly at his friend but closed the door and melted against his locker with a sigh. "Shut up Sam, I haven't even seen it yet!"

"What!" Sam nearly shouted turning a few heads in the hallway, including Tina's, who stopped as she passed by.

"What's going on?" she asked.

Sam flung an arm around Blaine's shoulder and they started walking down the hallway to their morning classes. "Blaine here, has still not seen The Hobbit. A travesty. An abomination. A disgrace to every geek that has ever walked the planet!"

"It's been a busy vacation Sam," Blaine said with an exasperated laugh.

"And you will tell us all about it," Sam said. "Saturday night. Dinner, the Hobbit, and a sleepover at my place. No excuses," Sam warned, a stern look on his face. "You in Tina?"

"Do I get to sleepover too?" she teased, then shrugged. She wasn't a huge fan on Tolkien, she was far more of a Twilight girl, but it was the best offer she'd gotten all week. "If Brittany's in I'm in."

"Awesome!" Sam yelled, squeezing his friends tightly. "Double date!"

Tina grinned and Blaine smiled, overwhelmed by Sam's enthusiasm, but excited nonetheless. This is exactly what he wanted, what Kurt and Santana had been telling him all along. It was what Tina and Brittany and Sam and Blaine had promised the end of last year. They'd be there for each other while they floundered and found their way without the friends and loved ones they'd come to rely on so much. A new dance partner, a new singing partner, and someone to tell it how it is. It was time to start living in the moment again, in the here and now and not the future or the past.

It was time for Blaine Anderson to move on.

* * *

_Far over the misty mountains cold  
To dungeons deep and caverns old  
The pines were roaring on the height  
The winds were moaning in the night  
The fire was red, it flame spread  
The trees like torches blazed with light_

"Are we going to have to listen to you singing that entire idiotic dwarf song…" Tina asked with an eyeroll.

"And quoting the entire movie…" Brittany piped in.

"All night long?" Tina finished.

"Because as much as I enjoy watching those lips sing, I prefer kissing them," Brittany said, cupping Sam's cheeks and pulling him toward her for sweet kisses.

Blaine glanced over at Tina and chuckled uncomfortably. She simply sighed and moved over on the chair, patting the arm for Blaine to join her before Brittany and Sam took over the entire couch.

The evening had been fun. They four of them had laughed and gossiped over an early dinner at Breadstix before going to the movie theater. Blaine had sat between Sam and Tina, which led to a very interesting viewing experience of quoting along with the movie in one ear, and cries of "too ugly" in the other. Eventually he'd had to tell them both just to shut up and watch the movie, otherwise he'd miss the entire thing himself.

He scooted over to the arm of the chair, legs draped casually over her. Tina rolled her eyes at Sam and Brittany making out on the couch and Blaine glanced over, his stomach clenching unexpectedly. He missed Kurt, missed kissing him on the very same couch, that was all, nothing else. He looked away, focusing on Tina.

"Student council meeting after school on Monday," he said, making small talk. "Think anything exciting is gonna happen?"

Tina shrugged, a glint in her eye. "I might have an idea or two to propose."

Blaine grinned down at her. "Cool!" he said.

Blaine heard the footsteps, quite attune to them after more than a year of avoiding them, long before Sam and Brittany did. Blaine glanced up at Burt, smirking at the imposing figure standing just over the couple who were still too lost in one another to notice. Burt winked at Blaine and then cleared his throat threateningly. Sam sat up quickly, pushing Brittany off of him, while she just smiled innocently up at Burt. After all, she'd be caught by him before.

"I think it's time the girls go home," Burt said, and Blaine got up to let Tina off the chair. Giving her a kiss on the cheek he held out her coat for her like a gentleman. Sam did the same for Brittany then kissed her quickly on the lips. Again Blaine's stomach fluttered, and again he brushed it aside as just missing Kurt.

Sam walked the girls out to the car and Blaine returned to the kitchen, finding Burt cleaning up the mess that he and his friends had made. "Let me get that," Blaine said taking the bowls from Burt's hands and nudging him away. "You go sit down and rest."

"I'm neither an invalid nor old, Blaine," he argued but sat down at the kitchen table anyway. He certainly didn't mind having someone else clean up.

"So how are you doing?" Blaine asked, a bit of worry in his brow.

"I'm doing good," Burt answered reassuringly. "I had the pre-op tests yesterday and they all came out fine. Doctors say my heart is definitely healthy enough for surgery, so we're all set for next week."

"Good," Blaine said with a relieved smile, though he could see the nerves in Burt's eyes that he tried to hide. He knew that Burt didn't want any of them to worry, but the fact was, they all were very worried. Especially Kurt. "Did you call Kurt to let him know?"

"Yes, I did, thank you for the reminder Blaine," Burt teased fondly.

Blaine blushed bashfully. He knew Burt didn't need him reminding him to talk to his son. It was just that he'd promised Kurt he'd watch out for Burt. And he'd promised himself he'd always watch out for Kurt. "I just know he's been worried about you, that's all."

"I appreciate you looking out for me," Burt assured him. "How are things with your Dad?" he asked.

Blaine turned and leaned against the counter. "They're actually good," he said and Burt could not have been happier to see Blaine's eyes light up with a smile when he said that. He got up and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge as Blaine continued. "Since I took your advice, things have never been better. It's still hard. I keep waiting for the next shoe to drop. But I'm trying to just take it one day at a time," he shrugged.

"Good man." Burt clapped a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "I hoped I wasn't overstepping," he added a bit apprehensively.

"You can't overstep," Blaine shook his head seriously.

Burt choked a laugh. "Kurt would disagree," he smirked.

"Yeah well, Kurt and I disagree on a lot of things," he said with a broken laugh.

"Not as much as you think," Burt responded knowingly. "Chin up," he said tapping a finger under Blaine's chin. "Sam's made up the guest room for you. He'll stay in Kurt's room."

Blaine's eyes softened at Burt's thoughtfulness. He'd been dreading the suggestion that he stay in Kurt's bed tonight. He was doing much better, but he didn't think he was doing that well. "Thanks," he smiled.

"No problem." Burt understood. "Goodnight."

* * *

**Blaine: Are you busy?**

**Kurt: If you call busy being curled up in my bed wishing my thighs would just fall off rather than do one more plié, then yes, I'm busy. Otherwise I'm doing absolutely nothing.**

**Blaine: I saw your Dad last night. Slept over at your house. With Sam. I mean, I slept over at Sam's house.**

**Kurt: I know what you mean Blaine. How's Dad?**

**Blaine: He's putting on a really brave face, but I can tell he's nervous about the surgery next week. **

**Kurt: I'm nervous too. I wish I could be there, but with classes just starting there's no way that I can bail.**

**Blaine: He understands completely Kurt, don't beat yourself up. I promised I'd look after him for you.**

**Blaine: How is NYADA going? Other than the pliés.**

**Kurt: It's going. I'm trying to find a club to join and I really wanted to join the show choir, Adam's Apples, but Rachel says it's at the bottom of the social ladder and I shouldn't.**

**Blaine: Are they any good?**

**Kurt: I don't know. I've only seen the signs for them and met Adam, the "founder and fearless leader". At least that's what he called himself.**

**Blaine: Pretentious much?**

**Kurt: No, it's not like that at all. He seems like a really great guy. **

**Kurt: Said he could see me playing Brick in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and called me a young Paul Newman. **

**Kurt: Crazy, right?**

**Kurt: Blaine, you still there?**

**Blaine: I'm glad you're happy there. **

**Blaine: But I don't know if we should keep having this conversation.**

**Kurt: Are you upset at me?**

**Blaine: Never. **

**Blaine: I think you should join. If you want to. Don't let Rachel tell you what to do.**

**Kurt: Do you want to call me? Talk about this?**

**Blaine: No, Kurt, I'm fine. It's totally okay. **

**Blaine: I should finish my homework before school tomorrow. I'll talk to you soon. Love you.**

**Kurt: Love you too.**

* * *

"You sure you're going to be okay going to this dance?" Santana asked. She was painting her nails at her desk while she skyped with Blaine, her roommate out for the night with one boyfriend or another.

"I'll be fine Santana, I've been to a ton of dances with girls," Blaine said dismissively. "Dalton and Crawford County Day had school dances practically every other week and it's not like I had a boyfriend or anything for most of that."

"First of all, you're exaggerating. Second of all, it's not like you had a girlfriend either, Blaine. Going to a dance where there are girls, is _not_ the same thing as going to a Sadie Hawkins dance _with_ a girl," she remarked rolling her eyes. "And third of all," she added her eyes narrowing, "you're totally not telling me the truth. Something is wrong Boyfriend and I want to know what it is."

Blaine averted his eyes and looked away. The one benefit of Skyping was that Santana couldn't reach through the screen and force him to look at her. He could examine his fingernails in peace, though he suddenly noticed that he seemed to have bitten through his nails a lot in the last few days. The bad thing about Skype was that Santana couldn't extend that manicure to him.

"All right, Boyfriend, enough is enough," she snapped putting the nail polish down and pulling the screen toward her. She'd had enough of his avoidance and she meant business. "Are you being triggered by going to another Sadie Hawkins dance?" Blaine shook his head quiet. "I mean, it would be natural. Especially now going with a girl, like your Dad would have wanted the first time. It would be natural."

"I know it would Santana, but honestly, I'm not. I've had enough counseling and my Dad and I are in a really good place right now. He actually laughed when I told him I was going to go with Tina at the irony of it all. He finally accepts me and _then_ I go with a girl." Blaine chuckled remembering. It had been a conversation that made him nervous but it had turned out to be a really great moment for them.

"Ok, then. Well is it Tina? I know that girl can be crazy sometimes," Santana said wryly. "She ain't no Santana that's for sure."

"No, it's not Tina, not really, and no I'm not replacing you with her any more than I'm replacing Kurt with Sam." Blaine's eyes shot up to Santana in panic and his face flushed before he could look away.

"Oh my god Blaine Anderson, you have the hots for Sam Evans!" Santana screamed at the computer.

"I do not have the hots for Sam," Blaine stammered completely unconvincingly.

"What the hell is it with you people and trouty mouth?" Santana snapped. "First Brittany, now you? It's not even like he's that good a kisser."

"That's because you're a lesbian Santana," Blaine reminded her. He pulled his knees up to his chest protectively. He'd been afraid to tell her and he hadn't meant to. But it just kind of slipped and now he was kind of glad it was out in the open.

"No, it's because he has giant wet fish lips that he uses to envelope and suck on, oh…." She paused as comprehension set in and she smiled deviously, wagging her eyebrows at him. "Wanky."

He blushed as she had never seen him blush before, as he buried his face in his hands. "No Santana," he mumbled into his palms. "It's not wanky, it's awful."

She sympathetically wiped the smile from her face. "It's normal Blaine," Santana told him, seriously. "He's a guy, he's cute, you'd like him to give you a little somethin' somethin', it's totally normal." He didn't look up, his face getting even redder with the images she was putting in his mind. He needed them to go away, not make them even stronger, but Santana of course would hear nothing of that. "He's totally safe Blaine. He's not Kurt, but he's not gay. So you can jerk off all you want to thoughts of him without feeling bad. It's not painful like thinking of Kurt but you also don't feel like you're cheating again because Sam's straight."

It made sense, even more sense than what Tina had told him by the lockers. He loved Kurt. He wasn't putting his love on Sam, but his desires? Maybe. Blaine rested his chin on his hands and glanced up at her. "I just kinda wish I didn't have to see him every day," Blaine admitted glumly. "It sucks. And it's embarrassing."

"You could always think of me instead," Santana said enticingly.

"Ew, no thank you," Blaine blurted out. "And now you're the second girl I've said that to this week. Some best friend you are!" he teased.

"Yeah, but you're not breaking my heart, Boyfriend," Santana said. "Just be careful with Tina's. That girl cries at the drop of a hat."

"You know I will," he promised as he glanced at the clock. Midnight. "Time for bed 'Tana."

"I thought you'd never ask," she said winking, then smiled gently. "Night Boyfriend."

"Night, 'Tana."

* * *

Trent was sure this was not a date, but it didn't stop his heart from skipping a beat the moment he pulled up to Blaine's house. He knew it must be important, he'd never been invited to the Anderson estate before. But a date? Not a chance.

Blaine answered the door and invited Trent in, taking his coat and hanging it in the front hallway. He'd put out some refreshments on the coffee table in the living room and Trent eagerly partook, grateful to have something to do other than stare and wonder. Blaine sat next to him on the couch.

"I'm glad you came," Blaine said in that beautifully melodic voice that Trent loved whether it spoke or sang. "I could sit and make small talk, but I don't want to be disingenuous in any way, so I'm going to cut right to the chase. Why didn't you sing with the Warblers for Sectionals?"

Trent's jaw stopped mid chew and he swallowed hard, his heart beating wildly in his chest. Panic filled him, but he took a breath and answered truthfully. "When I wouldn't help them lure you back, Hunter benched me." Trent shrugged. It was the truth. Just not the whole truth.

"And why didn't you want me to come back?" Blaine eyed him curiously, somberly, and Trent knew this could be his moment to unload everything that had been haunting him for weeks.

"I didn't want you getting hurt," Trent confessed. "Becoming one of Hunter's victims. It was bad enough what Sebastian had done to you. But Hunter's even worse, Blaine."

"There's more to why he sat you out." It wasn't a question. And Trent guessed that somehow, Blaine already knew the truth. So he simply nodded.

Blaine took his hand and the warmth was something that Trent had missed for weeks. "Don't be scared Trent," Blaine said. "I'm here with you. They need you to tell me the truth."

Blaine's eyes were so soft and caring that Trent couldn't help but tell him. "It started small, with herbal supplements, and everyone was on board. But then he brought in the needles, said it was vitamin shots, but we all knew better. Hunter said whoever didn't take one for the team wasn't on the team anymore. Nick went first, then Jeff, then Beatz. But I couldn't do it."

"You have to tell," Blaine urged forcefully.

Trent pushed his hand back and leapt to his feet. "They're my best friends Blaine! How can I do that to them? If this goes public they can lose everything! Scholarships, college acceptances, job offers!"

Blaine stood up to meet him. "And if you don't tell, then what happens to them? This isn't supplements Trent, this is dangerous, especially for teenage boys. I know you've seen it! Nick's barely called me in months, only that once when he found out that Kurt and I broke up, and he hadn't even pushed to see me. The old Nick would have been banging down my door or bringing a caravan to McKinley, but I haven't heard a word Trent!" Blaine's eyes flashed with anger and Trent understood. He'd been feeling the exact same way, with no one to share it with.

"He thinks you'll know," Trent admitted quietly. "If you see him. He's scared. He and Jeff both are."

"Then we have to end this. This isn't the Warblers that David and Thad and Wes raised us to be. They'd be so ashamed if they knew. And Trent," Blaine took his hand again and squeezed. "They'd be so proud of you if you told. And I would be too."

Trent dropped his eyes, seeing their hands together. Brothers. A team. That's how it was supposed to be. "And you'll be there?" he asked raising his eyes to meet Blaine's.

"Every step of the way," he promised.

Trent knew it was the right thing to do. He knew it was what he had to do. Even if they hated him, he had to protect them now that they were too far gone to protect themselves. He'd held them accountable before, he would do it again. "Ok."

* * *

"Oh, sweetheart, you look so handsome," Amy Anderson beamed at her son as he closed the door of his bedroom and headed out to wait for Tina.

"You say that whenever I am dressed in a tuxedo Mom," Blaine laughed. She came over to straighten his lapel and bowtie even though he knew for sure that they were already straight. She leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, watch the hair. One dance with my hair crazy is enough, and this time I don't have Kurt to soothe away the humiliation."

"Your hair is perfect as always Blaine, not a strand out of place." She looked up at him. "I'm so proud of you Blaine for going to this dance. It was nice of you to say yes to Tina."

"Well it was nice of her to invite me," Blaine answered just as the doorbell rang. He went over and answered it, smiling warmly as he let her in. "You look gorgeous," he said, kissing her on the cheek.

"You look amazing Blaine," she said, her eyes wide and twinkling with delight. She handed him a boutonnière and together they placed it on his lapel. "Tina, this is my Mom. Mom, this is Tina," he introduced politely.

"It's very nice to meet you Mrs. Anderson," Tina said.

"You too sweetheart. Let me get some pictures of you two," Mrs. Anderson said grabbing her phone.

Blaine and Tina laughed as they posed for her. Amy was certain that Tina had a real crush on Blaine, and she was just as certain that he barely noticed. She'd have a talk with him later about being careful with a young lady's heart. It was a talk they'd never had but she suddenly realized that this probably wouldn't be the last time her son would be in this situation and he needed to understand better how to handle it.

"Ok Mom, that's enough," Blaine teased, linking his arm with Tina's. "We need to go or we're going to be late and I'm singing in the first set."

"Alright, darling," she pouted and once again straightened his tuxedo. "You two have fun! And be safe!" she called.

Blaine turned to her, his smile fading as he saw the worry in her eyes. He'd been so focused on himself that he'd forgotten that this night might be even harder for her than it was for him. "We will Mom," he promised softly and blew her a kiss. "I love you."

* * *

Blaine drove back to Westerville after the Sadie Hawkins dance. He and his Dad had plans to go golfing tomorrow as long as the weather cooperated, which one could never be sure of in Ohio during January. But a warm spell had washed over them and his father wanted to enjoy it. His mind wandered. He pushed thoughts of Sam out of his mind and focused on the Warblers. Even when he met with Trent, he hadn't wanted to believe that his friends had been juicing, using drugs just to win a show choir competition. In his day they'd competed through hard work, discipline and a healthy dose of fun. When they lost it hadn't mattered. The joy they brought to the Westerville community was more important than any trophy had been. Nick and Jeff and Beatz had been a part of that, had known what it truly meant to be a Warbler. He still didn't understand at all what could have possibly led to them being desperate enough to cheat. It broke his heart, but even moreso, it made him angry.

He didn't notice getting off at the wrong exit until he found himself driving down the long, dark road that led to Dalton Academy.

He pulled into the parking lot next to the Warblers dorm, his old dorm, and stopped the car. What on earth had led him there he didn't know, but he took a moment to try and figure it out. He got out of the car and leaned against the hood, gazing out into the quad. He smiled softly, remembering fondly Trent's words. _"We were a band of brothers. A group joined by harmony and honor."_

"If you're here to pick me up on a date, I confess I am woefully underdressed." Blaine turned to see Sebastian smirking playfully at him, his head cocked to the side in amusement. Blaine couldn't help the scowl that crossed his face and Sebastian smiled softly and gestured in truce. "Nick and Jeff aren't here. They both went home for the weekend, something about a wedding and a Bar Mitzvah. Looks like you're dressed for the occasion, maybe you can still make it," Sebastian added, eyeing him up and down.

"I didn't come to see them. I just came from our Sadie Hawkins dance at school." Blaine felt the need to explain his tuxedo, trying to hide the anger that rose to the surface the moment he'd seen Sebastian. "Honestly, I don't know why I'm here."

"Oh, well it's obvious, isn't it?" Blaine looked at him blankly, his nerves jumping as he waited for the attack. Did Sebastian know that Trent had blown the whistle on them tonight? "Where else would Blaine Anderson go after a Sadie Hawkins dance?"

Blaine crossed his arms and started to sneer but then thought better of it. Let Sebastian think that, since he was likely to be reporting back to Hunter. Better than the alternative. "Yeah, that must be it," Blaine nodded.

"After all, I can only imagine the trauma you must be feeling spending the whole night dancing with girls. You should've come to pick me up before the dance," Sebastian suggested. "I would have given you a good time. Win-win for both of us.

"You know winning isn't everything, Sebastian," he snapped angrily. "There's so much more to life, it really isn't even anything."

Sebastian stood quiet a minute, his eyes shifting, his thoughts scrambling as he stared at Blaine. What he was thinking Blaine didn't know, but when a pained look crossed his face, Blaine's anger dissipated. Sebastian glanced up at lights shining through the windows of the dorms, then back at the boy that had the ability to turn his world upside down. He had a sudden premonition that Blaine was about to do it again, and he wanted, no he needed, for Blaine to understand. "The world isn't like that for all of us Anderson. For some of us, winning isn't everything, it's the only thing."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Thank you all for reading! I'm excited for the Glee episodes coming up, hope you are too! Love your reviews, so share your thoughts on the chapter!**


	13. Chapter 13: Naked

**Author's Note:**

**Hello beautiful readers! Last chapter got a pretty small reception but for those of you who took the time to review you have no idea how much it means to me! And to the rest of you still reading but not reviewing, drop me a note and let me know you're out there!**

**For the first time since I started writing this series, RIB and I are not on the same page, so my inspiration was lacking for this chapter. Until I decided to look at it from an entirely different perspective.**

**So for the very first time, an RTF chapter entirely from Santana's point of view. I really like it, I hope you do too.**

* * *

Santana groaned and stepped out of bed, the cold air of her dorm room hitting her bare skin. She grabbed her phone from the night stand and walked across the room. It wasn't too far from the still sleeping woman in her bed, but hopefully she wouldn't wake her.

"You better be on fire Lady Hummel, because I have left a warm and talented naked woman in my bed and it's almost time for me to wake her up," Santana hissed into the phone.

"Oh for the love of God, can't everyone just keep on their clothes?" Kurt barked.

Santana physically had to bite down the urge to suggest that perhaps that was one of the problems between him and Blaine. Instead she simply asked, "Why, who else is taking off their clothes?"

"You mean other than Rachel's bare ass boyfriend who's suddenly invaded my refuge to sit that bare ass on my vintage chairs?"

"Yes, other than that, though that's a lovely image from the pictures Rachel's sent me of the guy," Santana said.

"Believe me, he's better in pictures, quieter," Kurt mumbled under his breath. "No, I'm talking about one Ms. Rachel Barbra Berry who is hell bent on going topless in a student film project thanks to said boyfriend telling her she needs to in order to win an Oscar."

"What!" Santana screeched then clapped a hand over her mouth. The girl in her bed shuffled and rolled over but didn't wake. Deep sleeper. Good to know, Santana thought.

"Thus my phone call. Believe me, only this kind of desperation would lead me to call you. And a suggestion from Blaine, but that's neither here nor there," Kurt added quickly.

Once again, Santana bit her tongue. She wasn't getting in the middle of that, not here and now. Besides, she had plans to make and she could lay into him later. "I'm coming to New York," she announced. She expected an argument, but his words surprised her.

"That's the same thing that Quinn said," Kurt told her.

"Wait, you called Quinn too?" Santana asked, not sure why her pulse suddenly quickened at the idea.

"If anyone knows about the lifelong impact of making sex tapes and bad reputations, it's you two," Kurt explained matter-of-factly. "And maybe you two can talk some sense into her about that Brody guy. It's not that I'm on Finn's side, it's just that Brody's an arrogant prick."

"Well I can't wait to meet him then," she said. "When's Quinn coming?"

"She said she could make it down on the train this weekend," Kurt said.

Santana quickly glanced at the calendar on her wall. She had a paper due Monday and cheerleading practice Saturday, but if she were honest with herself neither of those things excited her as much as the prospect of going to New York City and preventing Berry from doing something that she'd regret for the rest of her life. Who cares if Coach was mad. She was no Coach Sylvester, Santana could handle her.

"Ok," she agreed. "I'll talk to Quinn and catch a flight and then we'll head over to your place Saturday afternoon. Don't tell her we're coming."

"She won't hear a word from me," he assured her wryly. "Oh and Santana?"

"Yes?" she asked suspiciously.

But his voice softened, and she could hear his grateful smile. "Thanks," he breathed.

She gave a soft smile herself. "You're welcome."

Santana hung up the phone and turned back to the girl in her bed. She carefully pulled the covers back and slipped in next to her, pulling their bodies closer to get warm. She kissed the back of her neck and the girl turned, a sleepy smile on her face. "Morning, sunshine," she said.

* * *

Getting an extension on her paper was easy. All she had to do was lay on the Lopez charm with a professor who she was certain would be right up Quinn's alley if the girl were here. Her cheerleading Coach on the other hand, was reading to rip Santana apart.

"Ms. Lopez!" her coach reprimanded. Santana stood still and tried desperately not to laugh as the vein in her Coach's forehead threatened to pop out of her skull. "I am beginning to wonder exactly how serious you are about your place on this team! You are not only one of our best members but you are also here on scholarship, and I would hate to have to kick you off the team because you can't seem to prioritize our practices over whatever it is you keep leaving to do instead. But I will do it if I have to."

"I'm sorry Coach Thompson, but this is kind of a family emergency," Santana begged, lying only slightly in her mind, part of her bristling at calling Rachel Berry family. "I promise it will be my last time."

"It better be or I will have no other choice but to suspend you from the team," she warned.

Santana wondered if maybe it would all just be better if she got kicked off anyway. She didn't want to be here, away from everyone who really mattered to her. Blaine, Brittany, Quinn, even Kurt and Rachel. Her friends needed her, they were falling apart without her to smack some sense into them all. She hadn't found anyone at school that mattered to her like they did. She knew high school friends weren't supposed to be forever, but New Directions was different. It was special. "I understand," Santana said, humbling herself as much as her stomach would let her, but the whole thing got her mind racing.

"I hope so Ms. Lopez. Now give me five extra laps, and then fall back in with the other girls," Coach ordered.

* * *

Santana packed her bags for the weekend, slipping in some extra outfits in case they decided to go out on the town to a jazz club or a Broadway show. An email from YouTube flashed on her computer, catching her eye. Brittany had uploaded a new Fondue for Two.

She placed her bags aside and sat down at her computer, clicking through the link. She couldn't stop the smile that graced her lips when she saw her best friend, the girl she'd always love, but the smile quickly faded. She watched in embarrassment through fingers that covered her eyes as Brittany unknowingly outed and humiliated Marley Rose. Santana's eyes flashed to the view count: 3,249. It was too late to call her up and ask her to pull down the video. The damage was already done. That's how it always was with the internet. The minute something got out, it was too late to get it back.

She sighed as she returned to packing her bags, even more determined now to prevent Rachel from making the same mistake that Marley just had. The same mistake that she herself had made. Whether it was baring your body or baring your soul, some things were not meant to live on in perpetuity.

As for Brittany, she'd have to deal with that another day. But soon.

* * *

"What's this I hear about a Men of McKinley calendar?" Santana asked into the phone as she left security behind and wheeled her luggage toward her terminal. "I thought Blaine Anderson's body wasn't for sale?"

"Oh my god Santana," Blaine exclaimed in a panic. "Do you think I shouldn't do it?"

Santana laughed and pulled up to a little coffee shop at the airport. She definitely needed coffee. "Relax Boyfriend, I'm just mad I'm not going to be there to see it. You better send me pictures."

"I'll be sure to send you a signed calendar when it's all done," Blaine promised.

"Caramel Machiatto. Extra Whip," Santana ordered quietly, then turned her attention back to Blaine. "No, Anderson, I mean pictures during your photoshoot. I want the spoilers Boyfriend, on my phone, in the moment. Understood?"

"How'd you find out about it anyway?" Blaine wondered. She heard him rustling around with papers or something in the background.

"Believe me if Brittany S. Pierce knows about something, the whole world will too as soon as she can upload it to YouTube. Be careful with that by the way," Santana warned.

"No worries, 'Tana, you will never see me on Fondue for Two," Blaine assured her. "Did you hear about her SAT scores?"

"Yes and I read about Sam's as well. They are quite a pair aren't they?" Santana smirked sarcastically.

Blaine groaned. "Let's not talk about that," Blaine urged.

"Still pining away for the young and the unattainable are we Boyfriend? Well don't you worry your pretty little gelled head. I am on my way to New York City and I will get you all the 411 on your boy Kurt," she teased, an announcement for her flight interrupting her. "And it's boarding time. Gotta go, bye!"

* * *

Santana's phone lit up the instant she landed.

10:14am  
**Blaine: WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO NEW YORK CITY?**

10:39am  
**Blaine: I mean, that's very nice of you to do that for Kurt. And Rachel I assume.**

11:15am  
**Blaine: Please don't give me the 411 on Kurt. He's interested in this guy. That leads the Glee Club there. He didn't say as much but I can tell. I really don't want to know anything about him.**

12:03pm  
**Blaine: On the other hand, maybe it would be better if I heard it from you rather than him. Maybe it will hurt less.**

12:30pm  
**Quinn: I'm here and I'll be at the airport when you land so come find me near the taxis by your terminal. Then we can head right over to Kurt and Rachel's.**

12:46pm  
**Blaine: No forget it. I don't want to know anything until Kurt tells me. It's his life to live. I'm just going to be happy for him. All that matters is that he's happy.**

1:00pm  
**Kurt: I am heading out to rehearsal for Adam's Apples, but I'm leaving a key under the doormat for you. Please bring it in with you. It's not like that's the most original of hiding places, but a rock would look quite conspicuous outside an apartment hallway.**

1:27pm  
**Blaine: Just call me back when you get there, okay? Please? I'll just be here working on my abs. **

1:28pm  
**Blaine: Feel free to share that piece of information with Kurt.**

1:29pm  
**Blaine: No wait, don't. That's just pathetic. And Mr. Fabulous probably has better abs than I do anyway.**

Santana chuckled and sighed as she made her way to find Quinn at the airport. Blaine was losing it, the poor boy, and she could only imagine that seeing Sam half naked all weekend as they shot the calendar was only going to make things a thousand times worse for him.

2pm  
**Santana to Blaine: Take a breath and calm down Boyfriend. I just got here and I'm going to find Quinn and head over to the apartment. Kurt's out for a while. I'll talk to you later. AND DON'T FORGET TO SEND ME THOSE DAMN PICTURES!**

**Santana to Quinn: I'm here! See you in a sec!**

**Santana to Kurt: What the hell is an Adam's Apple?**

* * *

Anyone who was looking on would have thought they were long lost lovers in the midst of the biggest fight of their lives. The moment Santana saw Quinn, both of their faces lit up and they ran into each other's arms. Their smiles faded quickly though when Quinn whacked Santana hard on the shoulder. "That is for smacking me at McKinley!" she snapped.

"How dare you!" Santana growled back. "I only smacked you back! You smacked me so hard you had Blaine freaking that I was being abused!"

"Blaine's oversensitive," Quinn quipped as she headed outside and hailed a cab. "And I'm still waiting for an apology."

"Keep waiting," Santana muttered and rolled her bag over to the taxi that stopped. The driver popped the trunk and Santana threw her bag in. She climbed into the seat next to Quinn, who'd already given the address to the driver. "So how are things with the Professor?" Santana smirked.

Quinn turned with daggers blazing in her eyes. "None of your business."

"You know, it's a bit hypocritical to talk to Berry about not making mistakes that will haunt you forever if you're still doing it," Santana retorted pointedly.

Quinn smiled the condescending smile that Santana knew all too well. "Let me explain a little something about Yale," she said. "Everybody wants to be the best at everything. The best scientist, the best writer, the best singer, the best athlete, and yes, the best at sex. The professors there aren't any different. So things happen. I'm not ashamed."

Santana's eyes softened and she took Quinn's hand. "I'm not saying you should be," she assured her. "Any more than Rachel should be ashamed if she decides to proudly do a nude scene in a legitimate movie. I just want you to be careful and make the right choices for you. We have enough regrets Quinn. It's time to get some things right for a change."

* * *

At Santana's insistence, they went to the hottest jazz club in the city to celebrate Rachel's sensible decision, a wonderful day of shopping, and one last night together before the return to reality. Santana though was finding less and less that she wanted to return to Louisville. As they walked and chatted together on their way to the club, Santana was reminded of the photo Blaine had showed her last year. Everywhere she looked she saw couples being free; women kissing, men holding hands, the nuzzle on the neck, the hugs between lovers. Louisville wasn't Lima but it certainly wasn't New York City and she once gain couldn't help but wonder if here was where her life was truly meant to begin.

Their drinks arrived and they clinked glasses. "Here is to making smart decisions," Quinn began.

"Mature decisions," Rachel piped in.

"Decisions that don't require Berry getting naked because ain't nobody wants to see that!" Santana finished.

"Brody wants to see it," Quinn interjected teasingly.

Rachel blushed while the girls grilled her about her relationship with him, Santana insisting on every last detail down to, and most especially, their exploits in the bedroom. "Well he's gotta be better than Finn Hudson in bed," Santana chimed, rolling her eyes.

Rachel merely smiled coyly. "He's not better, just…different," she shared, her eyes sparkling with delight.

"Oh boy, she's got it bad," Quinn laughed.

When their dinners came they sat back and watched the performers filling the stage with their gorgeous vocals and amazing music. Santana closed her eyes and dreamed of being up there, staring out into the crowd and finding Blaine and Kurt and Brittany, just like all those nights in Lima. She didn't know how Quinn and Kurt and Rachel had done it. How did they just get up and move and leave it all behind without dreams of the past overwhelming them? She and Blaine, they just weren't made that way. Maybe they clung to the good things because there had just been way too much bad.

The vibration of her phone interrupted her thoughts and her peripheral attention to Rachel and Quinn's argument over whether Yale or NAYDA's theater program was better.

**Blaine: If this doesn't prove how much I fear you…I mean love you…I don't know what does.**

The text was accompanied by picture after picture of shirtless Blaine in New Years attire complete with champagne bottle, noisemaker, and a ridiculously gold hat. But that wasn't what made Santana shout. It was the pictures of Christmas Blaine with his candy cane, like he was a gift from Santa Claus himself that made her lose her cool.

"Oh for the love of all things holy," she shouted before slipping her phone to the center of the table.

Quinn and Rachel took turns scrolling through the pictures that were still incoming. Pictures of Sam and Jake and Joe and Ryder soon followed, "just for fairness" Blaine texted, and the girls could not stop their eyes from gaping wide or their hysterical laughter.

"Damn, Joe looks absolutely ridiculous in those outfits," Quinn giggled.

"But baby Puckerman looks H-O-T, hot," Santana remarked. "Too bad Finn didn't pose, huh Rachel?" Santana teased.

"I don't need Finn posing topless," Rachel said with a blush, "I've got pictures of my own back home."

"Don't let Brody find them," Quinn giggled.

"Think I should forward these photos of Blaine to Hummel?" Santana teased, grabbing her phone.

"No!" Rachel shouted harshly.

Santana's lips quirked with a trace of amusement and she put the phone gently down. "What's wrong Rachel? Don't want Kurt's new beau getting a hold of those pictures? Or are you just afraid that if Kurt sees them he'll go running back to Blaine and you'll be all alone in your rejection of all things Lima?"

Quinn looked at both girls, the tension suddenly palpable at the table as the two girls stared each other down. Rachel, unsurprisingly, ducked her eyes first.

"Look, I love Blaine too and I know he's your best friend, but Kurt's my best friend and he needs to grow up. He needs to embrace NY and leave Lima behind, and if that means Blaine too then so be it. I don't know if Adam and Kurt or dating or what, but he's cute and Kurt needs to get back out there." She looked up, her eyes sad as they shifted between the two girls who had been more enemies then friends much of her life. "We can't all be with our first loves."

Santana knew she had a point. She realized that maybe Rachel wasn't meant to be with Finn and Quinn wasn't meant to be with Puck and maybe even she and Brittany weren't meant to be together. But Kurt and Blaine were different and anyone with eyes to see the love those two boys had for one another should have been able to tell that, especially Rachel Berry. "You're right Rachel. Kurt needs to see what's out there. He needs time to forgive. Even Blaine understands that. But stop projecting your feelings about Finn onto Kurt. Because if you keep pushing him? Then none of us will be with our first loves. And if anyone deserves that happy ending, it's Blaine and Kurt."

* * *

Santana crawled out of the inflatable plastic mattress on the floor that some people called a bed and puttered into the kitchen. Kurt was closely examining the cereal box as he spooned up his Rooster O's. "Cock a doodle you, Hummel," Santana smirked as she swiped the box from Kurt's gaze.

He glanced up at her bored. "Shouldn't you be out with Ms. Thing 1 and Ms. Thing 2?" he asked.

Santana grabbed a banana from the table, peeling it seductively. Kurt rolled his eyes at her, but lowered them and smirked into his bowl. "They went out for early morning coffee before Quinn takes the train back to New Haven."

"And you stayed behind just to torture me?" he asked dryly as he arched a brow.

"Mornings aren't my thing, Hummel," Santana shrugged. Kurt though could read right through her and the sly glint in her eye. "So how's NY treating you?" she asked with feigned nonchalance.

"Cut the pleasantries Lopez and just ask what you want to ask," Kurt demanded.

"Fair enough Lady Lips," she said dropping the act. "Tell me about this Adam guy."

"No." Kurt picked up his cereal bow and stood from the table taking it to the sink.

Santana looked up at him in shock. "I'm sorry, I must have misheard you. I thought you just told me 'No'."

Kurt turned and leaned against the counter. "I'm not giving you details of my love life for you to pass on to Blaine. I'll tell him what I'm ready to tell him when I'm ready to tell him."

"Oh, so there _is_ a love life," Santana grinned wagging her eyebrows.

Kurt sighed and headed to his bedroom singing over his shoulder, "Not having this conversation!" Santana followed him though as he flounced in his desk chair and turned his laptop on. "Don't you have a flight to catch back to Kentucky?"

"It's not until later. I came all this way to help you with your little Rachel Berry problem, you owe me," Santana insisted crossing her arms.

Kurt turned tensely , studying her and Santana could see his mind working, deciding what to say, whether or not he trusted her. Finally, his shoulders relaxed. "There's really not much to tell," Kurt shrugged. "I asked him out to coffee and he said yes. He's a nice guy. He sees me differently. He sees me just for me." Kurt's eyes drifted to the pictures on his desk, the photo that he and Blaine had taken in NY over Christmas. "I don't even know what to tell Blaine yet," he whispered.

Santana got out her phone and scrolled through it past the calendar pinups and to the texts Blaine had sent her on the plane. She found the one she wanted and held it out for Kurt.

**Blaine: No forget it. I don't want to know anything until Kurt tells me. It's his life to live. I'm just going to be happy for him. All that matters is that he's happy.**

Kurt's eyes teared up, and he pinched the bridge of his nose to make them stop. "I need to do this 'Tana," he said softly. "For me. It doesn't work if only one of us knows for sure, ya know?"

Santana kneeled beside him and took Kurt in her arms, her thoughts immediately turning to Brittany. "Yeah," she said softly. "Yeah, I know."

* * *

"New York City is amazing," Santana said to Blaine as she lounged waiting for her flight. It was delayed thanks to snowstorms in the Midwest and she was beginning to wonder if she'd be better off finding herself a comfy spot to settle into for the night.

"I told you didn't I?" Blaine said. "Though it's not like it's your first time there."

"Last time was different though, with everyone and most of the focus on Nationals. This time it was like a glimpse of what it would be like if I lived her." Her voice trailed off dreamily.

"'Tana, are you thinking of…"

"Just considering the idea, Boyfriend, don't get your boxers in a twist," Santana bit back.

The line was silent for a minute then Blaine's tentative voice returned. "How was Kurt?"

"He's good Blaine," Santana told him honestly. "He misses you."

"He said that?" Blaine asked surprised.

Santana smiled softly into the phone. "He didn't have to. It's written all over his face."

Blaine was quiet again and Santana hoped he wasn't crying. Blaine had shed enough tears the last few months. But Blaine had only been thinking. "Hey can you do me a favor when you get back home?"

"Yeah sure, anything," Santana said.

"Well, Sam's been feeling really down on himself since the SAT results, thinking that his body's the only thing that makes him special," Blaine explained. "So I thought I could make a video reminding him of all the other reasons that we all love him, but I'm kinda worried about recording myself. So I'm trying to get everyone else to help out. Will you send me something?"

"You really are the best boyfriend in the whole world you know that?" Santana teased.

"Other than that cheating thing," Blaine said wryly. "And I am as far from Sam's boyfriend as the earth is to the Sun."

"Well then you're just a pretty damn good friend Blaine Anderson," Santana grinned. "And I would love to share my awesome memories of Trouty Mouth."

"The point of the video is to be nice," Blaine gently chided.

"I'm always nice," Santana argued. Her ears pricked as she heard her flight announced. "Oh finally!" she exclaimed. "I'll see you soon Blaine and I'll email that video as soon as I get back."

She hung up and grabbed her bag rolling it toward the line waiting to board. A quick thought flashed through her head, and she wondered if this might the last time she would ever board a plane back to Kentucky.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I really hope you liked it! It was definitely a fun chapter to write! I think it sets up Quintanna nicely, as well as all future Klaine/Kadam drama, as well as Santana's return to McKinley and NY. **

**Just an FYI, clearly Santana knows about Sam and Britt already in this world, and I honestly have no idea how she doesn't already in canon, so Diva will I'm sure shift from canon in that way. But that seems to be happening more and more. Who would have guessed it would be Brittana and not Klaine or Anderson drama that would get me more AU?**


	14. Chapter 14: Diva

**Author's Note:**

**I absolutely loved this episode! So much Blaine and Kurt and Santana, it was delicious. **

**As always my heartfelt thanks to my beta ,typegirl19, who always gives me the confidence to post my own little take on a show I will always love no matter what the haters say.**

**And of course, I love all of you who come on this ride with me. **

* * *

Santana had made her decision before the plane touched down in Kentucky. There was nothing for her back there. She didn't want to be a professional cheerleader, she didn't want empty sex with random girls in her bed every night, and she didn't want to be alone anymore. New York was a world full of adventure and possibility and though Kurt and Rachel weren't exactly who she would typically go running to for companionship, when push came to shove there really wasn't very much for her in Lima. Sure she could settle in for a time and wile away the hours waiting for Blaine and Brittany to graduate, but they'd all just end up in NY anyway. She didn't need to wait for them.

Tina's phone call was only the icing on the cake.

She stopped at the Registrar's office and filled out the Voluntary Withdrawal form. Then she went to Coach Thompson's office, respectfully resigning from the squad. Her coach was frustrated but understanding and Santana left feeling a huge weight lifted from her shoulders. Her only concern was how her mother would take the news, but she could handle that.

Santana invited over Eileen, who was at the library studying and certainly didn't mind the interruption, especially from Santana. The cheerleader closed her books and headed across campus to the dorms, knocking on Santana's door. Santana called for her to come in and Eileen didn't know what she had expected, but it was most certainly not a room full of empty drawers and two packed suitcases on the stripped bed.

"What's going on?" Eileen asked, frozen to the spot.

Santana looked at her apologetically. She suspected that though their relationship had stayed very much in the realm of friends with benefits, the girl had always wanted more. "I dropped out."

Eileen did a double take. "I'm sorry, you what?" she nearly shrieked.

Santana though didn't want to discuss it further. This was her decision and she'd made it. No regrets. She flipped her hair and hardened her eyes. "I dropped out of school and I'm going to New York. My mother gave me the money for it the end of last year, I might as well use it," she shrugged. "It's what I need to do. What I should have done all along. It's just that Brittany…"

"It's always about Brittany," Eileen interrupted, rolling her eyes.

Santana turned and saw the pain in her eyes. She sighed and drew closer, rubbing Eileen's arms comfortingly. "You knew that going into this," Santana reminded her. "You've been the best friend I've had here and I probably wouldn't have lasted as long as I have without you. But I don't belong here."

Eileen hated that it was true, but she knew that it was. "I always did think you were too big for Louisville." She smiled sadly and kissed her one last time. "I wish I had known, we could have thrown you a blow out goodbye party."

Santana chuckled and tucked a lock of her behind her ear as her eyes turned quickly from soft to mischievous. "There is one more thing that you and the girls could help me out with, if you're up for a road trip."

* * *

Kurt and Adam strode down the streets of Manhattan, coffee held close to their chests, keeping their fingers and their noses warm against the bitter cold wind. The smells of the city filled their heads as they dodged the steam from the vents. "Some things in NY I'll never get used to," Kurt grumbled as he side stepped some terrifying unknown liquid on the sidewalk.

Adam laughed and nudged his shoulder. "You'll get so used to everything by spring that you won't remember life without it all."

Kurt smiled and nodded, pausing slightly as his phone vibrated in his pocket. People around him swore as they nearly hit him and Adam once again laughed and grabbed his jacket, pulling him aside against the wall. "You're gonna get yourself run over if you do that," Adam warned.

Kurt looked at the name on the phone, then the man who glanced down curiously next to him, and made a quick decision on instinct alone. "Hey Blaine, everything ok?" He looked up quickly to Adam and mouthed a bashful 'sorry', before linking the older man's arm and starting to walk together again the few more doors to the rehearsal hall.

"You sound busy Kurt," Blaine said, his voice gravely and tentative. "Are you busy?"

"I'm just on my way to show choir rehearsal, hang on one second," he explained. He and Adam rounded the corner and approached the building. They both went inside where it was warm and Kurt motioned for Adam to go up to the room, he'd meet him in a minute. Adam climbed the stairs and Kurt leaned against the wall. "Ok, what's up?"

"Nothing," Blaine said, sniffling and clearly his throat, clearly rethinking his phone call. "Nevermind."

Blaine sounded as if he had been crying or had a cold, and if it was the former Kurt wasn't going to let him just run away. "Hey, don't do that," Kurt told him gently. "You've got my attention for at least five minutes, so tell me what you called for."

"Ok," Blaine relented and Kurt could hear him take a breath. "Tell me what you think when you hear Diva and Blaine Anderson."

Kurt arched a surprised brow and laughed. That wasn't at all what he'd expected. "You mean other than Blaine and the Pips?"

Blaine chuckled in that shy way that Kurt knew meant he was blushing. "Yes, other than that."

Kurt thought for a moment, taking a seat on the bench, trying to ignore the cold air that rushed at him every time someone opened the front door. "Well, I don't know. Are we talking private Blaine or public Blaine?"

Kurt heard Blaine swallow and sensed this was precisely why Kurt was the one he'd turned to. "Please expand on this," Blaine breathed nervously."Well, I mean private Blaine is all about letting yourself go, being ultra-fabulous, theatricality and glamour. I know how much you love singing Adam Lambert," Kurt teased, blushing himself as he remembered private moments. "But I don't think that side of you is for public viewing. In public you can still be a Diva but you're reserved, pleasing, generous."

"I was like that privately sometimes too," Blaine purred and Kurt couldn't help but shiver. He told himself it was because of the cold.

"Yes, yes you were," he remembered sweetly, but he had to get this conversation back on track. "Look Blaine, you're a Diva because you're an amazing performer. No more, no less. Sure you can own the feather boas or the sass, but you don't need it, because you can own the stage with nothing but a piano and your voice. Your talent speaks for itself and that's what makes you a Diva." Kurt heard his name whispered from above and he turned his head to see Adam gesturing that it was time for rehearsal to begin. "I'm sorry Blaine, I have to go. See you next week?"

"Yes, absolutely," Blaine said. "Thank you." Kurt hung up quickly before their typical goodbyes. He glanced up to Adam and sighed before smiling broadly and racing up the stairs. The last thing he'd needed Adam to hear were his and Blaine's I love you's.

* * *

Blaine had a blast performing Freddie Mercury for the Glee Club, but as always, tried and true Santana Lopez blew him away. Still, he was as confused as Brittany about why she'd not told either of them of her arrival in Lima and he for one wasn't buying her story. She'd been well aware of Sam and Brittany dating even before the two had realized it themselves.

He chased her down the hall as she left with her Cardinals teammates, grabbing her arm to stop her. She turned and glared at him, hands on her hips. He dropped his hand and took a nervous step backward. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming," he asked tentatively, baffled and hurt at the way she was looking at him.

Her eyes hardened even more than they had in the choir room. "Why didn't you tell me that Brittany and Sam had married?" she spat. "Dating is one thing Blaine, but married? You're supposed to be one of my best friends but I have to hear it from Tina Cohen-Chang?"

Blaine felt his stomach drop. He hadn't realized she didn't know, but he'd never considered it his place to tell her. If Brittany had wanted her to know she would have told her. He knew that would be little consolation to her at the moment though. "They aren't really married Santana," Blaine said instead to try and soothe her.

"Do you know how many times Brittany and I talked about getting married Blaine?" she snapped. "And how many times she said no, that it wasn't for her. And then she dates Sam Evans for a week and decides that she'll commit to him for the rest of her life?"

"She thought the rest of her life was like 48 hours 'Tana," Blaine argued, upset that Santana was getting so upset.

"And how would you feel, if Kurt met a guy and they hopped a plane to Vegas and 'got married' even though it's not legal," she challenged him. Blaine felt a twinge in his chest at just the idea of Kurt saying 'I do' to someone else. And then he understood.

"I'm sorry you didn't know," he admitted, biting his lip with regret.

"Just tell your boy Sam to meet me in the auditorium after school. We've got a score to settle," Santana ordered, then stormed off out the door, leaving Blaine behind feeling hurt, confused and more than a little vulnerable.

* * *

Amy Anderson arrived home at midnight after a long day at work. She'd been glad that since Christmas she'd changed to second shift. It had been better for Blaine, making sure he was sleeping by the time she got home, being able to be there for him in the morning before his day at school. She'd tried hard to get him stay home from school today, but her son was as stubborn as his father and insisted that he could not be absent during Diva week. She'd checked his forehead, gave him orange juice and sent him on his way.

She tossed down her keys and hung up her coat, surprised to find a girls jacket that didn't look like it belonged to Santana. She checked the living room to see if maybe Blaine and a friend had fallen asleep during a movie, but the room was empty. She entered Blaine's room and was shocked to find Tina lying next to her sleeping son, gently massaging his chest.

"Tina? What's going on in here?" she whispered.

Tina sat up quickly and shuffled off the bed, holding up a small container. "Vaporub," she explained handing the medicine to Mrs. Anderson. "Blaine wasn't feeling well so I gave him some soup and medicine and rubbed the vaporub on his chest."

Blaine's mom raised a curious and suspicious brow. "It's midnight, how long has he been sleeping?"

"Oh my God, is it that late?" Tina suddenly scrambled out of the room and grabbed her coat. "My parents are going to kill me."

"Tina," Mrs. Anderson called sternly and the girl turned and looked at her. The older woman relaxed into a motherly smile, understanding what it was like to love someone who didn't know how to love you back. "Blaine…he's had a hard time of things lately and he," she paused trying to find the right words to explain it to her. "He doesn't always know what love looks like. His father and I haven't really been the best example for him. But sweetie, I can see it in your eyes and I'll tell you what he'd be too polite to say even if he understood how you felt. He loves Kurt. He'll always love Kurt and if by some chance he did fall in love with someone else, it wouldn't be with a girl. So don't try and hold him back. Because if Kurt's not the one for him, he deserves the chance to find the man who is."

Mrs. Anderson watched as tears filled Tina's eyes, but before they could fall she let them turn cold. The girl said nothing as she turned sharply, flung the door open and stormed out of the apartment. Amy sighed and closed the door behind her. She went into Blaine's bedroom and gently sat next to him. She caressed his head softly, kissing his forehead to check for fever, and looked at the container she still held in her hand. She opened it and rubbed a tiny bit more of the nearly empty medicine onto his chest before buttoning him up and pulling his blanket over him, leaving the container at his bedside in case he woke in the middle of the night.

"Mmmm….hi mom," he mumbled in his sleep.

"Shhh, baby…go to sleep," she whispered. He rolled over onto his side and she rubbed his back for a minute before quietly leaving the room. She wondered sadly when her little boy had become a man.

* * *

Blaine awoke the next morning feeling a million times better than he had the day before, other than having fallen asleep in his clothes. He showered and dressed and kissed his mother's cheek before grabbing a quick breakfast. She slid into the chair next to him.

"Blaine, sweetheart, I need to talk to you about Tina," she said carefully.

"I know Mom, isn't she amazing! I just feel incredible this morning. Whatever was in that chicken soup it worked like a charm," his smile quickly fell to a frown. "I feel kinda bad that I fell asleep on her last night though."

"Do you remember what happened?" his mom asked cautiously.

"Not really," he said putting his bowl in the sink and grabbing his bag for school. "I gave her my laptop with a bunch of songs I thought she could sing for Diva week. I'll have to talk to her today about which she chose."

She grabbed his hand, making him slow down and really look at her. "Just be careful Blaine," his Mom urged. "Sometimes girls don't always make the best choices."

"Oh I'm sure she'll choose the song that's just perfect for her. I gotta go Mom," he said as he ran out the door to his car.

Amy sighed. The idea that Tina liked him was barely even on his radar. This was going to be a harder conversation than she'd thought.

* * *

Blaine nearly skipped up the steps, so excited to finally have a clear head and nose, and raced up behind Artie. "Looks a little slippery up that ramp there Artie, let me give you a hand!"

Artie looked over his shoulder at Blaine with a grin. "Thanks man," he said. "You're looking better."

Blaine helped wheel him up the ramp and they entered the school, rounding the corner. "Yeah, Tina came over and gave me some miracle Chinese concoction that worked like a charm," he smiled. "It was amazing, she just had everything I needed, it was awesome." Blaine stopped when he saw Tina approach them. "Tey Tey! I was just telling Artie how awesome I thought…"

"Will you excuse us please Artie," Tina ordered, her raging eyes never leaving Blaine's.

Blaine's eyes shifted between Artie and Tina, confusion marring his face. "But I…" Artie started, then recognized Tina's bitch face and backed away quickly.

"Is everything okay?" Blaine asked, "Oh! That chicken soup you made me was magic I feel great today!"

"You wanna know why? Because of me, because I took care of you," Tina barked.

Blaine remembered what he'd grabbed off his nightstand in the morning, and took it out of his pocket. "Oh, and I guess I used most of this," he said examining the container. "I don't know how that happened but it's all gone, sorry," he said apologetically. She just continued to glare at him angrily though and he didn't think it was because he'd finished all her vaporub. He shifted uncomfortably. "Wait, are you mad?" Maybe it was because he'd fallen asleep instead of helping her choose a song.

"Look, I give you all of my heart, gladly," she huffed, "and I love hanging out with you, Blaine. I love…" she paused and Blaine watched her, trying desperately to understand, flashing back to the conversation his mother had tried to have him with him that morning. "It's sad, because you don't see that it's me that gives you that support."

"Why are you acting so pissed off?" he asked.

"Because I get it now. A diva doesn't settle for less than what she wants, and she won't apologize for wanting it, and I can't get that here. So next time, don't come crawling back to me, I'm all out of soup," she snapped before walking out.

"That seems a little crazy," he called out after her.

She turned and glared at him. "No, that seems a little Tina Cohen-Chang. Respect."

Blaine stared after her as she walked off, then took a step into the empty classroom nearby. He took out his phone and dialed his mother's number. "Hey Mom?"

"Everything okay Blaine?" she asked in slight alarm.

"Yeah, it's just," he sat down, putting his bag on the floor. "What were you trying to tell me about Tina earlier today?"

"Oh no, what happened?" she worried.

"Nothing really," he hesitated, still trying to figure out in his head exactly what had happened. "She just kind of went off on me. And it's really weird because I'm pretty sure we left everything ok last night. I mean, is she mad because I fell asleep and didn't help her?"

"No sweetie, she's not mad because you fell asleep. She's mad because her heart is breaking," Amy explained gently.

Blaine put it all together in his head and he flashed back to another argument, when he'd acted like an oblivious idiot and gotten drunk and kissed Rachel and Kurt had snapped at him at the Lima Bean. And another where he'd gotten drunk and came on too strong and Kurt had shouted at him at Scandals. And suddenly something clicked in his mind. "Oh my god Mom, you don't think I kissed her, do you? I mean, I was totally out of it with the cough medicine, and I have a tendency to get a little handsy when I'm not entirely sober," Blaine panicked. He wracked his brain trying to remember if he'd done anything that he'd consider inappropriate, but all he remembered was an amazing night's sleep.

"No Blaine, I don't think so. You weren't woozy, you were out cold," his mother reassured him and Blaine felt his heart start beating again. "But Blaine, she likes you. So think about how you would feel if you liked someone who wouldn't like you back, not in that way. And then multiply it by 10 because girls are different than boys and we can give our hearts completely no matter what the boy thinks."

The bell rang and Blaine jumped out of his chair. "I have to go Mom. Talk to you later?"

"We'll continue this discussion tomorrow morning, starting with how you know you're a little bit handsy when you're not sober," she said sternly.

Blaine cringed at the realization of what he'd told her. "Yes Ma'am," he replied. "Love you," he added before he hung up the phone and headed to class.

* * *

Blaine and Sam waited nervously in the hallway while Brittany and Santana talked. It wasn't too long before Brittany ran out of the auditorium. Tears started streaming down her face but instead of falling into Sam's embrace it was Blaine who she wrapped her arms around. "Go see if she's okay," she whispered," then looked up at him pitifully. "Please."

Blaine wasn't sure he'd be welcome given Santana's lack of communication all week, but there was no way to deny Brittany's wishes. "Sure," he smiled, wiping her tears.

He made his way to the side door of the house and heard her before he even pushed the curtain aside. Santana's voice washed over him like dark clouds before a storm. Electricity filled the air, but it was somehow soothing to him as well, familiar. He listened for a few moments before walking in.

_She's just a girl, and she's on fire  
Hotter than a fantasy, longer like a highway  
She's living in a world, and it's on fire  
Feeling the catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away_

Santana looked out into the empty auditorium, wondering how she'd gotten here. No school, no Brittany, she didn't belong anywhere, but she remembered the energy that had pierced her skin and opened her eyes in New York City. It was a world of possibilities, with friends who would be there for her, and opportunities that were just waiting for her to seize them.

_Oh, she got both feet on the ground_  
_And she's burning it down_  
_Oh, she got her head in the clouds_  
_And she's not backing down_

Blaine pushed the curtain aside and walked slowly into the dark auditorium. Santana turned at the movement and their eyes locked immediately. Her anger at Blaine still burning, she sang to him and he listened with all his heart.

_This girl is on fire_  
_This girl is on fire_  
_She's walking on fire_  
_This girl is on fire_

She snapped her eyes away, flames burning inside them, and stormed down the stairs and up the aisle opposite Blaine. Blaine raced across the auditorium, chasing her and blocking her way so she could not leave. Tina meant nothing compared to Santana. He needed her to forgive him and he needed her back. He sang, his own amber eyes dancing with his own fire.

_Looks like a girl, but she's a flame_  
_So bright, she can burn your eyes_  
_Better look the other way_  
_You can try but you'll never forget her name_  
_She's on top of the world_  
_Hottest of the hottest girls say_

Santana watched him sing, a smile betraying her, escaping onto her lips. She'd taken her anger at Brittany and Sam and everyone else out on him and she hadn't been fair. It was just easier to leave them all behind than to have too much of heart remaining behind. She had to let him back in though. He needed her, and she needed him. She took his hand and joined in with him.

_Oh, we got our feet on the ground  
And we're burning it down  
Oh, got our head in the clouds  
And we're not coming down  
_

Blaine smiled at her as he led her back to the stage, sitting in the front row to watch her perform. She was breathtaking, as always, and his heart filled with warmth knowing that she would always be a part of her life, because the spark that lived inside her helped bring him to life when no one else was there.

_This girl is on fire  
This girl is on fire  
She's walking on fire  
This girl is on fire_

_She's just a girl, and she's on fire_

Santana jumped down from the stage, her always disarming and mischievous smile bright as her eyes twinkled. Blaine stood to meet her. "Your fire's what I love best about you," he said softly. "I'm sorry. Maybe I should have told you."

"No." Santana shook her head. "People can trust you with their secrets. That's what they love about you. What I love about you." She paused, her eyes sweeping over the floor, then she tentatively looked back at him. "I quit school. I'm moving to New York."

Blaine's eyes opened wide. "Santana…"

"No," she interjected firmly. "Don't say anything. It's what's right for me."

"Santana, I've known that since last year," he told her gently, and she smiled sheepishly. "So what are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna show up on Hummelberry's doorstep and tell them I'm moving in," she answered matter-of-factly.

Blaine whistled. There was one thing he knew for sure, McKinley had never known a bigger Diva than Santana Lopez. "Kurt's gonna blow a gasket," he warned.

"Well maybe, he needs his gasket blown," Santana snipped then winced at Blaine's face. "Sorry," she apologized.

"It's okay," Blaine laughed ducking his head.

She took his hand reassuringly. "I'll tell you everything I find out," Santana promised.

But Blaine shook his head. "No. Don't. Let Kurt tell me what he wants when he's ready."

Santana smiled softly, understanding. "Ok," she whispered.

"I'm gonna miss you," he said reaching up to tuck a hair behind her ear. They'd see each other next week, but they both knew it wouldn't be the same anymore. Santana would be in NY to stay. She wouldn't be coming home every couple of weeks, she'd get lost in the city just like Kurt and Rachel. They both had every sense that next week would be it for them until he joined them next year.

Santana grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him in, feeling so safe and comfortable in his arms. She didn't know how she was once again leaving both Brittany and Blaine behind, but she knew it was the right choice for her. Still, she'd be leaving a huge part of her heart behind. A tear rolled down her cheek. "I'll miss you too…Boyfriend."

* * *

**Thursday night will be incredible. See you after!**


	15. Chapter 15: I Do

**Author's Note:**

**Well, this chapter took a long time, mostly due to procrastination. It fought with me the whole way and many of my muses were silent. But in the end, my beta likes it, and that's what matters, right? A million thanks as always to typegirl19.**

"**I Do" was perfect in every way. This chapter isn't, but I hope it doesn't disappoint. The words written by the amazing writers of Glee are obviously not my own. My illustrations of Blaine and Kurt in those scenes belong to Darren and Chris. The rest belongs to me.**

* * *

"Good evening Mrs. Lopez, Dr. Lopez," Blaine greeted formally, always the prim and proper suitor when he needs to be.

"It's nice to see you again, Blaine, you're looking well," Santana's mom smiled and Blaine returned it. He was feeling well for the first time in a while, though nerves played at his skin. "Santana's in her room."

Blaine took off upstairs. It had only been a week since he'd seen her, but she'd spent that last week living with Kurt, had flown in with him and Rachel that afternoon, and he even if he didn't really want her to tell him what was going on with Kurt, he still really wanted to _know_ and maybe he'd just learn it by osmosis. He shook his head and chuckled at himself.

"My parents aren't that funny, Boyfriend." Santana side-eyed him as she pulled out her dress for the wedding and held it up to her. "Like it?"

"Gorgeous as always, 'Tana," Blaine told her. "Though you really can't go wrong."

She smiled and put it back in the closet. She'd already changed into her pajamas. She reached into her unpacked suitcase and pulled out a brush and some hair ties.

"How was your flight?" Blaine asked as he curled up on her bed, hugging a pillow.

"You spend any time on a plane with Rachel Berry and tell me how your flight was," she answered gruffly as she fixed her hair. She pulled it tight into a ponytail all the while watching him pick nervously at the pillow in the mirror. She raised a brow. "You gonna ask me about Kurt?"

"You gonna ask me about Britt?" he retorted, glancing up at her reflection. Santana paused, nearly giving into temptation but she looked away and shook her head. She knew there was nothing she wanted to hear. Blaine relaxed into the wall. "Anyone else join you guys on that flight?" he inquired, attempting innocence that Santana could see through with a blink.

"'Bout 200 other passengers, but none of them a plus one for Kurt Hummel," she assured him and Blaine sighed with relief. She grabbed her own pillow and curled up next to him. "Also thankfully, no plus one for Rachel. I never thought I'd say that I liked Rachel better with Finn, but there is something slimy about that kid Brody."

"Yeah, Kurt doesn't like him either, and I trust Kurt's taste in men," Blaine said, watching Santana carefully.

She stared him in the eye, waiting for him to crack, but he didn't. "You really want me to just come out with it, don't you?" Santana said, calling him on his evasiveness. "You don't want to ask, but you're desperate to know about this Adam guy."

"No," Blaine told her looking away, the angel over taking the devil on his shoulder. "It's none of my business until Kurt tells me."

"Oh my god, you are pathetic, Blaine, and sometimes it is so clear that you grew up in Westerville and not Lima," Santana snapped playfully. Blaine made a confused face and Santana rolled her eyes. "Kurt and Adam are sort of dating, he seems like a nice guy, but no, they haven't tapped it, and Kurt's as nervous to see you as you are to see him. There. Now you know as much as everyone else in New Directions."

"I didn't want to know all that," Blaine said with a hidden smile.

"Yes you did," Santana said knowingly, and rested her head on his shoulder. Blaine cuddled into her.

"I'm just scared," Blaine told her, as if it was a secret that wasn't written all over his face. "I mean, I know we talk all the time now, but what if he keeps his distance. What if it's completely awkward?"

"Was it awkward over Christmas?" Santana asked.

"No," Blaine admitted. "But he hadn't met Adam yet. I mean now he's kind of dating someone."

"You're thinking too much, Boyfriend," Santana admonished. "Stop thinking and worrying and just let what happens, happen. He's not some scary blast from the past Blaine. He's just Kurt. Your best friend," she said reassuringly and he nodded in agreement. "Good. Now pretend you're not a Warbler and don't tell me anything at all about Britt and Trouty Mouth," she prodded with a grin.

He kissed her head and scoffed, holding her in his arms as he stopped thinking and just shared all he knew about Brittany and Sam.

* * *

"It may only be for three days, but it is so good to have you home Kurt," Burt told his son. He even turned off the game as he lay on the couch and let Kurt put on one of those romantic comedies he loved so much.

"I'm just glad you're feeling okay," Kurt said with a tentative smile. "I'm sorry I couldn't be here for the surgery."

"It's fine Kurt. I'm fine, and there's nothing you could have done anyway. Carole took great care of me," Burt said, glancing up lovingly to his wife. She brushed a comforting hand on his head as she put his glass of water on the coffee table where he could reach it, and took a seat in the armchair. "Make sure you tell Mr. Schuester we're sorry we can't make it."

"I think he'll understand Dad," Kurt assured him. "You're still technically on bed rest."

"And I'm peeing everywhere," Burt added. "Pretty sure he doesn't want that on the most important day of his life."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Thank you so much for that image," he said wryly. Kurt turned back to the movie, but the nerves that had began when he boarded the plane remained with him, and no matter how hard he tried, his thoughts kept returning to Blaine.

Burt noticed to furrow in Kurt's brow, the pursed lips. "Nervous about tomorrow?" he asked casually.

"No, why would I be nervous?" Kurt answered quickly and completely unconvincingly to the man that knew him better than almost anyone.

"I don't know," Burt said carefully. "You haven't been home in a while, and you've changed a lot since you've been gone. Your whole life is different. It's hard coming back to old friends when that happens."

"You mean Blaine," Kurt mumbled.

"I didn't say that," Burt answered was an easy tone.

"But that's what you meant. I'm not stupid Dad. I know you love him. I know you would like us to be together," Kurt pointed out. "Otherwise you wouldn't have brought him to see me for Christmas."

"I want you happy, Kurt," Burt corrected him. "And Blaine has made you happy before, yes. But if someone else can make you even happier Kurt, then I'll be your biggest cheerleader. Once I'm off of bed rest, of course."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Of course," he chuckled, but grew quickly somber again. "What if it all comes back tomorrow. Seeing him in his tux. At a wedding. We planned that for us someday. I'm just afraid of making a mistake. Falling into a moment." His voice had grown soft, almost a whisper, as he tried to build walls around his heart that would not hold.

Burt sat up with a groan, and took Kurt's hand. "If you remember that as quick as moments are they stay with you forever, then you'll be alright."

Kurt nodded, not fully understanding, but letting it percolate so he'd remember it when he needed to. In the meantime, he soaked in the warmth of being home with his father who had come out of the hospital okay for the second time in three years, and considered how important moments could be, and how abruptly they could be taken away.

* * *

Kurt and Rachel arrived at the church together, both nervous and excited and trying to hide it from one another. They made small talk along the way, neither wanting to admit what they were both thinking. Their first loves were inside. This wedding could have just as easily been theirs.

They greeted Mr. Schuester at the door and made their way inside. They hung up their coats in the coatroom and entered the chapel. Kurt's eyes immediately fell on Blaine talking with Tina in their pew. Rachel looked at him questioningly, and Kurt nodded, so they made their way toward the pair and took their seats a row behind.

As soon as she saw Kurt walk over, Tina linked her arm with Blaine defensively. "Hello, Kurt," Tina said sharply, being sure to punctuate the T. "It's nice you came with Rachel. Blaine here is _my_ date for the evening."

Kurt raised a brow and offered a flashy smile with a tilt of his head. "Yes, I've heard about your lovely friendship from Santana," he mocked, with a glance to Blaine. His mood immediately tempered as he stared into Blaine's hazel eyes, so warm and inviting, but at the same time disapproving of his attitude toward Tina. Something pulled at his heart, and he needed a moment alone with him. "Blaine could I talk with you a minute?"

He didn't miss the death glare Tina sent his way, but Blaine noticed nothing, his attention focused entirely on Kurt. "Sure," he agreed nervously, and patted Tina's hand before he pulled his arm free. "I'll be right back," he promised her.

Blaine shoved his hands in his pockets, and followed Kurt toward the front of the chapel, his heart racing with the endless possibilities of what Kurt wanted to talk about. "Is there somewhere private?" Kurt asked looking around.

Blaine unconsciously took his hand, and Kurt's easy acceptance of the gesture calmed him. Santana was right, it was just Kurt, whom he loved and trusted he would be with forever. He led him to a small room hidden from view just off the coat storage, where an attendant could lock up valuables. "When Mom and I come on Sundays, sometimes I'll take the job of coat check," he offered in explanation. Kurt nodded, but said nothing and nervous silence filled the small room. Blaine finally took the chance to fully appraise Kurt and he was breathtakingly beautiful. "It's really good to see you today," Blaine said in a hushed tone. "You look amazing."

"So do you," Kurt answered, his discomfort tempered by the overwhelming familiarity and a slight sense of déjà vu he couldn't explain. "Look, there's something I need to talk to you about."

Blaine pressed his lips together uneasily. He'd been waiting all this time for Kurt to tell him, but now that it came down to it, he didn't want to hear him say it. "If it's about Adam, you don't need to tell me anything."

"I don't?" Kurt asked, wondering exactly what Santana had said.

"No. I mean, you're not exactly the best at keeping secrets, even over the phone." Blaine took a step closer and Kurt found himself up against the wall. Blaine didn't reach out for him though. "I know everything about you Kurt, and I know when you like someone. I can hear it in your voice. I can read it in your words," Blaine said with quiet confidence. Kurt suddenly felt the small room grow stifling with heat and he licked his lips as Blaine continued. "But it's okay. I understand what it feels like to be lonely and to be searching for who you are and who you're meant to be with. I know you don't always believe in things like God and destiny and soulmates, but it's okay, because I believe enough for both of us. You deserve to be happy, Kurt, and if Adam is what you need right now then -"

Blaine couldn't finish his sentence because suddenly Kurt's lips were on his and his words were swallowed, by the most delicious feeling in the entire world. Pure instinct took over as Blaine linked their fingers and he pinned Kurt's hands by his head, pushing him up flat against the wall. Kurt moaned into the kiss, and Blaine pressed into him, only then letting Kurt's hands free to drape over his shoulders. Blaine grabbed Kurt's hips as they kissed one another frantically, as if making up for lost time, because they were in fact, doing exactly that.

Kurt reached for Blaine's tie, fumbling to loosen it as he kissed Blaine's neck, when light suddenly streamed in, the door flung open, and Kurt threw his head back in frustration. Blaine took a quick step away.

"Oh for the love of…you have got to be kidding me," Tina snapped in shock. "Is this what they call talking these days? What are you two suddenly back together now?"

"No!" Kurt yelped, before turning bashfully to Blaine. "I mean, we're just friends."

"That's right," Blaine concurred, though a small wave of disappointment washed over him at Kurt's quickness. "We're just friends," he insisted to Tina.

"Well, you're _my_ date, Blaine, so could you please come back inside because I'm kind of pathetic sitting there by myself," Tina huffed as she crossed her arms demandingly.

"Yes, Tina, I will," he assured her sweetly with a squeeze to her arm. "Just give me one more minute, please."

"Fine," she huffed, rolling her eyes, and stormed away.

Tina left them but the crowd outside had grown and they were getting odd looks from passersby. "Come on," Blaine urged, grabbing Kurt's hand and pulling him out the door. "We need a little more privacy."

Blaine had planned to just find a quiet corner, but the wind was picking up and the cold seeped into his skin fast after the heat of the last few minutes. He took out his keys and unlocked his car. "It'll be warmer in here at least," he said as he pulled Kurt inside. "So, is this a New York thing? Kissing friends like that?" he smirked.

Kurt had every intention of taking Tina's interruption as a sign that they need to slow down and really talk about the fact that Kurt had a sort of boyfriend and they shouldn't be acting this way, but sitting in the backseat with Blaine, Adam barely reached his mind. All he could think about was the last time they'd made love, in the back of his car before selling it, and he wanted nothing more but to pick up exactly where they'd left off. "No," Kurt leaned forward and purred into Blaine's ear. "I'm pretty certain it's a Lima thing."

Blaine grinned against Kurt's neck and he shivered as Kurt started nibbling on his own. "Well then I thank God that we are best friends," he stammered as he slowly leaned back onto the seat.

* * *

Brody shivered once as he ducked into the coffee shop from the cold streets of Manhattan, on his way to acting class Thursday. He waited in line, texting his scene partner, before placing his order and grabbing his coffee. He turned to head out, but stopped when he saw Adam, sitting pensively at a small round table in the corner, nursing a latte. He walked over and turned a chair, straddling it without even asking. Adam didn't even look up.

"You look like you just lost your puppy," Brody mused.

Adam finally raised his eyes and glared at the guy and his ever present amused smile. They'd never been friends. Hell they'd clashed more than once in various classes and auditions. Brody looked down on everyone, so Adam didn't take it personally, but just because their respective others were best friends, it didn't change one thing about their relationship. "And you look awfully chipper for someone whose girlfriend is back home at a wedding with her ex-fiancé," Adam said.

"Ah, so that's why the long face," Brody smirked in understanding. "''Fraid ole Kurt will fall back into Blaine's arms the moment romance hits the air?"

Adam hated that Brody could read him so well. "Well you've met the guy, I haven't," he prompted. He didn't know why he was even engaging Brody in this conversation. He didn't really want to even think about what Kurt was doing right now, but he found himself riveted to Brody's answer, like a bad accident you just can't look away from. "What do you think?"

"I think Blaine cheated on Kurt and Kurt still loves him anyway but refuses to admit it," Brody answered honestly. "Rachel agrees with me," he added smugly for good measure.

"Brilliant," Adam huffed with a roll of his eyes. He knew it was true. He'd told himself the same thing. But hearing it from Brody was something entirely different. He could have convinced himself he was making it up to lessen the blow just in case Kurt did go back to Blaine. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. But if Brody and Rachel saw it too…

"Doesn't mean Kurt won't decide it's over after he sees him again," Brody insinuated, quirking a brow. "Maybe he just needed a new man to sweep him off his feet."

"And is that all Rachel needed?" Adam quipped back. "You think she'll go back, to the romance of a wedding that should have been theirs, and not shag him?" At the other man's unconscious twitch of surprise, it was Adam's turn to smile. "Kurt can talk too," he shrugged.

"Honestly?" Brody chirped taking a drink of his coffee and standing up. "I don't care what she does with what's his name in the middle of nowhere Ohio. I know she'll come back to me and in the end, that's what matters."

Adam scoffed and muttered under his breath. Brody peered down. "What was that?"

"I said, Kurt told me you had balls," Adam smiled up politely. Brody grinned and winked before buttoning his coat to head back outside into the cold. Adam shook his head. His thoughts turned back to Kurt, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking. He truly liked Kurt. He was unlike anyone he'd ever met before. But being caught in the middle of unfinished business wasn't precisely what he had in mind. When Kurt returned, they needed to talk. If he and Kurt were going to be something more than friends, then he wasn't willing to settle for just a piece of his heart.

* * *

Performing with Kurt was always exhilarating, but this may have been Blaine's favorite duet ever. His pulse quickened at the flirty eyes, and the touch of Kurt's arm around his shoulder made his knees go weak. They fell into perfect step with one another as if they were alone in Blaine's bedroom practicing for Glee club instead of singing for a hundred strangers navigating a precarious friendship. But Blaine knew it was because they would always be in perfect step with one another, and every moment together they had was one more step toward Kurt realizing the same thing.

"I'm gonna get some punch, do you want anything?" Blaine asked as they flew off the stage.

"Yeah I'll take one," Kurt said. "But just remember we're…"

"Not dating, we're just here as friends," Blaine finished for him with a small smile. It didn't matter what Kurt said, Blaine's heart was humming with joy because even if they were just friends, they were the closest they'd ever been today since they'd broken up and the night was not even half over. He wouldn't let himself thing about the possibilities that lay ahead, the empty rooms that just waited for them upstairs. He couldn't get enough, but he could be patient, and wait until Kurt was ready, whether that meant today or three months from today. Because Kurt could deny their love all he wanted, but he couldn't deny that every step they'd taken had been a step closer.

Blaine poured two cups of punch then went over to the bar to ask for some maraschino cherries.

"Gotta make sure you have those cherry stems," Santana winked at Blaine as she sipped her wine at the bar. Her eyes flew quickly to Kurt and back again. "You two are looking nice and cozy tonight."

Blaine side-eyed her, holding out the cups for the bartender to drop in the fruit. "I could say the same for you and Quinn," he said, glancing at the blonde chatting with Puck by Santana's side.

"You're crazy," Santana scoffed unconvincingly.

Blaine chuckled. "And you're drunk," Blaine informed her. She dismissed him with a sweep of her hand, but he took it and held it tight, forcing her attention. "Don't do anything you'll regret 'Tana. I know it's hard watching Brittany here with Sam, but I also know how a one night stand can ruin the best thing that's ever happened to you." He swept an eye over the crowd for Kurt, finding him chatting across the room with Mike and Tina. "I don't know if we get second chances, Santana, but if there's one thing I've learned, it's that running from love is never the answer."

Behind Santana, Quinn was laughing hard at something and brushed a shoulder against her. Santana shivered slightly as Quinn's hair tickled her skin and she smiled hopefully. "And what if I'm running to love?" she asked.

Blaine looked out again to Kurt who turned to meet his gaze with a small smile and a little wave of his fingers. Blaine couldn't help the color that rose to his cheeks and his eyes sparkled as he kissed Santana tenderly on the cheek. "Always run to love," he whispered before walking off to return to Kurt's side.

* * *

"Your drink, Sir," Blaine bowed jokingly as he handed over Kurt's punch.

"Well thank you, Sir," Kurt smiled back brightly, before taking a sip.

"What were you guys talking about?" Blaine inquired, tilting his head toward Mike and Tina.

Kurt glanced back over with a smirk, and linked his arm with Blaine's, pulling him away from the pair. "Just encouraging her to find someone else to dance with. Nostalgia seems to be in the air, after all," he said, nudging Blaine to look to the stage.

As Blaine looked up to see Finn and Rachel take the microphones, he felt his drink pulled from his hand. He twisted back to see Kurt place it on the table, then reach out a hand. "May I have this dance?" Kurt offered nervously.

Blaine flashed a delighted smile. "Of course," he accepted.

Kurt led him, hand in hand, to the dance floor and Blaine wrapped himself into Kurt's arms. He couldn't help the sigh that escaped as he felt the pieces of his heart click into place. He reached his hand up Kurt's back, tracing the fabric of his suit beneath his fingers. He nuzzled into the perfect space of Kurt's neck, taking the time to breathe in his scent, to re-memorize it once again before it was gone to soon.

_I know it's late, I know you're weary  
I know your plans don't include me  
Still here we are, both of us lonely  
Longing for shelter from all that we see  
Why should we worry, no one will care girl  
Look at the stars so far away _

Kurt knew there was a possibility he might consider it a mistake in the morning, but he wondered right now how on earth he could. Everything was perfect. The music spoke the words of his heart. They were here, they were lonely, and they wanted each other. For now, New York was a world away. Blaine was here, tonight.

_We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?  
We've got tonight babe  
Why don' you stay?_

"I'm glad you're here, Kurt," Blaine whispered, his voice vibrating on Kurt's skin.

His breath sent shivers down Kurt's spine, and he knew Blaine didn't mean the wedding. "I'm glad I'm here too," he sighed, resting his chin on Blaine's shoulder, closing his eyes to the crowd.

_Deep in my soul, I've been so lonely  
All of my hopes, fading away  
I've longed for love, like everyone else does  
I know I'll keep searching, even after today_

Even the faltered romance of the wedding had mirrored Kurt's own emotions. He understood why Ms. Pillsbury had run. He understood the fear, the doubt, the strength it took to trust again. He understood the wonder of what else might be out there. He and Blaine were still so young. It was no longer their mistakes that kept them apart. He felt safe in Blaine's arms. But it was precisely that safety that Kurt wasn't sure he was ready for.

_So there it is girl, I've said it all now  
And here we are babe, what do you say?  
We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?  
We've got tonight babe  
Why don't you stay? _

Their hearts weren't racing. Their nerves weren't tingling. A familiar calm washed over them. There were no more doubts, no more fears in either of their hearts. Because in one another's arms, they were simply home. His father's words came back to Kurt and he understood what they meant. This wasn't something he'd regret in the morning, or a week from now or a year from now. Whether it was a new beginning or the perfect goodbye, he was completely certain he'd want to remember it forever.

_We've got tonight, who needs tomorrow?  
Let's make it last, let's find a way  
Turn out the light, come take my hand now  
We've got tonight babe  
Why don't you stay?  
Why don't you stay?_

"Do you want to go upstairs?" Kurt whispered in his ear.

Blaine pulled back so he could see Kurt's eyes. They swam with desire.

He took a deep breath. It wasn't everything he wanted, but it was enough for tonight. "Okay."

* * *

They savored the moments, knowing that they were not soon to come again. Their passion in the car had been fast and frantic, but this was purely a continuation of their dance, deliberate and slow so that it burned into their memory. Making it last.

Blaine poured languid kisses on Kurt, but he let Kurt take the lead. Clothing was discarded, little by little, remembering and rediscovering without reserve. They spoke little, afraid of the words that might pour out, but concentrated solely on the feel of one another, beneath their fingers, their lips, against their skin.

It was all they had remembered and more, every sensation heightened by the very real possibility that this time could be their last. Blaine didn't believe it, he wouldn't, but he was desperate to feel everything, to let every sensation erase the memories of the mistakes he had made. He'd missed this so much and he just let it fill him, let Kurt fill him, until his heart burst with pleasure and Kurt soon followed.

They laid together side by side, slick with sweat and trying to catch their breath as they stared at the hotel ceiling. Their fingers found one another and laced, a contented smile flitting across Blaine's face, a weak laugh coming from Kurt.

"We should head back downstairs before Tina or Mercedes send out a search party," Kurt said, only partially joking. He twisted out of bed, grabbing his boxers and pants and slipped them on.

Blaine did the same while Kurt grabbed his shirt and headed over to the mirror. "Are we gonna talk about this?" Blaine asked determinedly.

Kurt's face fell, as he stared back at himself, pulling on his t-shirt then his button down. He knew it was coming but he didn't want it. It had all been perfect, why did Blaine have to try and ruin it with questions and definitions? Kurt knew he wasn't being totally fair. Blaine was so sure that they belonged together forever, and there was a very real possibility that Kurt had just played with Blaine's heart in the worst possible way. But what had just happened between them didn't change the fact that Kurt wasn't ready to make any decisions. "I don't know that there's anything to talk about Blaine," he said hesitantly, only glancing slightly at Blaine sitting mostly dressed on the edge of the bed, out of the corner of his eye.

"Tell me now that we're not back together," Blaine insisted and it was exactly the one thing that Kurt had been afraid of.

"I mean, it was fun, but…" he attempted casually, knowing there was nothing casual for Blaine about what had just happened.

"I'm not going to let you minimize this Kurt," Blaine insisted. He picked up Kurt's jacket and brought it over. He knew Kurt was scared, but Blaine had absolutely no lingering doubts in his mind no matter what Kurt wanted to tell himself. "It's no accident that we were together on Christmas, and again on Valentine's Day." Blaine slipped the jacket on Kurt, as he had a hundred times before, and just like that it was like nothing had ever changed and they were back exactly where they belonged. "And we're going to be together, for many, many, more, no matter how much you pretend," he drew close, knowing that Kurt wouldn't pull away, and whispered boldly in his ear, "that this doesn't mean anything."

For a moment time froze as they gazed into the hotel mirror. A picture of two soulmates, two hearts that were destined to be together since long before they even knew who they were. Kurt longed for the confidence and the surety, to know that Blaine was wrong, that it was time for him to move on. He wished he could believe that someone else, Adam or some unknown stranger still out there waiting for him, was the man he was meant to be with for the rest of his life. But he couldn't. Because here he was, his Teenage Dream, the boy who had taken his hand and run down the hallway with him. The boy who had danced with him at prom. The boy, no the man, who had made him feel that he could let go of all the fear and all the embarrassment and all the voices in his head that said he wasn't man enough. The man who had taught him that romance and passion were not mutually exclusive but two parts to an amazing whole that he wasn't even sure he ever truly wanted to share with someone else.

As Blaine brushed his shoulders, Kurt turned with relief that Blaine wasn't hurt. He looked at lips that only minutes earlier had been kiss swollen, screaming his name. He stared into hazel eyes that had been blown dark as night with lust. He leaned in to kiss Blaine again, to feel his mouth against his, to taste him one last time before the night was over. But instead he pulled back, leaving Blaine wanting, heart racing and skin tingling. "I'll see you downstairs," he whispered seductively as he left the room.

Blaine was so sure about them, Kurt thought as he left, and maybe he was right. Only time would tell. But he knew for certain he would be making no decisions before returning to New York. Because even if they were meant to be together forever, they both still had things they needed to learn. There was a long time in between now and forever.

* * *

Kurt stopped just outside the door, a sly smile still on his lips, feeling drunk on sex and power. He took a minute to find his footing before venturing back down to the reception, when another door opened. Not sure whether to run or to stay, he hesitated too long and saw Rachel quietly closing the door behind her as if not to disturb the occupant left inside.

"Rachel?" Kurt called softly, concern written all over his face.

She turned, surprised, but quickly recovered and offered him a faint smile. She nodded quickly to the door. "You and Blaine?" she asked, not really needing him to answer. She'd been wrapped up in Finn all night, but she wasn't so oblivious as not to notice the two dancing so closely during her duet.

"Yeah," Kurt answered, turning back toward the door. "He's just…I mean, he's gonna meet me downstairs in a minute."

"Are you guys back together?" she asked, starting down the hallway. Kurt fell into stride with her.

"Oh, no," he answered quickly. "That was just," he paused, a blush creeping up his neck as he looked at her sheepishly. "Well, I don't even know what that was."

"I do," she said softly, taking his hand as they descended down the stairs. "It's love. Just like me and Finn. They'll always be with us, Kurt. Handprints on our hearts, just like the song."

"Just like the song," Kurt said, smiling fondly at the phrase. "Whichever way our story ends?" he asked her, squeezing her hand.

Rachel looked back up the stairs and Kurt followed her gaze. Blaine stood beautifully at the top, staring down on them, beaming from ear to ear. She glanced at Kurt fondly, who couldn't help but return to Blaine a winsome smile. "I'm pretty sure I know how it ends," she mused confidently.

* * *

Blaine entered his apartment with the smell of Kurt still on his skin and his clothes. He could still feel Kurt's hands on him, their bodies pressed together, Kurt inside him as they made love, and he couldn't have felt more perfect. Lost in the haze of the evening, a smile permanently etched onto his face, he didn't even notice his mother come out of her bedroom at the sound of the door.

"Did you have a nice time, sweetheart?" she asked with a yawn.

"It was the best wedding ever," Blaine answered dreamily. "You didn't have to wait up for me," he told her, but his eyes said that he loved that she had. And his eyes said so much more as they sparkled even in the darkness of the apartment, only the moonlight shining in off the snow through the windows, and the small kitchen light kept on for him over the sink. He went to the fridge and grabbed a bottled water. He leaned on the counter as he took a sip.

Mrs. Anderson sat at the kitchen table. "Did Ms. Pillsbury look beautiful?" she asked.

"I don't know," Blaine responded, his brow furrowing as he thought back on it. He'd nearly forgotten the actual wedding. "We never saw her. She left Mr. Schuester at the altar."

"Oh my goodness, that's terrible!" she said sympathetically. "Was he alright?"

"I think he left to try and go find her," Blaine tried to remember. "They still had the reception, and everyone had a great time."

"Even Tina?" his mother asked with a knowing glance, starting to put the pieces together. There was only one thing, one person, who could make Blaine forget everything else around him. Blaine's blush, as he dropped his eyes in shame, confirmed it. "Did you pay any attention to her at all tonight or did you just spend the whole evening with Kurt?" she asked with reproach. When he continued to avoid her gaze without an answer, she gently scolded him. "I told you to be a gentleman tonight, Blaine."

"I know," he said quietly. He'd screwed up and he knew it, he'd just been so lost in everything Kurt, he hadn't even remembered she was his date. But he'd make it up to her and invite her to the movie tomorrow as long as Kurt was okay with it. He raised his eyes bashfully. "I'll apologize."

"I know you will," Mrs. Anderson smiled softly and she got up and gave Blaine a kiss on the cheek. "I'm going to bed."

"Night mom," he wished her lovingly, the giddy smile returning quickly to his face as the thoughts of Kurt flooded him again.

She stopped and eyed him carefully. He looked different from when he left. His eyes were alight with confidence and happiness, sparks of his old self before Kurt left. "Did you two -?" she started, but Blaine kissed her hurriedly and slipped out from behind her with a grin that answered her question.

"Night Mom," he called again behind him, disappearing into his room.

* * *

Tina rolled her eyes as Blaine and Kurt quoted nearly every line from All About Eve, but at least they were quiet during Showgirls. She sat between them, at Kurt's insistence, and they went out of their way to make her feel included. She could see what Kurt couldn't, or at least refused to, but the truth is it helped. Loving someone meant wanting them to be happy, and when she finally put all her feelings aside, she could see without a doubt that they were meant for one another. She only wished she had someone like that for herself.

She hugged them both as they dropped her off at her house, and she apologized again for how she'd acted. Both boys forgave her easily and that was what she'd always loved about them. Their hearts were always open, always forgiving.

Blaine drove Kurt to the airport to meet Santana. They barely spoke but sang along to the radio like always, their voices that always blended perfectly together soothing the awkwardness between them. They hadn't talked further about what had happened between them at the wedding, but they didn't need to. They both understood.

Standing on the sidewalk of the terminal, Blaine swung back and forth slightly with nervous energy, hands fisted in his pockets to stop himself from sweeping Kurt into his arms. "Happy Valentine's Day, Kurt," Blaine smiled, kissing him sweetly on the cheek.

Kurt smiled coyly, looking away from Blaine's love-filled eyes. If he stared too long, he might do something he didn't really want to. The time spent with Blaine had been perfect. The way they were leaving things was perfect. He didn't want to mess that up. He just hoped that Blaine agreed. "No regrets?" he asked, making sure.

Blaine grinned and shook his head as if it was the most ridiculous question in the world. "Just love," he crooned. Kurt nodded thankfully, but said nothing, an awkward pause filling the air as both held instinct at bay. "Are you coming back anytime soon?" Blaine asked.

"Not that I have planned right now," Kurt told him somewhat regretfully. "The Apples will be rehearsing over spring break, plus some other work I have to do. Hopefully everything with Dad will be okay."

"It will," Blaine assured him confidentially. "Your Dad's strong, and he has Carole taking amazing care of him."

"And you," Kurt acknowledged gratefully.

Blaine shrugged. "I'd do anything for your Dad, you know that."

"I know," Kurt said with quiet empathy. He knew exactly how important his Dad was to Blaine.

"I'd do anything for you too, Kurt," Blaine added sincerely. He hadn't planned to say it, but he wouldn't apologize for the truth.

Kurt met his gaze. "I know," he responded, his voice soft with affection. His eyes fell, and he caught the time on Blaine's watch. "I have to go if I'm gonna make my flight."

"Oh, well, then I should find some way to keep you here just a little bit longer," Blaine gently teased, but tears started to fill his eyes.

"Don't cry Blaine," Kurt begged quietly, as he blinked back his own. "I'll see you soon. Don't let Tina near you while you're sleeping again," Kurt warned and Blaine laughed softly.

"Don't let Santana drive you crazy, I need both of you alive," Blaine answered.

"I'll do my best," Kurt smirked as he grabbed his bags and waved goodbye.

Blaine watched Kurt disappear inside the airport where no doubt Santana was already waiting for him. His heart was heavy, missing him already, but he wouldn't have traded the last few days for anything. He knew that Kurt wasn't ready, that he still needed time to explore and to grow and discover who he was in the world. To understand, or at least accept, what Blaine already knew – that they were soulmates. But If Blaine were honest with himself, he needed time too. He needed to learn who he was without Kurt, and figure out his future plans. He needed to fly, on his own, no anchor, nothing holding him down. But there was one thing that he was absolutely certain of now that he hadn't been before.

Anything could happen.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Reviews as always are much appreciated, even if you hated it, which I hope you didn't.**

**RTF TRIVIA!:**

_**Come What May**_** is mentioned in two previous parts of the Ready to Fly series. The first time is in **_**Caught**_**, which takes place during Season 2 and was written between Season 2 and Season 3. The second time is in the title chapter of **_**Way Out**_**, Chapter 5. **

**I've said it before and I'll say it a million times more, **_**Come What May**_** is the most hauntingly beautiful song that Glee has ever recorded. The arrangement, the orchestrations and the vocals are absolutely perfect to me and I cannot wait to see it.**


	16. Chapter 16: Come What May

**Author's Note:**

**First I must send my love to each and every one of you reading this. You mean the world to me.**

**I've said it before and I will say it again. **_**Come What May**_** was the most hauntingly beautiful musical number that Glee has ever done.**

**This chapter should really be called "Everything Kurt has been thinking for the past 4 months" or "5 reasons Kurt should leave Blaine and 1 reason he won't".**

**I don't own Glee. But here's what you missed…**

* * *

"Stop the cab," Kurt ordered two blocks from their apartment. He paid the driver extra, just wanting to get the hell out of the taxi and away from Santana. The driver popped the trunk and he grabbed his luggage and started off toward home, not caring at all if the girl followed. She'd been relentless the entire trip home with the flippant remarks and the double entendres and the outright grilling about what had happened with Blaine and what he was going to do about Adam.

Kurt stormed into the apartment and to his room, throwing his bags on his bed. Santana tossed her own onto the couch and followed him expectantly. He rolled his eyes at her complete inability to understand the meaning of the word privacy and swung around to face her. "I knew you were going to take Blaine's side Santana, but if you're going to insist on getting in the middle of this then you need to go."

"I'm not going anywhere Hummel and I'm not getting in the middle," Santana told him, arms folded across her chest. "But I am keeping my eye on you, and if you hurt him-"

"If I hurt…" Kurt stared at her incredulously. "Santana, he cheated on me! Do you think I just came to New York and forgot about him? Do you think I didn't hate every time I had to ignore his calls or cancel a Skype date for work? Do you think I didn't cry myself to sleep some nights missing him, Santana, because I did! But he's the one who cheated, not me."

"And as soon as he did he flew out here to be honest with you, Kurt," Santana said.

"Well why the hell didn't he fly out here _before _he did it?" Kurt yelled. He turned away, fighting back the tears that had threatened since he walked away from Blaine at the airport. He folded his arms in on himself protectively. "You know him so well, you tell me that," he said softly.

"Because he was hurt and scared and feeling abandoned yet again," Santana tried to explain. "Because he needed someone to finally fight for him and he needed to know if you would be that someone. And because he doesn't have a damn clue what it means to be in a healthy relationship."

"No!" Kurt snapped back around, his finger flying up in reprimand. "He doesn't get that excuse."

Santana paused. Kurt was right and she knew Blaine didn't want it used as an excuse. But it was the truth nonetheless. "I don't mean it as an excuse Kurt, but it is a reason," she said.

"It's an excuse if you want it to be why I forgive him," Kurt told her firmly. He turned and sat on his bed with a sigh. "But I have forgiven him Santana. Not even remotely because of that, but I have forgiven him. I wouldn't have…" he stopped, not able to say the words now that he was once again so far away. "I wouldn't have spent Valentine's Day with him if I hadn't forgiven him. It's not about that."

Santana walked over and sat next to him. "Then what's it about," she asked gently.

"It's about being apart for a while," he explained carefully. "We know who we are together, but it's about learning who we are without each other. He's the first boy I ever truly loved, and maybe he will be my last, I don't know. But should he be my only? Is that fair to either one of us? For me to always wonder?" He looked at her sadly. "Blaine understands Santana, I wish you would too."

"I just love him Kurt. And I don't want him hurt."

"I love him too," Kurt told her, tears in his eyes. "And because I love him, so I _don't_ hurt him, I have to do this."

* * *

"Squirt, I've missed you so much!" Cooper yelled into the phone.

Blaine took the phone away from his ear and rubbed it, switching to the left as the right recovered from his brother's scream. "Where are you Coop? You don't need to scream, I can hear you just fine."

"Oh, sorry," Cooper said much more quietly. Blaine took the last few steps up to his apartment and threw his backpack on the kitchen chair. He grabbed a quick snack from the cabinet and curled up on the couch, forgetting about the mountains of homework he had for just a few minutes. It wasn't everyday Cooper called. "So what's going on with you little brother? Did you get your college applications all sent away?" he asked.

"Yup," Blaine smiled. "NYADA, NYU, Columbia –"

"Berklee?" Cooper pressed expectantly.

"Yes Cooper, I promised I would," Blaine sighed. "The others too."

"Good. How was the wedding?" he asked with a mischievous lilt.

Blaine closed his eyes, letting the pictures of him and Kurt flash before his eyes. There were still as vivid as they had been a week ago. "It was amazing," he nearly purred dreamily.

"Hmmm, if I didn't know any better I'd say my little brother got a lotta action," Cooper teased good-naturedly. "Hummel action I hope."

Blaine blushed and quickly changed the subject. "So hey, my friend Artie's gonna be making a movie," he said.

"And I assume you're starring in it, right?" Cooper suddenly grew serious. "I mean, he can't make a movie without an Anderson as a leading man, and as much as I'd love to help you kids out, I've got my own movie deal in the works here in LA. Please give him my regrets, but you'll do almost as well."

Blaine scoffed and shook his head. "I will," Blaine promised. "And I'll be sure to let him know that I'm the leading man for him. That is if the boys win Mr. Schuester's latest boys against the girls movie music competition."

"There is no way the girls will beat any team you're on Blaine," Cooper assured him. "You guys could do Danger Zone and still win that one."

Blaine's mouth slapped shut. "We are doing Danger Zone," he pouted.

"Your idea?" Cooper asked frankly.

"What's wrong with Danger Zone Coop, you love the 80's?" Blaine whined.

"No one looks sexy in a flight suit, Blaine, not even Tom Cruise," Cooper argued.

Blaine laughed and stretched out on the couch. "Oh big brother, how wrong you are," he smirked.

* * *

_Never knew I could feel like this_

The snow kept falling as Kurt changed into his pajamas and climbed into bed that night. Adam was just outside, trying to fit his tall frame onto the small couch, but he was all but forgotten in the darkness and solitude of Kurt's room. In the eerie silence of the City during a blizzard, the haunting melody of Come What May instantly returned. Images of a sinfully handsome Blaine on a rooftop mixed with memories of their young love flooded him. His chest seized with want. He was desperate for it.

He just didn't know what _**it **_was.

_Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings  
Telling me to give you everything_

Or was it just that he refused to allow himself to believe? It was too soon. He was too scared. Everything was just so complicated. Their future of duets and wedding bells and children, god they had talked about children. Every step they'd taken felt like a step forward, but Kurt was never one for the leap of faith. Not like Blaine. Not when everything was still so uncertain. He couldn't be with Blaine when they were still miles and hours and months apart and neither of them knew where next year would lead them. What if Blaine didn't get into NYADA or another school in New York? What if he went to California or Chicago or Michigan?

_And there's no mountain too high no river too wide  
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side_

But even if none of that had mattered, he couldn't leap when he was so uncertain about himself. Things had never been okay for him before he met Blaine. His mother was gone too soon, he was bullied by his peers, he was worried about his father. He'd spent so much of his life afraid of being left alone. Blaine had changed all that and with Blaine in his life everything had started to feel okay again in a way it hadn't since his mother had died. But Kurt now understood he couldn't just be okay with Blaine. He needed to be okay without him. Kurt had felt like he was going to die when he'd lost Blaine and at the wedding he felt truly alive again for the first time since. That terrified him more than anything else. He couldn't go through that again. If there was one thing he'd learned from his Mom and Dad, it was how quickly even the most perfect of loves could be lost forever in an instant and he never wanted to feel so lost again.

_I will love you until my dying day._

He traced the screen of his phone with his thumb, as he held it tentatively in his hand. His tears fell down onto it and he wiped them away. He needed to move on, if not forever at least for now. He needed to live and learn and love someone else. It was impossibly hard when his heart wanted no one else but Blaine, but he knew that he had to do it.

Still, the guilt overwhelmed him. The feeling that he was betraying his heart froze him.

He swiped his phone and texted two words:

_**I**__**'m sorry.**_

It didn't make sense. But he knew Blaine would understand.

...

Blaine smiled at the text from Santana and he shut out the light, climbing into bed. He curled up hugging his extra pillow and stared at Kurt's picture. It didn't matter that Adam was with them. He may be hundreds of miles away, but Kurt was thinking about them, about Come What May, and about their future.

His phone lit up and he pulled it from his dresser.

_**From Kurt: I'm sorry.**_

_**...**_

Kurt clutched his phone to him as he waited, hoping that Blaine was still awake and he wouldn't have to wait until morning. When it buzzed, he took a breath before reading it. He smiled through his tears.

_**From Blaine: Take your time Kurt. I'll be here when you're ready.**_

* * *

Blaine put the finishing touches on his flight suit, slipped his glasses on and posed in the locker room mirror. Okay, so the costume wasn't nearly as flattering as the one Tom Cruise wore in the movie, and maybe Cooper was a little bit right, but he snapped a photo anyway and texted it to him. He fingers lingered on the key pad as he thought of sending it to Kurt as well, but instead he slipped his phone back into his bag. Kurt needed his space, not pictures of him looking like a fool.

"How do I look?" Sam asked and Blaine spun around to see Sam slide in like Tom Cruise in Risky Business, an all white dress shirt, and very little else, hanging loosely on his frame.

"Oh merciful…," he muttered under his breath, suddenly grateful for the sunglasses he wore and the coverage his costume provided. Blaine had thought that topless Sam was tough enough, but bottomless Sam was a new level entirely. He cleared his throat and sat down on the bench. "You look perfect Sam," he gushed as normally as possible. "Exactly like the movie."

"This was literally the best idea ever Blaine," Sam beamed back at him, slapping him fondly on the shoulder. "We are going to win this thing for sure."

"You just bring it out there," Blaine flirted without even realizing it. "Cause I'm raising my game for this one and you better meet me note to note."

"Oh it's on brother," Sam declared, putting a hand out for a fist bump.

Blaine raised his fist. "Those girls don't stand a chance," he grinned and they bumped fists with a boom.

* * *

Kurt entered the empty apartment, Rachel still overachieving at NYADA, Brody probably drug dealing down in the park and Santana doing whatever the hell it was that Santana was doing in New York. His date with Adam had been fun. The movie had been good. But he hadn't felt anything he desperately wanted to feel.

He sprawled out on his bed, confused and exhausted from trying to figure it out, but his mind just kept racing and words tumbled on top of one another just creating a bigger puzzle then the one he'd started with. He went through his phone, pausing on a number of people. Rachel was way too invested in Adam and Santana and his Dad were too invested in Blaine. He just wished he had someone who could make sense of everything for him and figure out what he was missing in all this.

Then he stopped on a number and pressed call.

"Kurt!" Brittany squealed as she sat up on her bed and crossed her legs beneath her. "I've missed my unicorn so much!"

Kurt laughed, a hearty carefree laugh that had been missing from his life in New York and he felt his tension immediately lessen. "I've missed you too Britt. How's life treating you in Lima?"

"Life is great Kurt," she said, smiling with a sly glint in her eye. "But you're not calling to talk about me," she accused playfully.

Kurt bit his lip and took a breath. "Can I ask you a personal question Britt?" Kurt asked nervously. It wasn't something he'd normally ask, people's relationships were private and he had no business knowing. But she'd done what he couldn't and he needed to know how.

"Of course," she smiled and twirled her finger around a thread in her blanket. Loose threads never bothered her. She saw them as the start of a wonderful secret hidden within.

"Do you love Sam?" Kurt asked, then blanched at his own audacity. "I'm sorry. You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."

But it was a simple question for her to answer and she smiled. "Yes I do," she said easily.

"How?" he wondered aloud.

Brittany's eyes sparkled. "Because he's sweet and he's kind and because he's always thought I was one of the smartest people he's ever met even before my SAT scores proved him right."

Kurt chuckled, then grew quiet. "But do you still love Santana?"

"Yes, of course," she declared as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I'll always love Santana."

Kurt ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes. He pulled his knees into his chest and rested his chin on them. "How can you love two people at once?"

"Our hearts are big enough to love a million people Kurt. There's no limit on love," she explained. "Why? Are you falling in love with Adam?" she asked with curious excitement.

"No," Kurt jumped, maybe a bit more quickly than he'd intended. "No," he said more calmly and he knew for certain it was true. Still… "But what if I was?"

"While you still love Blaine you mean?" Brittany asked. Kurt nodded though she couldn't see, but she didn't need to.

"If you asked me years ago if I would ever go back to a man who betrayed me I would have told you there wasn't a chance." Kurt's voice was brittle with disappointment and bewilderment. "What he did _really _hurt me Britt. Why do I still love him so much after he hurt me like that," Kurt asked painfully, falling to little more than a whisper.

"Because if you didn't love him that much he couldn't hurt you that much. And hurt doesn't make that kind of love go away." Brittany's heart clenched a little as she breathed out the next words. "That kind of love is forever."

"It shouldn't be," Kurt sighed as tears slipped down his cheeks once more. "I'm scared Britt. I judged Blaine's mom so much for always going back and yet here I am, wanting to do the same thing. I thought that maybe if I could go out and date that I wouldn't still feel like I belong with him despite it all. But I do Britt. I still feel like he's where I belong."

Brittany hesitated. She'd held onto it so long. Kept it just in case. But that was before she'd fallen in love with Sam and she understood now that she shouldn't choose sides. But Kurt's words rang in her ears and she couldn't ignore it. "You know I'm on Team Kurt, right? I just want you to be happy whoever you choose to share your life with right?" She needed to make sure he knew that.

His brow furrowed in concern. "Yeah Britt, I know. That's why I called you."

"Good. Then I'm going to send you something, okay? You can call me when you're done watching it or not, but promise you'll call if you're mad because I can't stand thinking you might be mad at me," she said quickly.

"What is it?" he asked anxiously.

"Just promise Kurt," she said.

"I promise Britt. Thanks for talking to me." He hung up the phone and waited.

Brittany ended the call and took a deep breath before scrolling through the videos she'd saved. A shift in the bed and a warm arm around her waist brought her a little comfort.

"Why now?" Sam asked softly, knowing exactly what she was doing.

"It will either set him free or draw him back home. But either way he'll know that Blaine is letting him go," she said resolutely as she clicked send on the video and turned to him. "And that's something that Blaine's father never did."

He stared at her, love shining in his eyes, and kissed her softly on the lips. "You really are the smartest girl I know," he whispered and her smile was bright enough to light up the whole world.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Reviews are love. **

**So I was a little worried about Britt's final move because I wasn't sure you all would remember her recordings earlier in the story, though I also know some of you have been patiently waiting for her to use them. From the reviews so far I was right a lot of you would forget, but since I hate a lack of continuity and hated leaving that storyline hanging and Britt REALLY wanted to send it now, I let her. I promise her song choice will be revealed in the next chapter, but feel free to go back and guess ;P**


	17. Chapter 17: Feuds

**Author's Note:**

**Hello my beautiful readers. This chapter reminded me more than any other that while the characters and the canon may not belong to me, this story is my own. And I kind of love the way that the canon fits so many different alternative universes. I hope that even in the most comedic of episodes, you all still think I've made it work. For this chapter I've made one slight change - please imagine that the plane flew the day before the hair gel confrontation with Sue, not the day of. Thanks :-)**

**Many thanks always to my beta typegirl19 and to MuseInMe3 who is happy to help me out when it comes to Blam. **

**I loved all your guesses for Blaine's song. Back in Chapter 6, Blaine sings Home , from Beauty and the Beast, at the jazz club. And finally Kurt gets to see it.**

* * *

_Is this home?  
Is this what I must learn to believe in?  
Try to find something good in this tragic place,  
Just in case I should stay here forever  
Held in this empty place._

Kurt had forwarded the video to his laptop. After only a moment of hearing Blaine's broken voice, lit by the colors and the smoke of the so familiar jazz club, he needed to see it in full.

_Oh, but that won't be easy  
I know the reason why  
My heart's far, far away_

_Home's a lie_

_What I'd give to return  
To the life that I knew lately  
But I know that I can't  
Solve my problems going back_

Now he sat, curled up with his knees tucked into his chest on his desk chair, tears running down his face as he watched it through a second time. His heart was in his throat and his skin had grown hot with emotion as Blaine's fingers glided on the keyboard and his tear-filled eyes met Kurt's through the screen. He had no idea how long ago Blaine had sung this, but he knew for certain Blaine was singing directly to him.

_Is this home?  
Am I here for a day or forever?  
Shut away  
From the world until who knows when_

_Oh, but then, as my life has been altered once  
It can change again  
Build higher walls around me  
Change every lock and key  
Nothing lasts, nothing holds all of me  
My heart's far, far away  
Home and free!_

Kurt closed his eyes, the image of Blaine never leaving him despite his tears trying desperately to wash him away. And he knew why Brittany sent the video now. Somehow, in some way, Blaine would always be where he belonged. But Blaine had figured out long before Kurt, just as Brittany had tried to explain, that they could hold on and let go at the same time. That something good had to come out of something awful. And that he could keep Blaine locked away in a part of his heart while still giving away the key to another. In his own beautiful way of communicating through song, Blaine had both held on strong and set him free that day. It tore at Kurt's heart even more, but somehow also managed to lighten it, so he could fly.

Santana stood in the door frame watching him, knowing exactly the video on Kurt's screen. She remembered that night like it was yesterday but there was something about seeing Kurt's reaction to it that made her snap. "What do you do, watch him like this when he's not around then throw around crap like _we're just friends_ and _bros helping bros_?"

"I've never seen it before," he whispered, still staring at the screen in shock. "Britt just sent it to me." He looked up at her, his cheeks tear stained. "When did he sing it?"

"About 2 hours after you told him he wasn't home anymore and stormed off," she snarled.

Santana's tone finally pierced his daze and his eyes narrowed with focus. "I told him Lima wasn't home anymore," he clarified, but as soon as the words came out of his mouth he knew that wasn't true. He'd still been angry that day and he'd meant exactly what Santana had said. Hell some days he was still angry and Santana's presence was making it worse.

"Even if that were true, which it's not, do you really think it would make a difference with him? You're the only place that ever felt like home to him and you threw it back in his face like it meant nothing to you. Jesus what is it with you and Berry, so blind to everything that is going on around you?"

Kurt slammed the laptop shut and got up. "That's it Santana," he yelled, his voice getting higher by the second. "I'm trying here. I'm trying to figure out what I want and who I am and the fact is that who I _date_ is none of your business. I know that he's one of your best friends, but he's one of mine too and this is between Blaine and me and has nothing to do with you! Just like things between Rachel and that douchebag Brody have nothing to do with you, or me for that matter. So why don't you go get a job or something and just stay out of our love lives!" He grabbed his coat and stormed out of his room.

"Where are you going Hummel?" Santana called. "Isn't it too dark out there for you?"

"I'm going to buy some drugs from Brody on the street corner so I can forget about all of you for just a few minutes!" he shouted sarcastically before slamming out the door.

Santana sighed with regret. This wasn't at all how she'd promised herself she would be when she boarded the plane for New York. She'd wanted things to be different between her and the Hummelberry twins this time around. They'd be mature and talk things out and she'd be a better person than she'd been in Lima. But those two brought out the worst in her with their naivety and their hopeful dreams and their emo need to find a man to cling to whether or not it was the right one. And Donkey Face and Dr. Who were most definitely not the right choices for either of them.

She changed into her pajamas and curled up with her blanket and a pillow of Kurt's she'd stolen. Oddly it reminded her of Blaine but probably only because her friend tended to spray Kurt's cologne all over when he was feeling sad. She pulled out her phone and dialed, smiling softly when Blaine answered.

"Hey 'Tana, how's New York treating you?" Blaine asked, his voice chipper.

"Far better than your ex-boyfriend is treating me," she grumbled. "Seriously I don't know why you still pine away for him. He's insufferable sometimes."

"Well, so are you, but I still pine away for you too," he teased. "Maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. I'd come by it pretty naturally I would say," he added wryly.

"How are things with you and your Dad, since you brought it up," she asked.

"Good," Blaine answered. "I mean, it's not perfect, there are still moments when I can see his eyes blaze, but he's been walking away. Or if he doesn't then I do and he calms down in time."

"You've inherited that eye blaze you know," Santana reminded him.

"Yeah, but I don't even want to act on it anymore," he said with conviction. "My therapist actually thinks maybe I don't need to see him anymore, though Dad's gonna continue and I can join him anytime I want. We're gonna have our last appointment later this week."

"That's good, right?" Santana asked.

"Yeah, it's good. I'll let you know how it goes," he promised.

"You better," Santana told him with a smirk. "Night Boyfriend."

"Night 'Tana."

* * *

Blaine was exhausted when he finally entered his apartment and he really just wanted to lock himself away in his room, stare aimlessly at some YouTube videos, maybe talk to Kurt or Santana, and not come out until morning. Coming face to face with his father and mother at the kitchen table was the last thing he had expected. Seeing the fire emanating from his father's eyes was the last thing that he wanted. He kept a hand on the doorknob and stayed flat against the wood. If his Dad had heard about the plane banner, this was not at all going to be pretty.

"Have a seat," his father ordered. His mother looked nervous, but she was here, and that was at least a little reassuring.

Blaine swallowed, but kept his heart from racing. "I'd rather stay right here," he said, keeping a safe distance.

"Fine. Would you care to explain this?" His father pushed something that looked like a bill across the table. "And don't you dare lie to us Blaine."

Blaine's face was screwed up with uncertainty, but at least it didn't seem to be about the plane. He stepped forward and took the paper, recognizing it immediately. It was the bill to the credit card his father had given him, but as he read it through, the charges to the card were outrageous. He looked up at his Dad with confusion. "I don't know anything about this," he asserted.

"And I don't suppose you know anything about these then either?" the Colonel challenged as he took a stack of envelopes and slammed them on the table. "That card is yours, Blaine!" the Colonel yelled, unable to keep his temper under control any longer. "And these were all taken out in your name. That bill is going to take forever to pay off and who knows what kind of damage has been done to your credit and to mine."

Blaine closed his eyes and took a deep breath then met his father's gaze again. "I understand that Dad, but I didn't do this," Blaine protested calmly.

"Do you expect me to believe you have absolutely no idea how all of those charges were racked up?" the Colonel challenged.

"It's true," Blaine nodded pleadingly. "Please you have to believe me."

"The card is still in your possession isn't it?" his father asked incredulously.

"Yes Sir, I think so." Blaine's voice quivered with uncertainty though, as he fumbled through his coat pocket and took out his wallet. He pulled out the card and threw it on the table. The Colonel grabbed it immediately and tucked it away.

"This is mine until we get to the bottom of this. Go to your room," he ordered.

But Blaine stood firm. "I'm going to the Hummels' for the night," he said. He'd made the decision the minute he'd seen his father's anger.

The creases in the Colonel's forehead twitched and their eyes met in a match of wills. Blaine unconsciously grasped the door handle tighter, but it was the only move he made. Blaine's mother placed a soothing hand on the Colonel's shoulder and he flicked out as if to strike but immediately pulled it back. Amy got up from the table and took a few steps back, leaning an armchair in the small attached parlor. The Colonel put his head in his hands, and ran his fingers through his hair. "Ok," he finally answered softly.

Blaine glanced at his Mom who nodded and he turned back to his Dad. "I know you're angry, but we didn't do this. So call Cooper to have his buddies at the Credit Rating place figure out what's going on. And please, go home, before you do something you'll regret," he asked before walking out the door.

* * *

Blaine racked his brain the whole way to the Hummels', but the only explanation he kept coming back to was Coach Sylvester. She was the only one who was horrible enough and connected enough to somehow steal Blaine's identity and create such extensive damage and she was the only one who had any reason at all to do so. He had thought the plane was bad enough, humiliating him in front of the whole school, but threatening his relationship with his father was going way too far.

Blaine pulled into the driveway and grabbed his messenger bag. He was coming uninvited, but he knew he would be welcome. He rang the doorbell.

Burt answered the door and though he was surprised, he took one look at the tension in Blaine's face and his subtle fidgeting and understood. He asked no questions. "Dinner's in five," he said, stepping aside with a soft smile. "I'll go tell Carole to set another place."

"Thanks Mr. Hummel," Blaine answered with a sigh and he went inside to hang up his coat. As the sights and sounds of the Hummel home washed over him, he felt the tension he didn't even know he was holding melt away.

Sam came bounding down the stairs. "Hey dude," Sam called with surprise. "What brings you here?"

Blaine ran his fingers through his hair, considering how much to tell Sam. Sam knew a little about his Dad and his situation, but not too much and Blaine kind of liked it that way. It was simpler, not having someone who looked at him and saw his past. Everything about Sam was just simple and he wanted to keep it that way. So he dodged the question. "How's Brittany feeling?"

"She's doing better," he said, forgetting his own question. "I still can't believe that Coach Sylvester made them practice in the freezing rain for six hours last weekend. She should have stayed home since she was already sick, but you know Britt. She'll never do anything to let Coach Sylvester down," he complained.

"Someone has to take that woman down," Blaine grumbled. Sam raised a brow but was interrupted by Carole.

"Dinner boys," she announced and Blaine headed into the kitchen. Carole wrapped an arm around him and kissed his head with a smile. "It's good to see you, Blaine."

Blaine blushed slightly and leaned into her a bit. "Thanks," he grinned and sat down at the table. He looked at Burt who was watching him closely and he grew a bit shy under the scrutiny. "I'm fine," he assured him softly, a wary eye to Sam. "But I was wondering if I could stay over tonight?"

"Of course," Burt said without hesitation. "But you tell me what's going on after dinner." Blaine nodded his agreement.

Conversation was stilted at dinner, topics of Finn and Mr. Schuester's feud as well as Coach Sylvester were avoided. It was clear to Burt and Carole that both boys were hiding things and they didn't like it, but they respected it for now. Burt talked about the shop and Carole talked about the hospital and Blaine stared across the table at Sam wishing that life were just a little bit different right now in far too many ways.

Afterwards they cleared the dishes and retired to the living room where Sam and Blaine sat on the couch and Burt took a seat in his armchair. Carole, as always, perched on the arm next to Burt, his arm wrapped around her waist.

"Ok, out with it boys. What aren't you telling us?" Burt prodded, his voice gentle but leaving no room to keep hiding.

Sam had promised Finn not to say anything to his Mom or Burt about what was going on with Mr. Schuester and he wasn't going to break that promise. He looked at Blaine. His friend was pensive, not exactly nervous, but for certain he was embarrassed about the banner. He wondered though if it was something more.

"When I got home to my Mom's house my Dad was there," Blaine started softly. He glanced up at Burt who realized the importance of that statement alone. His Dad had never been in the apartment before and Burt understood that something serious must have happened to bring him there. He also understood that something dangerous, or almost dangerous, must have occurred to bring Blaine straight here after. "Apparently someone charged a fortune on my credit card, and took out a ton of other credit cards. My Dad thought it was me. He says it's gonna ruin our credit. He was pretty angry," Blaine finished weakly.

"I can imagine," Burt proclaimed."But it wasn't you," he clarified, his eyes forcing Blaine to tell the truth.

"No Sir," Blaine answered automatically, then shuffled slightly in his seat. "But I think I know who it was." Burt raised a questioning brow. "I think it was Coach Sylvester."

Burt turned worriedly to Carole, the returned his attention to Blaine. "That's a serious allegation to make, son," he said carefully. "What would make you think that?"

Blaine slowly told Burt and Carole about everything that had been happening the last week, with Sue forging his name on the Cheerios contract, the little snide remarks she had been making in the halls, and the airplane banner this afternoon. His face reddened when he told them that, even though he left out the specifics.

"Sure sounds like she could be behind it," Burt said with a frown. He patted Blaine's knee and stood up. "I know better than anyone how far Sue Sylvester will go to get what she wants. Let me talk to your Dad about it?" he asked. Blaine nodded his consent and Burt and Carole left for the kitchen to call the Colonel.

"Dude, we have to do something about this!" Sam said. "We can't just keep letting her get away with treating us all like her minions ready to do her bidding at every turn. First Brittany, now you. We've got to take her down!"

"Mr. Schue's been trying for years though," Blaine argued. "No one's been able to touch her."

"Not from the outside," Sam pointed out slowly and Blaine could see the wheels turning in his head. "Maybe someone needs to start trying from the inside." He looked at Blaine conspiratorially. "How would you feel about going toe to toe with Coach Sylvester?"

Blaine thought about it. He was tired of being taken advantage of, exploited and abused. He was tired of being what everyone else wanted him to be, but he was an expert at hiding behind a mask to fit in. Maybe it would feel good to do it on his own terms for a change. "Count me in," he grinned.

* * *

They talked all evening, hatching plan after plan, knowing that Sue was completely unpredictable. Blaine's father called him and apologized, telling him that when the Free Credit Rating staff ran the reports there were nearly 30 credit cards plus a mortgage taken out in his name. The Colonel was still furious, but he'd taken Blaine's advice and gone home. Blaine called his Mom to make sure she was okay. She told him she was fine, his father had left shortly after Blaine and hadn't hurt her in any way. He told her he was still going to sleep over and she agreed.

Blaine walked into Kurt's room. He grabbed some pajamas from a drawer and the green outfit he had left there last year. He still had a few things hanging in Kurt's closet, just for these situations. He allowed himself a moment, just a moment, to let every sensation and memory fill him. Last year after a day like today he would have been curled up in Kurt's arms, trembling with fear and flashbacks. But as he sat on Kurt's bed he realized that he didn't have Kurt's arms any more. And that he didn't need them. Not for that.

"You okay?" Sam asked softly in the doorway, breaking him out of his revelry.

He turned and gazed at Sam. Sam who laughed at his jokes and understood his love of comic books and superhero movies, and silly songs like Red Solo Cup. Sam who never rolled his eyes at him or thought that his undying love for Kurt was pathetic or stupid. Sam who really was adorable in the dorkiest sort of way.

"Yeah," Blaine said and the honesty of the answer both surprised and delighted him. He grinned broadly at the realization. "Yeah, I am definitely okay."

* * *

"Hey 'Tana!" Blaine smiled as he answered her call, home after Mr. Schue and Finn's battle. "We just did the coolest mashup, you'll never believe-!"

"They kicked me out," Santana said quietly and he was sure he heard her crying.

"What?" he asked with disbelief. He sat down on his bed and curled his legs underneath him.

"They kicked me out of the apartment for calling Brody on his shit. I swear to God Blaine, that kid is trouble and he's going to hurt Berry and no one is allowed to do that except me," she raved. Between the whir of the wind and the sirens and honks in the background, Blaine was certain she was out on the streets of Manhattan. "I'm gonna get him though. I'm gonna figure out what the hell he is up to and I'm gonna nail his ass to the wall," she seethed.

"Wait, why did Kurt kick you out though," Blaine asked confused. "Kurt doesn't like Brody either, I think he'd be more than happy to get him out of his hair."

"Yeah, I would think so too, but apparently I meddle too much with their relationships," she said mockingly. "Honestly I think he just can't stop thinking about you when I'm around," she grumbled with an eyeroll.

Blaine stopped breathing for a minute. "What?" he squeaked.

Santana stammered for a few seconds then sighed. "I shouldn't have said that," she deflected. "Look I gotta find a place to stay tonight. I told Hummelberry I'd be staying with Lena Dunham, but then she tweeted that her house was full of teenage lesbians so I need to find somewhere else," she snapped.

"I don't have my credit card or I'd get you a hotel room, but Cooper has some friends in the city. I can try and hook you up," he offered.

He heard her hesitate, but he doubted she had many other choices. "Yeah, that'd be great Boyfriend," she answered reluctantly. "Text me an address."

"Will do, 'Tana. Stay safe," he answered and hung up.

He called Cooper and quickly got a name of a buddy of his currently on Broadway and Blaine texted Santana with the name and address. That resolved, he was able to sit back and mull over what she had said. It seemed crazy to him that Kurt would put Santana out on the street for meddling in Berry's life, especially if it was over a guy Blaine knew he had his own reservations about. But if Santana really was making it hard for Kurt by constantly reminding him of Blaine, then it meant that Kurt was still thinking about him as much as he was thinking about Kurt.

He raced over to his collection of music and found exactly the song he wanted. He might be throwing this mash-up with Coach Sylvester for a greater cause, but he'd go down still fighting for Kurt. Because no matter what anyone said, he really did still believe that someday they would find themselves in love again.

* * *

Blaine walked out of Sue Sylvester's office feeling powerful. Like he'd already defeated her. Like he wanted to hire his own plane to fly the banner "Who's on the bottom now!" But it wasn't for all the reasons Sam thought, though those were real and valid. But more meaningful to Blaine, he'd stood before Coach Sylvester as he had his father a hundred times. And his heart did not race. He felt no fear. He had no flashbacks of moments past, no urges to run from the room. He'd held his ground just as he had with his father the other night.

He felt amazing.

He drove with a huge grin to his therapist's office in Westerville after school. Earlier in the week he'd been nervous but now he knew that he really was truly ready to put this part of his life behind him. To move ahead with confidence, with a sense of belonging and ultimately with trust.

"It really thrills me to hear that you know you are as ready to do this as I do," his therapist said when Blaine told him all about his week.

"Me too," Blaine answered with a grin. "But how did you know?"

"I recently went to a seminar, by a woman named Brene Brown. She's a researcher who studies human connection. And as she spoke, I just kept thinking about you."

"What did she say?" Blaine asked curiously.

"She talked about vulnerability and how what made people vulnerable is what made them beautiful."

Blaine smiled. "Kurt taught me that."

His therapist nodded. "She also said that the people who are able to embrace their vulnerability, who have the courage to tell the story of who they are with their whole heart, who have the willingness to say "I love you" first, to do something when there are no guarantees, to invest in a relationship that may never work out, those are the people who are able to feel connected to the world and have a sense of worthiness with a strong sense of love and belonging. And it's taken you some time Blaine, you certainly didn't have it when we started out a year ago, but I truly believe that you're there now."

"Wow, that's just…wow. You really think all that of me?" Blaine asked in amazement.

His therapist shrugged. "Doesn't matter what I think. Do you remember your goal when you started coming here more than a year ago?"

But of course Blaine didn't even have to think back, his goal was a part of him every minute of every day. And as he thought back over the past few days and weeks and months he too was certain.

_And a voice in the breeze starts to whisper,  
As I think of the bridges I've crossed.  
Finding the strength, I'm spreading my wings,  
Put trust in the wind and see what it brings_

He'd faced his father and developed a relationship. He'd faced life without Kurt and come out on top. He'd found his strength and he'd reached out to develop friendships that didn't just challenge him but embraced him for everything he was. And he trusted, with every fiber of his being, that against all odds Kurt would come back to him.

"Yeah, I do," Blaine whispered with a confident smile. "And I'm ready. I'm ready to fly."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**So last week I attended a seminar on anxiety disorders for work and during it we were shown a video of Brene Brown's work on Human Connection. It's about 20 minutes long. And as I started watching she was describing two different types of people. Those who are able to deal with their inherent shame by being vulnerable in order to make meaningful connections and those who weren't. And I thought for sure that Kurt would be the one doing well and Blaine wouldn't. Well, I was taken completely by delighted surprise when everything she described as the people able to make meaningful connections was 100% Blaine. And one of the things she said about those not able to was entirely where I think Kurt is at. She said that when we numb ourselves to avoid being vulnerable, we not only numb the bad stuff, we numb the good stuff too. I just thought it was really really interesting. If you're interested you can find it on YouTube by searching for her name and the TED event.**

**Anyway, that's enough of me on my psychological soapbox. I hope you guys liked this chapter. Reviews are always lovely :-)**


	18. Chapter 18: Guilty Pleasures

**Author's Note:**

**Here we are, back again. I don't have much to say other than I'm totally excited about Shooting Star, especially one lovely spoiler. **

**I love you all, your reviews for the last chapter made me smile so big they were AMAZING! I love all your thoughts and your questions, you are all so smart! Please feel free to ask me anything either here or on my tumblr at GleekMom. **

**And I see you newbies who have been favoriting the rest of the series, so welcome, I love you too!**

**And of course I love my beta, typegirl19, because she's awesome.**

* * *

"Just give her a chance Kurt," Blaine implored his ex-boyfriend over Skype. "She's been holed up at Cooper's friend's house, but he's not going to let her stay much longer."

"Color me surprised, Blaine," Kurt muttered sarcastically. "What happened, did she rifle through his drawers too or did she break up with his girlfriend for him?"

Blaine ignored the digs, knowing Santana deserved it, and put on his best puppy dog face. "Please Kurt," Blaine begged, his hand to his heart. "I know she's not easy to live with and I know it…" he hesitated, choosing his words carefully. "It isn't easy for you with her there. But like it or not, Santana is family. And I'll tell her to lay off."

Kurt stared at him and those adorable eyes that he could never resist, not even to this day, and his resolve disappeared. "Fine," Kurt agreed reluctantly. "But convincing Rachel may be a little harder, so when does she intend to come back?"

Blaine pursed his lips and the buzzer rang. Kurt shot him an exasperated glare through the screen. Blaine just shrugged back. "Now?" he quipped with the most irresistible mix of guilt and innocence Kurt had ever seen. "Go get the door Kurt, I'll wait here and talk to her."

"Blaine Devon Anderson! I just…" Kurt stammered before the buzzer rang again and he huffed out of his chair and out of the room to slide open the door.

"Surprise!" Santana grinned, her arms open, but her eyes were sad and questioning.

Kurt took a long breath in and exhaled slowly before he moved aside and gestured toward the apartment. "Welcome back Santana," he said dryly with a controlled smile. Santana entered and threw her bags on the floor by the couch, trying hard to keep on her game face and be strong. But it had been a long two days in New York, feeling alone in a city full of people, and she truly was happy to be back with the friends she loved. "Blaine's waiting for you on Skype in my room. Touch. Nothing," he ordered and went to the kitchen to get himself a drink.

Santana went into Kurt's room and sat down at his desk. "Hey boyfriend," she greeted Blaine with a sly and conspiratory grin.

"Don't screw this up Santana," Blaine immediately warned her. "You're not going to get another chance with either of them."

"I know," she said softly, her eyes falling with guilt. "I just hate seeing you hurting. It makes me hurt too."

Blaine saw the love in her face and smiled warmly at her. How he had somehow managed to fall into her heart he would never know, but he would forever be grateful that he had. "I appreciate that Santana, but you don't have to be my champion with Kurt. Yes, I miss him and I love him but its okay. I'm okay," he assured her and it was true. He looked around his room at the pictures of Kurt he'd put up alongside the ones of his dad and took in a breath, comfortable with the fact that those things didn't hurt anymore. He turned back to Santana. "Truth is, I'm quite practiced in loving people who have walked away. And you know what I've learned?"

"What?" Santana asked, glancing up at the doorway. Kurt stood silent, his hip against the wall, out of sight of the computer but listening.

Blaine was interrupted by a soft knock on his bedroom door and the Colonel opened it slowly, sneaking his head in slightly. "Game's all set up downstairs," he told Blaine with an eager grin.

Blaine smiled at his Dad and gave him a signal that he'd be there in a minute. The Colonel nodded and walked out of the room. Blaine turned back to Santana, his eyes sparkling. "I've learned that when they're ready, they will always come back."

* * *

"I don't know what to do though Britt," Sam said as he and the cheerleader lay curled up on her bed. "I mean, I know he likes me, but it's like this thing that hangs between us and it's been getting worse rather than better. You saw him the other day in the choir room. It makes him nervous and I don't want him to feel that way. But maybe he wants to keep it secret, I don't know," Sam shrugged.

"Secrets aren't good for anyone, most especially Blaine," Brittany told him with surety. She thought for a moment then her eyes lit up with an idea and she bolted upright. "I could bring him on Fondue for Two," she suggested, clapping her hands with delight. "It worked for Kitty! Everyone shares their deepest secrets on the internet!"

"No," Sam said, shaking his head. "There has to be a better way to get him to talk to me."

"But Blaine doesn't really talk to anyone except Kurt and Santana and now they're both gone," Brittany pouted, petting Lord Tubbington . "Maybe you can get him to sing again? That's how he does most of his talking anyway."

Sam looked at her and his face erupted in a grin. "I've said it before and I'll say it again. You seriously are the smartest girl I know," he beamed and kissed her gratefully on her smiling lips.

* * *

"What's up?" Blaine said, putting down his Goosebumps book. He'd been hanging out in the library, not quite ready to head home.

"Here's the thing," Sam said standing before him. "So far this week you've been talking the talk, but now I need you to walk the walk, Pilgrim," he intoned in his best John Wayne impression to ease the awkwardness of the moment, but Blaine just looked at him like he was crazy. "I've been honest about my guilty pleasures, and I even wore those tiny little Wham shor-" he was shushed by the librarian and bent down lower, whispering to Blaine. "I wore those tiny little Wham shorts, which is a great number," he said sitting down, "but now it's your turn to be honest. Because you haven't really been yet, so far," he pressed, hoping he hadn't gone too far.

Blaine stared at him nervously. Sam couldn't possible know, could he? He'd been so subtle, trying never to do anything to make Sam uncomfortable. He had to think there was something else, something he was hiding, maybe about Kurt, or his parents or maybe he'd just somehow found out about his giant movie ticket stub collection. He lowered his feet off the table and leaned forward. "I don't know what you're talking about," he bluffed.

"Well you know you're only as sick as your secrets, dude, and that's what this week's assignment is really about," Sam said. The words hit Blaine like a ton of bricks, but he kept a straight face. "This is your chance to really set an example for the Glee club! What's yours gonna be?" Sam asked with a smile before leaving without another word.

Blaine watched Sam go, his heart beating in his chest. He'd never wanted Sam to know about his crush on him, he didn't want to screw up their friendship at all, but now it almost seemed like Sam wanted to know. He had no idea what to do. But he knew exactly who to ask.

* * *

"And now he wants me to reveal my guilty pleasure and he keeps calling me on it. I don't know if he knows or if he doesn't and, I don't know what to do Santana," Blaine whined into the phone, not wanting to risk Kurt overhearing a Skype call. He was grateful his mother wasn't home as well. "I'm starting to act like an idiot around him. Asking him if he had feelings for me?" Blaine squeaked, running his fingers self-consciously through his curls. "I mean, what the heck was I thinking?"

"You were thinking you want in his pants," Santana smirked as she shoved some pretzels in her mouth. She was curled up on the couch, some Spanish soap opera paused on the television as she sat alone in the apartment while Kurt and Rachel were at some sort of recital at NYADA.

"Oh my god, 'Tana, no, I do not want…" Blaine stopped, uneven to even say the words. "We're just friends, Santana, that's all."

"Just friends like you and Lady Lips are 'just friends', or…?" she smiled knowingly.

"No. Precisely _not_ like me and Kurt, that's the point," Blaine spat back.

Santana sighed. "Look boyfriend. Trouty Mouth is a lot of things, but afraid of a little gay on guy crush is not one of them. I promise. Maybe it'll be weird, maybe it won't, but you should tell him Blaine. You obviously can't just keep this inside."

"He's all I have at McKinley, 'Tana," Blaine admitted softly. "He's the only one I can really talk to. The only one who really knows how I feel…"

"Then shouldn't he know _all_ of how you feel?" She waited for Blaine to answer but he stayed silent, too nervous and unsure. "We all have those crushes Blaine. The ones that fill the empty spaces while we wait for the right one to come along? I remember how much Trent crushed on you and guys were still great friends. Hell, how many of those guys did I date before I was ready to admit how I really felt about Britt?" She heard Blaine exhale, but that was all. "Blaine, he knows you love Kurt. He made you macaroni art of Kurt's face for goodness sake. You've trusted him with that. Trust him with this too."

Blaine's heart beat in his throat, but he knew Santana was right. Blaine didn't think he could have the courage to say the words outright, but maybe in song. Maybe Sam would hear and appreciate what he had to say and the words themselves could just go unspoken, but understood. "Okay," he whispered, having decided. "I think I know what to do."

* * *

Blaine had planned on grabbing some time at the piano to rehearse before performing for Sam and Glee, but he noticed the girls chasing Jake angrily into the choir room and it looked like Jake might need a bit of rescuing first from whatever the girls were on him about. As he got closer though he heard the conversation, and he pressed against the wall outside, listening and waiting.

"And what about Rhianna?" Jake argued with them. "Do we really think that bad girl Rhi Rhi is some kind of role model? I mean, she's the one who got back together with him." The girls attacked but Jake held his ground. "Yes, seriously, we always do Rhianna songs and do we always agree with the things she says and does? Are we saying that it's okay to go back to someone who abuses you?"

Blaine closed his eyes, relaxing his hands that had just clenched. He took a breath and wiped the vision of his mother that flashed before his eyes. And he waited.

The girls each left out the door one by one with a parting blow and Jake sat alone in the choir room. Blaine steeled himself and joined him. One look at the kid and Blaine could see the number the girls had done on him. "Rough day?" Blaine asked casually, throwing his bag down next to the bench and leaning on the piano.

Jake snapped his eyes up to Blaine and stood up, shuffling. "What? Oh no, it's fine. It's just –"

"I heard," Blaine admitted. "You're playing with fire there," Blaine smirked, eyeing the door where the girls had disappeared. "Those girls can burn."

"Yeah," Jake scoffed. "I have no idea what their problem is," Jake said, joining Blaine at the piano. "I mean, I get that Chris Brown isn't a role model, or even a good person. But does that make his music bad too?

Blaine shook his head. "Music is never bad if it speaks to your heart," he said earnestly. "But if you're performing it for others, you have to think about what it's gonna say to your audience." Jake's forehead creased. Blaine considered him briefly and explained as best he could, trying to keep his voice from breaking. "I guarantee you Jake, that sitting in those choir room seats will be kids who have watched their parents or their aunts and uncles or their friends be hurt by domestic violence. There will be kids who have watched someone go back and who know that as hard as it is to stand by them, you should never blame the victim." Blaine felt the lump in his throat and his eyes misting and he looked away, sitting down at the piano, running his fingers across the keys for an anchor. "You have to decide what kind of impact you want to have."

Jake watched him and took in Blaine's words. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt any of his friends, and if singing Chris Brown could possibly do that then it wasn't worth it. He'd let it stay a guilty pleasure that he kept to himself. Some secrets, he guessed, weren't meant to be shared. "Thanks Blaine," he said, grabbing his bag.

Blaine looked up and smiled, totally composed again as he started playing. "Anytime Jake," he answered and watched him go. He stopped playing for a minute and gripped the bench to steady himself. He felt the pull and reached into his bag and pulled out his phone.

**Hey Mom. Was thinking about you and just wanted to say I love you.**

* * *

As the guilt of his guilty pleasure rolled over him while his fingers played the keys, Blaine had to remind himself that this wasn't cheating. Sure, Kurt was a phantom in the auditorium that always haunted him, but that was all he was. Sam was here. Now. And that was exactly the point. Everyone needed someone who made them feel special but for Blaine even more, he needed someone who he could make feel special. And Sam filled that void.

_How can I just let you walk away,  
Just let you leave without a trace  
When I stand here taking every breath with you.  
You're the only one who really knew me at all._

_How can you just walk away from me,  
When all I can do is watch you leave  
Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain,  
And even shared the tears  
You're the only one who really knew me at all _

Sam watched from the auditorium, his eyes never straying from Blaine. He knew how hard it was for him to be up there in front of them all, singing out everything that was inside his heart, and he'd never been prouder of his best friend. When Blaine had needed someone to catch him as he fell, Sam had been the one to step up and he hadn't regretted one day of it. So no matter what, despite what Blaine feared, he'd never walk away from something so special.

_So take a look at me now,  
'Cos there's just an empty space  
And there's nothing left here to remind me,  
Just the memory of your face  
Take a look at me now,  
'Cos there's just an empty space  
And you coming back to me  
Is against all odds and that's what I've got to face_

Sam understood more than anyone at school how important Kurt was to Blaine. He and Blaine had talked for hours about the life they'd planned together, the love he had for Kurt. He knew how much Blaine felt like he'd possibly lost the best thing that had ever happened to him. And he knew how painful the empty space and the wishing and hoping was for him, how much it sometimes still tore at Blaine's heart even though he put on a brave face. He'd seen it when he showed Blaine the macaroni art of Kurt's face he'd made for him. So if he could be the one to help ease the pain, and fill the hole if even just for a moment, then Sam was honored to be the one.

_I wish I could just make you turn around,  
Turn around and see me cry  
There's so much I need to say to you,  
So many reasons why  
You're the only one who really knew me at all _

Blaine looked out at the audience throughout the song, his eyes catching Sam's. Did Sam understand what he was trying to say? Did he truly understand it himself? Sometimes it was so jumbled in his own mind. Waiting for Kurt, being faithful with hope, but trying to be realistic. Filling the void with someone safe, someone who cared about him and made him feel good and normal, someone who accepted him and all his quirks like Kurt had, but this time even shared them.

And he came to realize as he sang that Sam didn't fill the void left by Kurt. That space was sacred. Instead, he was everything that Nick and Jeff and Trent had been. Sam and his crazy antics and his voices and his prep school stories were everything he missed about the Warblers.

And the last thing he wanted to do was lose that again. He had lost enough already.

_So take a look at me now,  
'Cos there's just an empty space  
And there's nothing left here to remind me,  
Just the memory of your face  
Take a look at me now,  
'Cos there's just an empty space  
But to wait for you,  
Well that's all I can do and that's what I've got to face  
Take a good look at me now,  
'Cos I'll still be standing here  
And you coming back to me is against all odds  
That's the chance I've got to take.  
So take a look at me now._

So he said the song was about Kurt, and it really was in a way, but it was also about so much more. It was about Nick and Cooper and his Dad and Mom. It was about Sebastian and Eli and Jeremiah and Jason who he'd lost touch with since the Sadie Hawkins dance. And it was about Sam and Santana and Kurt, so much about Kurt. It was about the people who had left and those still with him and how he'd never truly be who he was without any of them, because they were all a part of what made him who he was.

It was about how people could move in and out of his life, some for just a moment, some forever, but they would always take with them a piece of his heart. And Blaine would, no matter what happened, wait for them to return and always welcome them back with open arms.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I hope you like my RTF twist on Against All Odds.**

**Each of your reviews and alerts means so much to me. I will see you next week!**


	19. Chapter 19: Shooting Star

**Author's Note:**

**There are no words that can express my feelings regarding "Shooting Star" so I hope this chapter will do it for me. And I hope it does the episode justice.**

**I won't say much about it. Pay attention to the time stamps if that interests you. The order received is not the order sent. Oh and grab your tissues.**

**I feel a need to say now that almost all of this chapter was written before the season finale spoilers.**

**Many thanks to typegirl19 and Tifarae. **

* * *

The shot rang out and Blaine froze in his seat. He'd heard gunfire before, at the shooting range on his father's base, but there couldn't possibly be gunfire here.

Another shot fired though, and he looked to Mr. Schuester who was reaching towards the kids. "Everyone just spread out and hide, spread out and hide." He ordered.

Blaine ran to the piano, moving it to the wall as the lights went out. The metronome felt to the floor but he left it there. He grabbed Artie from his wheelchair and helped him to the floor, crouching across from him against the instrument that had always brought him comfort. Still his heart raced, and his ears were ringing. Everyone was scurrying around him. He heard screams in the hallway, kids running to safety, and he pulled his knees into his chest. Doors slammed shut.

Then there was silence.

Except for the metronome, ticking away the seconds, ticking out the beats of his heart. Ticking away the time they possibly had left. Ticking away the moments that he had missed in his life. The thousands of moments he had missed with Kurt and could never get back. The years he had missed with his Dad and with Cooper. The regrets ticked by as his life passed in front of his eyes. The moments he would miss if he died today.

"Are we even sure those are-" he started to ask, but everyone shushed him and he put his head down on his knees. This wasn't how it was supposed to end, alone on the floor of the choir room. This wasn't hand in hand after a lifetime of love.

"Everyone…" Mr. Schue said through ragged breath. "Guys, guys, start texting, tweeting, let everyone know what's going on. But don't tell we're here, alright? Shooters have smart phones too."

Blaine held his phone, his hands shaking so much he could barely type. But he took a breath and he steadied them. If this was the end, he had things he needed to say.

* * *

Amy Anderson straightened up before heading out, never wanting Blaine to come home to a messy house. She knew very well that she wasn't there for him as much as she should be and this was the one thing she could truly do to care for him. She had so much to make up for after all, she never felt like she could do enough. Dinner was ready and in the fridge, the crockpot having gone all morning. She'd been so busy she hadn't even turned the television on to check in on her favorite soap operas. Thank goodness for DVR. She grabbed her purse, cursing once again that she was still working second shift after all this time. Someday soon her transfer would come through and then she'd have more time to spend with Blaine. She could only hope it happened before he was gone.

Her phone buzzed on the counter and she turned to grab it and her keys. She laughed at herself, nearly walking out the door without either. Some days she felt like if her head wasn't attached she would forget that too. She flipped up the phone to read the text. Blaine and Cooper were always making fun of her for not having a smart phone yet, but she just couldn't see the need to be that connected to the world all the time. The only people that ever texted her were her sons and their father. She didn't need anything else, they were her whole world.

And in the blink of an eye, her whole world changed.

**To Mom, From Blaine  
3:38pm**

**Shooting at school. I'm scared, but safe for now. Most of us are together. Never forget how much I love you.**

She grabbed the counter to steady herself as her knees went weak. She couldn't breathe. The room spun before her eyes. Her baby was in danger. Somebody was out there wanting to hurt her baby. All the times she could have done something and this time she was helpless. But she could at least be there for him. She took a breath and ran out the door. She started the car, her hands shaking almost too much to drive, but there was no way she wasn't going. She pulled out of the apartment complex parking lot and turned left instead of right, straight to McKinley High School.

* * *

"Take this brochure," Colonel Anderson told the high school senior who had walked into the recruiting office. "Bring it home and read it over with your parents. Think about what career fields you might be interested in. Then come on back with your Mom or your Dad and we'll talk."

"Yes sir," the boy said, trying so hard to be tough and it reminded him of Blaine.

His phone buzzed under the counter, but he ignored it for the moment, coming around to shake hands with the young man and walk him to the door. "Relax, and I'll see you next week," he said.

He watched the kid go, and returned to the counter, filing the paperwork until the kid returned…if he returned. The recruiting numbers had been low lately. Finally he reached under the counter and grabbed his phone. He turned it on and went to the text message that had just come in from Blaine.

**To Dad, From Blaine  
3:39pm**

**I understand now that everything you did you did out of love. And I forgive you for every time you hurt me. I know I've said it before and I've always meant it but now I know what it truly means. I love you. And I am strong because of you.**

The phone rang while he held it in his hand and he answered. "Blaine?" he asked into the phone.

"No, John, it's me," Amy cried and her voice was shattered, barely able to speak through her tears.

The Colonel's senses peaked and he knew immediately that something was very wrong. "What's going on Amy, what is it?"

"There's been a shooting…at the school…Blaine texted…" she stammered.

"He texted me too, but I didn't know," he told her, frantically grabbing his coat, his wallet and his keys. His heart leapt into his throat but he swallowed it down. He turned the sign to closed and was out the door before he even finished his sentence. "I'm on my way," he promised.

"I'm going to the school right now," she choked out. "The news is saying to meet at the community center. Call me when you get close and I'll let you know what's going on. Call Cooper." She started sobbing again. "Oh my god, John, what if he…?"

"Don't," he demanded firmly. "He's going to be fine, Amy. He's a survivor, we made him strong."

"I'm just so scared," she cried and he worried that she might drive off the road.

"I know, I'm scared too, but you have to pull it together. You have to get there for him," he told her, and the phone beeped again. "I've got another text. I'll see you there. Drive safe."

He ended the call and swiped the screen.

**To Dad, From Blaine  
3:44pm**

**I need to know why though Dad. I need to know why you hurt me like that, before it's too late. You said someday you'd tell me the story. **

**To Blaine, From Dad  
3:45pm**

**You're going to be fine Blaine. I'll tell you when you get home.**

**To Dad, From Blaine  
3:46pm**

**Promise?**

The Colonel looked at his phone. He couldn't remember when the last time he cried was, but tears were dripping onto the screen. He imagined Blaine, his little son, scared and confused and reaching out for hope and answers, but he wouldn't make promises he couldn't keep. He couldn't truly promise he was going to be fine and that despite everything he had ever been through, that was the worst feeling in the world.

**To Blaine, From Dad:  
3:47pm**

**I promise to tell you.**

* * *

Cooper was dressed in slickers and a Souwester rain hat, standing on the edge of a prop troller, holding a melting box of fish sticks. "Dane's Fish Sticks! That fresh from the ocean flavor!"

"Cut!" yelled the director, and Cooper dropped his famous smile. "Sorry Coop, lighting was off. Give us a moment to reset and we'll get right back to it."

"Mr. Anderson," a production assistant called, holding Cooper's phone. "Call for you."

"Perfect timing," Cooper grinned as he looked at the number and grabbed the phone. "Hey dad," Cooper greeted with surprise. "Long time no hear," he quipped.

"Where are you?" his father asked and Cooper could hear the tension in his voice. He immediately grew serious.

"I'm on set, what's wrong?" he asked, sitting down in the director's chair.

"There's been a shooting at Blaine's school. I'm driving there now from Westerville," the Colonel told him, his voice calm with practiced precision.

"Oh my god," Cooper gasped, his heart dropping to the floor.

" Mom's heading to the community center. I'm on my way to Lima. He has his phone, Coop, text him . Let him know."

"Yeah, okay," Cooper answered, his head swimming, now desperate to get off the phone. "I love you Dad," he blurted out for the first time in years.

"I love you too son," the Colonel said before hanging up.

Cooper's hands were shaking, but somehow he managed to send Blaine a message.

"Mr. Anderson, you're wanted back on set," the assistant called, and Cooper wiped away his tears, trembling. He leaned over against the wave of nausea, his hands flying immediately to his face and up through his hair. _Please be okay, please be okay, _he kept repeating to himself as he inhaled deeply and exhaled. "Mr. Anderson?"

He shook his head and sucked in a breath. "I'm gonna need a little makeup," he informed her matter-of-factly, and he got up and moved to the hair and makeup chair.

The show must go on.

* * *

Blaine tried to reach out to Sam, but he was beyond consoling at this point, unable to get to Brittany. Blaine curled up further in on himself, arms on his knees, head resting on his arms, wracked with grief. He thanked God that Kurt and Santana were hundreds of miles away from this madness and prayed for Tina and Brittany's safety. Not knowing was terrifying.

His phone lit up on the floor beneath him and he peered through his arms at the screen.

**To Blaine, From Cooper:  
3:55pm**

**I'm starring as you in the film version of this, Squirt! ;P Mom's on her way to the Community Center. I'm guessing that's where the parents are going. Dad's on his way to Lima. I love you Blaine. Keep your head down. We need to survive to the end of this movie.**

* * *

"Hey Lopez?" Santana's coworker called as he cleaned the bar. She stopped stacking the napkins and straws and glanced over to him staring at the news on the big screen television. "Didn't you say you were from Lima, Ohio?"

Santana's eyes snapped to the screen and opened wide as her heart stopped.

_Breaking News: McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio in lockdown as police respond to a possible shooter._

She saw that police cars and ambulances surrounding McKinley and for a moment she grew dizzy and thought she was going to faint. She grabbed hold of the bar to catch her breath, her coworker reaching out to steady her just in case. Lost in a panic, she shook her head and brushed him away, tearing through the bar doors and heading into the back where she had her things. She grabbed her cell phone, swiped the screen, and started to cry.

**To Santana, From Blaine  
3:40pm**

**Find Kurt and hug him for me. Rachel too. Hold them tight. Don't let them go. If anything happens be their rock Santana. I love you so much.**

She searched frantically for a text from Brittany but there was nothing. She tore through Facebook and Twitter and saw the messages from Sam and Artie and others from the new kids, but there was no word about Brittany, they didn't know where she was. Her hand flew to her head and she made herself focus.

"I have to go," she yelled to no one in particular and she grabbed her things and rushed out the door. She had to get to NYADA.

* * *

Kurt sat within the circle of his acting class, each of them performing a mundane task while vocalizing their inner dialogue, when he heard the buzz of his cell phone as it hid inside his bag. He peered over at it, making a mental note to check it as soon as class was done, then returned to Jacob opening an imaginary can of tuna fish.

Class seemed to drag on and on, though only thirty minutes more remained, but finally time was called and he grabbed his bag and headed out the door. He dug his phone out as he walked. As soon as he got into the hallway, two hands grabbed his arms and pulled him aside and he looked amusedly at Santana and Rachel.

"And to what do I owe this honor?" Kurt smirked, but one look at their tear stained faces made his heart stop. "What? What happened?" he asked in alarm.

Santana quickly grabbed Kurt's forgotten phone from his fingers and grasped his hand. "Come on, let's go back to the apartment first," she urged, barely holding back her own tears.

"No. Is it my Dad? Did something happen to my Dad?" he cried pulling away and reaching for his phone while he turned to Rachel. "Please, you're scaring me just tell me what the hell is going on!"

"Santana's right, Kurt," Rachel said softly and her patronizing tone just infuriated him even more. "Let's go back to the-"

"Give me my damn phone, Santana!" he screeched, finally grabbing the cell out of Santana's hand. He pulled away from them, backing himself into a corner, tears already running down his cheeks as his heart raced with terror. He braced himself for the voicemail or text from Carole or Finn turning his world upside down. But it wasn't from either of them.

**To Kurt, From Blaine  
3:37pm**

**You may hear something scary. Just know that I love you and always will. Until my dying day. For all that you are, and everything you're not. You are the perfectly imperfect love of my life. And I'm okay because of you.**

Kurt looked up. The girls were staring at him, crying, and he knew his own tears were falling though he felt completely numb. "What happened?" he tried to yell, but his voice was barely above a whisper. "What's going on?"

Santana couldn't speak and she shook her head, looking pleadingly to Rachel. Rachel stepped forward and took Kurt's hand. "There's been a shooting…at McKinley. We don't know much yet," she said delicately, but Kurt didn't hear past shooting and McKinley. His hand flew to his mouth and he fell to the ground, his chest heaving. Santana and Rachel both surrounded him, crying for Blaine and Brittany and Artie and Mr. Schuester and all of their friends and loved ones back in Lima.

Santana grabbed Kurt's phone.

**To Blaine, From Kurt:  
4:10pm**

**Blaine, its Santana. We're all here. Kurt's ok. We're with you.**

She put the phone down and reached around her friends. In the hallway of NYADA they held each other tight. And they didn't let go.

* * *

"Mom!" Blaine yelled as he ran to his mother at the community center and fell into her arms. Once the SWAT team had given them the all clear they were piled into busses where they could be picked up by their parents. Cars had to be searched by the police and could be retrieved tomorrow.

"Shhh, shhh," she whispered as he wept against her. She grabbed his cheeks and kissed them, needing to look at him, to know that he was real. "It's okay, everything's okay now."

"Tina?" he asked breathlessly.

"She's okay, sweetie," she assured him, holding him close again. "She wasn't in the building."

"Dad?" Blaine asked, unable to really talk.

"I told him to wait for us at the apartment," she said and took his hand like she had when he was a little boy. "Come on, let's go home. You can call Cooper in the car, he just got off set and he's been texting me like crazy for the past 20 minutes."

Blaine laughed through his tears and dialed the number as soon his seat belt was on.

"Hey Coop," he said as cheerfully as possible, but when his brother broke down with tears of relief, Blaine did too. "Hey, shhh, I'm okay Coop. I'm okay."

* * *

Blaine walked into the apartment and fell into his father's arms. The Colonel held him tight with one arm while he grabbed his wife's hand with the other. They stayed that way in the middle of the den until long after the tears stopped falling. Finally, Amy pulled away.

"Are you hungry sweetheart?" she asked him.

Blaine shook his head, wiping the tears from his eyes. "No," he told her apologetically. He glanced to his room then back to his parents. He knew he should just spend time with them, but…

"Go call him," the Colonel said, knowing precisely what Blaine was thinking. "We'll be here when you get back."

Blaine offered him a slight smile. "Thanks Dad."

Blaine went in his room and closed the door. He sat at his computer, flicking the mouse to wake it up. Kurt's skype was up and waiting. Blaine called and was immediately answered.

"Oh thank god," Kurt breathed, the tears streaming again the moment he saw Blaine's face. He was flanked by Rachel and Santana, both of their faces tear-streaked as well.

"Kurt, don't start crying because I'll start crying again," Blaine begged him, though it was too late.

"Is everyone okay?" Rachel asked. "Tina, Mr. Schuester and Artie?"

"Yeah, yeah, everyone is fine," Blaine assured her. "Scared and shook up, but we're all okay. We had each other."

"Brittany?" Santana asked brokenly. She hadn't even realize she was holding her breath.

"She's okay 'Tana," Blaine said softly.

"I would have gone to get her," she said angrily and Blaine knew who it was directed to. "I never would have left her scared and alone, I would have done anything…"

"Sam tried, 'Tana," he told her firmly. "Mr. Schuester had to physically hold him back twice from going out after her. He was desperate to get to her but it wasn't safe." Santana started crying again and Rachel reached behind Kurt to soothe her. "Finally Mr. Schue went out and found her in the girls' room and brought her back to us."

Rachel got up and took Santana by the shoulders. "Come on, let's leave them alone," she said quietly as she guided Santana out of the room.

Kurt and Blaine watched each other for a moment, unable to speak or take their eyes off each other. They'd planned for so many scenarios, so many possibilities in their lives together. This was something they never could have planned for.

"I should've been there with you," Kurt cried softly, not thinking straight.

"I'm so thankful you weren't," Blaine told him, wishing more than anything there wasn't a screen and 600 miles between them, because all he wanted to do was hold Kurt in his arms. "I had you there, okay? You were there with me. Safe in my heart, where you always are."

"I should've answered your text as soon as I got it," Kurt said, his voice brittle, looking away shamefully. "I should have known."

"Kurt stop," Blaine said and Kurt's eyes snapped back to his. "I'm glad you didn't know until it was almost over. I wish you didn't have to go through that at all." Kurt nodded, trying to stop the tears, and he sniffled, wiping them away with his sleeve. Blaine did the same, then turned to a soft knock on the door. "I have to go Kurt, my Dad's over." Their eyes met with regret, not ready to let the other go yet. "I'll call you later, I promise."

"No matter what time," Kurt said. "I love you Blaine," Kurt whispered desperately, not caring at all what they were supposed to be.

"I love you too Kurt," Blaine answered. "So much."

* * *

They ate a silent dinner at the small kitchen table, no one knowing what to say, but knowing it was enough to just be together. Blaine helped with the dishes after, needing to do something, needing to feel normal. His fear had turned to numbness and he knew he was in shock. He also knew what was to come. Nightmares. Anger. Dissociation. This is how his mind dealt with trauma. He was already furious that he'd just gotten past all this and it was likely to return with a vengeance. But it only took a hand on his shoulder to remind him that this time was different.

He had his father. He had his mother. He had Kurt. He had Santana and Sam and Tina. He had others who had been through it with him this time and he knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel. He would get out of this, if he talked about it. This time he wasn't alone.

So he sat with his parents in the living room, curled up between them feeling like a little boy but safer than he ever had. His father's strong arms settled around his shoulder to ground him and keep his mind from floating away. His mother held his hand to remind him that he wasn't alone. And he told them the whole story. Hearing the gunshots. Helping Artie. The screaming and crying. Someone rattling at the doors. The metronome ticking down the moments. Saying what he thought might be his last words. His heart breaking as Sam tried to reach Brittany, knowing he would have done the same thing if it was Kurt out there. Kitty's confession. Artie's videos. Ryder's phone call. Their fear when Mr. Schuester left. Their relief when Brittany was found and the SWAT team yelled the all clear. He told them everything and as he did, as he watched his parents cry, his heart grew lighter and started finally beating normally. His nerves settled. He turned to his father.

"You promised," Blaine reminded him.

Amy looked up at her husband, confused. The Colonel sighed. "Maybe we've all had enough to process for one night, Blaine," he told his son.

"What did you promise him?" Amy asked, voice full of suspicion.

"He promised to tell me why," Blaine said softly, then he turned his eyes resolutely to his Dad. "You promised."

The Colonel shook his head. "Its not an easy story-"

"I need to know, Dad," Blaine demanded.

The Colonel looked at Amy. She knew how hard it would be for Blaine to hear about the horrible things that had led to his father's hatred and intolerance, and she didn't want him to go through any more pain than he had to. But something had made him ask when he thought it could be his last request, and how were they not to honor that no matter how painful? She nodded at John. "You promised him."

John took his arm from Blaine's shoulder and rubbed his face, running his fingers through his hair. He hated remembering. He knew someday he'd have to tell. He just didn't think it would be so soon. "We spent three months in a town just outside of Baghdad. We'd become friendly with the locals, as hard as that might be to believe. In many ways they were just like us. There was one man in particular, Jahmir. He was a shop owner. Had a family. A son who was your age at the time. He was an amazing informant. And he became a good friend of mine. When the enemy attacked the village though, everything changed. I changed."

* * *

_Take out of your wasted honor  
Every little past frustration  
Take all your so called problems  
Better put them in quotations  
__  
_

Santana waited until she thought she had no more tears to cry before calling, but hearing her voice choked her once again. She had to be strong though. "I'm so proud of you Britt," she said, holding the phone as tightly as she wished she was holding her. "You were so brave and I am so proud of you. I love you so much."

"I love you too Santana," Britt said quietly, still audibly shaken despite holding Lord Tubbington for the past three hours. Sam held her even closer into him. He hadn't let go since they'd gotten back to her house.

"Can I talk to Sam a minute?" Santana asked. Brittany nodded and passed the phone behind her.

"Santana wants to talk to you," she whispered.

He took the phone warily, but started with all that mattered. "She's okay, Santana," he assured her.

"Look, Blaine told me what you did in there. What you tried to do." Santana took a breath and closed her eyes. "Thank you," she exhaled.

"I love her Santana," he promised her. "With all my heart."

Santana swallowed the lump in her throat. She was here and he was there. And Brittany needed that. "I'm glad you do."

* * *

_Walking like a one man army  
Fighting with the shadows in your head  
Living out the same old moment  
Knowing you'd be better off instead  
If you could only say what you need to say._

"You hear about those things happening, but…" Blaine muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. "You should never have had to see that."

"Awful things happen in war," John said matter-of-factly. "It doesn't excuse what I did to you. It's just…when I looked at you…I saw…"

"I love you," Blaine said, as tears fell again and he wrapped his arms around his father. Finally knowing. Finally understanding. He hadn't done anything wrong to make his father hate him. _He_ was never anything wrong and there was nothing he could have done to change any of it, because it had never really been about him in the first place. "I've always loved you Dad, through everything."

"I've always loved you too," he cried and Amy started again too.

She took both of her men in her arms. Both of them were home and safe and in her life and her home and her arms. There was nothing left unsaid between them and maybe now, out of this unspeakably horrifying day, maybe they could once again truly become a family. "I've never been more proud of either of you," she told them.

"No more secrets. No more lies," John told them both. "No more pain."

_Have no fear for giving in  
Have no fear for giving over  
You better know that in the end  
It's better to say too much  
Then to never say what you need to say again_

"I'm so sorry Blaine," John told him, squeezing him as tightly as possible, Blaine's shirt soaking in his father's tears. "I'm sorry for every time I hit you. Every time I hurt you. Every time I betrayed your trust. After you came out. After Sadie Hawkins. The Christmas show. Every time you came home from Dalton."

"It's okay Dad," Blaine sobbed, afraid to let go, afraid that if he did the moment would pass and somehow they'd be back where they started. "I forgive you, Dad, I forgive you."

"I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost you today," John stammered, his heart breaking and healing at the same time.

"You didn't lose me Dad," Blaine whispered over and over again and he reached for his Mom and drew her in as well. "I love you both so much. You'll never lose me. I promise."

_Even if your hands are shaking  
And your faith is broken  
Even as the eyes are closing  
Do it with a heart wide open  
Say what you need to say_

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Everyone remembers exactly where they were and what they were doing when tragedy strikes. This chapter was inspired by that.**

**This ended up in a very RTF direction. I think that stems from me not really knowing what canon Blaine and his parents would talk about, but also the fact that Blaine still had that one loose end still dangling out there and he knew he couldn't live without the answer any more. I think what happened was clear enough? But if not and you want to know please feel free to message me.**

**For those of you paying attention to the time stamps, I hope you noticed that though Kurt was the last to receive the text, his was the first that Blaine sent. The texts were also the very first thing I wrote for this chapter, starting with Kurt of course.**

**I love you all.**


	20. Chapter 20: Light's Out, Sweet Dreams

**Author's Note:**

**Hey everyone! For those of you who missed me next week, please follow me on tumblr at GleekMom, I try to give updates there. I was less than inspired by Sweet Dreams (plus I really just needed a break) so decided to combine in with Light's Out into one chapter. Which also has the added benefit of keeping Wonder-ful Chapter 21. So yay.**

**After Light's Out I was fully committed to boycott the episode and not write it. I was furious at Sam (and Artie). But Blaine wouldn't leave my head, and so of course, I had to.**

**This chapter is a crazy mix of meaningful moments and ridiculous banter. Which MuseInMe3 pointed out is very Glee. So hopefully I have done an okay job with two episodes that frustrated me. My awesome beta typegirl19 seems to think I did.**

**I own nothing. The boys' comment made that ridiculously clear. But here's what you missed on Glee.**

* * *

_We feel, we hear, your pain, your fear  
But we're here, to say, who you are, is okay_

Kurt startled awake from another nightmare, the third one this week, and he rolled over to grab his phone. He turned it on, squinting briefly as his eyes adjusted, then tapped into Blaine's Facebook page. He knew it was stupid. Blaine was fine and no doubt fast asleep in his bed, but it soothed him to see he had posted to Tina only a couple of hours ago. Nothing would have happened to him between then and now. He put the phone down, shaking his head at himself. Blaine was fine. He'd talk to him in the morning. Kurt took a breath in, then out, and closed his eyes, snuggling into his boyfriend pillow. Just before drifting off to a dreamless sleep he realized that just maybe it was time again for the real thing.

* * *

_And you don't have to go through this on your own  
You're not alone_

Blaine clung to Tina a little more tightly after the school shooting and not just because he couldn't keep track of Sam these last few days. He needed her close, needed to know she was safe, and truth was he needed a friend. Even though he'd been talking to Kurt and Santana more frequently since the scare, the calls were quick check-ins on their way into work or school or in between homework and sleep. But more than that, they didn't fully understand what everyone was going through. They weren't here. Tina was.

"You staying for supper tonight Tina?" Mrs. Anderson asked with a smile as Blaine and Tina arrived after school. As they had been every day, they went immediately to Blaine's room and emptied their homework out onto his desk and his bed, Tina curling up with a pillow and her books, Blaine switching on the computer.

"No, I can't, Mrs. A, Mom wants me home tonight," Tina said apologetically and Amy just smiled. This was the way it should be. The day after the shooting she went to work and told them in no uncertain terms that she was switching to the day shift until Blaine left for college and if they didn't like it than she could find a new job. They switched her immediately, and she was enjoying every single moment.

"Alright sweetie. Well if you two get hungry, let me know," she said, and Blaine grinned at her. He loved having her home. If nothing else, everything that had happened had made him bury the lingering anger toward her and just accept her for who she was.

"We will Mom," he promised and she closed the door behind her as she left.

Tina started in as soon as the door was shut. "What are we gonna do about Regionals Blaine? Mr. Schue is crazy if he thinks his ancient choices are gonna get us a win. Sure, the old standards are great for hanging around the choir room, for loosening us up. But they'll never win in competition."

"Yeah, but what else are we gonna do?" Blaine asked, half reading his work, half concentrating on Tina. "Mr. Schue is set on his dream theme. And now may not be the best time to argue with him," he reasoned.

"You just don't want to make waves, but sometimes the ship needs to be overturned Blaine!" Tina insisted.

"You might want to lay off the boat metaphors," Blaine smirked. "I'll talk to Kurt tonight. See what he thinks. Okay?" he asked, hoping it would appease her.

"And if he says you should rock the boat you will?" she challenged, her eyebrow raised. "Because Kurt's never let Mr. Schuester get away with telling us what to do when he's wrong."

"I promise Tina," Blaine said. "Now can we please get our homework done?"

* * *

_You'll have more love in your life  
Don't let go, give it time  
Take it slow  
Those who love you the most, may need more time to grow  
_

"Here's the rent money," Santana said lazily, handing Kurt a stack of bills outside her bar. It was right near the subway stop he took home from NYADA, so it made sense to pick her up when they got out at the same time, especially when it was already dark outside.

Kurt looked around nervously as he grabbed the money and shoved it in his pocket. "Are you crazy 'Tana?" he hissed at her, his heart beating a mile a minute.

"What?" She asked with a shrug, starting to head down the street. "People will just think you're a drug dealer packing heat. See! I just upped your street cred tenfold. You're totally safe now."

"Oh sure." Kurt rolled his eyes. "Because drug dealers never get stabbed or shot at or killed."

But Santana stopped paying attention to him. "Oh damn, this mattress looks brand new, I should totally snag it!" Santana said, running up to a queen size mattress leaning against a dumpster.

"Don't you dare touch that thing Santana Lopez!" Kurt shouted and Santana turned, hands on her hips.

"Reduce, reuse and recycle Kurt," she told him haughtily.

"Bedbugs, Santana," he retorted with disgust, and she reluctantly kept walking. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out as they continued down the street.

**From Blaine: Skype in 5?**

**To Blaine: Walking home. Make it 10?**

"When are you just gonna admit that you still love him and want him back?" Santana asked, exasperated.

"When are you gonna learn to mind your own damn business?" Kurt snapped back.

They walked the rest of the way home in silence, and Kurt quickly retreated to his bedroom. Santana was right, of course, but it made no sense. Not now. He still needed more time. They'd figure it out over the summer. He needed to know where Blaine was going to be next year. If he was coming to NY, Kurt knew he wanted to try and make it work. But if college sent Blaine further away…well, he didn't need his heart broken twice.

His Skype rang as soon as his laptop booted up and Blaine's smiling face met his. "Hey stranger," Blaine cooed.

"Hey," Kurt said, still a little melancholy from his thoughts.

Of course, Blaine noticed. "Everything okay?" he asked, worried.

"Yeah, just tired," Kurt said and smiled for real this time. "So what's going on?"

"How do you know something's going on?" Blaine asked, his voice a little higher than usual.

Kurt chuckled. "For one, you're starting to sound like me. Two, I just know you. So what is it?"

Blaine sighed. "It's just Mr. Schuester. His set list for Regionals is awful and everyone knows it but him."

"This isn't news, Blaine, this is 'been there, done that'," Kurt said snarkily.

"So what should we do?" Blaine asked.

"Take charge," Kurt urged him. "Schue isn't always right and someone has to be the one to stand up to him. You've always been willing to stand up for what you believe in, don't stop now. You were voted the new Rachel. Figure out what she would do, then do it with all the charm and poise of Blaine Warbler."

Blaine rested his head on his hand, eyes shining through the screen at Kurt. "What on earth would I do without you?"

"Apparently you would sing terribly overdone songs from the 70's and 80's," Kurt smirked.

Blaine laughed, his eyes ducking, and Kurt's breath hitched as those lashes fluttered on Blaine's cheeks.

Summer couldn't come fast enough.

* * *

_Be brave, be strong,  
You are loved, you belong  
Some day soon, you will see  
You're exactly who you're supposed to be  
And you don't have to go through this on your own  
You're not alone_

Everyone had come when he texted. They gathered in the auditorium and brainstormed a new set list. Now they sat in the classroom and watched as Mr. Schuester continued to not only ignore them, but berate them as well. The others looked on stunned.

"Honestly, I don't even know what's going on in this room anymore," Mr. Schuester snapped. "What happened to you guys? Openly defying me?"

Blaine hesitated. He hated questioning authority. For Blaine, these were all too familiar words covering all too familiar ground. But the whole Glee club was counting on him and he wasn't a child anymore. He was their leader. Apparently Mr. Schuester thought so as well.

And Blaine?" his teacher called on him and he looked up, not quite sure what to expect. "I am disappointed in you for allowing this to go on."

"I'm sorry, but we're just trying to-" Blaine started, but he was cut off.

"No what you were trying to do is not rehearsing the songlist that I gave you. And that is unacceptable." Blaine stared, wanting to be the person Kurt wanted him to be, more like him or Rachel. Stand up, shout his objections, tell him off, then storm out of the room in dramatic defiance until Mr. Schuester went chasing after him. But Blaine stayed where he was, charming and poised, and none of those things happened.

"So here's what's gonna happen," Mr. Schuester said. "I'm gonna go to the teacher's lounge and get the coffee that I skipped to get here early, and when I get back here in five minutes you will be ready to rehearse. My songs."

Mr. Schuester stormed out of the room and Blaine looked around at the faces of his defeated friends. He sighed and walked heavily to the piano, stopping as he reached the side. He leaned against it, resting his head in his hands, rubbing his face with frustration. A soft hand gently touched his back.

"You okay?" Tina asked privately as the rest of their friends whispered behind him.

He nodded into his hands then turned to her, granting her a small but grateful smile. "Yeah."

"I don't know what's gotten into him," she said, glancing out the room where Mr. Schuester had left.

"I do," Blaine said though, his voice thick with emotion. "Everything affected him too. He was supposed to be the authority, able to protect us from being hurt, and he couldn't. So now he's grasping for control." She looked at him curiously, but Blaine just shrugged with defeat. He'd lived it for the past five years. "It's a very familiar scene for me." He turned around to the group and snapped out of his revelry, clapping his hands before sitting at the piano. "Ok guys, gather around. If you don't know the song stand next to someone who does. Like the set list or not, it still needs to be perfect."

* * *

_You have more friends than you know  
Some who surround you  
Some you are destined to meet_

"Which direction does the sun rise from?" Blaine asked.

"Up!" Brittany shouted, beaming as she grabbed a green piece of the pie for her trivial pursuit wheel.

"Oh…no, Britt, the answer is…" but Sam glared at him and his face slumped without finishing. He forced a smile, not wanting to break her heart. "I mean, good job!"

Now it was Tina's turn to glare at him, but he just shrugged apologetically. "What did you want me to do?" he whispered, but she grabbed the dice and rolled them.

"My turn," she announced and moved 6 spaces. "Entertainment, yes!" she cheered.

Blaine's phone rang and he quietly excused himself off of Brittany's bed into a corner of her room. "Hey," he said happily.

"Whatcha doin boyfriend?" Santana drawled lazily as she painted her nails.

"Playing trivial pursuit with Tina, Sam and Brittany," he says, a little more grumpily than he meant to.

"Ah. Brittany will win. Just because you can't say no to her," Santana said knowingly. "And everyone _knows_ how much you hate to lose."

"I get it from Cooper. Who gets it from our father. Who I have heard gets it from his father," Blaine told her.

"So what you're telling me is the Anderson men are a bunch of whiny babies," she smirked.

"Yeah, okay, I'm done with you," he chuckled at Santana and then held it up. "Who else wants to talk to Santana because she's being mean to me."

"Oh, me, me!" Brittany said, raising her hand and she scrambled off the bed and grabbed the phone from Blaine. "Hi," she said coyly into the phone, then went inside her walk in closet for privacy.

Both Tina and Blaine turned to stare at Sam, who looked nonplussed by his girlfriend's actions.

"Did she just…" Blaine said slowly, pointing to the closet.

Sam looked up at him and shrugged. "Yeah, she sometimes does when she talks to Santana."

An excited scream from the closet startled them all. "Oh my god, Santana that's awesome!" she yelled and stuck her head. "Tina, come here, you have to hear this!" she called, her face beaming.

Tina smiled back and slipped into the closet as well. Blaine stared after them, realizing why he'd never really had girlfriends before. Then they giggled excitedly and he realized how much he loved having them around.

"It's your turn Blaine," Sam said, quirking an eyebrow at him as he pointed to the board.

Blaine turned back to Sam with a smile and rolled the dice. He rolled a three and landed on geography.

Sam pulled out a card and read the question. "Where is the Guggenheim Museum?"

Blaine leaned down on the bed, propping his head on his with a smile. He knew that answer like he knew the exact color of Kurt's eyes. "New York City."

_It's gonna be okay  
It's gonna be okay  
You're gonna be okay  
You have more friends than you know_

* * *

Blaine waited around the corner until Brittany kissed Sam with a smile at her locker and Sam took off for the choir room. "I'll meet you there in a minute," she yelled her promise, then turned back to get her books. "You can come out of hiding now Blaine Warbler, he's gone."

"I wasn't-" But he cut himself off as he walked over to her because he was, and he leaned against the lockers. "I just wanted to ask how he's doing?" Blaine admitted, a worried pout on his face. "He says he's fine, he seemed fine the other day, but I don't know."

"I think he's fine, but I miss Evan," she said with her own pout. "I wish he'd come back. His accent was sexy. And sex with two guys is better than one."

Blaine cocked his head curiously at Brittany trying to, then deliberately trying _not_ to, imagine two of Sam in his bed. It was bad enough picturing one. He squeezed his eyes shut and she shook his head. "Brittany," he said, but she grabbed his hand as if frightened and he immediately opened his eyes to find nothing but darkness.

"What if it's another shooting?" she asked terrified. Her palm grew sweaty in his hand as it began to tremble.

"Britt, I don't think it's another-" She started to hyperventilate and Blaine recognized that reaction immediately. "Ok, let's get you some light and some air," he said, pulling out his flashlight app with one hand and leading her out the side door of the school with the other. They continued walking until they reached the school parking lot.

"I…can't…go back…in there," she stammered between gulps of air.

"It's ok Britt, I've got you," he said and he held both her hands in his. "Breathe in and out for me."

"I can't," she stuttered, her teeth shaking with fright.

"Yes you can," he said calmly. "In and out Britt, with my words, okay?" And he began to sing: _Come what may, Come what may… _"In on _Come what_, out on _may_," he instructed her. "You can do it Britt." And he continued on, singing the words over and over as Kurt had done many times for him before, until her breathing finally slowed.

"I can't go back in there," she repeated despite her calmness and Blaine brushed a hand to her cheek.

"No one's expecting you to darling. Do you need me to drive you home?" he asked.

Brittany shook her head. She was okay now.

"Ok, I'll talk to Principal Figgens, and let Sam now you're going to stay home until the lights come back on, okay?" Blaine asked.

She nodded. "Thanks Blaine."

Blaine smiled warmly. "No need to thank me. Text me when you get home."

He stood watching her until she drove away, then retreated back inside with a sigh, ready to deal with the mess at McKinley.

* * *

"Principal Figgens, we can't ask the students to come into school with no power," Blaine argued as Student Council President.

"Winter was terrible this year, Mr. Anderson," Principal Figgens answered, "and then he school was closed for a day after the shooting. Unless you all want to be coming to school until August with no air conditioning, we cannot afford to close the school. Students can stay home if they like, but school will be in session and all activities will be held. Outdoors if necessary."

Blaine relented, having another matter he'd been wanting to address with Principal Figgens though he was certain now wasn't the time. Still he was here and he might as well. "Can we talk about how Coach Roz has been treating the Cheerios?"

"Mr. Anderson," Principal Figgens drawled as he stood, his patience wearing thin. "I have a school plunged into darkness, I do not have time to be talking about what Coach Roz may or may not be doing with the Cheerios."

Blaine frowned but he'd guessed as much. "I'll come back later then," he said, backing slowly out the door.

"You do that," Principal Figgens said dismissively.

But Blaine knew there would be no later. He'd learned long ago that if you wanted anything done at McKinley High School, you needed to do it yourself.

* * *

Blaine left the aerobics room after talking to Sue, still out of breath and knowing his body was going to hate him in the morning. 7 months ago a workout like that would have been a cakewalk, but while he was stronger than ever, hanging with Sam in the weight room, without Kurt his flexibility had suffered. Even with his time spent on the Cheerios. Nothing compared to Kurt, he thought with a nostalgic smirk.

He stripped in the locker room and stepped into the gym shower letting the not so warm water cool him down in more ways than one. By the time he got out he felt refreshed. He dressed and gelled and grabbed his bag, heading out to the car. Maybe he'd come back another day, he thought. The work out was a good one.

"Hey," a voice stopped him in the lobby, and he turned around to see aerobics boy flashing a charming smile at him. He couldn't help but smile back and that fueled his new friend's confidence. "My name's Luke," the man, definitely an older man, said as he held out his hand.

"Blaine," he introduced himself, accepting the hand shake with an awkward unsure smile. "You come here often?" Blaine asked then laughed embarrassed, throwing his hand over his face. "I'm sorry, that's such a line."

"Yes it is," Luke laughed with him, already entranced by how adorable Blaine was. "And yes, I do. And now it's time for my line. Would you like to get some coffee?"

Blaine looked at him a moment, his mouth frozen between a yes and a no, but what came out was an apologetic shake of the head. "No, thank you, I have a…" but he didn't know how to finish the sentence.

"Girlfriend?" Luke offered, an eyebrow raised in amusement.

Blaine chuckled again, his cheeks growing redder by the minute. "No. Definitely not a girlfriend."

"A boyfriend then?" Luke asked sadly.

Blaine shuffled, shoving his hand in his pockets as he bit his lip. "No. Well, kind of. I mean…"

"I get it," Luke said kindly. "Well it was nice to meet you Blaine, maybe I'll see you around again sometime."

"Yeah maybe," Blaine said, feeling like he should apologize for something but knowing there was no need. He'd done nothing wrong. And as Luke left the gym, Blaine knew for sure that what he'd done felt totally right.

* * *

****"Kurt, I can't believe you're going to the NYC Ballet Gala!" Blaine said in awe. "That's gonna be the most amazing experience of your life!"

"I can't believe it either Blaine," Kurt said, still reeling from the news. "I wish you were here to enjoy it too though. Rachel is ecstatic, but Santana couldn't care for anything but the dress. She doesn't even like ballet," he said wryly.

Blaine's brow furrowed with confusion. "That's ridiculous Kurt, of course she does. She and I watched the Miami City Ballet on PBS one day last summer while you were working at the Lima Bean. I remember she never stopped smiling."

Kurt snorted. Of course Santana had just been lying. "I honestly don't know how you deal with that girl," he said. "She is a thorn in my side."

Blaine smiled. "She grows on you."

"Like ivy up the cage she's stripping inside," he murmured and Blaine's smile froze.

"What?"

"Santana. She's some go-go Barbarella cage dancer," he said derisively. Blaine was quiet. He didn't know what to say, or what to think. "Blaine? Don't freak out on me here please."

"Oh don't worry, I won't freak out on you," Blaine assured him. "But I damn well plan to freak out on her!"

"Well, the more the merrier, Rachel and I already did. Maybe she'll actually listen to you though." Kurt yawned and curled up in his bed. "I need to go to sleep. My schedule these next few days is going to be crazy."

"Crazy amazing," Blaine smiled. "Night. Oh and Kurt?"

"Yeah?"

"Have fun at the ballet."

* * *

Ryder's confession in the choir room had weighed heavily on Blaine, but the reaction of his friends had made the walls of the room close in on him and desperately need air. As soon as they were dismissed, Blaine grabbed his bag and walked quickly out of the choir room. Realistic calculations in his head battled with his heart when he heard footsteps hustling behind him. "Hey, Blaine, wait up!" Sam yelled, breathless in trying to keep up with Blaine despite his friend's shorter legs. "Artie and I had this great idea for-"

"Sam, stop," Blaine told him and tried to keep walking, but Sam grabbed his arm and Blaine twisted around. His stomach tied in knots looking at the friend he'd relied on so much this year. "I can't talk to you right now," he said angrily.

He caught Sam's confused look, his lips pursed together to question _why_, but Blaine just turned and continued on alone where he had been headed.

Tina caught up to Sam, who was still staring after his best friend with no understanding of what had just happened. She looked at him gently and just brushed his hand lightly to bring him out of his revelry. "I'll go find him, okay?" she said softly. Sam nodded and watched her go.

It wasn't hard. They'd talked a lot since the shooting, spent a lot more time together. Blaine had been opening up to her. Not like he did with Santana or Kurt, she wasn't going to delude herself any longer on that regard. But she was trying to be a good friend to him and she'd been rewarded with tiny tidbits of information that she'd strung together with the things she'd seen over the past two years of him being in their lives. So even when she'd lost track of where he was, she was pretty sure she knew exactly where he was going.

She turned off her cellphone flashlight before entering the auditorium, but she caught his before it went out, up in the spot tower. With a small smile she walked in the pitch dark, knowing the auditorium like the back of her hand, and made her way over to the ladder to climb up. Her eyes adjusted to the darkness quickly and she could see him well enough sitting against the wall, arms lying on his knees pulled up, head resting back with his eyes closed. "Mind if I join you?" she asked quietly. Blaine shook his head as if he'd known she was there and she sat down across from him. "I thought I'd find you here."

"Yeah, well, I considered a ten hour drive to Bushwick, but this was closer," he muttered bitterly.

"Are you okay?" she asked. She watched him. He ran his fingers through his hair and rubbed his hands over his face, as she was starting to notice he often did when he was upset. She waited though, not wanting to rush him. She had nowhere to be and he wasn't asking her to leave or moving to go himself. He opened his eyes, clasping his hands back together as he rested his arms over his knees again but he stared at the floor next to her.

"When Karofsky kissed Kurt, that day in the locker room," he started, his voice a murmur barely above a whisper, "I remember how violated Kurt felt. How hurt he was. To have something so special as a first kiss taken from you, without your consent, from someone who had no right…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "Ryder must feel…" He couldn't even put into words how Ryder must feel, but he felt it in his gut, the memories of his own father's betrayals. He lifted his eyes to meet Tina's attentive gaze. His eyes looked so wounded, even in the darkness. "And Sam and Artie just…" His balled his hands into fists, once again unable to find the words to describe how angry and disappointed he felt toward his friends, but he wasn't sure the words existed. "I guess I just know a little bit how Ryder feels," he finished meekly.

"Because of me?" she asked nervously, chewing her bottom lip between her teeth.

"What?" he asked surprised, then understood and reached out to grab her hand. "No, Tina, no," he assured her than laughed softly with a playful smirk. "Well maybe a little because of you." She smiled with embarrassment, glad for the shadows that hid her blushing cheeks. "But no, I mean because of things with my Dad."

"He didn't…" she asked him in shock.

"No," Blaine assured her squeezing her hand. "But the things he did do, and especially the things he said. About my sexuality. It all makes you distrustful of others but of yourself even more. It's hard to know what's right and wrong, what to believe about yourself and what you feel. It doesn't matter who it is that does that to you. When you're a kid, no one has the right…"

"You should talk to Sam," Tina told him. "Tell him why you're angry."

Blaine pulled back, closing his eyes and resting his head back just like she'd found him. "Yeah, I don't know," he sighed.

They sat in silence like that for a few minutes while Tina's thoughts drifted outside the room. Her heart was heavy with Blaine's words, understanding even more what it had cost Ryder to reveal what he had. And what Sam and Artie's ignorance had likely done. But still, she wasn't sure what was right. "What do you say?" she asked Blaine, and he lowered his head to look at her. "To someone who's been through that when you haven't?"

Blaine watched her a moment, her sincerity clear even now, and his voice was strong. "I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm sorry that someone took something precious from you that only you had a right to give. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here."

She nodded, then took his hand. "If you ever need someone to talk to Blaine, I'm here. You know that right?" she asked hopefully.

He slowly smiled and nodded his head. "Yeah. I know that."

* * *

"Alright, the last order of business is…" Blaine looked down at the agenda items he'd put together the night before after trolling McKinley student twitter accounts. "Talking to Principal Figgens about getting the vending machines on the generator during the blackout. All agreed?" he asked looking around. Sam watched him warily as he nodded his agreement with the rest, the look having stayed fairly constant throughout their student council meeting. Blaine ignored it and smacked the gavel. "Then this meeting of the Student Council is adjourned."

Blaine silently gathered up his papers and put them away in his bag, slinging it around his neck. The others filed out, and he moved to follow them without a glance to Sam.

"Can you at least tell me why you're mad at me?"

Sam's voice stopped Blaine before he crossed the threshold. He closed his eyes, torn between wanting his friend back and wondering who he even was. "The fact that you even have to ask me that is why I'm mad." His voice dripped with disappointment.

Sam shuffled, shoving his hands in his pocket. "Come on Blaine," he pleaded. "I'm just a dumb straight guy, you're gonna have to help me out here."

Blaine turned and really looked at Sam for the first time since his comments in the choir room. The first thing he noticed was that Sam looked ready to cry and desperate to fix whatever he'd broken. The second thing he noticed was that whatever feelings he'd had for Sam were suddenly gone. But even though that was true, he still loved Sam's friendship and needed him to understand how terribly wrong he had been. Blaine placed his hands on his hips, and ducked his head, biting his lip as he figured out how to say what he needed to say. "How old are your brother and sister now?" Blaine asked, glancing up at him.

Sam was startled by the question, but crossed his arms across his chest and answered. "Stevie's 11 and Stacey's 8."

"So if you walked into your house and found their babysitter touching them in the shower you'd be all ready with the high five, right?" Blaine asked sarcastically.

"What?" Sam screeched with disgust. "No, they're just babies."

"And you think it would be totally okay for you or Artie to go fondle a cute 11 year old girl in the shower?" Blaine argued.

"No, Blaine, what the hell? Of course not," Sam spat out. Blaine watched him quietly as he let it sink in. The realization on Sam's face was visible. 'Oh my god," he whispered as his face fell. "I'm so sorry."

Blaine pursed his lips and raised a brow. "You owe Ryder an apology, not me," he said pointedly. Sam rubbed his hands through his hair and nodded his head. Blaine offered him a tentative smile in return. "You really are a dumb straight guy, aren't you," he chuckled softly.

Sam shook his head. "The dumbest."

"Good thing you're dating such a brilliant girl," Blaine offered, finally relaxing as the tension between them eased.

"Good thing she wasn't in the room yesterday or I'd be a dead straight guy probably," Sam said as he and Blaine left the classroom and headed out to their cars.

Blaine smirked in agreement. "Yes, yes you would."

* * *

"So how was ballet class," Blaine asked as he slipped into bed Friday night at his Dad's house.

"It was really good," Santana answered, and she sounded almost surprised at that. "Felt a little bit like being a kid again."

"A lot better than stripping?" Blaine asked pointedly.

Santana started to respond but stopped herself from snapping at him. She took a deep breath before answering. "I'm dancing Blaine. I'm not stripping. And I love dancing."

"I know you do 'Tana," Blaine said. "New York is full of opportunities for dancers, why do you have to do it in a cage?"

"Because it's hot Blaine," she tried to explain. "I like being sexy. I like showing my body off. No one touches and I feel really good about myself, doing something I love. And the money is fantastic."

"I don't like it," Blaine frowned.

"Well you're gay, I wouldn't expect you to," she smirked.

Blaine scoffed. "You know what I mean."

"Look boyfriend. I love you," Santana said. "And I appreciate your concern for my propriety, far more than Lady Lips and Yentl. But I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself, and I know the meaning of the word consent. Capiche?"

Blaine sighed, knowing that she was right and hating it. "Capiche. I just worry."

"Well worry about someone else Anderson, because Santana Lopez was made for New York City," she said proudly. "And it's made for you too," she added quietly.

"Well, we'll just have to see what NYADA says about that," Blaine said sadly.

Blaine's father knocked quietly and stuck his head in the door. "It's getting late Blaine, lights out," John said before retreating again out of the room.

"Talk to you tomorrow 'Tana?"

"Sweet Dreams Blaine," she answered.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**I hope all of you survive the Darren Criss riots in order to make it until Thursday. If any of you are going to his tour let me know where! See you next week!**


	21. Chapter 21: Wonder-Ful

**Author's Note:**

**Well it's almost that time! One more chapter left before the summer hiatus. I have to say, I am quite relieved. I need a break. I am still not sure my plans for next season, whether to continue this or not. While my reviewers and readers are awesome, readership is down and it's a ton of work to put out a weekly chapter with such strict timeframes. So if you have an opinion I'd love to hear it.**

**Now without further ado, many thanks to my beta typegirl19, and my writing partners in crime MuseInMe3 and StarGleekBelle for their constant inspiration and willingness to hear me through my complaining every week as I try to make sense of this world and the canon one. **

**WARNING for recent world events. If you have questions before you read please feel free to PM me.**

**Here's what you missed on Glee:**

* * *

"So are you terrified of your Pretty Pony coming home?" Santana smirked through the laptop screen as she lounged on Kurt's bed, the bed her aching back would happily call home until he returned. "I could give you some cage-dancing lessons over Skype," she offered happily.

"I'm not terrified, Santana," Blaine snarled playfully back, though his whole body was humming with nervous excitement. "This visit isn't about us anyway. It's about Kurt and his father and I will be there to support them both in any way that I can."

"I bet you will," she teased, her eyebrows wiggling suggestively.

"Santana I'm serious," Blaine admonished, but he couldn't help but let a sly smile slip. Kurt was coming home. He was going to be in Lima for a whole week and though Blaine had every intention of respecting Kurt's clear wishes of not hooking up, he also had every intention of reminding Kurt as often as possible exactly how much he was loved. "It will just be nice having him home. Here, I mean," he quickly corrected himself. He knew New York was home now. "And I'm just praying that everything Burt's done and been through in the past 6 months has done its job. If anything terrifies me, it's that."

Santana's face softened as she looked at her best friend. "Burt's gonna be fine. That man's a fighter. And though Kurt is freaking out and going all Miss Pillsbury on us, he'll be fine too."

Blaine looked at her confused. "What do you mean?"

Santana shrugged, not wanting Blaine to worry. "He's trying to put order to the world. Control what he can because things are out of control right now. So he's become a little obsessive about…well, everything."

Blaine frowned. Now he was even gladder Kurt was going to be there in only a few hours. He wanted more than anything to hold him tightly and never let go until everything was okay in the world again. But he kept those thoughts to himself and played it close to the cuff. "Thanks for the heads up," he said, looking at the time. "I have to get to school. Kurt's gonna meet us there this afternoon so last thing I need is detention for being late."

"Go get 'em tiger," Santana grinned with a growl.

Blaine just shook his head as a blush grew on his cheeks and he switched the computer off without a goodbye. He took a breath and reminded himself, _this week is about Kurt and his Dad, not us._ But his heart fluttered with excitement, the blush did not disappear and all he could think about was the feel of Kurt's hand in his again.

It was going to be a wonderful week.

* * *

Kurt walked the halls of McKinley High School feeling like he was 16 years old again and back in a time when he was scared and confused and counting the minutes to return back to his father's hospital bedside. He'd been alone then, after his father's heart attack, wishing he'd had just one person who could hold him and make everything feel like it was all going to be okay. Things were different now. He turned the corner and there Blaine stood, looking dashingly handsome as ever as he talked to Jake, Marley and Mr. Schuester. Before Kurt could grab his attention, Mike and Mercedes slid to his side and grinned happily hugging them both.

"Ready to go to the choir room?" Mercedes asked, but she soon followed his gaze and patted him on the shoulder. "We'll just say hi to Miss Pillsbury and give you a minute. Meet us in her office when you two are done?"

Kurt nodded. Then Blaine's head turned and his smile lit up the hallways as if the sun just fell to earth. Kurt smiled back. He wasn't alone anymore. Not this time.

In his mind he ran over, pulling Blaine into his arms as Kurt buried himself in the crook of his neck letting all his tears of worry out against the pulse of the heart that he still held close.

But he didn't because he knew that would lead down to a rabbit hole he wasn't prepared to travel. Not this trip. So instead he walked over and leaned against the locker. "Hi," Kurt greeted softly.

"Hi," Blaine responded awkwardly, his nerves and uncertainty somewhat strange for Kurt to see and yet it was not entirely unwelcome, because then his own wouldn't seem so out of place. Then Blaine's eyes locked into Kurt's and the flutter in his chest returned. "I'm so glad you're home Kurt. Here," Blaine quickly corrected himself. "I mean here, not-"

"No Blaine," Kurt said, quickly grabbing Blaine's hand and squeezing it, but letting go just as quickly. The image of Blaine singing in the jazz club flashed before his eyes. "You're right. I know what I said before, but I was just angry." Kurt glanced around the hallway. The familiar sights, sounds and smells filled his senses and then his eyes fell back on Blaine. "This will always be home."

* * *

**To Blaine: HE'S IN REMISSION! OMG, I CAN BARELY BREATHE.**

**To Kurt: THAT'S AMAZING! Kurt, I'm so happy for you both. Give him my best.**

**To Blaine: Give him your best yourself. Tell Mr. Schue that I'm taking the floor today in Glee. I've got a performance for my Dad all planned.**

**To Kurt: I can't wait! See you both soon!**

* * *

"How are you doing?" Blaine asked as he sat on the couch beside Kurt. He'd been more than thrilled when Burt had invited him back to the house after Kurt's rousing performance in Glee and was absolutely ecstatic when Kurt smiled and nodded in agreement. Blaine wasn't sure why his hands had been shaking on the steering wheel as he took the short drive over to the Hudmel's house, but within minutes of actually be there again with Kurt it was as if nothing had changed.

The week had been so up and down, so hot and cold for him that it was nearly dizzying. He knew what they'd promised, he knew that Kurt's focus was entirely on his father and god how he regretted his ridiculous "_dirty cute"_ remark in the Lima Bean. True or not, and it was totally true, Blaine should have known that nothing else mattered at the time but Kurt's Dad. But now, Burt was well and Kurt could relax. At least Blaine hoped so.

"I'm okay," Kurt told him, snuggling in slightly. "Relieved more than anything. Almost losing him once was hard enough, but twice? I don't know if I can take anymore Blaine, I really don't."

Blaine took his hand, worried that Kurt would pull away but he didn't. "I saw how hard it was for you," he said carefully. "Especially at the Lima Bean. Santana warned me, but I've never seen you so-"

"Superstitious?" Kurt finished with a raised eyebrow. "I even yelled at my dad at the doctor's office for wearing a dark blue shirt instead of a light blue one." Kurt shook his head at his own behavior. "I mean, who does that?"

Blaine could tell that Kurt still felt incredibly guilty about it no matter how many times he'd already apologized. "I'm sure your dad understands," Blaine assured him.

Kurt gave a slight scoff. "I'm not even sure I understand it myself. I've never been like that, never believed in that sort of stuff. It's silly."

"It's not silly," Blaine argued. "Everybody deals with things differently, Kurt. I run away. You confront things head on. It's one of the things I admire most about you. So if you need a little ritual to get you through the hardest times, then so long as it doesn't become a habit I say it's fine. Ritual is just trying to make sense out of things that are nonsense."

Burt stuck his head into the living room and smiled at the boys. "Carol and I are going to head upstairs," he said. "Blaine you're welcome to stay but make sure your Mom or your Dad knows where you are."

"Thanks," Blaine said.

The boys sat in the silence, staring at their hands as Burt and Carole went upstairs. The light went out in the hallway and their eyes slowly drifted back to one another. It would be so easy right now, in the dim light of the moon shining through the windows, for Blaine to lean over and kiss him, taste him on his tongue, feel Kurt's lips against his. But he knew it wasn't right, not here, not right now. It was clear when Kurt, feeling it too, leaned back slightly and chased away the electricity in the air with conversation. "So you're really planning to move to New York?" he asked.

Blaine blinked, returning to reality and surprised by the question itself. "Well, I hope so," he said, suddenly his heart dropping with worry. "That's okay, right? I mean, you said it was so…"

"Of course it's okay, I just don't want you making decisions because of me," Kurt told him gently.

"Kurt, you're my best friend. You're there, Santana's there, Rachel, now Artie. Cooper's there more than he's in Ohio. Why wouldn't I want to go?" Blaine asked, his face scrunched with confusion.

"Cooper's in California more than NY. Mike's in LA, I know you were close to him last year," Kurt reasoned.

"Kurt." Blaine reached over and brushed Kurt's cheek, and their eyes met. "I belong in New York. Just like I belonged at McKinley. Whatever happens between us…" Blaine lowered his eyes and shrugged nervously.

"I broke up with Adam," Kurt suddenly said and Blaine's head shot back up, eyes wide with renewed energy. Kurt couldn't help but laugh. "We just couldn't find a movie that seemed romantically us."

"I'm sorry," Blaine said, fighting back a grin that was just longing to escape.

Kurt chuckled. Blaine's lips may not have betrayed his happiness, but his eyes shined with joy. "No you're not," Kurt smirked, then acquiesced. "But thank you."

Blaine ducked his head to hide a blush he couldn't hide. "I am sorry, Kurt. If it hurt you."

"It didn't," Kurt promised, squeezing the hand he still held firm in his grasp. They hadn't let go of one another since they'd sat down and though it stayed unspoken, it wasn't lost on either of them. "I learned a lot. About myself. But it was never right between us." Blaine nodded, understanding. "Have you dated anyone? I know you haven't mentioned it but-" Kurt shrugged.

"You mean besides Tina?" Blaine joked and Kurt snickered. But Blaine grew serious. If he was going to make this work he needed to be completely honest with Kurt about everything. "No, I haven't dated anyone. Though…I did have feelings for Sam…for a little while," he said nervously.

Kurt's eyes seemed to bore into Blaine's, but then he nodded with reassurance. "Totally understandable. I mean no one can resist those lips," he quipped and Blaine breathed a sigh of relief that seemed to break the little bit of tension that had remained.

"There was this guy who asked me out for coffee the other day at the gym," Blaine smirked with a bit of pride. "But I turned him down. It wasn't right either," he said. Kurt smiled softly and rested his head on Blaine's shoulder. Blaine brushed his lips across Kurt's hair, breathing in his scent, but using all his willpower to resist the urge to kiss him. This is what it was all about. The feeling of home, family, safety. This is what he wanted forever. "I'm really glad your dad's okay Kurt," Blaine whispered, and he meant it as much for himself as he did Kurt.

And Kurt understood that and so much before, because Kurt understood Blaine better than anyone. "Yeah," he whispered back. "Me too."

* * *

Friday morning, Blaine rushed from his car, hating to turn the news off but needing to find Sam and make sure he was okay. He pushed through the front doors of the school and spied him across the hallway at his locker, tense and staring at his phone. Blaine checked his own once more before heading over, but there seemed to be nothing new. "Hey," he said softly.

Sam's response was muted and his eyes never shifted up as he fidgeted nervously. "I don't think I can be here today."

"Have you heard from her this morning?" Blaine asked, trying to appear calm amidst his own nerves. He reminded himself to call Santana and make sure she was holding it together as well.

"Yeah, she actually texted me this morning. Her interview was supposed to be at 10, but they rescheduled it to next week. They're in lockdown in the hotel. Police are asking everyone not to go outside for now."

Blaine leaned on the lockers and reached a hand out to Sam's arm. "She's gonna be fine," he assured Sam though he had absolutely no way of being certain.

Sam looked up at him, his eyes almost as terrified as they had been during the school shooting. "They've shut down Boston, Cambridge, Watertown, Waltham. The shooting was _at_ MIT Blaine, she could have been there, it could have been her!"

"But it wasn't Sam," Blaine told him and took him in his arms. "It wasn't Brittany. She's safe in her hotel room and nothing is going to happen. She'll spend the day driving her parents crazy watching whatever it is she watches on television and on Monday all of this will be over and she'll go and kick ass at her interview."

"What if there's another bombing," Sam stammered. "What if-"

"There won't be," Blaine promised.

"I don't know how many times I can worry about losing her." Sam shuddered in his arms and Blaine held him closer as Kurt's words yesterday echoed in his head. Twice Kurt feared losing Burt. Twice Sam feared losing Brittany. Life was way too short not to take chances every day.

"False alarms, Sam. That's all they are, false alarms," Blaine said soothingly. "Reminders about what's really important in life. Holding on to the people you love and not letting them go."

"I don't ever want to let go of her," he said and Blaine nodded, understanding completely. "But you, um, you can let go of me though Blaine, people are starting to stare," Sam quipped as he looked over Blaine's shoulder and Blaine startled out of the moment and remembered they were in the halls of McKinley.

"Oh, right, sorry Dude," he said and took a step back, but Sam smiled and threw an arm around him.

"It's okay," Sam chuckled and they headed to Blaine's locker for him to grab his things. "How did things go with Kurt last night?" Sam asked, wagging his eyebrows.

"It wasn't like that Sam." Blaine blushed and hid his face in his locker. "But it was great. We had a really nice talk."

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days," Sam teased and Blaine pushed him playfully. "Alright, alright. I'm just glad things are going well. He isn't going to come after me like he did Tina is he? Because you sang to me and all?"

Blaine closed his locker and stared at him. "You're an idiot," he chimed just as the bell rang.

"Kurt can be scary!" Sam grinned as he headed off in the other direction. "See you in Glee."

Blaine waved after him and he started to class but the beating in his heart started to drum with ideas and nerves and he slipped into a corner to send a quick text to Burt before he lost his nerve. He'd been thinking about it since last night and with the news today, something was telling him it was time for Blaine to take his own chance.

* * *

"He's making googly eyes at you," Mercedes smirked at Kurt as the two of them headed out of the choir room.

"He's always making googly eyes at me Mercedes, from the first day I met him on the stairs and he sang Teenage Dream." Kurt easily minimized Blaine's gaze at him, but Kurt knew she was right. And now that he could put all the worries about his dad aside, he found that he even welcomed it. Still Mercedes didn't need to know that. A boy could play coy and hard to get too. "They're the same eyes he made to Jeremiah and to Sebastian and to Tina and to Sam-"

"Those aren't the same eyes he gives to anyone else, someone needs to hit you upside the head with a clue-by-four," Mercedes snapped. "Why isn't he coming with us anyway?"

"He said he had something important he needed to do and we should go on without him," Kurt said, glancing back with a bit of uncertainty. "You think he's okay?"

"Oh my god, you have it so bad Hummel and the worst part is you won't even admit it," Mercedes said. "You gonna say anything before you leave? I said not to run from passion and I meant it," she added pointedly.

Kurt groaned. "Oh 'Cedes, I don't even want to go now. I feel like we're just starting to turn things around and if I go away again so soon…do you know some guy hit on him at the gym the other day?"

Mercedes chuckled. "What about NYADA?"

"My professors all let me do my midterms early since I was leaving to see Dad. And since everyone else is doing theirs now, I'm not really missing much." He turned and looked at her. "What about you?

She shrugged. "I don't have much to get back for now. I was thinking of staying for Regionals." She glanced at him expectantly. "Wanna stay with me?"

Kurt chewed his lip. He really wanted to. It would mean Santana sleeping in his bed for longer, but he was certain there was really nothing left of his room she could ransack. And it would mean more time with Blaine to maybe figure things out. He already loved him. Always would. But maybe it would be nice to date again. Start over. Take things slowly and find a new groove. One that really worked for them this time. "Tempting Ms. Jones," Kurt answered linking his arm with hers. "Very tempting."

* * *

Blaine waited for Burt to leave the auditorium before he raced out into the parking lot to drive home. His petulance turned quickly into despondence as he hit the highway for Westerville. A nice long drive to think was exactly what he needed. When Mercedes had said not to run from passion, no matter how scary, he was certain the universe was giving him a sign. But instead his passion had ended up blowing up in his face. He didn't know what he had been thinking, believing that Burt would embrace the idea of him and Kurt marrying, but he _had_ believed it. He thought Burt would understand that time is not forever and that some things were worth fighting for with everything he had. He thought at least he would understand that he loved Kurt and wanted to marry him and knew how precarious that right was and that Blaine would want to grab hold of it and not let go while he could. Instead, Burt thought he was just a silly child and now Blaine was more afraid than determined. Because Kurt and his father were sometimes more alike than they cared to admit, and what if Kurt thought the same?

Blaine pushed his keys in the door and opened it. His father glanced up from the couch with a smile.

"Hey there," John greeted him. "Your mom's coming over and we're gonna order in and do a dinner and a movie night."

"Great," Blaine mumbled sarcastically, ignoring his Dad and heading up the stairs to his room.

"Freeze!" His father's voice was commanding and Blaine squeezed his eyes shut with frustration then did exactly as he was told. "Turn." Blaine placed a hand on the handrail and turned to face his Dad who was now standing sternly in the middle of the living room. "March," the Colonel said, pointing to the floor at his feet.

Blaine sighed, though not too much, and did as he was told, already too defeated to resist.

"Talk," the Colonel ordered.

Blaine looked at his father's unwavering eyes and knew that evasion would get him nowhere, the Colonel would not yield. Blaine's eyes dropped to the floor and he shuffled his feet, but he spoke. "It just gets tiring, that's all."

"What does?" John asked.

"Having no one believe in you. Support you," Blaine answered quietly.

John's eyes narrowed. "Is this about Kurt?" his father asked knowingly and Blaine's eyes shot up without his consent.

"Yes. And no," he offered without any real clarification. Because if Burt hadn't been supportive of him there was a very real chance that his father would tear his head off for even thinking about getting married. Literally.

John watched him for a moment, waiting for Blaine to elaborate, but he merely saw his son once again avert his gaze. "Look Blaine, you have tons of people who believe in you and support you," he said, and his voice would have been warm and comforting if Blaine had believed him. "Your mother and I have been trying our best. You have Burt and-"

"No," Blaine cut him off firmly, his face flashing with anger and hurt. "I don't have Burt."

John scoffed. "Well that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard you say. I know you don't talk about it with me, but Burt Hummel has been there for you through thick and thin these last two years."

"Yeah, well, not anymore," Blaine snapped, the petulance returning as he glared at his father.

"You want to tell me what happened?" he offered.

"No, Sir," Blaine answered brusquely.

John Anderson studied his son. He recognized so much of himself in Blaine's eyes. "Let me tell you something Blaine. Burt and I talk more than you think we do," he said. "And as much as I've hated to admit it, the times when he's made me feel like you feel now are the times he's been the most right and I didn't want to believe him." He reached a hand out to Blaine and squeezed his shoulder, forcing Blaine's eyes to meet his. "I'm sorry you inherited the Anderson stubbornness and pride. It's the best and worst thing about us."

Blaine took a breath at his father's touch, tears coming to his eyes but not wanting them to fall. "I just love Kurt. And I want the whole world to know."

John chuckled. "Anyone who knows you knows that. And most importantly, Kurt knows that. And I don't know exactly what we're talking about here, but you know more than anyone that love isn't even close to enough." Blaine bit his lip and looked away. "You know what I learned most from Burt Hummel?" John asked. Blaine shook his head. "The world doesn't work too well if everything is all or nothing."

Blaine looked up. The hope mixed with despair in his eyes was overwhelming. "What if all or nothing are the only choices you've got left?" He waited for his father's answer, but John didn't know what to say. "Can I please go to my room now?"

John sighed and nodded. "Yes, you may."

He watched Blaine go upstairs and heard the door snap shut. Within seconds the guitar started to play, as he knew it would. In fact he knew it would play all night as Blaine worked out the feelings and thoughts twisting and turning in his heart and head.

_Please don't go, no no no;  
If you go I'll be sad and blue,  
So I say no no no, don't go away._

_Oh no please don't leave, baby please;_  
_If you should leave my poor heart would grieve_  
_So I say nay nay nay, baby please stay._

John smiled fondly with a glance up the stairs as he picked up the phone and called Blaine's mother. "Change of plans, our son is being a teenager. How about we do dinner and a movie out instead? Just the two of us?" He waited for a reply, then broke out into a grin. "Great. It's a date."

* * *

"Tell me something kid," Burt said while he and Kurt did the dishes together that evening. He forced himself to be as casual as he possibly could given his conversation with Blaine earlier that day. "What's been going on with you and Blaine this week?"

Kurt looked up at him with surprise, his eyes wide with innocence. "Nothing," he assured his Dad.

"That's what I mean," Burt said, putting the dish towel down and leaning against the counter. He crossed his arms on his chest. "Why not? I mean, believe me, I'm certainly not telling you to rush into anything. But when love is staring you in the eye, you should at least look back." Kurt dropped his hands, and his eyes, from the sink and shrugged noncommittally. "You still scared?"

"Of Blaine? No," Kurt answered with certainty.

"You still don't trust him then?" Burt wondered, understanding if it were true.

But Kurt shook his head. "He made a mistake, but I know he's sorry and he loves me," he said, his voice low.

"Do you love him back?" Burt asked slowly. He'd told Blaine that he did and he believed with all his heart that Kurt did. But he'd been known to read his son wrong before. He truly hoped this wasn't one of those times, but he'd support Kurt in whatever he felt.

"You know I do," Kurt said quietly.

"Then what's stopping you?"

Kurt stared up at his dad. He'd been asking himself the same question all week. He kept coming up with different answers, but it all came down to one thing. "The risk," Kurt answered, his eyes wide and hopeful that his father would understand. Because he still wasn't sure that he did himself.

Burt was taken aback by Kurt's answer though. "Risk's never held you back before from anything you've wanted. You've put yourself on the line a hundred times Kurt. Little things, big things, solos, bullies, New York, college. Risk's never stopped you before."

"But this is the biggest thing Dad," Kurt answered before he even knew the words were out of his mouth.

"Love?" Burt asked.

"No," Kurt answered, shaking his head. "Forever."

Burt started to answer but didn't. Only the quiet whirr of the dishwasher filled the silence. Burt was certain that Blaine hadn't proposed yet, and though he wasn't so arrogant as to think he'd change the mind of a determined teenager, especially an Anderson, he certainly hoped that he'd at least put him off for a while. "It's dating Kurt, it's not forever," Burt told him.

"But it is," Kurt explained. "For him it is. He reads those soulmate romance novels and thinks it's us. He thinks we're destined to be together. "

"And you don't?" Burt asked him honestly.

Kurt paused, his eyes dropping. "I know forever sometimes isn't that long," Kurt whispered.

"Oh Kurt," Burt said as he pulled his son into a hug. Kurt clung to him, though he didn't cry.

"I just…I don't know if I can do it. I've had to deal with losing Mom and almost losing you twice now…" Kurt took a breath and pulled away. "But then I wonder, what the hell am I doing? If forever isn't long at all, why am I wasting the moments that I have alone and not with him. And then I worry that maybe there are other things I'm supposed to do, people I'm supposed to meet in the middle so I learn what I need to to make it to forever with Blaine. I thought with Adam it would be like that, but the truth is I just couldn't let Blaine go enough to really be there for him in any way." He sighed and sat down at the table running his fingers through his hair. "Why am I such a mess?" he asked, his eyes pleading up to his Dad.

"Because you're a teenager," Burt laughed and he sat down next to him. "And these are all the questions you're supposed to be asking and they are _good_ questions, Kurt, they really are. And I know how Blaine feels about soulmates and destiny and all that, but you're the one who doesn't believe in that stuff so why get all flustered about it now?"

Kurt closed his eyes and shook his head. "I don't know. It's like wearing the right color, or putting the sugars in order or tapping my nose the right number of times at the right time of day. If I do it all right then things are okay and if I don't…"

"If you don't, then what?" Burt prompted.

"Then I lose the people I love. Maybe forever. And _that_ forever is a really long time."

Burt reached over and grasped Kurt's hand. "You know what I learned when your Mom died? And when you brought Carol into my life? And when I woke from the coma and when the doctor said my cancer was in remission?" Kurt shook his head. "I learned that we really need to just live for the things we want in the world. Don't try to figure it all out like a puzzle, because maybe it's not one. Maybe the right thing is just to know what you want and go for it. Every day, choose what's right for today…and stop worrying about forever."

Kurt smiled softly, remembering the line from a song from a musical his mother used to play. "_I chose and my world was shaken. So what? The choice may have been mistaken, the choosing was not,_" he sang.

"_You have to move on_," Burt continued, a softness falling to his face as they remembered Kurt's mom. "_Look at what you want, not at where you are, not at what you'll be…_"

Kurt's smile broadened and he felt more at peace with everything than he had all week. He knew what he wanted and he wasn't afraid, because even if the choice ended up being wrong in the end, he knew that if he followed his heart than the choosing would be right. "Thanks Dad," he beamed, getting up then kissing him on the cheek.

"Oh, and Kurt," Burt called after him as he started up the stairs and he stopped to turn. "Maybe all that learning you're supposed to do? Maybe you and he are supposed to do it together?" he suggested, a brow raised perceptively.

Kurt smiled softly, a blush rushing to his cheeks though he wasn't even sure why. "Maybe," he answered quietly then ran up to his room. He changed into comfy clothes and curled up on his bed with his music and a good book.

He couldn't wait to see Blaine tomorrow.

* * *

**Reviews are love, and right now if you want this story to continue past this season, please send me love! ONE MORE WEEK TO GO!**

**Blaine's Song: "Please Don't Go" by Stevie Wonder**

**Kurt's Song: "Move On" from Sunday in the Park with George – one of the main songs that got me through my college romances. Look up the rest of the lyrics if you don't know it. ;-)**


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